Rules Of Engagement

Hello? Hello? Hello, cadre. Good morning. Uh, good afternoon. Good evening. Wherever you are. Whenever you're listening to this or parti. Participating in this. I am Betsy. I do rules of engagement where I talk about things I've learned in my. Life that I have codified for myself and use. To help me move forward. As guidelines and rails to keep me moving forward. So, uh, welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome to rules of engagement. And it's August it's August of 2026, as I'm doing. This and, uh, lots of places are going back to school.

There when I was a kid. Yep. I'm old enough to use that phrase. When I was a kid, we went back to school like after labor day. It was the day after labor day, which was an interesting thing for someone whose birthday is. Off and on labor day or sometimes it was the first day of school or the second day of school. Cuz my birthday is September 7th. But that means this is a time of transition for a lot of people. Especially for parents, but also students. Students, um, going back to school. Uh, this early as remarkable to me, but, um, it seems like it would be easy.

To just let go of the rest of your summer. And I'm gonna encourage, first of all, if it feels like you've already started the transition into fall. I would say it is still summer. And I think there are a lot of Minnesotans who may be here and for us. Especially being from Minnesota. Summer is this precious? Precious thing. And I suppose since the state fair hasn't happened yet, not you, you know, summer's not done. Cause the state fair hasn't happened yet for a lot of us. But even so August is a time when, I mean, this has been happening to me when I've started thinking about.

Transition and but I've been thinking about transitions for another reason lately. I, um, applied for a job. To be an interim executive director of a nonprofit organiz. Non-profit organization and uh, I'm a, you know, I'm a finalist. I don't know if I'll get the job or not. But it means I've been thinking with this. Organization through the conversations I've had with the various permutations of hiring committees. Committees and interviews. Interviews thinking a lot about transition. And the first thing I will say is, can I find this.

Book quickly. Because no, I cannot. There's a book called transitions by William Bridges. That is just such a great. Has been and remained such a great resource for me. The first time I read it was when I was leaving. Office. Uh, my husband actually recommended that I read it and it was transformative. Because transitions, many of us experience because transitions inherently. Involve change. And many of us do not appreciate or enjoy change. Very much. And so we try and rush through. Uh, you know, one of the metaphors he uses effectively is we rush through from like one side of the.

Street to the other side of the street, as quickly as we can. And we just wanna get from curb to curb. We don't wanna be in that uncomfortable, messy middle part. Of transition. Sure. And the argument Mr. Bridges makes in the book is that, that. Middle area is a a, a space and a time of prof of profound. Creativity that there are so many options in the middle of that transition. Because you've left behind what was. And often we have feelings about the, what was that we don't wanna confront. So that's part of the.

Reason we try and rush through the middle. But we have left something behind. And we have yet to get to where we're going. Now. Some of us are very nervous about where we're going. And we're like, just get it over with, get me to the other side of the street. Let me use my analytical skills to figure out how to move forward in this new way. And I have a tendency to that. I love planning. I love organizing. Uh, you could tell, I mean, I have a list of rules of engagement that I keep on my phone and refer to.

I. Like lists. I like organizing, I have lists of goals. I have all, you know, I have a. Freaking calendar on my wall that I can use dry erase with. Let alone this entire planning wall I have over here. Pardon? The rest of the mess. Right. So, you know, I like a good plant, so transitions can be a little. Tricky for me. But this book, this middle. Area invites us. To explore the creativity. That lies in between the before. And the next and uh, to take our time to do that. To foster the emotional wherewithal to do that.

In transition. And that's what I would say for everybody today. Is you're leaving something. I mean, even if it's a transition. From summer to, you know, to fall. Or if it's a transition from. Home with everybody to everybody's you know, is dis is scattered. I mean for heaven's sake, if you have kids leaving for college, even if you still have kids at home. That means a change for everybody having been the youngest of three and watching. My brothers, uh, leave for college. Um, that really meant I had three different lives.

Inside my parents' house, right? The one with all three of us kids and then two of us. And then. Just me. So um, there's all kinds of transitions. But it's worth noticing that you're in one it's worth grieving. What's ended. If something has ended, even if it's something as simple as a season. To just give thanks is for me, part of, part of the process to give thanks for. The summer that I've had. Um, to be grateful, this, you know, for the last couple years, I've been very intentional about summer.

I have a theme for my summer. Again, I like plans. I like organizing. My theme for last summer was summer of country music. And I am. To start listening to country music again, after years of not. And I've been loving it and. I still listen every day. My theme this year is Del Lulu. Just keep taking big risks and big swings and. Boy has that born some fruit that I will probably talk about on another livestream or maybe. A video, uh, to be grateful. For what has been to grieve that it's gone. To allow the anticipation for what's next to foster, the excitement for what might.

Come next. Um, if there is dread for what comes next. Then to really feel that and work that out with other people, but also. Um, if there is you know, if there is, uh, uncertainty about what comes next as well. If there is. Uncertainty about what's coming next. That can be very nerve-wracking. But instead of. The invitation of a transition. Is to do our best to figure out what comes next, but to do it instead of focusing on the. Uncertainty or the, oh my gosh. I have to figure it out to focus on the.

What do I need to do today? How can I explore this? Uh, transition best today. So, I guess the tool that I would offer for this week is the book transitions by William Bridges. Bridges cuz he has some great material in there. And of the, the rules of engagement I have that I think have to do with this most. Is rule engagement. Number two. Talk about it all the time. It's why it's number two. Start from where you are. Not from where you wish you were. Start from where you are not from where you think you should be.

Rule of engagement. Number two, meaning you. You're in a transition start from where you are. You're at an ending point and you're not yet at the. Beginning point of something else. What is rich in that for you? What is available in that for you and how can you use. That richness and availability that spaciousness. To create something even better for next. Than, uh, what would happen otherwise? Uh, and the other rule of engagement. That I would offer is number 27. It'll probably get bumped up, cuz I say this to.

Myself all the time, uh, which is there are a thousand ways to get it right. There can also be some pressure in a transition. If you're in this liminal space, you're in this. In-between time and your life. There can be pressure to say, huh? Can I use this just right. You know, I just left this job. And the other job doesn't start for three weeks. So I have to clean my entire house. Do every errand I've. Never done. Get all the sleep I've never gotten. You know, this pressure when part of part for me anyway, part of what I need is.

To stare into the sky for a while. (laugh) not at the sun, but into the sky for a while. Um, to, you know, to give, to take advantage of the spaciousness. To let my spirit unfurl a little bit. More than it otherwise. More than it otherwise would. Transition. I've had a lot of transition in my life in the last 10 years. Because I've been working for myself. Because we moved to DC and then we moved to Maryland. Um, I work for myself. So I've had lots of. Contracts come and then contracts go. Um, you know, my mother passed away.

There's just been a lot of various. Transitions in the last 10 years. And being aware, the gift of being aware. That going from the, before to the, after. Has its own space to walk through and live in and dwell in for as long as. Either the circumstances. Allow or I need, or both. Just knowing that that's spaciousness is available has been very. Valuable because uh, it allows me to take advantage of the moment. Right. Getting used to my mother having passed away. That was a transition for her. Certainly.

She, uh, she has been. Dead every minute of every day for almost six years now, like. She's really good at it. Now she's gotten a lot of practice, but me. I have been without a mother on the planet for the last six years and all kinds of people feel all kind. Kinds of ways about their mothers, but mine was great. And it's been a lot to get used to. It's been a transition. To be a woman without my mother, particularly that mother in the world. And, um, I've given it all the time I've needed. I have friends.

I can. Text. It, it just oh, grief is a transition too in its own way. And, um, I have friends. I can text who understand what I learned was that until my own. Mother passed. I did not understand what it meant to have your mother pass for other women, at least. Um, and the women who really could catch and grab me were the women whose mothers. Mothers had passed before mine had, and they really did catch and grab me, I wanna give. A shout out to my friend, Vanessa, and my shout out to my friend, Julia.

Who just really understood and held me and. Are willing to take my texts about. My mother is still dead. Like she hasn't taken a single break. Which is just so rude. (laugh). I had something to ask her. I have so many things to ask her. Um, and that strikes me. Less and less, but it still does strike me. And not being in that transition, giving it as long as it's needed, has been. Very helpful, but there are just shorter transitions to. Like from season to season, uh, this year as an experiment, I'm picking a theme for.

Every season, not just summer. Right? So. What were my themes. I've written them on my whiteboard over here. You may have seen them when I flashed it earlier. Uh, spring's theme was benign blooming. That it is okay to bloom. It's okay to receive it's okay. It's not it's okay. Nothing hazardous is in the blooming of a flower. There's nothing hazardous in the blooming of my life. Uh, which led into Del Lulu then. Okay. If there's no hazards involved, let's go nuts thinking about what it could be. And what I would like to pull into my life at this stage.

Those are their own transitions and they, that one led. One to another, because I allowed myself to be in that. Space. I thought about it at the end of spring, I knew summer was coming. What is, what has, what is this space look like and what do I want the next space to. Look like, and now I'm gonna embark on that process. To think about what I want my fall theme to be. Which is a little teaser, uh, cause I'm gonna talk about transition some more, but. In the next week, I'm gonna talk about reviewing.

Because I am gonna be preparing to do a. A review. I didn't get to do my mid-year July 2nd halfway day review. Uh, so I'm doing it in August. And I'll talk a little bit about that. So I hope everybody has just a fantastic week. I hope you enjoy the heck out of your summer. And everything summer has to offer. It is still summer. And, uh, we'll talk again soon.