Your Resilience Coaching Studio

As you enter this moment in time, let me invite you to take a deep breath and consider something that you're thankful for. And you can certainly think of something in the past that you're thankful for. But I'd like to encourage you to think in terms of something that you're thankful for that is current, that is present, or something, something in the future. What is it that you're thankful for? And go ahead and share if you would. Welcome. It's good to see you. I'm glad you're here. I'm thankful for you.

I'm thankful for this moment. I'm thankful for the minutes ahead which we will experience together and take a look at how practicing gratitude cultivates hope to say something perhaps novel. Practicing gratitude is something that we can harvest and it leads to being a more hopeful person. What is it that you're thankful for? And let me encourage you. Kathy. Hello, my friend. What is it that. Oh. Oh. I'm thankful for this moment right now when that wave has passed. Even in the pit, I have hope. And this is the kind of day it's been.

For some reason I know why it's just multiplied today. But I'm thankful for this moment now when that has passed. And I'm thankful for. I'd love to know what you're thankful for. I'm thankful for every moment in the future when I'm beyond that kind of painful moment. What is it that's current or in the future that you're thankful for? Because this is actually key to understanding and finding ways to cultivate that pattern of gratitude, putting that attitude of gratitude on more and more, especially when you need it most, because it makes being hopeful and, and creating more hope in your life and in your work, in every aspect of your life, every dimension of your life more hopeful.

And I'll explain why. And if we have at all an interruption in our connectivity, I very much appreciate it if you'd let me know that we're still together, that this is still flowing. I'm going to keep on going. If there is any interruption, I'm just going to keep on going for the sake of the recording so that we can all come back to it in a nutshell. And then we'll peel back the layers on this using the three steps of resilience. We will use and like last time, spend most of the time in the tune in step.

Because the more we tune in to understanding how this works, the more we can use it to our advantage to strengthen our resilience, to be resilient especially when we are hit with anything that's overwhelming. And it's basically this, that pattern of thinking in terms of things that I'm grateful for, especially if it's present. If something in the present or something in the future activates in the brain, the reward system, there are a few different parts to it, including the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex.

And that pattern of reward over and over again creates foundation for being more hopeful, especially in times of trial or overwhelm. The thankful for the laughter shared over a complicated piece of baby equipment. And I couldn't figure out folding wagon. And it became ridiculous to the point of laughter between myself and my daughter. That's wonderful. Excellent. I've been there. I've put together tricycles and things made in a far off lands with instructions that don't make sense when you need it to the most.

So it's wonderful that you laughed at it. There is a certain levity to being able to laugh at something like that. I think we all probably know what it's like to get frustrated in those kinds of situations. But there's a lot to be said for your resilience, your grace, maybe even your need for laughter by not going in the direction of getting angry or frustrated, but going in the direction of saying, you know, I've been through worse. This is just hilarious. But I hope you're able to be successful in pulling that together.

So let's pull together this idea more of how cultivating gratitude or practicing gratitude cultivates hope frequently. Every time I see you share a thought, I'm always so eager to see what you've got to say. Levity is an elixir for the soul. That is so true. And that's a great way to put it. It's medicine and it can be instant. Have you ever noticed, and perhaps think of a time when you were overwhelmed by something it was completely. It had hijacked your focus, sapped your energy, something it might have been something emotional mental stress, a situation, a moment, a shocking moment or blasts of pain.

And you immediately said to yourself, I'm dropping that and everything that it's taken from me. And I'm going to think of something hopeful, I'm going to think of something actually thankful. That's what I meant to say. When you do that, what have you experienced? You go from experiencing all the angst with whatever might be difficult. And how would you describe what you experienced when you made that pivot, that shift, to thinking about something that you're thankful for what was that like for you?

The author, Anne Lamont. That rings a bell. Maybe you've mentioned it before. Laughter is carbonated holiness. That's a new one. Carbonated. That means it's sort of. It's. What's the word I want to use? It's in the essence of it. It's got bubbles, it's got lightness, it's got. There's a vitality to it. And so that's wonderful. Thank you so much for that. So I'm going to refer to a few notes because I've been thinking about this so much in the past couple of weeks. We talked about hope last week, and I've been reading and hearing even from some of our friends here on Cadre, different sound bites that made me all the more curious to further understand exactly how, for example, when I'll get a blast of pain, and this has happened scores of times over the past six years, since the seventh surgery, when the blast of pain is completely overwhelming.

But literally, I will take one breath and immediately think of something that I'm thankful for. Even sometimes saying I'm just thankful for the blue sky or my mind is going to go away from the pain. And my other thoughts are I'm thankful for this journey I'm on because I've learned so much more about resilience. I've been able to find a way to not waste it so that I can be more of an encouraging soul for other people who need encouragement and hope. And I immediately, there is literally not a second that goes by before I feel that relaxation in my throat, my shoulders drop down, I completely do a 180 and I'm away from the pain.

And so that's how quick it can be. And one of the things as we proceed through this is that I'd like to encourage you to practice being more grateful and thinking about what you're grateful for, what you have gratitude for, both in a time when you don't need it, you can create a time of mindfulness, solitude, quiet, peace, do some deep breathing and think, even make a list of things that you're thankful for, but think of them and dwell on them as well as go ahead. And when you need it most, when you are most disrupted by something hard, then pivot right away and grab a hold of something that you are grateful for and watch what happens.

So share with me a little bit more. Janet hello. Thank you so much for being here. Jules, Good evening to you. Welcome. If you haven't already, pick something that you're thankful for. It can be anything you want, but I'd like to encourage you to, as you're thinking of it, it can be something from the past. But for the sake of this exercise, I'd like to encourage you to think of something and share if you'd like something you're thankful for that's right now or something current as well as, and even more so, something you're thankful for that hasn't yet happened or is going to happen again.

I had a blast of pain at the beginning of this, and I'm thankful for knowing that I can be. And I am thankful for the resilience that I had in that moment, as well as the resilience that I've got in me, the hope in me for being resilient in each and every next shot of pain. So, Jules, let me just say hello and I'd love for you to share, Kathy, if there's something as well that you've identified, something you're thankful for that's in the future. And let me read this aloud. Today. I paid for the customer in the car and the line behind me at Tim Hortons Drive through.

What a generous soul you are. That's nothing new. This made me feel a certain delight. Absolutely. That's generosity. And it flowed right back to you. That's one of the beauties of being extending grace, extending generosity, which undoubtedly not only surprised that person, but touched their soul as well. The total was less than $5, but it was the gesture that counts. The payoff was a deep feeling of gratitude. And the thought of ministering to a stranger, you reminded that stranger in a world which seems so broken.

And we do live in a broken world. And we sometimes we can even refer to ourselves as, well, we're broken. But we are also broken healers and broken encouragers because of our awareness, because of our maturity of being able to look at ourselves and see in a very honest way what's broken about us and the path that we're on to strengthen our own unique, strong resilience, make it even stronger that we can extend that sense of hope and humanity to others. That's wonderful. So the idea of. Let's go into this a little bit further.

If you think about the emotions that you feel when you're in a storm, then the emotions that you feel, just like you're describing, and I can feel it, too. When you've embraced something that you're thankful for, it's activating actually four parts of your brain and my brain, the vtr, the amygdala and Also the prefrontal cortex, and it's releasing dopamine and doing that over and over again, making it part of our daily lives. Excuse me. Whether we need it or not, but especially when we do need it, when something is overwhelming to be quick to use the three steps of resilience, tune in, but quickly decide to say, I'm thankful for this and dwell on that and do that.

That's being your best. And you'll experience that it can be a sudden immediate shift from that overwhelm to feelings that come along with dopamine. So it's that pattern that basically when we do that, more and more, we naturally become more hopeful. It's easier to think in terms of more of hope being a part of our lives. So it's the way the brain works. We heard Breed talk recently, very honestly, about struggles with depression and then developing a pattern of. She wrote an added gratitude journal and she saw a sea change.

It's a remarkable story. So it's an example of how we work as human beings, how we're wonderfully and mysteriously made. Isn't it fun, Jules? Love it. Let me read this. I had not had that happen to me. It happened to you, Jules, at Starbucks many years ago at Christmas time. From then. I've always made a point to do that during the holidays. That's wonderful. That's excellent. Just for laughs, I think I've heard something funny to do. Pull up to Starbucks to pay and say, my friend was supposed to pay for me.

And just see what kind of reaction you get from me, the person at the window. You can create a funny moment, and with a quick wink, it can turn even that moment into a fun, light moment for the Starbucks employee. So there's a neurological dimension and dynamics at work that makes it possible for us to cultivate. When we cultivate more gratitude, that creates a foundation for being hopeful. Now here's how we can actually go into the. That's tuning in. Let's plan. What are the things in the future that you can think of and be appreciative of, have gratitude for that is either something you're working towards, something you're envisioning, something you're hoping for, but being thankful for it.

Now, I believe it's even in scripture where it says, imagine something that you're hoping for and imagine that you have it now. There's a sense of gratitude that comes into. Into the mix there, and it makes sense. In fact, if you look at most of the different religions around the world, a lot of what they have in their scriptures are based on the way we actually do work as human beings. It's as if the stories share examples of how the chemistry works in our brains, even though they probably didn't have at the time the science to clearly explain it.

Anticipating a visit from extended family next month. Grateful for this? Absolutely. So in effect the idea of some thinking about that more you're then thinking about something that you're looking forward to that that kind of forward thinking gratitude will also in effect harvest more hope in you. And what I'm suggesting is that especially when times are challenging, but also when times are smooth sailing, that we be more intentional about putting on an attitude of gratitude, practicing that because then when we are experiencing some kind of a storm, rough seas, a dark deep fog, or we can't see the horizon, then we can practice that and hold on to raise up if you will hope.

Because we all need more hope. In fact I was curious to ask you, I think we did this last Tuesday, but what would you how would you rate your desire for more hope? And let's say 10 is a great desire. I desire for more hope so much I need it a lot. Or perhaps a lower number that might say I've got a lot of hope. I could always use more. Does that number system work for you? And then we're actually going to take a look at hoping for getting coaching for a TED talk. Ah, wonderful. I've been researching this and thinking about there are TED talks in Boston and Cambridge, some of the colleges and so forth.

I'm looking forward to planning to do that probably in the new year. That is going to be and you're going to be a shining star on the stage. Kathy, that's wonderful. Do you have a topic that you're going to talk about? Hope meter is 7. Yes. There are times when hope can and will. It's part of our day to day life can fluctuate our amount of hope or our amount of the need for hope. And when we go through a tougher time, especially if it's enduring going on for a long time, when the cortisol level, the stress hormone and other stress hormones are higher on a chronic basis, it can make feel hope is more elusive.

But this is one of the ways that I'm living proof of it and the science holds this up as well. Cultivating hope. Cultivating gratitude. Cultivating gratitude. You're able to harvest hope for your life, for your work, for every endeavor in your life, especially when you need it most. Topic to be determined I'd love to Know what it is when you pin that down? So let me ask you to consider this. Those emotions that we experience when we make that shift from whatever might be overwhelming to having something that we're thankful for includes words like contentment, even joy.

I'm not going to use the word happy here because I believe joy is a more foundational word. Happiness can be fleeting. When I, for example, rebound from a blast of pain and I think of something, I'm thankful for, two things. One, it always works. It's never failed me. And I experience contentment, I'm more calm, the cortisol drops. And I can be in touch with and recognize the joy that's in me. Happy? No. But I've got something more important and something more meaningful, and it's that joy. So the idea of when you do this and when I do this, when you do it, it's your own unique resilience in action.

You are being intentional, you're being purposeful with your thoughts. You're taking back your focus. You're taking back something that's going to spark positive energy for the next moment and the next moment after that and the next after that. So my invitation to you is to, as we are in the plan stage here, plan on a list of things that you can have to look forward to. Some kind of compelling future, something compelling, something maybe even fantastic, that you will immediately go to as something that you're thinking of that you're thankful for, and create a pattern of that and watch what happens.

And then in terms of the last step, be your best. Follow through on that. I encourage you to practice that at times when you don't need to, times when you can be quiet. Maybe it's over coffee in the morning, or maybe it's even before you get out of bed. Think of something that takes some time, take some deep breaths to relax and put that attitude of gratitude on, even if it's for just a few seconds. And I'd like to invite you, when you're in some kind of overwhelming moment, whatever it might be, in the days or weeks or months ahead, be quick to use the three steps of resilience, because that's when we need it most.

When pain shocks us, something shocks us. Something in the moment is so overwhelming, it is the kind of thing that will never disappoint you. When you pause, even in the storm and go from whatever is overwhelming to say, no matter what's going on around me, I'm going to think of something that I'm hopeful for. I'm glad I'm thankful for. Even in the storm. I'm going to pause and say I'm thankful for Plank. You choose and watch what happens. It will never fail you. So thank you. Let's see. It always helps me to have a day trip on the calendar.

Oh yes, yes. So in a way that's planning and you've planned something to look forward to. You planned something that you know you're already thankful for and something that you hope for. That alone is an example of how the more we plan things. Whether it's like that, it can be things for the family, something just for yourself, things that you might be doing at work in any aspect of your life, a future speaking appointment, for example. Those are so many opportunities where you can practice applying this and then you'll see that real life in due time.

You're harvesting those that connection between practicing gratitude and being more hopeful. Do you have any questions? Do you have any thoughts, any reflections? And perhaps what new hopes might you even just think about now? What else might you add to your list and practice having your mind go to that more often? I love those emojis, Kathy, so thank you so much. So I'm thankful for our time together and I'm thankful for the future times that we will share together. Let me share with you this piece of news.

The next your Resilience Coaching studio will be in two weeks. Is that right? In two weeks I'll double check, I'll post it and it's going to be a zoom. I'm actually going to for the first and third Tuesdays of each month for the next few months. I'm going to make it a special access your Resilience Coaching studio so that a few good things happen. 1. I'm going to invite people to experience this goodness that Cadre is offering through my email marketing and my social media marketing to say come experience this limited number of seats.

Some of us from Cadre will be there and I'm going to help spread the word about what the good that Cadre is doing. Hopefully invite people to have a positive sampling experience from this marketing guy. That is the single most compelling experience that someone have. It's the most compelling strategic communications tactic and strategy to help give someone that positive experience and encourage them to join Cadre and will then also be face to face so that I'll be posting more often actually on Cadre with news about this details for it.

The subject matter will certainly be talking about Harvest but in a different way. But I'm looking very much looking forward to it I'm very much looking forward to our having more time together face to face and perhaps with new faces as well, introducing more people to Cadre. How do I practice gratitude through my pain? It is something that is always my go to. I am using the three steps of resilience. It's ingrained in me, Kathy, and it is something that I have developed with plenty of practice.

The pattern so that I do it. That blast of pain that I had, it had that moment, but then I had the next moment. It had my thought, but I had my next thought. And without a doubt, does it take a toll. As you know, there are no words. There are no words. But I'll quick to say, be quick to say that I have plenty of words for my resilience. I want to do that and I need to do that for myself. I want to do that and need to do that to live it so that I can be an example to help encourage others. Others.

Is it easy? No way. Is what I'm experiencing difficult? I won't use words to say what it is because I don't want my spirit, my heart, my emotions to hear the kind of words I might use. I only want that being in me, that this is how intentional I am to stay focused on the positive intentionality. The reason I said earlier, even in the pit, I have hope because there is that productive lamenting that I do even when I'm in the pit. I know what I need to do and I work at it. So it is a mix. It is. There's no phrase coming to mind.

There's no placebo effect or anything like this is real, real pain. But the resilience is real. The practicing is what is not perfect but is necessary. Necessary for me to survive this and do whatever is some view of what it looks to thrive in this so that I don't become angry. I know what pain, how angry pain can make which I experienced in my going through the first three surgeries and then surgeries 4, 5 and 6. So let me just catch up on the notes. So it is a matter of practicing. There's no perfection in it.

And so. And sometimes I need to repeat that those three steps over and over. I need to keep finding something that's going to really click. Attitude of gratitude always works and it will. I'm hesitant to say this, but I usually say the same thing that I'm thankful for. I. I could and this is actually good for me to think in terms of what more might I be thankful for. Have that appreciation for things that haven't happened yet. What the book getting published and so forth. So thank you for that. So, you know, I'm really looking forward to the zoom calls and to introducing more people to Cadre.

And that's why we're all here, isn't it? To create positive experiences for each other that are full of encouragement and full of hope. Any last thoughts, any questions, any insights and I'll do this. I'd love to know. And here's a question. I'm really also looking forward to the Q and A session for the contributors. As you probably saw, Nikki's asking us to thinking of some questions in advance and I'm curious to know what questions, what topics I could talk about when we're face to face through the zoom, through the special access of the your Resilience Coaching studio.

You can let me know directly of course when, email and Facebook. But I'm going to sign off now. And I'll say it is through the practicing that while there is no perfection, I'm thankful for you. I'm thankful for this time together that we find that through that practicing that our best is greater than the pain. That's something to be thankful for. So I'm going to say good night. Thank you so much my friends. You're the best. I hope you have a wonderful evening and days ahead. I'll talk to you again soon.