Becoming With Bri : The Messy Middle

Hello, cadre. Happy Friday. Happy end of the month. Holy cow. I know it's been a while since I have been on here. I've had a lot of change in my life lately and all good things, but I have missed coming and delivering some lives. I know I've seen some great great lives myself on here. So excited to start contributing again, but I am in a quite the rainstorm today in Minnesota. Curious how you're doing in life, weather, motion, number, anything that resonates for you. I feel like I'm at like a 8 1/2 today, probably 8 1/2, little lethargic, but other than that, keeping on, keeping on.

And I'm excited because I have found myself in what I call the messy middle. This happens quite often when we undergo change. And when that happens, first of all, our brains don't love change. They always will seek what is familiar. And when it's unchartered waters, sometimes we don't act quite ourselves or how we normally would. And it's important for us to learn how to navigate change because that's the only constant in this life is change. And when we can adapt and roll with the punches, we are able to help.

We are able to serve. We are able to show up our best. When we are unwanting of change or resistant to the reality that's unfolding, that's when we get in trouble. So, there's a lot to be said about how quickly we're like technology is evolving and how resistant we can be about certain things that we don't think are right, whether it be politically or whatever. Like there, that's always really tough. to navigate, but I do want to say that you are going to set yourself up for a better chance to make the relationship better, the correct decision to help others to find a solution really when you are in acceptance of it first.

It doesn't mean we like it. It doesn't mean that we want it to continue. It just means that we are able to understand and accept that this is how it's going and I have to change me, right? If you can't change the outside, you got to change inside. You got to change how you're reflecting and responding to the situation. And I took a big leap of faith, leaving a really comfortable job, leaving people that I love to work with and everything that I just enjoyed doing, but I was coasting. I knew I was kind of bored.

I was knowing that I needed to continue to sharpen my skills and get better and grow. As you know, I love personal development and growth is a key staple to my personality and who I am as a human, as a coach, as a friend, as a colleague. So it was just time. And so now, I've started a new job this past month and I've been in there for a few weeks now and I feel like I'm in this messy middle, right, where we knew we needed to change, we initiated the change. And now we're at the beginning of trying to combat old behaviors and old familiar patterns.

It's been tough. I've wanted to revert to my old ways of doing things from my previous job, and I noticed that isn't going to serve me well here. I can't bring that old chapter and old version of myself into this new one. Sure, there are some things that I can do, but or bring in such as ideas, initiatives, whatever that might be, or creative solutions. But for the most part, I, me, Bri, can't drag that with me. And oftentimes when we are trying to change, whether it be a habit, whether it be a relationship dynamic or the roles we often play in familiar relationships, we have to self-assess.

Are we still acting those same ways? Are we reverting to old patterns, old familiarities and bringing that with us into this new role, this new opportunity? And who is it? The Bridges transition model, Bridges transition model, I think, William Bridges. He created this transition model about how we go about instituting change. And letting go is often like one of the most painful things for people because again, it's familiar. And so we really want to just skip that part and go to like the new beginning.

We don't want to worry about letting go. We don't want to worry about the transition. We just want to go straight to the new beginning. And I encourage you to evaluate as we step into a new month next month, right? And that's a perfect example. I love the first of the month. I love it, love it, love it. I'm always like, clean slate. Who am I going to be? What am I going to do? Like all that stuff. And it's like, no, you can start. So I've started purposely starting things on like a Wednesday or even sometimes on a Friday because I like to start things on a Monday.

But you can start something new anytime. You can begin again anytime. And let's not rush it, right? It's a process. Change takes time. We're always evolving and adapting and trying to grow into the best versions of ourselves, like hopefully, right? Life is throwing us these things so that we are able to do that. That's the whole point. And transitioning through the messy middle is a sweet spot. And it's the first thing we always just want to roll over, right? I'm catching myself, I'm like, I just want to know this product and not do all this onboarding stuff.

No, this is my time to really familiarize myself, get to the meat and potatoes of what we do here and get it in my noggin. It's not that it's like, oh, brush through everything. And so I'm curious if there's anything that you have just brushed over to where you knew you were in this transition period or this Yeah, just transition period. And did you gloss over something? Were you trying to skip over it? Were you trying to move on? were you uncomfortable in something that you knew should have ended, but you stayed in it anyway because it was comfortable?

I have just been reflecting on beginnings and endings. And I encourage you to see what areas of your life that you're like, maybe I need to start doing this more or maybe I should kind of be stepping away from that because staying in something too long is not. helpful. And I know I stayed in this job that I was at previously for too long. And I don't regret anything because I'm not that person anymore. But I did think about it. I'm like, yeah, I stayed in there way too long. I should have got the heck out like probably a year or two earlier.

And that can happen with relationships. That can happen with just habits that we're like keeping around because it's easy and convenient and we're on routine and autopilot. You know what I mean? Hey Josh, you can relate to all of this. Yeah, right? And that's why I feel called to share it today is because we're always going to go through this change, but we're the dictator of how much we want to change, what we want to change, when we want to change, and who we want to change with. Well, who, what, where, when, all those things.

So Let's do that. And we're not analysis paralysis, like diving into every little thing. But when you think of it or when you feel called to like listen to that nudge of like, is this serving me anymore? Like I have found that to be one of the best questions to ask myself is, this serving me anymore? After I hang out with a group of people or an old friend, I ask myself like, is this relationship still serving me anymore? And I should have asked this with my job a long time. I mean, and I knew it wasn't for a while, but finding a job these days is a lot different and no easy feat.

So hats off to you if that's what you're doing. But is this serving me anymore? And you may find that it's uncomfortable to say that, no, it's not. And then you're like, what do I do? Like these people, these, I'm so used to hanging out with my friends and I like, and It doesn't, you know, nothing crazy. We're not trying to like cut people out just like that, you know, we're growing together. We can shift the dynamic of the relationship first to see if that's helpful before we decide like, yeah, maybe let's just like only hang out once or twice a year or something, you know, like we don't need to be super extreme about it.

But with that being said, what changes are you going through? What habit do you want to drop or pick up? What Because it could be that small or it could be as big as, do I move to a different city? Do I move, like, do I change jobs? there's so much at stake, especially when it's a big change versus like a little, a littler change. And so you're invited to just ask, is this serving me? And if not, what can I do to change it? Few takeaways to take with you that I wrote down because I always like to give you something, some nuggets to ponder when we leave.

Know that you're not behind. Sometimes this messy middle, that is when the change and the transformation happens and is like the most impactful and long lasting. Yes, it's the most uncomfortable, but you are breaking the shackles that you have had on. for a while in this messy middle. So please embrace the messy middle, embrace being a novice and learning and like, this is weird, but I'm going to do it anyway. Number 2, your comfort zone. Evaluate what is my comfort zone and like, how is it helping me?

How is it hindering me? And like, notice how you just want to be in what is familiar and ask yourself, have I been in this for too long? Because staying in the same behavior or habit for too long, you're going to look back and just be like, I should have left earlier. And then imagine what you could have done if you listened to that, like, yes, it's not serving me anymore. I'm going to do something about it, right? And then finally, ask yourself, What do you keep trying to start over with but aren't successful in doing?

Because that pattern is your nudge of like, this isn't working, you gotta try again. But because we cling to our comfort zone and our familiarities, It takes a while. We don't, we're not successful at change every time. Heck no. That's part of the growth. That's part of the messy middle is sometimes we go back because we're like, I'm not, I'm gonna dip my toe, but I'm not, it's cold, I'm not quite ready. So can we try to find that pattern and then just keep working it like a muscle, right? Like you're not just gonna do one bicep curl and then you're gonna have awesome biceps.

never gonna happen. No, you gotta do a couple bicep curls and a few sets of bicep curls and do it a few times a month at least. You know, like that's just, that's how it works. It's like a muscle is practicing being okay with change, practicing letting go and practicing embracing the messy middle. So hope you have a great rest of your day and I look forward to seeing you next time. next Friday with Becoming with Bree. I forgot to introduce myself every time, but I'm a wellness coach, personal trainer, yogi, energy enthusiast, and I would love to help you become the greatest, best, most open, loving version of yourself, whatever that means to you.

So hope you have a great rest of your day. It's been a time, Cadre, always a good time. So Drink some water, spread some kindness, and we'll see you next time.