Good morning. We're live. Welcome to the cadre sphere. Thank you for joining my live or my replay. My name is Kathy. And my, um, my go-to handle for the cadre is speak. Wonder. Because I like to take words and bend them into poetry. And manipulate them in a kind and. Mindful way to support and encourage you. In your journey, wherever you are. Good morning, sunshine, high Jules. Jewels. Always good to see you. I have, uh, some things. I realize I didn't put any lights on. I love natural light in my apartment.
So, uh, pardon me. If I look like I'm in the witness protection program, I am not. I love to talk about harbors, all things harbors. When I come onto the cadre. Cadre, uh, my main platform, if you will, this platform is appropriate. Is. Talking about caregiving and Thursday is caregiver day. In this wellness group. Today, I'd like to touch on a few things. Unseen sacrifices. Sacrifices the art of letting go and. Journaling, I'll start with unseen sacrifices. Sacrifices when we sign up for caregiving.
I don't believe any of us I'll speak for myself. I don't believe we. Assess or consider when the caregiving ends. Ends. I think we do mark time when it changes when it ramps up, when it eases. Eases off. However, I don't think we really think about or consider. When our role as caregiver is done. And I'm gonna be honest with you. Uh, as a younger person live in my life, raising my family. And being involved in, in all the things. I would often see somebody in a caregiver role, particularly like the one I'm in.
Now, which is, uh, clearly I would see, like in the market or somewhere a woman. Caregiving her aging mom. And walking at her pace. And rather than seeing that as beautiful and self-sacrificing, I would see that as a burden. I'm just being brutally honest. Because obviously, um, and I hope, you know, my heart has changed in that realm. Realm, um, sometime ago my heart changed. And softened in that realm of caregiving. And I would think. I would think, wow, what a sacrifice. I don't know if I could make such a sacrifice.
And I wonder how long she's been. Taking care of her mom and it, it would just flip in and out of my awareness, nothing I really would dwell on. Because my life was different. I was in a different season. My mom was, well, my parents were good. Uh, you know, things were, were fine, even keel, if you will. With the occasional disaster and disruption, which everybody experiences in all seasons. Seasons (laugh). So the reason this has been on my mind, the sacrificial giving that is caregiving. And that it's unseen is because I had.
A cousin, uh, visit from Anna Cordes, Washington. He and his wife live on an island. Uh, they are minutes away from Puget sound and. Different places where they can do whale watching and go kayaking. And. They just, they have a marvelous life out there and I always thought it was idyllic. Uh, I just thought, wow, they've just got the greatest life. And it's been 20 years since they were back east, which is the seat of our home. The. Shape of our family and where, uh, my cousin David grew up. And so when he contacted me in early July, saying he and his wife were going to come for a visit.
In August, I was thrilled and a little bit. Clueless because we haven't been in touch. They live on the other. Side of the United States and we get Christmas cards and we check in. But I didn't know their life. I truly didn't understand or comprehend. The dynamics of their day-to-day. And so when we visited, we had a marvelous time. One of their primary goals was to see my mom. Who is in the nursing home. Uh, doing well at 95 years of age being well taken care of. Uh, high Andy joyful. And Emily is there and whoever else I can't see in the feed just now, but thank you.
For showing up today. Thank you. Anyway, toward the end of our visit. And it might have been at the nursing home as. Uh, this dear couple was leaving and I was saying goodbye, cuz I'm gonna spend more time with my mama. David, my cousin turned to me and said, and so my mom would be his aunt June. He said, you know, you know why it's been all these years. That we haven't been back east. And I hadn't really thought about it. I said, um, no, not particularly. He said. Well, we, we want you caregiving your mom and we want you to know that you have probably been in it.
For the long haul and we commend you for that. And we see you. He said we between the two of us, he and his wife. We have been caregiving, loved ones for two decades. Solid. Uh, for him, it was a brother. Um, this past year and prior to that, both his parents. And she lost both her parents and. Was a primary caregiver in their. Uh, most difficult and aging years. And he didn't say that to bring attention to himself. He really only made that. Remark to support and affirm and encourage me. That, what I do is, is not unseen.
Uh, and it's just something I'm still. Unpacking that it had never occurred to me. In the joy and fulfillment I get from walking with mom in these. Toilet years of hers, the joy that it brings me to still have her. I never consider oh, this is gonna come to an end. And there will be relief that does not come onto my radar. Especially as I talk to my peers. In their 60 somethings as well. Who are saying, oh, do you know how blessed you are? Do you know how lucky you are? To still have your mom to still be able to pick up the phone and talk to your mom.
And I am reminded that that often. And I do realize how wonderful it is. And, um, I truly believe that when I come to the end of my journey of care, caregiving, which will, uh, mean a loss and a grief that it will be very. Very difficult. And yet I will carry into the world. A new way of encouraging people who are in the middle of their journey. With no end. And I will say ICU. And your sacrificial giving is. Not for nothing. (laugh) I see you and I encourage you. Isn't it interesting and kind of neat how we can carry our experiences, even our pain.
Into the lives of others. And. Support them in a very deeply. Authentic way sometimes in a way that doesn't even require words. Just a knowing look. Yeah. The other thing is letting go. Um, yeah. Dr. D Dr. Leslie Davis. Spoke on Monday about, uh, the guilt of letting go. And it's a wonderful talk. I. Saw it on the replay. I invite you to watch the replay, watch any of these contributors on replay. It might hit you in a certain way. That wouldn't have, if you had gone live, you know, cuz we keep changing and growing and.
Experiencing things and needing the encouragement that comes our way when it does. And whenever you plug into cadre, you're going to be encouraged in some. Particular way that you need. S Dr. D was speaking about letting go and I was replaying. Her life today, August 27th. I was thinking about how important this date is on my calendar. How epically important it is because on 18, 18 years ago today, on August 27th, 2008, my husband died. Uh, suddenly an unexpectedly uh, we didn't know his heart was troubling him and I don't think he knew, um, he.
Died from a heart event. Uh, and completely, there was no time for intervention or. Bypass or any of that? Uh, he was pretty much gone in an instant. And it was jolting and jarring and. Tragic. And again, unforeseen. As many deaths are and, uh, no, no journey of being sick. And I'm not saying that's a better way to go. I'm just saying it was sudden. And awful. 18 years ago and it's still with me. And I got to thinking as Dr. D was talking about letting. Go. She was talking more about. Uh, living relationships that sometimes fizzle out.
And how it's difficult to sometimes even take their name out of our contacts list. Even if we. Haven't been in touch and how we sometimes feel guilty. And she was pretty much relating. In this, uh, conversation about. How it can be healthy and life giving. Uh, to actually let go and release and be grateful for what you had. But I applied it to my loss, my, my very deep loss of my husband. Who I loved and he loved me and he loved our kids and they were still teenagers when he went. Yeah, in an instant, I was a single mom with a farm property.
(laugh). 60 some acres, maybe more. I forget a lot of acres. And a lot of lawn to mow and hay to bring in and it became overwhelming. And I sold the place and I went from. A farm to apartment life. In an instant pretty much when I sold the place. So what I applied to my heart from Dr. D's talk is. In a, um, life giving and grateful way I have let go. Of my Roger, um, of that part of my life, but I'll never release it. You know, I applied it to me. And what I have noticed is. Uh, the shift, if you will, to the way I grieve now.
And I like to commemorate the day instead of be sad. Uh, and that's not like a decision you make. It's a place you arrive at as you deal with your. Grief. And so over the years, especially these past two or three years when August 27th is looming on the calendar. I I wish for, and I asked for something life giving to happen on. That day and it did, and it always does. One year, somebody handed me a pack of Twizzlers. Twizzlers, which are, you know, licorice, the red ones. Ones. And that was Roger's favorite.
He loved Twizzlers and that was life giving and I had nothing but gratitude. It was it. Was really cool and very personal to me on that day, August 27th. So yesterday, which of course was the day before August 26th. I had lunch with a friend back in my hometown. Uh, where Roger and I were, um, doing life and, um, you know, being a whole family. And she said to me, my friend said to me, Hey, I've got a plant I'd like you to have you wanna swing over to my house, which was very nearby. She said I've started a plant, uh, several of them little suits and I've got.
One that has taken root and I'd like you to pick it up. Today. And I said, yeah, (laugh) so. Here it is. This isn't that something and it's in this biodegradable pot. Which will kind of become one with the soil when I put it in. Uh, some potting soil in a regular. Pot, and this is my life giving. Affirmation on my day of all days. Which again is no longer a day where I drift into sadness and LA. Lament. Uh, but I ask for something life giving and I always. Receive it. I expect it. So I just come to you with gratitude in my heart.
Uh, on this day of all days for me. And in the aspect of letting go. The third thing I wanted to talk about is journaling. And I'm just gonna. Touch on it. Not even really talk about it. I'm actually. Letting you know that next week on. Um, Harbor pilots in my live. I'd like to talk about. Some of the nuts and bolts of journaling. When I tune in often I will hear another contributor or somebody in the feed. Saying journaling is so good for you. And I always echo that and I say, yes, it is. However we don't always understand.
Logistically how it works. And so we don't do it. I didn't journal for a while. I mean, journaling comes natural to me as an author and a writer. So it's something I do. And I do something. Called morning pages, which I'll talk about next week. And journaling doesn't have to be difficult. It doesn't have to be. Um, a system or a formula. It is uniquely yours and it can be very simple and. Amazingly liberating as you put your thoughts on paper. You will not believe it's the toxins that flow out and, and the release from your body.
And. Your psyche, but also the joyful things that come onto the page. It's a wonderful process and it's not as complicated as you might think. So we're gonna talk about some basics. Uh, from my point of view next week about journaling. Junk food says I was the same way. When I was young, but now I cherish the time spending with. My 83 year old dad while being his caregiver. Thank you. Thank you for echoing that. And thank you. For your vulnerability? I think when we are young, we have no idea. We have no idea.
And we do see caregiving from a much different perspective. And then as we come into our seasons, seasons. We see it so differently. And to me, it is a gift. It is a gift every day. Um, to have my mom. So, thanks. Coming up at, um, well, in my time zone it's at three o'clock Eastern is Dr. Chan, uh, Ms. Shannon. Policy might she might have letters after her name. (laugh). She's a woman of humility and Murth and delight. Uh, she is a comedian. She cares her. Her son and whenever he comes on camera, I just laugh.
He's he's amazing and funny. Uh, so Shannon Paul comedy through the chaos. That's coming up and I leave you. With this, my parting thought today. August 27th, my day of all days. In which I'm able to observe it with joy and life. Thanks to the passage of time. And just the, uh, the room for wisdom. That is still coming into my brain. We learn every day. Don't we. Here's what I leave you with. If you're a coffee lover like me. And this might be backwards. I never thought of that. It says I could do hard things.
After coffee. I dunno how to turn this around. You know what I'm gonna take a picture of this and put it in the feed. You too, can do hard things after coffee. And we'll talk soon. No, no.
