Jen opens the session, says hello, and mentions she is live from Portal Thermoculture and about to use the sauna. This orients viewers to the setting and tone.
Jen opens the session, says hello, and mentions she is live from Portal Thermoculture and about to use the sauna. This orients viewers to the setting and tone.
Jen explains she has over 12 years alcohol-free and discusses Brad Pitt's public return to drinking, emphasizing the importance of keeping one's own sobriety story sacred. She reflects on why public figures' choices shouldn't automatically change personal decisions.
She recounts conversations about two women who drank again after 20+ years and speculates factors like new relationships and partner drinking. Jen contrasts this with her own relationship experiences and how a partner's habits might normalize drinking.
Jen explores the mental excuses and controlled strategies people use to reintroduce past habits, applying this to various vices like smoking, cannabis, or shopping. She prompts viewers to consider what feelings or situations lead them to think 'maybe I can handle that again.'
She invites audience input and shares a recent stay at a party-focused hotel filled with visible alcohol as an example of a challenging environment. Jen urges awareness that others giving themselves permission to drink doesn't mean it's right for you.
Jen signs off, reminds viewers of the show's name, and mentions she's heading into the sauna. It's a brief, friendly conclusion to the conversation.
All right, are we like live here on the Cadre Sphere? Hi, Jen Varale here. So we're not somber hour today coming at you from Portal Thermoculture. I'm just about ready to get in the sauna, which if you've been following me, you know I love to sauna. I'm going to fit it in right after this. Yeah, hi everyone. Been talking all about transitions this month and as I was driving, I was just thinking about some recent conversations that I've had about sobriety. So I myself have just over 12 years of alcohol free.
I call myself sober necessary and also just checking out my hair, which is so overdue for a color. Oh my God. Thursday. Anyway, Yeah, I've been talking, if you've seen that all over Instagram that Brad Pitt has declared, he's returning to drinking after seven years of sobriety and the internet, the influencers in the sober space are just all like, don't believe that this is like permission for you to reconsider, your deeply held beliefs about your story about sobriety. Like if you have a story and it is sacred to you, really holding true to that, despite what might be super tempting to believe like, well, Brad Pitt can do it, other people return to use.
You know, I've been thinking a lot about that. Like what causes that, you know, especially if, you know, people 10 plus years into sobriety and what's actually going on in their mindset to give them sort of permission or to make it okay to start drinking again. I don't know. And I would say to Brad Pitt, to each their own, for sure. I'm not here to judge or to say how that outcome may be. I hope the best for him. Like I truly hope that it is not an issue and maybe he's defined his relationship with alcohol a little differently.
Who's to say? However, I started chatting with some friends about One of my friends had two high school friends that have not drank each of them for 20 years plus. And within the last year, I don't know, she said six months or so to a year, each of them have started drinking again. And I was just pressing her. I'm like, what might cause that? Each one of them has had so many years, 20 plus, you know, of not drinking. and presumably have created a life around that. So why would one decide to go back to drinking?
I speculated and I asked, are they each in new relationships? Now, these were women. And I just said, are they in a new relationship where their partner does drink occasionally, drinks? To me, that would be one of the things, and I'm single right now, previously out of two relationships, both with non-drinkers, and that was amazing. Like, that's what I feel like I need in a relationship or look for. These 2 women, I don't know their stories at all, but my first inkling was to be like, I wonder if they're in like a new relationship where, you know, being with that person and the excitement of being in a new relationship, perhaps starts to work with your mindset to be like, normalize it.
If you can, you're around this person, they're drinking somewhat normally, occasionally, why can't you? So again, I pose all these questions because I myself am questioning or thinking about them and I know that things are mainstream. People are all the chatter about having so much sobriety and reformed your relationship with it that maybe you can return to it. that's a tough sell for me. I just am like, no. I mean, even if it was, I've built such a life over the last 12 years without alcohol. Why would I want to sort of introduce that complication again?
That's just me. But I could see being in a relationship with someone who was an occasional drinker maybe caused these women or might have caused them to be like, maybe it's okay. This person if I choose to kind of create guardrails around it, let's say, for example, I only, drink when I'm around them or we drink on special occasions. But then, I mean, my mind just goes right to all the excuses and all the controlled ways that you could try to, mask your desire to drink and, like I said, to each their own.
But I would dispose the question, and this can apply not just to sobriety, but really like anything that you, any vice, anything that you have not done for a long time. What are sort of the feelings or things that seep back in when you start to think about, maybe I can handle that again. Maybe it's time to start smoking weed again. Maybe it's okay if I have a drink. Maybe it's okay if I go to the mall and shop, retail therapy, whatever it is. Like what are those things that come up that could cause you to sort of return to a previous vice or habit that did not serve you well?
Anyway, those are my thoughts for today. Anyone chiming in after? Let me know if you've had experienced this or if you think it's a thing. Maybe there are other reasons to be like, oh, let's say travel. travel. my gosh, you guys. I was just in New York at Virgin Hotels and Virgin Hotels is a party forward brand. And if you go to my mindful drinking movement Instagram, you will see the bar and the alcohol in each of the rooms. So I filmed like what was in my room in the mini bar refrigerator. And it was, you know, vodka, Knob Creek, like all these fancy alcohol bottles.
beer, wine, like full size. Outside of the refrigerator, they had three full, like an absolute vodka, a bottle of wine. And I just thought, boy, if anyone in early recovery just happened to go to New York for work and stayed at this hotel, you would be like, I might just grab that. So I was grateful to have my 12 years of sobriety and have faced many challenges or just surprising environments like that I navigated it just fine. But oh my gosh, there's work to be done. And it just occurred to me, yeah, that that's a trigger.
It could be travel. Let's say you're going to Europe, Italy in particular, where people enjoy their wine. maybe you can have a glass of wine. So just putting it out there to be aware of when other people give themselves permission to do things that does not signal that it is the right time or the right thing for you. So I'll leave you with that. I'm going to head into the sauna. Jen Varale here, so we're not somber hour. Have a lovely Tuesday and we'll see you next week.
