is losing his voice for real. He thinks he picked up a cold. He's trying to get close to the phone so he can make sure he's heard. If you can't hear him, let him know. February is Black History Month.
Dr. D. is losing his voice for real. He thinks he picked up a cold. He's trying to get close to the phone so he can make sure he's heard. If you can't hear him, let him know.
February is Black History Month. If you want to celebrate black people in your life, especially black professionals, hire them this month. And if you know one, please shout them out this month on your socials.
Is there something within you that is attracting toxic people? And do you think it's something within yourself that is bad? We can have toxic people in our lives, but we have to have boundaries with them.
We all go through these patterns until we learn the lesson. The people that are toxic in our lives. Is the lesson that you need to do some more soul searching. Another lesson is to say what you want and what you need in a relationship.
Ambrose: It wasn't until you went to counseling that you were able to identify what you were doing that kept you in unhealthy relationships. Those are the most transformative experiences where you stop walking in that old path of destruction. Ambrose will be back Saturday at 8 o' clock p. m. M. for what he calls his unfiltered nights.
Hello, Cadre. It's me, Dr. D. I'm losing my voice for real. I know I told y' all that Saturday, but it got a little worse. So I think I picked up a cold. So I'm gonna try to get close to the phone so I can make sure I'm heard. So if you can't hear me when you're watching this or when you're joining, just let me know, okay? But I do have my coffee here. I probably should drink some more tea. Hello, Emily. I'm losing my voice today, so I'm talking a little soft, but I'll try to talk as. As loud as I can.
Hello, Ms. Brittany. Thank you for coming in. So, yeah, my coffee is here. It's hot. It's keeping me warm. It definitely is a hug and a mug today. It's one of those days. Like, my. My throat needs this, so I am going to take a sip. Hold on. All right. How's everyone feeling today? It's Tuesday. It's February 3rd, and for some reason, I think that is someone's birthday that I know, and I can't remember who it is. It's someone from my childhood, but I remember this day for a reason. I have to look back at maybe, hey, do y' all have old phone books like the paper ones?
I might still have one from childhood, so I like to keep things like that. I might see whose birthday it is, because I think I have an idea, but I want to make sure. But it is also Black History Month, so let me shout that out. Yes, it's the shortest month of the year, but we are here. And so I saw a really interesting post, and I'm really grateful for it. There is a guy, I think his name is Mike Fuller, that I follow on LinkedIn, and he made a post to highlight Black History Month, and he put this out there.
And I thought this was really creative, that this is the time if you want to celebrate black people in your life, especially black professionals, that you hire them this month, especially those that are in mental health, hire them to come speak at your agency or your group or whatever. So, yeah, shout out to all the black therapists, all the black social workers, black counselors, black healers, whatever title you. You like to carry. And if you know one, please shout them out this month on your socials, you know, in group settings, like tell people about their businesses.
So that's usually how I tend to get clients, is word of mouth. I don't really promote myself online. So for those of you who do share that I'm available. Thank you. But today we're gonna get into something that someone shared online that I thought was a little interesting that kind of goes along the lines of mirroring how we mirror for each other. And the person had asked the question, I think it was coming from this place of pain, but they had asked the question about why they attract people who hurt them.
And I think that's something really to consider. And so my instinct in responding to this person was looking at this, the idea of mirrors. So if we are mirroring for each other, we reflect, and that person reflects back to us, right? So whatever is within that person, it reflects back to us something that's inside of us as well, and we do the same for them. And I think about the relationships that have been harmful over time, especially if you tend to repeat the pattern. So it's the same pain, just a different face.
Does that make sense? So you're experiencing the same drama, the same trauma, the same type of pain, just a different body. And you're wondering, why do I keep attracting these toxic people into my life? Well, let's think about that. Is there something within you that is attracting them? And. And do you think it's something within yourself that is bad? That's the first question to consider. Is the thing that's within you that's attracting these toxic people, is it bad? And I don't think it always is.
So I believe in this light and darkness, right? There's balance everywhere, Yin and yang. I love the martial arts analogies, right? So with yin and yang, so there's light and dark, and we balance each other out and we reflect. And so there might be light within us that is drawing the person that is so dark and toxic. And so there's something in us that that person who is living in darkness needs. But when you figure that out for yourself, that you are light, that you are the person that may be the healing component or the healing catalyst in their life, you have to know how to protect yourself, which is why we need boundaries.
Okay? We can have toxic people in our lives, but we have to have boundaries with them. We can't let them have all of us. We can't let them get into spaces that are intimate with us, right? We can keep them at a distance. Doesn't mean that all of them is bad, right? Because obviously there's something in them that you were attracted to. So they're not all bad, but the parts of them that are toxic, that are hurting you, you have to put boundaries in place. And so I Want you to think about what. What boundaries do you need when it's someone that's toxic, Right?
So if it's. If you have this toxic pattern of, like, with intimate relationships, maybe it's a romantic relationship, and you're like, I keep attracting the same type of person. What is this? Well, maybe you need to put a time boundary in place. Maybe you need to slow things down, right? And that was one of my recommendations to this person, was to take time, slow down. Because we get so excited when we meet someone. And this is even with friendships, too. We get so excited that we want to know everything about them.
We want them to know everything about us. And we don't put boundaries in place with our time. And so we end up spending too much time together. And that's when the toxicity starts to creep in. So that first point of pain, check yourself. Are you noticing that you just overlooked it? You're like, oh, that hurt. But maybe it was something else. You just missed it. You. You thought it was something different, or did you recognize it and like, hey, that feels a little familiar. And what did you do last time?
Right? If you're ready to change this pattern, do something different. Maybe you need to step away. Maybe you need to evaluate more about this person. Is the way that they're treating you the same that they treat others, or is it just you? Right? Is there something that you're doing that invites them to treat you in this certain way? So if this is a familiar experience for you, let me know. Drop a little coffee emoji in the chat for me, because I think this is something that we really fail to talk about.
But we all go through it at some point. We all go through these patterns until we learn the lesson. And I think the people that are toxic in our lives, if we are recognizing. I keep attracting the wrong people, the same type of person, I keep attracting all this pain into my life. Well, there's a lesson to be learned. And what's the lesson? And I can't tell you what that is. I can't tell you what lesson you need to learn for yourself, right? But I'll give you some. Some options to think about. Is the lesson that you need to do some more soul searching.
You need to look at yourself. What do you need to change about yourself? Is it, hold on, y', all, I need to take a sip. Is the lesson that you need protections in place, not just boundaries. Boundaries are great protections, but do you need to start inviting other people that you trust in your life to kind of be a Filter or to ask you the tough questions, or you need to introduce that person to your friends and family to let them kind of grow them. Like, hey, what are you all about? And do you trust those people in your life to tell you the truth and to you the truth in love?
Right? Because sometimes when we hear the truth from our loved ones about what they think of someone that we like, we don't always want to hear it and it hurts. But then we end up in the same pattern, getting stuck in another toxic relationship. Another lesson to consider is the lesson that you need to say what you want and what you need in a relationship, whether it's friendship or romance, and put that out there so that person knows this is what I'm about. Right? We kind of hold on to that if we've been hurt.
Sometimes we're like, I'm not going to tell them about myself, but maybe you should. And I know someone who is really good about this. Like, they are unapologetic with who they are and they know that they have some toxic traits too, but they know what they need in their life. They know what type of person vibes with them, if that makes sense. And they know what type of person is not going to be good for them. So they put it all out there on the table, like, this is what I have going on, right? They might say they're a single mom.
They might say I've had toxic relationships. They might say I've been abused and I don't want that experience anymore. What are you about? I come with pain. I'm working on myself. I'm trying to heal myself. I'm in therapy. Like, people will say those things and that's all. It's totally okay. But put it out there. Maybe you need to be a little more transparent up front. And that's the lesson you need to learn, is that you don't have to hide anymore. Okay, let me try to read some of these comments here.
Ms. Brittany said it wasn't until you went to counseling that you were able to identify what you were doing that kept you in unhealthy relationships. And that is the beauty of going to counseling. And I'm glad you have a great therapist for one, because our therapists. Well, I like to see myself as a therapist, as your mirror. So you should see yourself better. So I'm glad that you had that experience and you were able to become less defensive with family. Oh, Ambrose, once you removed yourself from, what does it say?
The delusion of what I thought love was, oh, so poetic. Yes. That, like, when the light comes on, right. Those are, like, the most transformative experiences where you stop walking in that old path of destruction and you can walk into everything you wanted for yourself. Okay, I'm really losing my voice, so I'm gonna wrap this up. But I will be back Saturday at 8 o' clock p. M. For what I've been calling my unfiltered nights. So I hope to see you guys there. And so sorry for my throat today, but I hope you guys have an amazing day.
