Coffee Chats With Dr. D☕️

Hello cadre. It's me. Dr. D and today is a new day and I'm hoping. That this app is working for me. We'll find out. So. As you join as you're watching the replay, just let me know that you're here. Let me know. Where are you coming? In from, um, so I am in the St. Louis region, but on the Illinois side, and I know this is a coffee chat and I just finished this cup. So my cup is empty. It. It's time to refill (laugh) but we're gonna get into. A topic about transitions in relationships. And more about a transition in belonging.

So one thing I do wanna share now, you guys. I may not look as old as I am, but I've got proof. I'm getting gray hair. So I am in this transition in life where I can't stop it. I can't control it. I am learning to accept it. I'm really tempted to diet, but. I don't know yet. We'll see what happens. (laugh) so I'll stay tuned on that. Well, let's talk about this transition in belonging. So I'm gonna give you a little story and let me recap. Hey, Luke. Yes, it's working. Awesome. (laugh). All right.

So I'm gonna recap something that. Um, I may have talked about here before, but. About a little over a year ago. I transitioned from one of my jujitsu schools that I had trained at for eight and a half. Years. And I won't say abruptly left that school, but I left. And joined a new gym. And I recently was asked a question. About why I left and. How I felt about the sense of belonging. So in that space, if I. Am able to really be honest with my reflection on this. I noticed a pattern of not feeling like I belonged to that old school.

Probably a year or two before that. But I didn't acknowledge it. I didn't sit with that feeling. I recognized it and I kind of pushed it to the side. Because I was so I guess engrossed with trying to maintain the connections with the people in that gym. Instead of looking at what I needed for myself. So there was a moment or several moments where I noticed, I didn't feel like I. Belonged, but I didn't accept the truth of that because there were other sign. Signs that I belonged sometimes. So it wasn't at the point where it was time to like completely go.

But there was one day. Where I got that physical proof and the evidence, and I think it was. Shown to everyone in the room at one time. And that was my signal that I don't belong. Here anymore. And I had to pivot. So what happened was that I had a promotion night and. I should have been promoted, but I was not. And I remember the feeling in that moment. Where it felt like everyone in the room was looking at me. Like why didn't Leslie get her belt right. And I felt eyes on me and I felt this. It was painful, but it was also a sense of peace because that was the final.

Thing that I needed to confirm for myself that I don't belong here anymore. And I accepted it. And the next day I left that gym. But I know this happens in our lives sometimes where we get a sense that we don't belong. Like this connection has ended. And we will hang on to. A thread that we have. Maybe that thread is the fact that that person continues to text us every now and then. Maybe the thread we're hanging onto is that they acknowledge our birthday that comes around. Once a year, and that is proof to us that, oh, well maybe we still do belong to this person.

We still. Have this connection going on, but if you think about all the other signs that prove. That the connection has ended. I want you to just question yourself. Why are you holding onto the threads? Threads. So there has to be a transition. The transition probably happened a long time ago. But we are not always in the space where we're willing to accept the transition that's happening. I. I'm not quite willing to accept that this transition with my hair is happening. But if I don't, I don't know what's gonna happen.

I don't know. We'll see, but I don't want that for you. I don't want you to get into this space where you don't. Don't accept that it's time to pivot. It's time to move forward. With the connection that you had with someone, or maybe it's a company. Maybe it's, um, a romantic interest. Maybe it's a friendship. A coworker, whatever, whoever that person is when you feel that tug, like something's different, something has to. Change don't get into this space where. It has to be something, um, traumatic or dramatic.

For you to be like, you know what I was right. All along, I guess I do need to let this go. We need to start recognizing these signs early and then making conscious choices to. Make the pivot that's best for us and not necessarily. Hold onto the threads. Threads. Okay. So I hope that's helping. Hello Coleman. I don't know if I know you. Where are you? From (laugh). I don't know if you missed my intro, but I'm in the St. Louis region. Um, and it is really hot here today. Y'all we still have this heat wave going on.

It's horrible. So, I hope you guys are in a, a cool place today. But welcome the transitions in life. And welcome this transition from summer to fall. I love this time of year. I love the transitions because it's like a new beginning. It's. It's a little bit of shedding at the same time. Um, and it's so it's so nice to let things go, like our plates get so. Full where we just keep holding on to people and holding on to things that. We need to just say our time is done and that's okay. (laugh) so, and I'm gonna.

Wrap this up. Cause my time is done. But thank you for joining me for my coffee chat. And I'm glad that it's working. Thank you, Luke, for that, um, confirmation there. So I will be here. Tuesdays at noon central standard time. Tell your friends and I will see you next week. Bye.