Okay. I'm being the worst. I'm gonna try to go on my treadmill. While doing a live. Hey Tori. Tori, can you tell me if this sounds awful? Because I thought it'd be. Great. We'll see, I don't know. We'll see, um, hi. My name is Brittany. I hope it's coming to write, uh, headphones as well. But I don't know. Okay. So anyways, my name is Britney. Brittany. I am a veteran. I am. Almost well I'm 15 years sober. And I, um, I am a single mom. I have a kiddo with my ex. And I am one of the cadre co um, contributors.
And sorry, this is like the first time I've talked today, too. Some like super excitable. To be with somebody. Um, I really wanted to talk about. Control and what we have control over and what we don't. And why is that? So damn scary. Um, control is something it's funny. I think that I'm somebody who normally. Wants be perceived as somebody who's chill about control. But the reality is there's like these big things in my life. That I have no control over and I hate it. I hate it. So much those elements have been kicking.
My butt lately. Um, so let's talk about it. One of the things lately. Is I share a child with somebody. That is not an ideal. Partner in this world for me. And that makes things hard, makes things really hard because. I have no control over what he does. With when he is with my kid, I, I. There's and I think all single parents know that feeling of like, you'd be surprised at what you don't. Don't gonna pause this. You'd be surprised when you don't have control over. So everyone will say things like.
Oh, but you can't let 'em do that. You can't do the little that. Um, that's hilarious because in no world, if I have a preference that she goes, I don't know. To bed at a normal time. And you'd think that's something. Your control over? No, you have no control over that. Because you're not with your kid. And that's hard, especially for an alcoholic who like wants to control every aspect of her. Life that's really really hard. So what do we do? Well, first off. I think figuring out, I mean, I don't wanna have to say the serenity prayer at anybody aggress.
Aggressively, but maybe step one, say the serenity prayer. Step two. Is the acknowledgement of what do I have control of? And what don't I have control of the reality is. There's a good amount. I don't, but there's more than I'm like willing to acknowledge that. I don't have control over like, starting to process because it's also. Kind of an out to pretend I have zero control over some things. First off I can control good boundaries. Which is very, very, very powerful. When you're dealing with somebody who loves to push boundaries, or just like in people in general for your.
Own like mental health. So. First thing, boundaries, our own mental health, guarding our peace. Those are all. Super important and powerful things. Right. Um, I think what else do I have control over? Well, I can start processes. Right. Like, there's a lot of me that's like, you don't have any control? Well, you know, it, it it's a long process, but there are. Facilities and things for mediation and lawyers and all the things. So I think first off. I find a lot as an alcoholic. I either want things done immediately and a veteran.
I want things done. Immediately or I go, well, we can't solve that. I guess I have no control over it. And the reality of it is. Yes, it's true. Most things we control 0% of. But I can't kind of give myself a cop out. Completely, even though, like I said, I either want all or nothing, the in between of it all. Like a week or two pro like, mm. That is not my vibe. Paperwork. That's not my vibe. You told me right now. If I run 18 miles. Full as fast as I can. I get what I want done. Or like, if I can like dig a hole or.
I don't know, like physically lift something enough and it would fix the problem. That'd be great. But. You know, the reality of it is most problems in my life now. Are not immediate fixes and I have to stay with it. And. Stay committed because I, I don't know if anyone can relate to this. When problems come in, I'm an avoider. So my dry drunk, my version of like, what I like um, don't well, and I don't wanna deal with something is I just avoid it. So if things. Seems too overwhelming, like getting a lawyer and going through that process.
I go, Ooh, I can't do that. Like that's weeks out, months out. So a big part of that follow through. Is telling on myself. I have a sister. I don't wanna brag. I didn't make her, um, my sister's name is Lindsay and she is the. Queen of follow through and seeing things through. Like if I had one attribute. I could take from her. If I had one thing I could take from her, her pool, just kidding. I would never be good at keeping a pool. Um, actually it's, you know what the best pool is a pool. Your sister has.
Um, if I could take one attribute from her, it would be her follow through the girl is a. Dog with a bone. Sorry. Robot. Um, and that she does not. Give up on things. If she's determined to finish things, and like on the opposite spectrum, I'm the girl who's taking. 10 years to finish my degree in something. So, if that shows you. The spectrum of us, of like, sorry, robot really wants it. I think is the dog comment. She was very offend. Offended. Um, yes. That's robot. Um, I think that on the opposite spectrum is I'm, I'm somebody who's not great with follow through.
I'm great with. Showing up in the moment. I'm great with. A call to action, but I'm not great with. The elongated experience. So yeah, I think that's where I'm at right now. Um, right now. This thing with my kiddo and my ex. Has really rocked my world. It's like shaped decisions I'm making as well. And I used to kind of compartmentalize it so much. And now I've decided to like, okay. We can't compartmentalize it because. Well, what happens? Sneaky stuff. Um, it comes out elsewhere. We can't do that.
So we're not gonna. Do that anymore, but we are. We aren't gonna let it destroy days and weekends this weekend, um, was one of those. Times where I should have had her earlier than I did. And he made those decisions and. I knew it wasn't the way I would do it and all those things and like, I didn't let it ruin my whole weekend. I still had a lot of fun. I went and saw my nephews. We laughed. Really hard, um, because life is going to be this forever. The consistent thing I have is that. Life is gonna keep lifeing right.
And the thing that I can control. Is not letting that take over my everything. Right. So I'm gonna guard my piece. I'm gonna put up good boundaries. I'm. I'm, I'm not gonna just live in this hole of hiding it and then wondering everybody wonder. Wondering what the heck's wrong with me. I'm gonna, um, find this happy medium of. Dealing with my problems head on and being. Being proactive and productive in a way that like, makes sense for me and my family. And then I'm also going to, um, not let it ruin every moment because the reality of it is.
Decisions were made, like I made a decision. To not be with this person because. It felt like we, I. I couldn't enjoy. The moments and what is life without like enjoying birthdays and beach? Days and fun drives and. Having fun at Costco. Like what is life without those fun moments? And I was living that way for a. Long time with somebody who. Didn't align with that. So I'm not here to definitely not. Bash a human being. Um, I just think it's really relatable. And I think people gonna under, I think you can understand.
When there's somebody who's gonna be in your life for a long time, that you have to figure out ways. To work with them. And if you have the chance and you're not. Intertwined with him. Um, I know the right choice is to walk away when you find that. Somebody in your life is not meshing with the way that you live again. Like there's so many people out there. If you can guard your peace and find people that. Support you love you and are. Our, um, our people that wanna see you succeed. Choose those (laugh) like, I think.
Choose those. I feel so blessed, especially with cadre. Cadre's put a lot of really good people in my. Life. And I'm a good person in some people's lives too. And I know I'm also not. Like I know that I don't align with some people as well. And they would say. Yeah, she's a little too chaotic. Um, she's not my person. She's not a good person in my lineup and that's okay too. Like I think discovering that and figuring that out. Control what you can and let go of what you can. So at the end of the day, I pretty much spent the last 10.
Minutes with you verbalizing the serenity prayer, but in a. Like more elongated Britney way. Um, I think we also discovered the treadmill is way too loud for this sitch. So. I hope the best for you. On this Monday morning and I. Am gonna work really hard to give the best for me as well. So. All right. This is Murphy. That was robot. This is Murphy. They, anytime I'm talking, they're convinced it's. It's to them. They're just convinced of it. It's kind of our thing. All right. Have a great Monday.
I'll talk to you guys later. Mm-hmm (affirmative)
