Your Resilience Coaching Studio

Foreign. Good evening and welcome to your Resilience coaching studio. Hi, I'm Rick Cram. It's Tuesday evening, and you know what? I've missed you. I think I missed one week taking care of someone in my family with a health emergency doing better. But that one week away realize, help me realize something in a new way, how much we are a community. I missed you. I hope you're doing well and I'm glad that you're here. We're going to dive right into using the three steps of resilience to take a look at one small change that can make a big difference when it comes to how you connect with other people.

And then a question, a single question that, as I'll put it to you this way, can completely elevate the health care you receive when you need it most. I'll get to that in just a minute. Let me say hello. Speak. Winner. Hello, Kathy. I was hoping that you'd be here. I hope you're having a great day. And so let me start by this tuning in. The three steps of resilience, of course, are tune in, plan and be your best. Well, tune in with this question. Who did you encourage today and what did that look like?

Perhaps there's one word or a phrase that you might share here. Did you encourage yourself? Did you encourage someone else? Or did you experience encouragement from somebody else? Share a thought or two, if you would, in terms of even if you just want to say, as you're tuning into this and thinking about what that meant to you, what that meant to the other person, if you encourage yourself, what did it do for you? What might you have said? Is there a word that captures that? Is there a word that someone shared with you that encouraged you?

And what was that like? And hello, Amara, I was hoping you would be here as well. So, Kathy from Lake Erie. Yes. Wonderful state of Pennsylvania. Whenever I think of Pennsylvania, I think of the roads northeast of Pittsburgh off the highway where the speed limit is still like 55, one lane going each way, and the hills are absolutely breathtaking. I think I held my breath every time I passed a truck going the opposite direction then probably 60 miles an hour, and me at 55 or 50. More like 65. But I'm glad you encouraged a friend.

You know, you encouraged me, Kathy, both of you. Amara, you encouraged me as well, and I thank you for that and listening. So that's wonderful. And that's going to set the stage for going into the plan step. As you think about, as you tune into how you are encouraged how you encourage somebody else and what connection that can create for you. Give some thought as to what that's like. As we now enter into the plan step, what one thing might you do differently the next time that would create more of a connection?

I'll share with you the one that I'm thinking of and the one that I'm practicing myself. Especially as we're looking at this theme of savoring this month of August, the Cadre, the theme for the month, and the subject matter. Amara, you write, today I took a walk and as I was planning for the future, it's a wonderful thing to do when I look forward to being able to get back to walking again. But walking, whether it was by myself or with someone else close to me, there's a difference. Kind of different kind of experience.

Time slows down, the conversation can be more relaxed. I hope that was a rich time for you, Amar. So here's what I'm going to suggest. One thing that you might do, and I'm going to ask that you practice this as well. Join me in practicing this. Whether you're encouraging someone else or someone's encouraging you, or you're encouraging yourself to pause more, to take a deep breath and spend time with that. This is a way of not only savoring it, seeing the goodness that comes from it, but there are some extra benefits to that pause and it creates more, especially between you and someone else.

And I'll map out, I'll describe exactly what that looks like and why it works. It creates more of a connection. And let's put it this way, when someone encourages you, says a kind word, lifts you up in some shape or form, it's easy to say, oh, thank you very much, and move right on. But what if you said thank you and to yourself, you take a breath and you pause and you do indeed savor it. And not only are you doing that for yourself, when you're a friend or someone close to you who is generous and said something kind, something that lifted you up, some kind of encouragement, it's actually creating more of a bond for them.

They see us savoring it. They see us and experience our taking that time to spend time with and let it nourish us, and that nourishment flows right back to the other person. Let me just catch up on your notes. Handy Mac. Hi. A new team member at work encouraged her to explore Cadre. What a wonderful encouragement. And actually, that speaks volumes of even what you think of Cadre as we all do. It does. So much for Us. And you realize that it could be beneficial for her as well. Thank you very much for that.

And so if there is that pause, that's a great word for it. Pausing equals savoring. What we do in that pause is hold the thought, and we're becoming more aware of what we're experiencing. We can actually complement with that pause someone who does say something nice to you. They see you pausing and enjoying it, and in there's that neuroplasticity or that's going to flow right back to them. And there's nothing like that kind of exchange for it to create more of a bond, a stronger connection. Connections matter.

Connections are perhaps more than just important, especially if you're working on discovering and building your own unique resilience. It's true food for your resilience. People in pain, no matter what kind of pain they're in, are desperate for a connection, along with being understood, along with being cared for. And connection is part of that equation. Connection is foundational. It's not an option. It's necessary, especially for someone to get through the kind of pain, whatever the pain may be, whether they're dealing with a ton of stress.

You know, Andi Mac, that new colleague of yours, is experiencing her own unique stress. Being new, as we all know, in any kind of employment situation. New people, new dynamics, new work, new roles, all of those are stressors. And so all the more reason why that encouragement that you gave her to explore and introduce her to Cadre was really meaningful as someone who's in pain. And Andy, perhaps we're connecting for the first time. Pardon me if we've already talked before, but my journey with pain has been going on for many decades.

Surgery number seven on my left knee in 2019 left it in a state of trauma. And I can tell I'm starting to get signals from the knee that it's about to try to take my focus away, take my energy away and overwhelm me. But I'm staying focused on you. If it strikes, I'm going to say my resilience is alive. Resilience, I believe, is something that's full of life and can have a life of its own. If you're in need of strengthening your unique resilience, this tact, this strategy, this skill of pausing and being in a state of where you can savor and others see you savoring anything is going to be fuel for your resilience.

Let me get caught up on this. If this pauses at all, I'm going to just keep on going. If there's a freeze in the connection. If the video stops, I'm going to keep on going as I am now. But let's reverse it a little bit. Let's say just as we were describing how someone compliments, lifts you, encourages you to savor that. But allow let us flip that and invite someone else. When we encourage them and lift them up, encourage them to sit with it and savor it. Or even if you will, in your own way, to do your own pausing with that act of generosity.

That speaking of wonderful generosity, it's a gift. It is giving. When you savor it, you're actually then able to tap into what that gift does, even for yourself. We've talked about this before, of how when you lift somebody else up, we can be lifted. But it especially works when we pause, take a breath, spend some time with it, and savor that. Have I shared with you that wonderful quote by Booker T. Washington, if you want to lift up yourself, try lifting up someone else. It flows right back to us.

So that's something to do. There we are in our tune in step of the three steps of resilience in planning, here's an option, a way of pausing and savoring the generosity someone shared with you. And even when you share something generous, such as a word of encouragement, sit with it yourself. Let your whole being experience how that flows right back to you. That too feeds and becomes part of perhaps one of your the best parts of your resilience toolkit in any given day. Let me catch up on your notes.

You and I love words, don't we, Kathy? Resilience versus Resignation. Yes, let's take a look at that. If we resign, if we back away from, if we retreat, if we give up on anything, then we are not letting our resilience live. We are holding it back. There certainly reminds me of I believe we've had this conversation before regarding the words such as passive, assertive and aggressive. Aggressive and passive were words that entered our English language at about the same time. I believe it was the 1500s or 1400s.

And aggressive meant to truly create a fight at the time, while passive meant to hold back, even to hold back to the point of suffering. That's the meaning behind the movie titled the Passion of the Christ, the suffering of the Christ. And so we can hold back. And we do. If we resign, we're not being that healthy, assertive self. We're restricting our resilience. We're restricting our ability to connect with someone else as well as ourselves. So now let me ask you, if you Might want to consider this.

Have you ever been in the hospital? Have you ever been nervous about the kind of healthcare you're about to receive? Maybe it's meeting with a doctor and it's something word nerds on deck. Absolutely, my friend. I like that, too. We are on deck. Give me word, and I'm right there. I'm on deck. One of the things I experienced through surgeries 4, 5, and 6 was the power of what one question does and how it made a difference, not just in the connection that I had with the nurses, for example, or anyone that I met in the healthcare experience going into the hospital, but also the level of care that I got because of it.

And let me share with you one experience. For example, when I was recovering from surgery, number seven, there was a nurse who was my primary nurse for the first day. Fairly early on, I asked her this question. And here it is. Here's the question I want to encourage you to ask because it can be created a sea change in the kind of health care you get. It'll definitely create a change in the connection that you have with those in healthcare who are caring for you. Ask them this. Why did you choose a path in healthcare?

Notice what it does. All of a sudden, I am no longer focused on my pain, my experience in the hospital, my needs. I'm now focused on somebody else, and I'm showing this other person my interest in them, and they immediately respond with an answer. It's rare for someone in the hospital, a patient, to basically be in any state other than a state of need. Truly, Iowa is in a state of need. Anyone in the hospital is in a state of need. But you can transform in the moment and transform your connection with someone by showing interest in them.

Truly, you can ask any number of questions, but asking them a question regarding what's up, what gets to the core of why they are there and why they are doing what they're doing. And you'll be amazed by two things. One, the answers that you get and the new dynamic, not only in your relationship with them, as fleeting as it might be with them, coming in and out of the rooms, checking the iv, giving meds, asking all kinds of personal questions that you. You don't get asked pretty much anywhere else.

But it does elevate. I found it elevates the level of care that I've gotten each and every time I start asking that question. When I first arrive at the hospital and sit down with the. The admin who's taking care of all the paperwork, I ask it. When I'm in the prep room before going into surgery. I ask it in the days and afterwards, and it routinely, consistently changes my experience in the hospital. Ask them simply, why did you choose a path in health care? It's rare when they don't have a story.

This particular nurse that I shared this question with, I asked her. It was powerful. She said that when she. She was about 14 years old, her sister was 12, they were in a car accident. I believe they lost their mother. Her sister needed numerous surgeries and the nurse who was there described the many surgeries she had to survive numerous broken bones in her face and her head and other parts of her body. But there was this unusual sweetness and softness that emerged in her telling her story. It revealed the passion and how much it means to her to actually now be working in a setting where she's providing care to people who need it the most, people who, such as she knows and new pain.

She's able to turn that pain for good. And it just changed our whole relationship. She was more caring every time she came in. She lingered a little bit longer each time we would have more conversation. It changes the dynamic, the power of one question, the power of connection. So my invitation to you is to, for the hours and weeks ahead, days ahead, as well as the weeks, practice. And it is something to practice slowing down and savoring. When someone is encouraging to you, let them see you slow down and savor it.

That will build connection. When you extend a word of encouragement, some kind of gift to somebody else, it's. And actually, if I may, the best compliment and the best word of encouragement I believe that any of us can give is something that's going to focus on the connection, such as, I'm here for you, I'm a holder of hope for you. It's about you and me. It doesn't need to be the encouragement, doesn't need to be about the source of pain, what might make it better. In fact, it's not any of our business to suggest to somebody else what they might do to improve their.

Their pain journey. As for that's between them and their doctors. It's very, and I hear it very frequently, a lot of suggestions. What if you did this? Have you tried that? And in a way that that actually creates blocks between the connection. It's no longer about the connection. So when you encourage somebody, especially if they're in pain or if they're grieving or dealing with a lot of stress, encourage them in a way that builds that connection. Let me just get up on Catch up on our notes here.

So thank you so much. And the idea of we've tuned in to how we've encouraged someone, how we've been encouraged today, how we've encouraged ourselves. We've taken that walk and thought about the choices that we were making. Then we planned. We take a look at different things that we can do, including one small change. Pausing and savoring just a little bit longer what someone has done for you, what you've done for someone else. Remember that quote, if you want to lift up someone else, if you want to lift up yourself, try lifting up someone else.

And then sometimes look for that opportunity to ask a question that creates connection, such as when you're getting health care, ask why did you choose a path in healthcare? And listen to the answer. Focus on them, focus on the building and see the building of that connection. That's you being your best. The third step and the three steps of resilience. I'll linger a little bit longer here to see if you've got any thoughts or any questions. The a holder of hope for you. That's a lifeline. It truly is.

So to bring it back to resilience, after all, this is your resilience coaching studio. That lifeline that reflects what we were talking about earlier. Kathy, that resilience has a life of its own. It needs to be fed. It needs lines of connection to hold on to others, let others hold on to you. To receive. It's important to receive the help that they provide. It's important to both them and for ourselves to make that lifeline connections frequently, over and over again. In a way, if resilience is in part bouncing back again and again and again, there's the life that comes to new resilience because of the next latest word of encouragement from somebody else or your encouragement to somebody else, or you're encouraging yourself?

Yes, by all means, Amar. I love it when you ask questions. I saw there's a wonderful. Did you see the conversation between Nikki and Allison? Dynamic conversation. And I, I saw your question for. I believe it was for Allison about perhaps something having to do with school and you know, I'll have to go back. I didn't hear the answer, but. Oh, here it is. Good. I want to go to college for law enforcement and medicine, to be a doctor. What would your advice be? So, interestingly enough, you've got two, two alternatives here.

The, there's law enforcement and there's medicine. To be a doctor, can you say, perhaps briefly, what's the connection? Is there a connection between the two for you. Do you see somehow that you'd bring medicine to law enforcement? What that might that connection be? You remind me of one of my best friends from college who was a biology major in college. I think he graduated first in our class. Then he went to Harvard Law School and he's had a career as a lawyer. He's even been in front of the Supreme Court.

Amazing. Laugh, lean in and linger. The theme of one of my presentations. I like that. So you know, one of the reasons why I like that. And in a way, Amar, I'm going to come back to your question. There's. There's a benefit to lifting up something, to make it light. Sometimes questions, the questions for which we don't yet have answers, can have a heaviness to it. If there's a more of a lightness to it. One of the things that allows is this wonderful dynamic between both creativity and strategy.

We'll talk about this more down the road, but if we lighten the conversation, the topic and that question, lean into it, such as, for example, allow me to. You're allowing me to answer your question first or respond to your question with a question. What's that? You wanted to start a career in law enforcement and a career in medicine. These two are strong careers we want to pursue. I'm going to answer a couple of ways. If we lighten it and lean into it, one of the things that we see are both differences and a challenge.

For example, how can anyone pursue one particular line of work and another at the same time when there's nothing, no binding integration just yet anyway. So what I would suggest, for example, is, and perhaps you and I can talk about this through chat or through LinkedIn or Instagram, which one is more important to you? And if you're able to identify one in particular, pursue that first. And then as you go through that education, maybe it's. If you allow me to describe it this way, you put the medicine one on hold, meaning you can pursue that after you go through the education to go into law enforcement.

Whatever you want to do. Now, if you might choose something else, that does not mean you're not going to be doing the other. It's just a matter of timing. There's a certain rule, a law, if you will, in communication, that a singular message is always the best message. In the advertising that I've done, both nationally and regionally and locally, when I work with my clients to always have, to the greatest extent possible, have one message, one primary message, and then a number of supporting messages, the Reason why that law exists is because people that we're trying to communicate with, people we're trying to grow a relationship with and connect with, can consume best one singular message at a time.

The same thing applies in life, in our careers for someone, and I've done a couple of different things in my career and other people find it easier to understand me and, and it's easier for them to help me in my career when they know that I'm focused on one thing in particular. I'm curious to know what your thoughts are on that. So an emt, that's. That would be what a service. That would be. That would be fantastic. That would be. I can't help but think, knowing you as I do, that would be so rewarding for you and, and I, and I, based on the conversation that we've had in the past and you've mentioned that I can't help but think that there's a special place in your heart, even in your soul for that.

I would encourage you to choose one thing and put your all into it. You'll have plenty of opportunity down the road to make changes. I hope that is an answer that you can give some thought to and I'd love to hear where that takes you. Or perhaps let me read Kathy's. You'd consider being a medic in a prison system? Yes. Inmates need medical care. They need so much people who are incarcerated, they are in forms of pain that we cannot understand. And I know some good friends of mine who have family that are in prison and the stories that I hear, the needs that I know that they have are profound.

You can serve them and serve this universe, serve all of us by virtue of doing your best in that way. So yes, emt, so this is a time to pursue all the different possible options in that under the umbrella of medical, under the umbrella of how to use your best skills, the ones you have now, the ones that you'll gain through your schooling and then you'll find some doors will open, some doors will close. And not necessarily in that order, but as you live into it and work into it, your path will become clear and you'll have actually the more you evolve into your path and as the years go by, the you'll actually see ways that you can actually connection.

Hopefully we are back again. So focus on college, finding a part time job. Absolutely, absolutely. One step at a time, one day at a time. One of the things I can relate to this I remember I knew exactly I wanted to go into advertising going into college, and I Got my communications major, as I might have shared with you, it took 15 years for me to get to an ad agency. There is this urgency, there's this desire to, to leap ahead and to see things come to fruition, things that we don't really have control over.

And it's worth asking ourselves how much energy are we spending on trying to control or think through pine through things that we don't have control over yet. And if navigating anything challenging is a factor of energy, how do I spend my energy, how do I create energy, how do I preserve energy? This actually can get into a conversation regarding boundaries for ourselves. To what extent are we going to allow ourselves to spend energy on things that aren't going to become something we can control just yet?

So let me share also, Amar, you might look into going on a ride along with a peace officer patrol. There's nothing like that is such a great suggestion. And you might, there's nothing to stop you from doing that with anything that you might pursue. You might very well find in college there will be opportunities for you and in fact they will encourage and even facilitate creating opportunities for you to have experiences so that because they know that the more you experience, the more you'll learn from those experiences.

So much in terms of this is exactly what I want to do. I really like what I experienced there or you know what, that wasn't quite what I expected. And there's only really one way to find out and that is to have those kinds of experiences that Kathy's wisely recommending. Absolutely. I did ride along with law enforcement and in Eden Prairie was awesome. So just seeing that you had that positive response, you had that positive sampling experience and marketing, that's one of the most influential marketing strategies under all marketing communications.

A positive sampling experiences pursue that. And Kathy, your your late husband had a career in law enforcement and so without a doubt you'd be familiar with, with the culture. There's, there's something that both happens and we see it. We know this in law enforcement as well as in for example when I was in caring for a family member in the emergency room a little over a week ago, a firefighter came in and I heard over the PA in the emergency room choke alert and they quickly brought him into one of the medical bays.

He was not alone. If there were five or six other both EMTs as well as firefighters, there were a dozen of them right there with him outside of the bay. They are family. They are so talk about connections with people and those connections are really powerful and so unique. And I know that you would thrive Amar, in exactly that. Kathy, I can't help but thankful with what you shared with me that you saw that you must have seen your. Your wonderful husband thrive and what he did. So I would, based on what you shared with me, for a few reasons.

One, that awesome experience that you had, I believe you'll find that going, pursuing the education for that, you'll see more and more of those experiences, more and more of those affirmations that you're doing the right thing. If, and again, if there's anything else that interests you, it's not an end. It doesn't mean it's never going to happen. But one thing at a time. Just like one day at a time, my friend. 1. One day at a time. One thing at a time. There's one of the trappings in work in our careers, especially in certain kinds of industries, certain kind of jobs.

There's such a thing as getting spread too thin. How can we be our best and put our best foot forward into anything if we are being pulled in different directions? Maybe you can relate to what I'm saying. There is a wonderful phrase that I like to say often, you may have heard me say it this before, that in that busyness where we're pulled in different directions, it can be like navigating a wide river that's very shallow, as opposed to a narrow river that is deeper, it's richer. There's more that you can do in that narrow, deeper river, more for yourself, more for your community, more for your family, more for the people that you'll be working with, as opposed to navigating that wide river that's shallow and difficult to navigate.

I hope this helps. It is a process, isn't it, my friend? So I see that Cavi, he loved his job. He felt honored to protect and serve. What a powerful thing to do. And let me. Let me create a bridge between that wonderful thought and we're all very familiar with that. Protect and serve. If we go back to the three steps of resilience, to tune in, plan and be our best though it protect and serve our qualities of being our best no matter what we're doing, the definition, my definition in any way of what it looks means to be your best is your most positive strengths in action.

And when we are, the positive qualities of our greatest strengths will protect us and serve us as well as protect and serve others. Do I have it right that I think I saw this? Nikki has shared with us what the theme for September is. I can't wait, I'll let Nikki announce it. But that protect and serve theme is going to be something that we can work on in September. I'm really looking forward to that. But think of your best when you're following through on something that you chose in that plan step.

Being your best is going to be good for yourself and for others. There is an aspect of service in that. There's an aspect of protecting, protecting what's right, protecting justice, protecting someone's sense of self. Protecting your sense of self. Protecting the goodness of love. So, Amara, picture yourself in law enforcement. See how this feels. I like that. Even that suggestion. And see myself in a career. Kathy and Rick. Good. So that's actually key. When we can see ourselves there. That means so much.

That means we see that it's doable. One of the things that you'll find, I don't know if you've chosen you have a school to go to, but when as a, as a parent, and I've seen this with other friends when taking those tours of school, different colleges or universities, whatever the school might be, one of the things to ask yourself, you might look at half a dozen different options. The one that is probably the one you'll choose is when you can say, I can see myself here. And you'll say that, and you'll feel that for a variety of reasons.

It'll be an emotional response. It'll be something where you're able to project and say, the people here, I can connect with them. I can see myself here for a wide variety of reasons. And again, it's because you have a positive sampling experience on those different tours. Picture yourself. Absolutely. Let me read this out loud so I can digest it. Along with the rest of us, I went on a ride along with. It was really cool seeing the computer and the sirens. I would have loved that. And you spent half an hour with the officer when you graduated high school.

That's awesome. Has always had a strong interest, but being overthinking about school and other careers because I'm a first generation, it was challenging. So, yes, there are certain challenges and opportunities with being the first. That means those in your family haven't done what you're in the process of doing and what you're going to do. In a way, you're navigating something uniquely new. And yet you're not alone. All of us, in our own way, continue to do new things in life. We did growing up, choosing school.

And you're so smart. And this is wisdom in action to ask questions. And you're wise to acknowledge that we all do. We all find ourselves overthinking and perhaps what if we reframe that in a way? If we are overthinking something, part of it is because there are some aspects of it that are overwhelming. When I'm in pain and the pain is overwhelming, I'm thinking about the pain and trying to get through it and thinking about how what I'm going to. How I'm going to use those three steps in resilience in real time to make my resilience come alive.

And in the same way, less is more. One thing at a time. And go ahead and make decisions. It sounds like you've made one and I think it's a good one, Amar. I really do. And you can actually let that decision sit. Savor the decision, live in it, pursue it, work with it. Things can change down the road for a wide variety of reasons, which you'll only discover as you go through life. But make a choice and pursue it and maybe even celebrate that choice and what you're pursuing something, if for no other reason, that it can stop that overwhelming overthinking, which is just very, very human and just very much an acknowledgement of all right, there's some things that are overwhelming here.

So practice the three steps of resilience, my friend. Practice. Re embracing that choice and I look forward to seeing where it takes you. So I thought this was going to be 15 minutes, but talking with you and having you with me all this time is feeding me. It's so good. Even though I might have just maybe missed one week, I missed you all and it's good to be back. This is helping to re energize me after an exhausting stretch of time here. I look forward to connecting with you. Let's keep the resilience alive.

Let me know with any questions that you've got. I'm going to add some comments. I've got an announcement to to share with you. I'll go ahead and share it right now. I'm launching in September something called Take Heart, Encouragement and Resilience in action the first and third Sunday of every month at 3 o' clock in the afternoon. It'll be, it's open, it's free. We'll connect and gather online for half an hour to 45 minutes of encouragement to experience what it's like to be encouraged. Whatever you're going through, to share encouragement and feel that flow right back to you as well as pick up along the way.

The primary purpose of this is to experience encouragement but the other part will be nuggets of goodness from the pages of Plan to be your best as you navigate pain, to strengthen your own unique resilience and come as you are to each of them whenever you can grow stronger, be encouraged, and again realize time and time again that your best is greater than the pain. Thank you so much for being here. I look forward to your comments. I'll reply to every one of them. And again, look forward to seeing you next Tuesday for your resilience coaching studio.

Thank you and have a great night. It.