Struggle with having tough conversations? Use the principle “clear is kind” to help initiate and have effective communication.
The mantra is Clear is kind, unclear is unkind. It's a great recommendation for anybody who wants to have more courage. Being clear with someone shows you care and is a form of kindness. Even though it's tough in those conversations, you want to lean into that vulnerability.
Are you someone like me who is uncomfortable with tough conversations? Maybe you need to have a hard talk with a coworker or need to confront a family member or loved one. Well, that's okay. They're called tough conversations for a reason. I want to share one mantra and principle that has helped me as a leader and person be more courageous and competent having those conversations. The mantra is Clear is kind, unclear is unkind. I learned about it from Brene Brown in her book Dare to Lead. It's a great recommendation for anybody who wants to have more courage, especially in a leadership setting.
Overall, what this concept means means is that we typically avoid these tough conversations, including giving honest, productive feedback for a lot of different reasons. And Brene Brown does a lot of research and in her interviews with leaders, many say they feel the need to be nice and polite and that is a reason to avoid these tough conversations. However, if we aren't being honest and addressing people or holding them accountable, it can lead to diminished trust and engagement in the workplace, increased problematic behavior such as passive aggressiveness, talking behind people's backs, and overall decreased performance due to a lack of clarity and purpose.
Feeding people half truths or BS to make them feel better in the moment is unkind. Not getting clear with a colleague about your expectations of them because it feels too hard for you to do that. Yet holding them accountable or blaming them for not delivering is also unkind. Talking about people rather than to people is unkind. However, clear is kind. Being clear with someone shows you care and is a form of kindness. You're telling someone, I want to have a conversation with you. Even though it's tough in those conversations, you want to lean into that vulnerability, stay curious and genuine, identify the problem or the problems, own your part in it, and listen with the same passion in which you want to be heard.
Being clear is all about serving the team around you for a greater purpose rather than avoiding difficult conversations just because it might hurt your ego or it might be a little uncomfortable. If you're interested in a deeper dive into this topic, I'd highly recommend anything Brene Brown, her books, or her podcast, which is called Unlocking Us but just scratching the surface. At its core, this concept of clear is kind, unclear is unkind has changed how I view difficult conversations and leadership in general.
