A lot of people are trained to look for red flags in dating, but many people overlook the green flags because healthy can feel unfamiliar. Let’s talk about it!
Michelle opens the video, introduces her coaching background, and explains that dating culture often focuses on red flags while overlooking green flags. She previews the three green flags she'll discuss and why they matter for dating and relationships.
This chapter defines consistency—stable texting patterns, following through on plans, and not disappearing—and explains how it creates emotional safety. Michelle shares a personal anecdote about finding consistency boring at first when she was used to chaos, reframing it as a sign of health.
Michelle outlines emotional availability, including willingness to communicate feelings, have hard conversations, show curiosity, and take accountability. She emphasizes that conflict is inevitable and the important green flag is the ability to repair and grow after disagreements, illustrated with a brief example.
This segment explains that calmness and having boundaries can feel less exciting but are green flags indicating regulation and stability. Michelle urges viewers to give people who set boundaries a chance, noting that slow and steady relationships often support better mental health.
Michelle gives practical steps—evaluate a date for mild attraction and green flags, try second or third dates and low-pressure activities, and avoid dismissing stable partners too quickly. She reiterates the quote about healthy love, reminds viewers to look for green flags, and shares her social handles and website before closing.
Hello, Cadre. Sorry, I'm a minute tardy to the party. And I know I just put this on the Cadre calendar, so I feel like a lot of people are going to be watching this later instead of live, and that's OK. I've had a wild day running around doing a bunch of stuff, but I wanted to make sure like Friday has been the day I've been connecting on to Cadre. So I wanted to make sure to come on today and talk about something that we don't talk a lot a lot. I talk about a lot with dating. So just a friendly reminder to those that are new to me, my name is Michelle O'Connell.
I am from Unstuck by Michelle, a dating coaching business I have created and I work with clients to help Date more effectively, right? Date with more confidence, kind of navigate the dating scene, all of those things that make dating hard. I work with people to help figure it out. And one thing that we don't talk a lot about is green flags. We talk a lot about red flags. If you go onto any social media platform and type in like hashtag red flags, Tons. There's not a lot of hashtag green flags. And I think that's part of the culture that we're in right now with dating.
I think a lot of people look for red flags more intentionally, right? 'Cause there's a lot of people who've been hurt, a lot of people who are jaded about dating. You hear these kind of wild stories on Netflix and on TikTok, and we are just like on the radar for green flag. red flags and sometimes we're so hyper-focused on red flags that we overlook green flags or sometimes we kind of forget what they are or they can seem boring. So sometimes the healthiest person you date won't give you the butterflies right away.
They'll give you consistency. I'm going to say that again for the people in the back. Sometimes the healthiest person you date won't give you butterflies right away, but they'll give you consistency. That is something to remember when I was dating. I love red flags. No, I didn't consciously go out and find them. But I did, right? I liked my nervous system was addicted to chaos and drama. And so I would find people in the dating world who would give me chaos. And yeah, if you know, I was in that for a while until I learned to change my dating patterns.
And today we're going to talk about three green flags that I want you to be on the radar for if you're out there dating, if you're single thinking about dating, if you're not dating, they're just good things to be aware of, not just with dating, but in relationships and friendships. All of those things that we are building at all ages. Number one, consistency. Consistency is such a green flag. Right? And what that could look like is texting patterns that are stable. So oftentimes, like people think, oh, we need to text all the time or, you know, like some people don't text all the time.
Some people just text, you know, at my job, I can't be on my phone all the time. Like that's just the nature of my job. And so I'm not always back and forth with people. But people who are stable, they respond to you. They don't leave you on red for days. Stability with texting, following through on plans. And yes, I'm sure like some people will be like, well, that's just a given. That's just a yes, but it's also a green flag. People get tired, man. It's easy to want to cancel and stay home. And so someone who's always following through with what they're going to say is a big green flag.
Again, with the consistency, not disappearing and reappearing, right? That's something we see a lot with the red plague, folks, leaving, coming back, leaving, coming back. Someone who is just there, right, and they're not disappearing, that's a green flag. They're there on Tuesday and Saturday. They don't disappear on the weekends. Consistency may not create the same adrenaline rush as unpredictability, but it creates emotional safety. So again, if your nervous system is used to chaos, this someone who's stable might feel quite boring.
I remember when I was starting to shift my dating pattern and I'd go on a date with someone and they were nice and they were on time and they remembered things from my profile and they asked me questions and they listened and they were calm. I remember I'd be so bored. I was like, there's nothing sexy about this. You know, where's the drive? Where's the, can we reschedule? Where's the, you know, not giving a lot of information about their selves. And it felt a little boring. And then I had to re kind of establish that actually this person is a green flag and I'm just not used to it.
So you might have to feel that emotional safety and that like a little bit of slow pace. before just kind of diving into chaos. Number two, number two, emotional availability is attractive. It's attractive when someone is able to communicate their feelings with you, willingness to have hard conversations, curious about you, accountability when there's conflict. So also when I'm saying these green flags, and you can rewind and start over because I should have said this in the beginning, but also think about yourself and how you're showing up.
Are you able to communicate your feelings? Are you willing to have hard conversations? Are you curious about other people? Do you take accountability in conflict, right? Because we also need to recognize, are we red flagging or green flagging? Conflict is inevitable. It is inevitable. Like you're going to have conflict with somebody and it is a big green flag. If one, someone can bring up something that's bothering them, maybe about what you said, what you did, and you guys can work through it. Like the big thing about conflict, right, is how people repair it.
Like, hey, you know, I didn't like, I remember I dated this guy and he was really healthy. He was really healthy and we had like a weird little I don't remember. I don't remember exactly. But I remember the next day, I think we were drinking and we got in a conflict about something. It wasn't that big of a deal. But the next day I was like, embarrassed. I was like, well, I'll just never talk to him again. And I remember I called him and I was like, hey, I'm really embarrassed. I'm sorry for how that went down.
And he's like, oh my gosh, let's talk about it. Yeah, I didn't like that either. And I was like, But I dealt with it and we had a tough conversation and then we moved through it and we had a lot of fun. So it is a big green flag if someone can have those conversations with you and you can have some level of disagreement and repair from it. Right. And then number three, again, to the thing calm doesn't equal boring. Right? We have like if you grew up in chronic stress, trauma, you have anxiety, like the nervous system is conditioned to be stressed.
And so chaos can feel familiar. Healthy relationships are often slower and steadier. So it is a green flag if this person is not available for you all the time, right? If they have friends, if they're, hey, I can't tonight, but maybe tomorrow, if they're not dropping everything for you, that's a green flag, right? They have boundaries. And that can feel bad, right? Especially if you're someone who's maybe anxious or someone who's used to going really fast. But a regulated relationship, like it can initially feel a little less exciting if your nervous system is used to inconsistency.
And so someone who has boundaries and someone who is pretty calm, like give them a chance, give them a chance. It's a green flag that they're stable and calm and have boundaries. So I tell people, especially if you're used to dating people who are super avoidant, people are anxious, like we know how that impacts the mental health and it's not great. So if you're looking to improve your mental health, you have to look at how you're dating and the partners you're picking. So when I'm working with people who are going through this transition of changing how they're dating, I tell them, how is that first date boring?
Great, not great, but okay. Was there mild attraction? Like what are things you did like about this person? 'Cause you know, we are so again, highlight the red flag. Okay, like they were nice. They were nice enough. Great, go on a second date. Go on a second date. Go on a third date. Do an activity like bowling, mini golf. Not that every person that is nice, stable, consistent, has good emotion regulation and EQ, emotional intelligence. Doesn't mean you have to be with every one of them. Like you don't, there's still that level of compatibility, but don't be so quick to dismiss someone because they're not giving you what you think are butterflies.
Healthy love can, hold on, I'm reading a quote here. Healthy love often feels clear, calm, consistent, and emotionally safe. Healthy love often feels clear, calm, consistent, and emotionally safe. If you're always confused and dating, that confusion is information, right? So the idea today and with this is like highlighting green flags. When you leave a date with somebody, think about the green flags, right? If you're someone who, you know, thinks there's no one out there for you dating, you know, just negative thoughts and views on dating, on yourself, like we're going to always look at the negatives.
So try to be more mindful and intentional of those green flags because they are important and they get overlooked. And yes, they are basic ways that we should be treated and stuff like that, but that doesn't mean that they should go overlooked, right? That's okay to look at it, call it out, let it feel good. Right? Especially if you're used to chaos. So if you're watching this later, if you're watching this now, if you have comments, let me know. If you have topics you want to see me talk about, let me know.
You can find me on TikTok @unstuckbymichelle. You can find me on Instagram @unstuckbymichelle. Those are both great ways to get ahold of me. com. I hope you all have a lovely weekend and that it's full of green flags.
