Sail on in for encouragement during this voyage called Caregiving.
The host opens the October episode, notes Caregiver Day, and reads a short haiku titled 'Sequestering' to frame the idea of seeking calm and rest as the season changes. This orients listeners to the theme of respite for caregivers.
The speaker explains what happens when you help a caregiver and tells the story of a Denver volunteer group called the Respiteers who offered organized, cheerful relief to exhausted caregivers. This section establishes the concept of intentional, community-based respite.
The host lists specific, actionable ways to help caregivers—be specific rather than asking open-endedly, show up with food or tickets, offer to sit with the care receiver, and other tangible tasks. These tips show listeners how to turn good intentions into helpful actions.
This short section highlights how respite improves caregivers' emotional well-being, reduces isolation, builds trust, and makes caregiving more sustainable. It encourages listeners to see their help as fostering teamwork and enabling caregiver self-care.
The host shares a list of concrete supports—bringing meals, doing laundry, sitting and listening, and planning respite for errands or self-care—with reminders about planning around schedules. This gives listeners ready-to-use ideas to offer relief.
Through personal anecdotes—a friend bringing coffees, a booklet of redeemable hugs, and a roommate visiting the host's mother—the speaker shows the emotional impact of small, unsolicited acts. She also shares community tips like writing card messages in bold so a visually impaired person can read them.
The episode closes with the poem 'Harbor Poets' and a metaphor comparing helpers to harbor pilots who guide ships, plus reminders not to wait for caregivers to ask for help and a warm sign-off. This section reinforces the emotional resonance and a final call to show up for caregivers.
All right, I believe I'm here now. I got booted out for a moment with technology, some kind of glitch. Welcome to October. This is Harbor Pilots, Thursday, October 1st edition. This is Caregiver Day and I have some thoughts that I'd like to share with you about what happens when you help a caregiver, when you give respite to the one doing the heavy lifting. I thought I'd stop, start rather, with a little haiku I wrote. I love haiku because it just boils it down to three lines, 5 syllables and then 7 syllables and then 5.
And when you synchronize it down like that, you squeeze out the main meaning. This is titled Sequestering. Calm calls to chaos. Tranquility fills my cup, sequester and snooze. We don't often give or receive messages of sequester when we're busy people, when in fact it's what is calling out to us. I love the built-in hibernation of the season to come after autumn we have winter. And that seems to be a time with the earlier darkness for us to hunker down and be calm. And October, November, those are portals to that calm.
What happens when you help a caregiver? When our family lived in Denver, I live in Pennsylvania now, very near a harbor on Lake Erie in Erie, Pennsylvania. Thus, my theme harbor pilots. But when our family lived in Denver and I was raising my kids with my husband, I was on a radio station there and we interviewed locals about everything that the city of Denver had to offer for people, including a group that I don't believe is active now. They call themselves the Respiteers. A beautiful core of people who recognize the weariness that caregivers succumb to and in an organized fashion and as a volunteer group did things to help the caregiver.
And I think when a caregiver is in the throes of caregiving, they don't reach out. They don't necessarily, I'll speak for myself, I don't make a phone call and say, Hey, I need this done for my mom. Maybe you could help. Maybe you could get this for us because I don't want to be an imposition or I don't want to jostle somebody else's schedule around or they might not be able to help. I talked myself out of it. Similar to one who's grieving, one who is caregiving doesn't always come up for air, doesn't always recognize that they should ask for help.
And that's why a respiteer or respite giver offers help. Back to the Denver group, they called themselves the respiteers, which was hearkening back to the Mouseketeers. They were bringing cheer and bringing music into the lives of very tired people doing the work of caregiving. And so what happens when you help a caregiver? I went online. I found a few things and they pretty much echo what I wanted to tell you. Anyway, so they give the caregiver some relief from the burden. I know Shannon Paul has talked about some of the helps that come in for her as she takes care of her son.
Pretty cool that she has that in place. You can take on tasks, practical things, offer to do things. Don't do the generic, hello, it's your friend. How can I help you? What can I do? That's not specific. It's actually putting another burden on the caregiver because now they have to take care of you because you want to help. Now they have to think of something. Rather, do the bolder move the refreshing move of just showing up, materialize in their doorway with a couple dozen cookies, with two cups of coffee, one for her, one for you, one for him, one for you.
So many creative ways we can bring respite. Does the caregiver like sports? Put a couple of sports tickets in the mail or concert tickets or movie voucher That would be so welcomed. And then you could go the step further and offer to sit with the person who needs care while the caregiver goes out and does something special for themselves. It also improves the emotional well-being. Pretty much goes without saying. Caregivers frequently fall prey to things like isolation, mega stress, and when we offer emotional support, it helps them mentally.
It can boost their mood and increase their resilience for the long haul. It's better care for the care receiver. When you think about it, when a caregiver has more energy and less stress because you showed up, they can provide more attentive, consistent, rested care, compassionate care to the person that they are supporting or persons. Self-care is encouraged. When you show up in the life of a caregiver, there's a trust that's built and it fosters a sense of teamwork and I'm not in this alone and I can do some self-care as well with no guilt.
It strengthens relationships. It builds trust and closeness between you and their loved ones. So as you Gently and in your own creative way make yourself part of the team. The loved one being cared for begins to recognize you as someone who's helping and it strengthens relationships. It builds more conversations. It makes caregiving more sustainable. Who in your life is caregiving and how might you be of help to them as a respite giver to the one caring? Here are some helpful examples. I listed a few myself here.
Practical help, I mentioned bringing cookies, bring a meal, offer to do the laundry, sit and have a conversation. You being there in person validates their feelings, helps them unpack stories or process events in a safe place. So many practical ways to help. Emotional support, when we listen without judgment. And respite is when we sit with the care receiver. That's the person that needs the care, right? As the caregiver takes a bath, runs errands, fills a prescription, takes a trip, whatever small or big scope or scale that materializes in, you are assisting in that with a little careful planning and availability.
You work full time? Maybe the caregiver does too. There's so many things that I know I've put in place as potential roadblocks when in fact they're not. We can get around those. So I think that was all I had about how to help a caregiver. There's so many things and you can come up with your own. I know one time a friend showed up for me when my mom was still at home. I caregive my mom emotionally now by driving to the nursing home once or twice a week. It's about an hour and 20 minutes away from where I live.
And I have two examples of how I've been cared for as a caregiver. one very recent, but I'll list the first one. A friend showed up at my door with two coffees and this little booklet and it had perforated pages that you could tear off. Each and every page had the word hug. It said redeemable upon request. So I had a whole tablet of hugs that I could redeem anytime I needed them. What a visual way to extend affection, care, what a wonderful demonstration for her to show up in my life and say, I see you.
I think you're probably tired and I think you might need a hug. And so I had a whole coupon booklet. Yeah. A most recent example is a college roommate of mine. called me up and said, hey, guess what? And this was just two days ago. She called. She said, my mama is in the same nursing home as your mama. And they're in different wings of the building. However, she said, I go right past your mom's room to get to my mom's. And I want to tell you, I'm going to stop in and say hi. to her for a few minutes, either before or after I see my own mom.
Furthermore, she said I will make sure the two visit because my mom and her mom are friends. What a boon and a blessing. As I think about the days in between my visits, now I realize there will be more visits from my college roommate. It is a provision for me and it is respite as she is offering to stand in the gap when I can't be there. Even for a few minutes. It's golden. Unsolicited. Didn't ask for it. came to me like a gift wrapped surprise. My friend even sent me a picture of her sitting with my mom.
just sends ripples into my very soul to know that somebody is thoughtful enough to say, Hey, I'm here. I'm available. What can I do to help Kathy in her caregiving journey? Most often the ones offering the help are the ones also in the voyage of caregiving. Because there's empathy, there's understanding. It's instantaneous. Stay on the cadre today for more help and encouragement. Hi Christy. I bring easy to cook healthy meals and sit. We love cards. Sit with my mom while dad does his outdoor chores.
A real world example. I love that. Thank you for contributing that suggestion. My mom loves cards too and her low vision or macular degeneration has been limiting her in her ability not only to read cards, but to sign them even. And we sit together and we will be doing this for October. We'll look at the October birthdays and anniversaries and special days and holidays, and we'll start making cards to send, not making the card, but filling them out. Another cool thing with mom, and I've shared this on the cadre, is her friends and relatives and church family has picked up on this I sent an e-mail out to my e-mail recipients regarding mom and I said when you send a card could you write your personal message in Sharpie in bold letters and people took that and ran with it so mom can read the cards herself when they come in she can see the bigger bolder lettering and just gives her A sense of autonomy to be able to read the card without waiting for her daughter, me, to arrive in a few days to read it to her.
Small things carry a lot of weight. This is titled Harbor Poets and it's by yours truly. This is in the template of being in the harbor out in the water together as sojourners who care about and walk alongside people. A windswept voice is calling me beneath the clouds across the sea. My spirit aches to hear it sing in velvet tones, all feathery. Away from port, no harbor light, the darkest hour of the night. I feel the lurching of my boat. I feel my throat constrict with fright. I clutch the ropes, my vessel stalls.
Deep waters heave up salted walls. The groaning of the towering mast sings to the sky. I feel so small. That distant voice now fills the air, a melody of trust, of care, crescendoing. I'll bring you home the harbor. See, it's over there. The humming of a little boat becomes my symphony of hope. Defying waves and fog and mist, it sings me home in winsome notes. A harbor poet in my storm, a vision on the cusp of mourn. A comrade saying, Stay the course. You're not alone, though you're careworn. Your harbor poets shelter you.
They know what you are going through. You're safe inside the Quadrosphere. These humans are your ready crew. We have respite care in the Quadrosphere. At the touch of a button, at the zing and whistle and pop of technology, you can be on a conversation stream, in a live, in a replay for emotional, mental, spiritual support. Your harbor poets are waiting for you and they're leaning in to have a conversation. You also have harbor boats in your area, physical, real people. I mean, cadres, real people, come on.
people who can drive over to you in a short amount of time, people who can call you and make a plan. And I guess the thing I want to drive home the most is don't wait for them to raise the white flag and say, please help. They probably won't. We just stumble along day-to-day in the task of caregiving. Show up. Take notice of what brings joy to the one being cared for, like Christie's mom loves cards. Feed into that passion. Feed into the things, the music that brings the cared for one joy and the caregiver.
So many things that are probably popping into your awareness as you look around and think about that. And who is a caregiver anyway? 100% all of us in some way, shape or form. It is not always the official caregiving picture because I don't think there really is one. Everyone's story is unique. Sometimes people don't even come up for air and say, I'm a caregiver until they've been in it for a couple, three, four, five years. And they realize I'm on this journey. I don't know the end date and I'm tired.
Recognize that. Make yourself available. If they're doing fine, great. Then move on to the next one. And think about non-traditional caregiving. Go off the beaten track if you can. Maybe you have a teacher friend who stays up late nights correcting spelling and grading papers. What can you do as she cares for those kiddos in her classroom or as he cares for those students? Caregiver is such a broad title. And I know you and me and anybody who hears that word, I think what we visualize is what we're in our scenario.
And there are so many different ones. Thank you for your kind presence in my Cadre Live. I'll see you next Thursday as we look at Harbor Pilots Among Us. I read the poem Harbor Poets Among Us in a tribute to Cadre and to all folks who gather around us to support us. And harbor pilots are people who actually in ports all around the world jump into a smaller vessel to go up to the larger one, the cargo ship, the pleasure boat, the great big ships, the tall ships that come in even. For the ships, I've seen replicas of those Viking ships come into the port in Erie Each and every time a local needs to go out to them and help them steer in safely to the docks, to the port, to the place where they tie things up.
Because only the locals know the waters and the unseen hazards. You're the best. Thank you for tuning in. It's kind of a cloudy day in Erie, Pennsylvania. It's a very apropos start to the month of October. It's been a late autumn, I will say, as far as the leaves turning. We'll probably see some glory in the next couple of weeks unless the rain takes the leaves away first. We seem to get rain coinciding with the changing of the leaves. Wherever you are, seen and known and cared for. And I hope somebody shows up in your life to say so.
Bye for now.
