Thoughts about creating a life you want to live in, from someone who has had to do it herself.
Good morning, cadre. Good morning. Welcome. Welcome. We're gonna talk about rest and anxiety today. In the context of my rules of engagement, but you might be able to hear. In my voice, I started getting. Sick last night. I, uh, I have a head cold. I mean, it follows the same pattern. Uh, I've been getting it for 35 years and it started yesterday. Yesterday was my birthday. So happy birthday to me. Um, (affirmative) and, uh, I struggle to rest when I need to rest. I could've just, I don't know, canceled this live stream, but it's, I'm not so sick that.
I can't like stand up and talk to you about the process, but I am gonna go. Uh, you know, lie down and rest when I'm done. And this will probably be shorter than usual. But I should say, I'm not. A trained clinical psychologist and. You know, I don't have a master's degree in social work or what have you. I just have my own lifetime of experience that I'm sharing with you. About my relationship to my anxiety is that. Getting sick is disruptive and disruption. Um, is a spur for my anxiety. Because things are uncertain.
And my brain is not functioning as well. I'm tired. I'm a little Muzzy headed. Um, and so my rule of engagement. Number four is very, very important here. Rule engagement number. Four trust the decisions you made when you were thinking most clearly. Trust the decisions you made. When you were thinking most clearly. And I have made decisions about what I gets to happen when I'm. I'm sick, you know that my judgment. Is pretty clear and I've helped other people walk through when they're sick. When someone else is sick.
It's like, Hey look. And anything that can go by the wayside, goes by the wayside. Go ahead and rest. It's all. Okay. When I am thinking most clearly, usually when I'm thinking well about someone else. I know I was supposed to, there was a event I was supposed to do tonight. That people had organized other people to come to. You and I am gonna reschedule it. And if I had been thinking fully clearly, or if it had been someone else it's like, you know what, just reschedule it. Uh, my early material, my early life makes it hard to remember sometimes.
That, what I think is at stake is not always at stake when something has to change. Um, it's not a huge deal to reschedule this thing, but it feels like that. Cause it's inconveniencing people. Et cetera, et cetera. My anxiety's like, oh no. Worst case scenario immediately. It's like, well, if I'm gonna imagine some future, let's say. Three of the people who are supposed to come. There's something important they're gonna do tonight. Because they weren't, uh, with me. Fine. Let's imagine there are good reasons.
Reasons good things that are gonna happen as a result of this change. Um, me getting rest being one of them, you know, me not having to perform or get. Other people, sick being one of the good things that will happen. As a result, but trust the decisions you made when you were thinking most clearly is one of my rules of engagement. Because when I can tell I'm in this. Oh, no state. I can also tell. I'm not thinking most clearly. So what did a person who's thinking more clearly than I do? Say me from the past when I wasn't so freaked out.
What would she say in rule of engagement? Number 24. Which is gonna move up on the list when I redo it, which I keep threatening to do for a couple years now. And I haven't done. Is feelings are really important data, but they're not a great basis for. Decision making like this feeling of fear that I have. In the past, would've led me to not even tell anybody I was sick and then just go. Do the thing, put other people in jeopardy, et cetera, et cetera. It's hard on me. Now being an elected official makes it easy to do that.
Right. Being Taylor swift. I'm sure she performed while sick while whatever, but. If I don't have to, I don't have to. Feelings are a great data point they're information. Uh, the fact that I'm afraid of something. Is useful data. And sometimes it means that I should consider whether or not to do that thing. Sometimes I'm just afraid because. Something bad happened similar when I was eight and I can't I'm thrust. Back to that place. And can't tell I'm an adult, you know, I can't tell I'm 57 as of yesterday.
Um, and rule of engagement, number 39 high speak. Wonder so glad you're. Here rule of engagement. Number 39 is treat the symptom, heal the wound. Um, sometimes I am. When I'm in these moments of. Uncertainty and anxiety. I am. (affirmative) uh, I'm tempted to feel like what is the core issue? How come I'm sick? What happened to make me sick? It's like, that's actually useful to know. Cuz, you know, I've been reading gay. Hendrix's the big leap again, it's been one of the most transf. Transformative books in my life, the big leap that book, this idea of the upper limit problem and getting sick.
Is an upper limit problem for a lot of people. Or injured or whatever, and I'm sick right now for those of you who missed it. Um, (affirmative) but the first thing to do is treat the symptom. And even if. This is a predictable illness, even if this is. Oh, this is happening for some other reason. Some others, you know, uh, spiritual reason. Um, doesn't matter. I get to treat the symptoms. So I get to rest. I get to drink water. I. Get to drink my little throat coat tea. I get to take all the herbs.
I get to take the Tylenol. Uh, nothing is infected, so I don't need to take antibiotics, but. Um, (affirmative) and I don't have COVID tested. Treat the symptom. Treat it right. But heal the wound. Heal the wound. Do the longer term work necessary to heal the wound. And that's applicable. For all kinds of things, right. That that's one of the reasons it's one of my rules of engagement. Um, if the symptom is. I bark at people. When I'm nervous about a public speaking engagement doesn't happen anymore, but it used to, if.
I get grouchy. All right, well, treat the symptom. Apologize for getting grouchy. Grouchy, uh, what do I need to do to make this moment go a little more smoothly? But heal the wound. Why is it that I'm that scared that I lose my. Integrity that I don't act the way that I wanna act with people when I'm in those moments. Why. Is that, and I can heal that wound. And then, you know, the further upstream I go, the cleaner, the water downstream. Right. And so treat, but when I'm sick, treat the symptom heal the wound.
You know, treat the symptom, heal the wound. Those are the rules of engagement. But when I think about rest and anxiety, getting sick is inherently anxiety provoking for me. Um, because it's destabilizing and a, because I don't feel good and it's just hard. Harder to think. And when I can't think that is anxiety provoking. B, my schedule is usually upended or I have to do a lot of things while. Sick. That used to be the case. I, you know, there are things I have to do while sick and that if I feel like I.
Can't do them. That spikes my anxiety. If I feel like I'm not at my best. And it all ends my schedule. Never good for me. Uh, it's not that it's not good for me. Always, uh, spurs my anxiety, you know? Oh no. Oh no. What has to be different. Now I have to think about it. You know, that, that hyper thinking that I have to. Hypervigilance and the mind running a million miles an hour. Cause I, all these problems I have to solve. So getting sick is anxiety provoking for me. And my anxiety makes me want to take action.
Take action. Take action. Or. Overwhelm me until I'm just frozen in place. Neither of those things are good for me when I'm sick. Because I have to be able to think enough. To take my herbs twice a day. To drink my, you know, take these herbs every two hours actually. Beyond beyond the Chinese medicine is very good for sinus infections, by the way. Um, you have to be able to think enough to be like, it's okay to rest. To have at least one conversation with the young person inside me who thinks. Thinks all is gonna go to heck in a hand basket.
If I rest. I have to be not frozen. To be able to attend to myself. To ask for the help I need. I've already asked for help this morning. A variety of people, cuz we have to reschedule this thing tonight. I'm anxious, which makes it harder to rest. Cuz I'm like this and my brain. Brain's going a million miles an hour. But the solution is not okay then I just want rest. The solution is to practice resting while anxious. To try a whole bunch of different things. Within my energy and my capacity. Being sick makes it easier to rest in some ways, because my body.
Uh, if I can't decide to rest, my body will decide for me. Uh, and so it's been doing that. If I give it the opportunity, if I just lie down. No matter how anxious I am. My body eventually will. When it's sick, it needs the. Rest to heal and recuperate. So. Today's about rest and anxiety. And, uh, I'm gonna go rest. And I, um, I hope that you all have a great week up. You had a good labor day. Uh, every few years, everybody takes the day off for my birthday. And yesterday was one of those days. My.
Birthday coincided with labor day, which is. Super fun, cuz y'all took the day off for my birthday, which I love. And, um, I hope you have a great week cadre and I will see you here.
