Dr. Leslie Davis is a relationship expert. She is located in the St. Louis area, but on the Illinois side. She's in the Walmart parking lot because it's the closest spot. But Walmart has been known to have poor WI Fi connection.
Dr. Leslie Davis is a relationship expert. She is located in the St. Louis area, but on the Illinois side. She's in the Walmart parking lot because it's the closest spot. But Walmart has been known to have poor WI Fi connection.
We're going to talk about judgment. Not just our judgment of others, but judging why do we judge? What if we just show curiosity and asking the why behind things?
Your challenge this week is to consider the judgments that you make of others. Where does that judgment come from? Have you done something about changing that pattern of belief or behavior? I will be here again next Tuesday for our regular coffee chat at noon Central Standard Time.
Hey, Cadre, I'm here. It's me, Dr. D. And I'm in a parking lot because I'm in the middle of doing so many things today. And I just want to shout out to all the working moms who take their lunch breaks to go grocery shopping or pick up medicines or do the little things for their families to make sure things stay intact. So it's hard out here, right? Especially for us single moms. You know, we have to do things while we have the time and the energy. Right? Undistracted, but welcome. For those of you watching the replay, those of you who will be joining in, I just want to say hi and thank you for coming to my coffee chat.
So if you've never been in this space with me, I'm Dr. Leslie Davis. I am a relationship expert. I specialize as a relationship therapist. And I am located in the St. Louis area, but on the Illinois side. And so as you are watching the replay and coming in, just let me know where you're located because I love to see where people are from. I think that says a lot about who we are and really speaks to, like, character and, like, what matters to us. Right? Or even language that we use. So hopefully there's good connection here because I am.
I hate this place. I'm not gonna lie. I'm in the Walmart parking lot, but I have to go here because I have to buy a vacuum cleaner for my office, and it's the closest spot, so that's why I'm here. But Walmart has been known to have poor WI Fi connection. So we'll see what happens. But I do want to talk about. It might be a sensitive subject, and I think it impacts everyone at different points in our lives. But we're going to talk about judgment. Not just our judgment of others, but judging why do we judge?
Okay, so there's a lot happening in the Jiu Jitsu world. I think I've shared that with you guys before. But it is also impacting us locally. There's been recent reports and trigger warning, recent reports of sa. I'll say, with a minor. And that is impacting not just Jiu Jitsu community, but just the whole community. And I have started to, you know, I watch people, I watch language that's being used. I watch how people respond to certain things. And my analytical part of my mind, it just helps me see how people are so quick to judge and we don't ask questions.
And I always wonder when that happens, do we ever consider the flip side? Do we ever Consider flipping the coin and saying, well, if I were to have done something bad that got out into the public, how would people see me? And would they judge me? And do I want that same. Do I want to receive that type of same judgment that I give out? And so that's like a. I call it a heart check. That's a heart check for us where we have to slow down, pause, think what I'm doing to someone else, is that something that I would want done to me?
And I think that's the golden rule, right? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. So when it comes to judging, do we stop and think, should I be judging this person? Should I have this particular judgment of them? Or should I just be curious and try to understand? I'm not saying we have to have empathy with that. I think empathy goes a long way. But there are some circumstances I would say that it's really hard to show someone empathy. Just being honest. It's hard. But what if we were curious instead?
What if we just show curiosity and asking the why behind things? So let me give you a little story. Okay? Now, this past weekend, this is all Jiu Jitsu, y'. All, I'm so sorry. I helped host a Jiu Jitsu seminar at my school, and the person that came to teach us has a history, a negative history, and I didn't know about it. I was just interested in learning from this person because of the style that he uses for his attacks. And I really like what he does. I don't know anything about him as an individual.
I just know about him through Jiu Jitsu. Right? And so I had posted the flyer about this person coming to our school, and someone made a comment about it that was not favorable, and it made me do some research. And so I found some articles about this person and things that he admitted to doing that were not good, that people would say, he's a bad person, he's evil, he's. He doesn't respect women. Right? People would say things like that. And so if I decided to use the information that's online, and also this person that commented that brought this to my attention, if I would use their judgments to formulate my own judgment instead of being curious, that would be a problem.
Because what happened was this person came in, he was very respectful. I made eye contact with him. I spoke to him, shook his hand, and his girlfriend was with him, and I had a great conversation with her, and she shared more history about his upbringing. And as I learned, I guess it's Because I'm a counselor. I'm just a little more empathetic to things. After hearing his. His childhood history and the. And the things that he had to overcome as an individual, I was like, wow, well, that makes sense why he made a choice that he did in the past.
But I also learned he's doing something about it. He's going to therapy. He's getting help. He's recognizing the patterns that he was stuck in before and not the patterns he wants to continue. And I respected that, and I was like, you know what? Why are we so quick to judge people? If I would have judged him and held onto my belief without having a conversation with him, I would have formulated this negative thought and negative image of him. That was partially true because all it was was based off of his past.
It wasn't based off of who he is today. So this is your challenge for the week, maybe two, because I like to flip the coin here. Your challenge this week is to consider the judgments that you make of others. And where does that judgment come from? Are you judging someone based off of their past patterns? Is that keeping you stuck in the belief about who you say they are today? And then the flip side of that is, are you even looking at yourself? Are you looking at yourself in the mirror to see what have you done?
What are you not proud of? What is something that you've said or done or believed that you wish people didn't know about you? And in addition to that, have you done something about changing that pattern of belief or behavior where who you used to be is not who you are today? And so how would you want people to judge you? Okay. All right, so hopefully this video is posted. I can't tell because I don't see anybody in the chat, and I know there are people coming in because someone had messaged me. So I'm hoping this goes out.
If y' all can just confirm that. Drop a coffee emoji if you're watching the replay, so I know you got it. Okay? And, Luke, I'm calling you out. Whoever's on the team here, let me know if this video went out, okay? But I hope you guys have a wonderful day. And again, please forgive me for, like, abruptly cutting off last week's coffee chat. I literally was like, I don't know what was going on. My throat. It's still not good. I think I wake up every morning, like, sounding like a dude. And it gets better throughout the day, but I just couldn't talk anymore.
I was choking. So please forgive me for that last week and for not being able to do the Saturday night unfiltered nights with Dr. D. So we might do that again? Let's see. But I will be here again next Tuesday for our regular coffee chat at noon Central Standard Time. All right, y' all have a great week. Bye.
