How Being A Soldier Doesn’t Work In The Real World.

Hello. Hi. Hi. It's 8:30am On a Sunday. I hope your day is going sufficiently. I hope it's going well. Okay. Well, my name is Brittany Hagan. Do you want credentials first? Okay, we'll talk credentials. I am an army veteran. I was a medic attached to an infantry unit. Look, I even have. I'm in my office right now, which is crazy. I have. What's this? A bunch of paperwork. Here's when I got an award for physical fitness test. Anyways, the point is army medic. I am sober for 15 years. I just bought a.

Four or five months ago, I'm going through. I went through a divorce and. And now I'm raising a three year old with my ex husband co parenting and I here's non credentials. But I work at a radio station and things are a little chaotic cause I just moved in. Oh, hi. Hi. Amara Ahmed. So I just moved into a new house. Okay. And I keep saying that. When is the moratorium on that? I've been. I moved in about two weeks ago. So this is my office and I don't use it that often because I kind of use it to where boxes land.

So my new rule, I make up a lot of fake rules for myself. Don't ask. I mean, when you live alone now, like you get to make all your rules. My new rules is I have to do all my live streams out of this office. That's my cat. I do all my live streams out of this office and because then it'll force me to clean it. So it's super chaotic. Like I said, I have like army paperwork everywhere. Look at this binder. Doesn't this look super official? So anyways, we're gonna talk about army stuff today. So I do push ups.

The military is giving me so much. I get amazing. I'm. I'm probably heading back to school again. And all the things that the army has given me and it's made me really tough. Like I'm pretty freaking tough, both physically, mentally, but it doesn't always translate to the life that I live right now. Like I said, I work in radio. I work in specifically women's oriented radio around like gossip and fun stuff like that. I mean it's the first time I've ever gotten a co host that's a female. It's a little bit of a softer world.

So I think it's time for a lot of us veterans to admit something. Being a soldier prepares you for a lot of things, especially for war. That's a stupid word because a lot of times. When is war? Is it when you're doing this or it perform? It prepares you. The military prepares you for battle. But it's not always perfect for the real world. Like in the military, we do not. Oh, thank you. Thank you for saying thank you for your service. In the military, we don't quit. We finish the mission, we stay strong, we push through and we don't ask questions and we don't ask for help unless like you're down and out.

Absolutely. But like rare. So when you come home from either deployment or even training, those skills can actually work against you. So not only not help you, but keep you in a state of turmoil. This is my new hand movement for turmoil, I guess. So let's talk about what the military has drilled into us again. Super thankful. There's so many things we're thankful for, but the military did drill into us that we don't quit. Don't ever quit. What do you mean quit? Why that you just keep going. Sorry, I have dogs and cats and all the things.

I also have a three year old and another room. So anyways, you don't ever quit, which is so crazy because there's so many times where quitting is like the best answer. In the real world, if something's not serving you and you don't find it to be something that fits in your life, you should totally quit. I've now become so good at quitting things I don't want to do. They call me quit me. My name is Brittany, by the way, so it totally makes sense. Another thing, don't show weakness. This I feel like a lot of people, since I'm from the Midwest, Minnesota, we don't want, we don't want to inconvenience anyone with our pain.

And it's just normalized to say, I'm good. How are you? I'm good. Oh my God, I'm so good. As you're literally sitting in the dark at home going, things are awful. So you don't show weakness. Especially in the military, you don't ask questions, you just figure things out. There's no why in the military. Like, and I'm still getting used to that. Like my co host on my radio show, I'll be like, why are we doing that? And I'm like, which is crazy, right? Okay, so we don't ask why in the military. Hi, Emily, Welcome.

Good morning. We don't ask why. But in the real world, as an adult human, a lot of times you should ask why. I mean, there's situations where you don't get to like why is hey officer, why. But why is it only 60 miles an hour? Oh, okay. I mean you can ask, right? It's not illegal, but it feels, feels like you're not, you're not going to get out of that ticket if you go start with a Y. That mindset, a lot of these mindsets that we have for the military keeps you alive in the military, but it leaves you.

And there's a reason, right? Like there's a reason why if every freaking soldier in the military who got orders passed down was like, but why everything would take longer. We would not accomplish anything. So there's some like efficiency there. But here in the real world, which like that's where I live now, this can leave you both disconnected, exhausted and silent when you need help the most. So that strength is that double edged sword, which who doesn't know? I always think like a sword with one sharp edge would be pretty useless.

But yeah, it's a double edged sword, right? Because literally we're not trained, nobody's trained to ask for help. And the funny thing is is like I know I'm trying to speak to my dog just tooted. Okay. I have to prove it. So. Okay, sorry. I just didn't want to be the girl who farted on a live stream. I don't need that on my profile. It was very much swear. Oh my God, I'm so distracted now. So again, staying silent in a time you need help is so bred inside us but cannot be more, less useful in your life right now.

There is no when you wake up in the morning as a civilian, nobody's going to give you a mission. No one's barking orders, nobody's telling you where to be. So now we are absolutely dealing with this on our own. There's a lot of things that we are dealing with out of your. Instead of one clear mission, two on our day to day life, we have about 20 million people. My God, he keeps ding. Pery. I let you in. This live stream embarrass me. So this is a really hard thing. I actually laugh because one of the easiest things I've ever done is be deployed because somebody's telling me what to do, somebody's telling what to wear, telling somebody where to eat, what to eat, all the things.

Now we're in a place where we've got 20 million things to do at once. It's really hard. It can, it can really. And you also have to address the thing you've been ignoring, your mental health. So that transition is Absolutely brutal. I think anybody going through that right now, I would love if you reached out. That's something I had struggled with, was making that connect to now my life of pure chaos, where I make up my own rules. One of b**** being I have to livestream in this office. And I guess one, a new rule I should add, is not having my golden retriever near me.

But I digress. So let's talk about a time. Let's see. There's so many times in my life I've had to try to. Like, I had tried to muscle through things without telling, but there was a time where I was working on a morning show and doing overnights. I was kind of doing the both. And I was trying to also take care of myself where I broke myself and. And it had to a point where I couldn't do it anymore. I had to reach out for help. And it was right after my deployment, and it took me so long to get to that point.

One second. Yeah, Margo. Yeah, you can have a preck. Give me five minutes. Yeah, I will. I'm so sorry. I'm trying to multitask, and this is the most chaotic live ever. But it's also pretty much so what my life is right now. So y' all open it. Margo, give me five minutes. So here's the deal. There is a times in my life where I have not asked for help. Probably not asking for someone to watch. Margo did. This is a perfect example. I'm trying to do it all. I'm still. I still have that inbred in me that I can do it all.

My sister, my mom, always say my biggest weakness is that I'm strong and loyal. Really loyal may pick the wrong people sometimes, but. So I white knuckle it. I've talked many about this, and I'm gonna talk about again what, like, what your dry drunk is. And I think this is a perfect example of mine is like, I can do it all, right? Because I can do 20 pushups. I can do it all. Since I can run four miles as fast as I can, I can do it all. But the reality of it is, we can't. We've been taught that in the military that we should be able to do it all.

The translations don't always translate. I would love. I mean, the thing is, the truth is, in my life, there has been many times where I have fallen apart in absolute silence. And I finally reach out to people because, I mean, I didn't go to rehab because things were going well. I went to Rehab because I had freaking dug such a hole for myself in secret where all of a sudden I was yelling up going, hey, guys, I'm down here. And they didn't even know. My mom to this day is like, I've never seen you drunk b****.

You see me drunk a lot. I'm really good at hiding things. I'm really good at dealing things with my own. But am I? No. The answer is I'm not. I'm not good at dealing with stuff on my own. Recently, being a part of Cadre, I've been making like mental health friends and it's freaking awesome. They're the most understanding, most empathetic, most freaking where I want to be in my life. So let's talk about having to unlearn some survival skills and relearn new human skills especially. No, not. I was going to say especially if you have kids, but especially you're around a bunch of different humans that you want to showcase your best self to anyways, asking for help, slowing down.

That being said, you see how chaotic I am. Giving yourself permission to not always be mission ready, maybe, I don't know, going on a livestream that you're really excited to be a part of and having your golden troover fart and your toddler yell at you about fruit snacks. I've never been a perfection girly, but it's been really interesting to be nicer to myself in general. Like, this isn't gonna. This isn't gonna be the end all. I'm probably gonna laugh about this. Jc, you will be getting a text.

So let's talk about what strength looks like. We know what strength looks like in a generic. Not generic, but in a military way. Right? Let's talk about what strength means. Like in our everyday life, strength means, we'll use today's example, accepting non perfection. Like, okay, maybe somebody else is gonna get a laugh out of today's live and that could be enough. Or maybe they'll see, like, okay, like, she's got things she needs to motivate her. Why am I acting like anybody's pretending I'm perfect?

That's hilarious. Attack about what strength means. Like for us. I think strength now is reaching out. I really, really, really want to start being stronger in my everyday life. So strength to me, I can do a bunch of push ups and don't make me prove it because I'm a psycho and I do it all the time to other people. But I think strength to me, this, in this moment. Hey, Shannon, I'm so glad you're here is asking for help. I need help. I do. I have a set of drawers that are coming to my house on Tuesday.

I'm gonna need help carrying it up. And the neighbor gentleman across the alleyway was like, tell me if you need some help, because I know you're here by yourself. I'm gonna. I'm gonna ask him for help, which is so scary. I wish I could, like, deadlift stuff. I wish I was like an ant and just pick stuff over my head and never have to ask for help. But the reality of it is I've been in situations where I've had to ask for help. When I was pregnant, I had to ask for help a lot, like lifting stuff, because, again, I do normally stuff a lot myself, and it always feels super rewarding.

Plus, let's play a mind game. Reverse it. Like, if the neighbor, Alex, he's this lovely gentleman across the alleyway. Alex got a top knot. I don't know why that matters. Just imagery, right? If he said, can you come in here and help me carry this inside? I'd be pumped. I like feeling useful. I like feeling helpful. People do. So when you flip it around and think about it from that way, you go, then let that person have it back. That's going to be my strength this week. It's also going to be now, maybe not doing live streams next to my dog.

Shannon. You missed it. My dog farted, like, five times during this live stream. So if you can relate to that as well. I so sorry for you. My strength this week, my superpower this week isn't going to be I can do it all, even though secretly I think I can do it all. My superpower this week is going to be asking for help because I really, really, really want to get my house together before the state fair, which is not going to happen. It's on Thursday. If you're from Minnesota, you know, the state fair is a big deal.

I have a radio show we broadcast every day, and I would really like my house to be a great, calm zone. It's not, so. But I am going to ask for help. I'm going to ask my cousin Susan to come help and organize this office. It's scary, right? I know. Well, it's not supposed to be easy. If it was easy, we do it and we don't. So remember, the minute you feel some sort of way, like, I know this about veterans and what's strong and what's strength, but, like, that's where I'm going to focus. And the minute you feel some sort of way, just flip it around with, would you do that for somebody else?

Of course you would. Would it feel good? Of course it did. Asking for help as often can be a gift to other people because you never know where they're at. And like, who doesn't like a win? Who doesn't want to carry an armoire? And the freaking chaotic girl is saying, thank you so much. You're so helpful. Maybe some people don't. I am so thankful you guys were here with me today. I am trying to normalize live streams that maybe I can fit in different parts. I know it was chaotic, but, like, also, that's very on brand for me.

I had such a lovely time. I have goals. I hope you have some goals too that you can accomplish, and I hope you feel strong in the way that is going to be useful in your life. All right. I loved hanging out with you. I don't know what I'm feeding my dog, but that was so embarrassing. I mean, it's fine. Thanks, Shannon. I love you. Have everybody who was on the live stream, thanks so much for commenting and hanging out with me. Okay, bye. This is that awkward time where they're closing.