Comedy Through The Chaos

Hello Cadre friends and happy Thursday to all of you. I hope that the day and the week so far has treated you well. If it hasn't, shame on it. Shame on it. It should have been doing better for you. I am Ms. Shannon and thanks for joining me for this edition of Comedy through the Chaos. A little live stream we do here on Caregiver Thursdays in the Cadre sphere. Just to bring you up to speed on who I am, I am a comedian, corporate speaker, voice actor, author and event MC hubbing out of the great state of Minnesota.

Hello T. Brown. Thanks for joining me. Good to see you on the screen. Based upon all of the stuff that I just said about the things that I do in a career is what I wanted to talk about today. Hello Luke. Good to see you as well. So what I thought we would talk about today in Comedy through the Chaos is the way that we pre guilt ourselves. Oh, Luke. What is. No sad faces. Why so sad face? No sad face. Hello Carlette, Nice to see you as a new name on my screen. Good to see you. No sad face. We have lots of opportunities if you were sad facing because I was running a little late today.

Don't worry about that. It's interesting to me about the concept of guilt and the way that we put that guilt on ourselves and not only present day and future guilt, but pre guilt. And so okay, I'm so glad because the heart would, I would appreciate the heart, Luke, but the fact that you had a sad face, I was like, I think I need to text my friend and see what was going on. I am always happy to do that as well because that's a very moist eyed sad face and I want. I was concerned. I'm glad that it was not what you meant.

I was concerned this week it might have been more in alignment with what I thought the week was going to turn out with. There's that heart, Luke. I see you. I see you. So based upon the collection of things that I do as a career, a lot of times I have these full day events that I'm the MC for and I have to be at them. And, and as a mom who is also a full time single mom with an awesome but complex onion of a child who happens to be high supports on the autism spectrum, it has a, a layered challenge that we are dealing with all the time.

And so what I have to remind myself is especially with my kiddo and I, I live in the land of developmental delays and a lot of these things are delays. And, and I have no, no Way to be able to control how long that delay takes. So there's some things that my kiddo and I have been using mean working on for years that suddenly will pop. And I'm like, oh, okay, that was percolating in there all this whole time and now we're here. So one of the developmental delayed things that I have been working on are some of his sleep hygiene and something I need to work on for myself too, but his sleep hygiene.

And that then goes into the if I could get him to have a more regular sleep pattern, I might be able to get him to have a better morning routine. And that would be great because he the only person that drives him to and from school is me. So that's part of the reason why I like to have my live stream at 2 o'clock in the afternoon so I can adult with my friends here in Cadre before I go get my kiddo And I have been working on trying to build up his skill set so that he could take school transportation.

And we've been working on this basically for a year. And it's a priority for me, but it's not a priority for him. He's like, mom drops me off, that's cool. Mom picks me up. That's even better. I love it. I love it. So he's fine with the whole thing, but I know not only for his future autonomy. Hello. Speak Wonder. Good to see you. Speak Wonder. It is chilly. I hope that you are feeling better. I know that you were a little under the weather over the last couple of weeks. So I hope you're feeling better and you're, you're hydrating.

That's what I'm doing. I know lots of people. I'm going to take an aside and get back to the story, everybody. It will get there. I know that a lot of our friends are very coffee driven and caffeine driven and I happen to be a hydration driven person. I never have coffee. Well, I'm trying some different. Every once in a while I go, hey, coffee is supposed to have some benefits for you. So I give it another shot. So now I'm doing some protein coffees and I'll be surprised if I finish the bag. Well, wonderful, wonderful news to hear.

Speak Wonder. I'm glad that you're feeling much better. That's awesome. That's awesome. If not, I was gonna offer to airlift in some soup for you if that's what I needed to do. So we'll figure out how to dash you some soup next time if you're feeling under weather again. So I was talking about the concept of some of the developmental delays and the other things that I've been working on with my kiddo. And so we worked on sleep first. So if we can get him sleeping better then hopefully I can get him waking up and we can get a better routine in the morning.

And then eventually he can take school transportation, they come get him and he can ride in in school luxury to and from school. Which would be good for me as his full time caregiver. Because what happens often when I have to work these full days at these conferences or if I'm running out of town that my kiddo doesn't go to school because as I said, I'm the one that drops them off and picks him up. Nobody else on his care team right now is in a position for him to do that efficiently. And right now I just kind of feel like if a bus showed up then he would just wait for the bus to leave.

He would not get on it. It would just turn into a bunch of drama. Because there's some days where I plan to get him there at 9am Central and we don't get there until 10. I get to do that. The school bus is not gonna wait for him for an hour while he gets self regulated. So that is on the agenda and I have to remind myself that we are working on it and I am confident that we will get there eventually. But it's one of those things that I get frustrated with myself for not being to scaffold him and help him to get to this end goal faster.

That part has been something that I have to continually remind myself not to feel bad. So flash forward to. I was in preparation for this big event that I was going to be working at over the last couple of days here in Minnesota. And so I knew I had to have him not go to school for the two days I was working. I needed to be there at 7:30 in the morning. That's well before I drop them off. I was going to be there until like 5 or 6pm that's well after I have to pick him up. And I was feeling guilty about it.

I was feeling guilty about it because you know school, I know he's in a good place, he's in a great program. It's good for him to go. Even though he does not always want to go like many 16 and 17 year olds are want to do. It is not want to go. So that is something that I always feel bad and feel this great sense of mom Guilt for not taking him like that. That was going to be the two days that got him into Harvard was me. The two days that I kept him home. That's when it was that. That was the moment.

That was the moment. Even though that is a false narrative that goes on in my own brain. So last week I was already pre guilting myself about the fact that he wasn't going to be in school for two days this week. And I was like, why did it have to land on that? We already had Monday off because it was a holiday. And then I'm taking him off two additional days. What is wrong with you, Mom? You are the worst. All of these things that you tell yourself that you would never have. You never tell that to a friend, but you tell it to yourself.

So flash forward to this actual week. So we had a good Monday off. That was a good holiday. And I got some stuff done. It was cool. It was all fine. So then what has been happening here in Minnesota as it has also been happening throughout the winter and other regions in the great states of America. It aggressively wintered. Yeah. Minnesota winter decided to be a very true Minnesota winter over the last couple of days. So much so that on Tuesday they cancel school again. This is the second it's too cold to leave the house school day that we've had this winter.

So all of that pre guilt that I did for myself about I'm gonna not be able to take him to school. He's not going to be able to do this. He should be in class. It didn't happen anyway. And even me. It was Minnesota. Minnesota ing. That is why he didn't go to school. It wasn't because mom had to do something else. So the fact that I let myself rest in that moment of pre guilt was such a unwise use of my energy and my adrenals. And that's what I encourage you to kind of look at sometimes. Like resting, like regular everyday guilt is enough.

You know, kind of thing. Feeling guilt about things that you've actually done. Feeling. Feeling about things that you've actually been involved with. Feeling about guilty about things you said. All of that stuff that's already something that we have to work on and release ourselves from not living in that land of guilty. But to layer on the fact that you're also additionally pre guilty about something that you didn't even do yet that has not even occurred. That you were placing guilt on your future self.

Do you really deserve that? You probably won't even deserve it once you actually get there. But to live in the land of Pregill. I encourage you to especially let that go. That's something that I have to remind myself all of the time. Like, why are you beating up future you? What does she do to deserve this? She seems like she's gonna be a good person by the time you get there. Why are you beating her up already? Let her live her life two days from now. Let her live her life a year from now. Let her live her life five years from now.

Stop making her feel guilty about something you're not even sure she's gonna do. So do you have some of that in your life? Is there something that you are preemptively feeling guilty about? Maybe it's, hey, you know, I do a great job caregiving for the person that I love in my life, the person that is important to me, the person that I fuel, that fuels me. Are you already feeling guilty because maybe you decided, hey, I need to take some time off. I'm going to go on this trip, I'm going to take some time off, I'm going to work on myself.

I'm going to go on, I'm going to take some time off, I'm going to go get my hair done, or I'm just going to sit in my house and play video games on my phone, whatever it is. Are you already feeling guilty and you haven't even gotten to the day that you're going to take off or the hour or the few minutes that you're giving to yourself? Are you already feeling pretty guilty about what you are about to do, so that by the time you actually get there, you can't even enjoy it? Because there's so much about when we start working on our mindfulness practice and turning that particular rock of allowing yourself to live in the present without flash forwarding to whatever is about to happen or what you think might happen, or what you were manifesting might happen?

If you're already feeling guilty about something and you haven't gotten there, how more likely are you to manifest a negative outcome than actually be able to get there, Live in the moment, steep in it like a teabag and soak in all of the good warmness of what that moment actually is when you've already used up so much of your energy just getting to that point. So I encourage you to release pre guilt later down the road, you and I and all of our friends here in Cadre can have an additional conversation about the actual guilt of the moments when you were in them.

But I am not going to inundate you with all of this information today and expect you to expunge all of your guilty feelings all in one live stream here on the Cadre Fear. I would not do that to you. But I will encourage you to, if nothing else, begin looking at your life and going, what am I doing in that pre guilty mode that I can start unraveling that? And instead of going, I'm not allowing myself to look forward to something, I'm allow myself to look forward to it, get to the moment and then let that version of you deal with it once you get there.

So hopefully that was helpful for you. If you wonder, the two day event that I was at, it was glorious. It was great. We had a great time. I was very happy to be involved with it. And real talk, this matters to me for my career. It sounds like they were happy enough with my job once I was there that they're already talking about bringing me back for next year. So all of that extra energy that I put into it before I got here, how much better is it for me to put it into the actual event where I'm at?

And that is something that I will leave you with today. Put that energy into the moments that you were in. Let yourself get to that moment, let yourself steep in that moment. Let yourself enjoy that moment. Let yourself deal with that moment. If it's a moment that's complicated, deal with that moment when that moment arrives. For everyone who is joining us, we have a variety of content creators that are here. What we love to do is have you go ahead and give us your feedback in the chat. We love for you to comment on things that we are talking about.

If something resonates with you, we love for you to do that. If you're here with us live, that is fantastic. If there's something that we say that's fantastic, feel free to tap that screen and let us know that it resonates with you. If you ever have any questions. That's also another great way to communicate with us and also build community with the additional people who are here in the Cadre sphere with you. If you're watching us in the replay again,