ACTualized living w/ Erik

Welcome, Cadre family, to this week's live video here. I'm excited to be joining you from somewhat new location. I have turned on the camera here before, but not many times. I'm back from Arizona and ready to join you here this Saturday morning here in Minnesota. Somewhat cold, dreary Minnesota today, coming with this idea that, you know, we've been creating this series, actualized living around. And as a clinical mental health counselor, this is one of the areas that, you know, I think gets. Gets second place to what we can tend to get caught up in, which is really playing investigator, right?

We get into this world of mental health and wellness, and this mind of ours likes to get super analytical, right? Well, when I feel this way, what's causing this and what experience did I have there? Or what thing might happen in the future that's causing me to feel this way? And then we start to judge, right. We look inward, we say, well, because I feel sad about this thing happening, I really need to focus on why I feel sad about that thing and hold onto it, right. And get really close to it and really stuck to it.

And until I get that thing all figured out and sorted out, I can't look forward into my life as it is right now and be here. Or maybe I have all these ideas of what might happen in the next couple hours, days, weeks, months. And I'm so worried about what that outcome is going to be that it's hard for me to just be here and focused on the present. So the reason I call this series actualized living is because it's based on a theory, a theoretical approach to counseling psychology called acceptance and commitment therapy.

And there's a lot of depth to this, a lot of things we can dive into. But in this live this morning, something that I want to bring to you that's going to be, hopefully encourage you to take a step of actual change in your life, is that what really makes a difference internally and externally, are the choices, the behaviors, the things we actually choose to act on, the things we do. If we don't take a minute and realize, like, what actually gets in the way of the things we would like to do with our lives, we often stay stuck in these loops, right, these loops of avoidance or clinging on to a really good feeling, because maybe what we need to do includes some discomfort.

And so when we get to these places, first thing we have to realize is you are more capable of encountering pain, difficulty and hardship than you give yourself credit for. And in fact, this idea, that value is only found in the happy, good places isn't true, and I'm sure you've experienced it, that growth often comes in the most uncomfortable, edgy places that we find ourselves in. And so, keeping these things in mind, I want you to think about what are some areas you've been struggling with or some areas in your life where you've really noticed a struggle, and it's kind of felt like you've been stuck, stuck there.

Now think about what are some things that you've done in response to that struggle? And sometimes it's avoidance, right thoughts, ways we think ourselves out of that struggle. Or maybe it's actions, right ways to soothe ourselves, opting out of choices we could be making. And so think about what are those choices I've been doing that's maybe poured some gasoline on that struggle that. That I've been facing. Think about if any of those tactics, those things we've done to avoid that struggle, have worked.

And now think about the things you haven't done. What are the things that maybe, you know, would make a difference in that struggle, but it's kind of scary to do. Or maybe, you know, it might be an uncomfortable conversation. It might be a difficult feeling or thought that we have to face. And in here, we open the door to how we get unstuck. We start kind of bushwhacking through this dense forest, knowing that whatever may lay on the other side is something different, something new for me recently, I was in a job that for a long time, brought me a lot of great opportunities, but it became something comfortable and something I was used to.

And I found myself just in a rut, beat down, kind of just not very content with where I was at. And I told myself, well, I just need to stick my head down. And underlying that was the fear of opening myself up to what I couldn't predict, what I couldn't control. A new job, a new environment. And one day, I hit this breaking point where I had to take my words and put my own actions to what my words often say and look for something else, try something new, different, something I hadn't done before that was kind of scary.

And so I made that. That switch. And in that. In that choice, that action, I was forced to let go of all my ideas of what this would be like and just show up and act in those present moments when it was available. And so I'll put that to you as where are those areas of struggle? Where are those areas of tension? Is there a difficult decision that's been avoided? Is there a difficult feeling difficult thought that's been ran away from that maybe we can lean into for the sake of change, for the sake of actual change in your life and in those struggles you're facing.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend wherever you are. Chris, thanks for joining. The other member, I can't quite read your name from a distance, but thanks for joining here this morning and everyone else. If you're listening in and you know, if this is super helpful, feel free to drop a comment or reach out to me and let me know. Also, feel free to let me know, like, hey, this is something that I had a question about. What's your idea? What's your perspective on this? Those specific scenarios, events, things like that can give us a key into.

Okay, right. We can stay in these high level words where we just talk about things, but when rubber hits the road, we can look at some actionable steps. So be thinking about, like, what are those struggles? Where do I find my stock myself stuck? Why do I find myself on this app? Looking for some support, some insight, perspective, ideas around what it means to be well. m. Same time with some new thoughts, perspective for you. And in the meantime, I hope you enjoy your week wherever you may be. And once again, thanks for joining.

Take care.