If My Plate Could Talk: “3 Tangible Tools for Balancing Expectations”

What's up, my loves? It is that time of the week. First and foremost, because I have headphones on. Let me know that you can hear me. Okay. Just wanted to make sure that the volume is good. And I hope you are ending your week as well as possible. As always, come into this time of week. Let me know. How would you rate your week? 1. Bottom of the barrel. Hasn't been a good week for you. 10. Meaning you're doing as well as possible given the context of your life. And where are you? Especially if you are somewhere fun and exciting.

I have something exciting coming up. In a few weeks, I will actually be in France. I'll have to figure out what Cadre times look like that week. It would be incredible to do some live from there, but not at the same time because I have to calculate again what the time zone and the difference is. Hi, Dr. Leslie. Oh, my goodness. Feels so special if this is your first time here. I'm Dr. Charisse Johnson, a licensed clinical mental health therapist, mindfulness practitioner and author. And we get together at least twice a week to talk about all things life.

And really what does it mean to keep a level of harmony in your life. Harmony meaning that things work together. Okay. Speak. Wonder France, mi ami. Yes, I used to be fluent, can you believe that? In French. But it's been a while. And if you don't use it, you lose it. Hello, Statesboro, hello, Vegas, hello, Dallas. Everybody repping their area. We've been talking this month and month of June around balance and expectations. And so if you're here typically on Sundays or you're with us last week, hello, Southern New Jersey.

Then we talked a lot about managing your expectations with your actual capacity. Because we often have these silent expectations and don't feel good about who we are and how we're showing up in life. Because the expectations that we have are not realistic for the context of our life. So today our goal. I'm fluent in French fries. I'm fluent in that, too. Today our goal is to talk about three tangible tools to help you balance your expectations. But let me say this. I did the same thing last week.

I think it's important to check in. Where are you with the expectations that you're placing on yourself? Do you feel like they're realistic or unrealistic? Let's start there with just realistic. Unrealistic, I'll say, because I always want to engage with you all that. I feel like I'm kind of going back and forth. There are days where I feel like I do a really Good job of having realistic expectations. And then I take a look and I step back and I'm like, okay, that wasn't realistic. So I bring that up to say sometimes it's difficult for us to recognize that our expectations are no longer realistic, that they've become unrealistic depending upon how aware you are with the things that are going on in your life.

So that's a constant practice for me. But we talked about this a little bit last week and I'll say it again, we One of the most primary ways that you will know that your expectations of yourself are unrealistic is your internal dialogue, how you're talking to yourself and also in your body. Your body is going to let you know, I really don't know what you were thinking about everything that you just did. Yes, we got through it, but now I'm about to slow you down for the next few days. So it's not only what our body's telling us in a moment, it is what your body is going to say to you after you push through a set of expectations.

If you're pushing through to meet your goals and then you flatline for three or four days, we don't want that to become a habit because then you're losing time and you're losing consistency. So really keep that in mind. Tangible Tools the first one is an expectation audit. Here's what I want you to do because you know if you're going to come and be with me, you got to do a little bit of work. I want you to write down three expectations you currently have of yourself. Could be how you should eat, how you exercise, how you feel.

If you're comfortable, you can place one of those expectations in the chat. You do not have to, but I do want to invite you into taking an honest look at three expectations you currently have of yourself. And I'll stop talking for just a minute and give you a chance to write those down. I'll take a sip. While I do trying to think of an expectation that I have, I would say in my life right now, one of the current expectations that I'm working to adjust is my energy expectation. I will often expect myself to have more energy than I really do.

And then when I'm tired and my energy is low, I'm like, what's wrong with me? And then I'm like, well, you just did this and this and this and this and this and this and this and that. And then I'm like, of course, then that makes sense. Yes, self care, spiritual relationships might be an expectation, mental peace and what that looks like. Sometimes we can want to get to a place in that area and we're not there as quickly as we want to be. So when you look at those expectations, the next step is, I want you to ask, is this expectation flexible, kind and relevant to my current life?

Is this expectation flexible, kind and relevant to my current life? Sometimes we have expectations of ourselves that can go on pause. It doesn't mean that they're not important, but they're not as much of a priority as they used to. Or we need to reframe the priority. There was a season about a month or so ago, or my energy was low. Will you know, and while exercise and movement will always be of value, I was in this place of do I sleep or do I get up extra early and move my body? And what I had to recognize is that because my energy was so low, because my body wasn't in a good place, I needed to renegotiate movement.

I didn't say I gave it up, but I needed to be more flexible around what can I really expect out of myself? I need to do things later. I need to do things where they're not as strenuous. I need to do things a shorter amount. So the third part of the expectation audit is cross out or reframe those that are outdated or unkind. So you write down your three expectations. You ask yourself, is it flexible? Is it kind? Is it relevant to my current life, my current situation? What should I be prioritizing and then cross out or reframe those that are outdated or unkind?

It is my encouragement to consider making that a weekly practice, an expectation audit. It would also be an incredible thing to do as a family or as a couple. What are our expectations of each other and is that relevant to our current life? Is it realistic? Is it unrealistic? You can use this anywhere. Second tangible tool, the 80% rule. Instead of aiming for perfection, aim for consistency with flexibility. So let 80% be enough. Your body is not going to be its best every day. Your mental health is not going to be its best every day for as much as you think.

I know. I too have days where my mental health is on the struggle bus and I've got to determine what to do with that and how I can support myself and where I need to shift my expectations. But if I can step back and say 80% of the time, it feels like it's in a relatively good place, that is success, right? So really negotiate for yourself and remind yourself you need a Level of flexibility. And we're looking for the 80% rule number three. This will be the one that you are most resistant to, I believe.

Daily compassion check in. Now, before I explain what it is when you hear the word compassion, what's the first thing that comes up for you? And don't. Don't play games like, be honest. When you hear the word compassion, what's your first thought about compassion? And I'll give you a moment to chime in, because I'm really interested to see what you say. What's your first thought when you hear the word compassion? I'll tell you a few thoughts. All right. Someone saying, don't beat myself up for sure.

That's one how you treat other people. Ooh, I noticed that it came up for others and maybe not for yourself. Be gentle. I hear things like, be gentle. Be kind to others. Most people are compassionate towards others. Yes. Speak, Wonder. First thought. It's something I should be extending to others. A lot of us still struggle to always extend that to ourselves, or we don't extend compassion to ourselves until we're beat down, until we feel like, I have nothing left. So let me be nice to myself, but I want it to come earlier.

So, third tangible tip. Daily compassion check in. Start or end the day asking, did I treat myself like someone I love today? Did I treat myself like someone I love today? And if you get to the end of the day or the start of the day, I encourage both. Right. If you do it in the morning, what would it look like to treat myself as someone I love today? If you do it at the end, do, did I treat myself like someone I love today? And if you get to the point where you answer that question and you're like, I didn't adjust.

Adjust tomorrow with softness and not shame. If you remember from a few weeks back, we talked about softness actually being like a superpower, a really powerful skill that doesn't get looked at the same way. But when things are soft, they have a tendency to reflect and to bounce off of us. So softness protects the part of us that is most important. Not hardness, not a shield. So if you feel like, you know, I'm hearing all these things about expectations, I'm not really feeling great about where I am in certain areas.

It's okay. Be flexible, make adjustments, and remind yourself you can't do everything all at one time. Take one area of your life and the expectations that you have on yourself and stay there for a little while and give yourself time to really make progress and. And don't expect perfection. I want to close with this thought. You're not failing. You are feeling. And we often feel like we're failing when we're feeling things we don't like. But you're not failing. You're feeling. And feelings are uncomfortable, they are unpredictable.

But they are powerful messengers. And if you listen to them, if you honor them, if you communicate them, some beautiful things will happen. Second, you're not behind. You're becoming. And I'm actually going to use the becoming as a springboard. I was having this conversation. Let me tangent for a moment with a client. And she was talking about some things that she was seeing out of herself. And I said, well, are you becoming or are you returning? And we were both like, but I'm not going to get into that today.

I'm just going to sprinkle that in there for next week. You're not failing. You're feeling. You're not behind. You're becoming. And your worth has never been and will never be dependent on how well you meet an impossible standard. You're not going to be perfect. There is no benefit to expect that out of yourself. If you're comfortable, just place a little hand on your heart, add a little pressure, which wakes up your vagus nerve, and say to yourself, I don't have to be perfect. You might want to say it a few times.

It's a really good reminder because even though we go I know it, we still act in ways that reinforce perfection. I don't have to be perfect. All right? And remember that you also don't need to be who you used to be. Because sometimes we think that our worth is found in who we used to be and what we used to be able to do. You just need to be honest about where you are and tender about what's next. I hope that you got at least one thing out of today that you can either use in your life right now or you can share with somebody who needs some encouragement.

As always, I am always glad that you came. I never take it for granted that you choose to take your time to come and spend with me in this Cadresphere, whether it's live or whether it's on replay. Again, I want to leave you with the message, you don't need to be perfect. Be tender. Be compassionate with yourself towards what's next and allow it to unfold. Trust yourself. You're going to be okay. All right, great to see you all, and we'll catch up again on Wednesday. Have a great rest of the weekend.