Live with Dr.Charryse 🧠: “7 Ways To Lighten Your Load”

Kaidrosphere, what is up? I know, I know. I appreciate, first of all, those of you who have been, like, in my DMs going, where are you? I'm here. I'm back. You're. You're not getting rid of me. Just needed to pause, had some travel going on where I was in a different state, time zone, all the things. Had some personal things going on where I needed to pause. But I'm here, and I miss you. I really did. I would be in the bed, Maria, you made it. And be like, oh, no. I mean, that's what I would normally be doing right now.

But I also knew what I was doing was the right thing to be doing. It's so good to see you all. Hope you have not forgotten what we do when we pop on. So that means where are you in the world? I am, of course, in the beautiful city of Charlotte. You know, it's interesting, when you travel, you appreciate your home city even more. So I am here. And rate your week. How is your week going? Good morning, Southern New Jersey. Your week has been a perfect 10. Let's go. I would say my week, you know, still.

It's still early in the week. We're at a solid. We're in a solid 8, so I'll take that. Hello, New Jersey. Hello, Audrey. Hello, Virginia. Hello, Erie, Pennsylvania. All the places. It never gets old. I have a thought. I'm not gonna share it right now. You're like, then. Then why are you saying it? Because I was like, oh, let me share it and then let me back it up. Oh, Carlette, congratulations. You have a senior graduating this week. I was gonna say so. You're an absolute mess. I know that. Speak, Wonder.

Thank you for your rating. If this is your first time. I'm Dr. Charisse Johnson, licensed clinical mental health therapist, mindfulness practitioner and author. Oh, my goodness. I'm pausing. What I say little concussion. Audrey, there's no such thing as a little concussion. Ah, you don't have to put it on here. But I will be calling, and I need the full story. And I hope you're okay and be a good patient. I. Please rest. Hello, Statesboro. Dr. Charisse Johnson, licensed clinical mental health therapist, mindfulness practitioner and author.

And I come in the space every Wednesday and Sunday to help you get your life together now, to help you really. Just center and focus. Hello, Charleston and Philly, and I'm really glad to be here. I want to talk today about what does it mean to actually survive this circus we sometimes call life? And maybe you're in a season right now where you feel like your life is not a surface, a circus in any way. But if you're not there right now, you're either just coming out of a moment where it feels like a little bit of a circus, or you are heading into one, because that's a part of life.

But you know, when we go through really difficult moments or a transition or an adjustment or just something happens that throws us off of our traditional flow, we all have kind of a set point. Right. Thank you. Speak wonder. Appreciate that. It's a little gloomy here. She said setting outfit. It's a little gloomy here right now. So I was like, I had a little sunshine to my day. But when we go through those points in those moments, sometimes our automatic way to get through things things is to toughen is to try to be hard.

We're naturally just defensive by nature. We're self protective. But I want you to think about this and consider this. Sometimes surviving will require you to soften up. How do you feel about the word soft? I did give it a little bit of thought before I used it. And as you're putting your thoughts in the chat, I want you to think about it this way. We have some very important organs and bones and structures within us. We all do. But one thing that I find interesting if we think about the dynamic of the human body is before we get to those vital organs and your heart and your bones, there's a layer of softness first, right?

So in order for something to get through us, it actually has to penetrate that soft layer before it could get to something damaging. So sometimes people will. You heard the expression maybe on a movie or something, oh, it's okay. That's just a very light wound, right? Or it's a surface wound. So softening is absolutely a skill. But some of us aren't comfortable with that dynamic. We have different words, we have different thoughts about it based on experiences. But I want you to really bring that into your vocabulary as a tool or skill.

Is this a situation where, where it's gonna require more push out of me for a moment, or is this a situation where life is actually so hard right now and so difficult and so overwhelming, Or I'm so exhausted and I'm so tired that I would actually benefit if I soften. So when you soften, it's also going to be what helps your nervous system regulate. That's, that's what's happening when you see me or someone else. A lot of great contributors on here who are also talking about it encouraging you to soften.

Sometimes if I'm teaching meditation, I'll encourage people to soften their gaze or soften their jaw, their cheeks, or their shoulders. And maybe you do that now while I'm saying it, and then it just reminds you, like, okay, yeah. So when we soften, it helps regulate our nervous system. It's not about being weak, but it's about clarity. When things feel loud, it's the difference between spiraling and being able to stay in a place where we're in that window of tolerance. Softness is your shield, and it's protective.

Here's the biggest thing that I also love about the dynamic of softness. If you're able to enter into that mindset, that mentality, that heart posture, that spiritual posture, when you soften, it also allows you to determine what part of you needs support, what part of you needs to build, what part of you needs to be rebuilt, what part of you needs to be cared for. Our self awareness is better when we're in a lighter state. If you had to consider that for your life, I just want you to think about, man, do I soften?

Do I give myself permission to soften? Do I create a soft place for others but struggle to create that place for myself? If you do it for other people, that is phenomenal. But I want you to realize how important it is for you to go, do I create a soft place to land? A regulated place. Place, A protective place for myself? Because softness also allows you to keep and protect your nature and your integrity. When we're pushing through, when we're being too hard. Sometimes we are taking ourselves out of our own personality and temperament.

And yes, smell, softness could be relief. A lot of times we do feel relief when we're like, okay, this is the place. These are the people. This is the circumstance or situation that when I'm here, I don't feel like I always have to be on guard because we were not designed to be that. Yeah, Audrey, I love that. Running gives an absolute different understanding of softness, but our bodies absolutely are made for that. And soft muscles, muscles that are pliable and flexible because they're not too tight.

Tight muscles pop and break. And that is a problem. So seven ways to lighten your load each week. I'm going to use the word soften and lighten interchangeably. And as always, if you are like, ugh, I don't. I'm having a reaction to the word softness that doesn't feel like it's something approachable for me, change it. Get the analogy. But you Change it to whatever state of being that you need to consider to help you move through a situation without further exhausting yourself. If you're already exhausted because of a life, change because you're caregiving, because you have a lot on your plate, because you're in transition.

Whatever it is, pushing through is not always what you want to do. And toughening isn't the the only way to navigate a season. So seven ways to lighten your load each week Number one Begin your morning with a ritual, not a reaction. What is a ritual? Something that you do every ish morning. Maybe no one does it every morning, but I would love to know what are some rituals that you have in the morning that help you ease into your day. So ritual versus reaction, which also could mean be a little delayed when it comes to grabbing your phone first thing in the morning.

Unless of course you're trying to get on Cadre, because that Cadre spear is a honestly a soft place to land. You only get what you reach for here. You have to be intentional about the topic, the title, the provider and push play in order for anything to come your way so you're not over inundated with things that are necessarily triggering. I would say one morning ritual that I am working to put back in my life in terms of a place of consistency is sitting in silence. I do it actually more throughout the rest of the day, stopped or kind of got away from it in the morning, but I've brought it back and it is one of the best things that I do for myself is before my feet hit the ground, I sit up, I place a hand here, I take some slow deep breaths and I soften and just listen.

Notice where am I? What am I feeling? What needs to change today based on what I'm experiencing? That's something I often recommend other people to do and it's something that I do, even myself. Yeah, I love that. So silence and puppy snuggles and coffee. A perfect combo. Number two Leave something half done on purpose. I know all my type A's are like, ah, here's the power in that. The power in leaving something half done is you're. You're giving yourself permission to come back to that and reminding yourself it is not the end of the world if I don't do things immediately right, I can tell myself I've done enough for now and then pick it back up at another time.

Because you're going to have moments where you're not going to be able to start something and then completely finish it. So it's an act of moderation to go. I'm going to put a pin in it right here. And then I can come back into it later in the week. That's also adding some cognitive flexibility. Yep. Checking your calendar is another one. Really thinking about your way to start your routine. Number three, wear what makes you feel comfortable and confident. That matters if you're heading into an already comfortable life moment and then find that you are honestly wearing things that you're like, why did I pull this out?

I don't really love this. I was having a conversation with a client the other day and we were talking about how we often dress for our mood. But sometimes that's subconsciously. So there are moments where we're like, man, I need to brighten. So I'm going to wear something brighter. I need to be comfortable today. And so I'm going to wear my favorite pair of shorts and my favorite, favorite T shirt. But then there are other moments that what we're wearing can actually give insight into what we're feeling.

So the client that I was sitting with and I share this out with permission, was talking about being in a situation where for them several weeks ago, they were like, I don't feel good about the way I'm showing up in the world. They were like a. I feel like I've gotten away from myself. And I said, well, if I look at what you're wearing today, because we often kind of talk about the psychology of fashion and this was a male actually. I said, what does what you're wearing today say about how you're feeling?

And so this person was like, it demonstrates that my mood is low and I feel somber. They're like, I'm in all gray and black and. And they were like, I've noticed that that's something that I'm reaching for constantly and I don't like it. And so one of their goals from that point forward was to really consider, am I just mindlessly putting something on to get it over with or what can I choose that I know, Hey, I kind of like myself in this because those little things do help encourage the day. Coffee, patio and sip is wonderful on a closed end patio right now.

Starting with water. Coffee will come. So number one, begin your morning with a ritual, not a reaction. Number two, leave something half done on purpose. Number three, wear what makes you feel comfortable and confident. Number four, wander wandr without a goal. Allow yourself to go for a walk, go for a run without necessarily it having to be for a purpose other than you want to get outside and you want to move your body and you'll see where it takes you. Maybe you start off going, I'm going to do a few minutes and then you come back and it's been 20 or 30 maybe you say, oh, I'm going to go off and I'm going to take a run and then get back and go, wow, my body was all into that four to five miles today.

But allow yourself to wander without a goal. Number five, remove one thing that drains you. The last three, these are all valuable, but if I could encourage you, the last three, I specifically want you to engage in some way. What is one thing right now in your life that is draining you that you can remove? And removing it doesn't necessarily mean that you can remove it forever. Right? Sometimes there are people, but we can't remove them. But you could remove your presence from their life for the day or for the week.

What's draining you and how can you either remove it or at the least put some distance between you and that thing or that situation. Sometimes the situation is draining you because you're spending so much mental energy on it and you need to give yourself permission to just go, I don't need to give that any more thought right now. There are no, there's no new information. I don't have a solution. Let me put that on pause so that I can regain that energy. Number six, anchor into self compassion. We have a fairly frequent habit of being hard on ourselves, whereas the brain is going to work better if we are compassionate and yes, speak, wonder, no plan for a portion of the day.

That's a way, honestly, of sometimes allowing ourselves to move through life with compassion. And there's a balance, have enough structure that you don't feel completely aimless. You know, you don't want to wake up every day and not have a plan and then get to the end of the week and go, I haven't gotten anything done. But there are moments for you to just go into that time and go, hey, I'm going to take some time to rest, but I'm not going to plan it. I'm not going to look at it as something that I have to do every single moment, all the time.

I'm just going to go into it and figure out what I want to do while I'm there. And the last one is celebrate one thing every day. And this is actually how I want us to end. I want you to think about something that has already happened either in this week or last week. We'll kind of open up the time frame. What's one thing that you can celebrate today? I know that I believe it was Carlette who mentioned your daughter is graduating or one of your children. Forgive me if it wasn't a daughter is graduating.

That's definitely a thing to celebrate. But before we go, I want to invite you to put in the chat one thing that you're celebrating today. This is moving our mind towards that neuroplasticity around life is not all this. There are things that we can celebrate. And let me think of one for myself. I would say I had a conference slash retreat last week. I had to even think this week or last week, last week in California. And I'm really celebrating that time. It was a stretch for me in some new ways and I feel like I did the best I possibly could.

So that's always a good feeling. I learned a lot, for sure. Learned a lot about myself. I was able to watch other presenters and executives and that was fascinating and inspiring. But I'm also proud of the way I just went out there and did my best. So grandson started walking. Oh, that's the sweet. And they have the little wobble, which is cute. Going to your trainer, moving more. I love it. Having your house clean, yes, that is a good gift. In case there's anyone who doesn't realize the best gift always is a clean house that somebody else did.

All right, continue to place what you're celebrating in the chat. If you're listening to this on replay, that also means you. I also want you to notice is it difficult for you to determine what you can celebrate? If you have a hard time finding a win or celebrating yourself, we want to work on that. Every day you accomplish something that you don't even consider. Many of you have heard me say this before. Some days the celebration is that you got up, you got dressed, and you faced the day because you didn't like, want to and maybe because the day before you didn't face the day.

Well, maybe the celebration is that you had a moment where you wanted to be very vocal and harsh, but instead you chose to remain quiet and maintain the integrity that you wanted to with yourself. You picked your battles. There's so many things that you do in great ways every day. Please celebrate them. And as you go throughout this week, remind yourself that softening is a shield. It is a protective way to support yourself through anything that you're going through. And it's just as beneficial as trying to be tough.

As always, thank you for listening. I'm glad that you spent some time here. And I can't wait to see you on Sunday evening. End your week with me and we'll go from there. Have a good one.