Dating Burnout: Take a Break or Keep Going?

Hello cadre. Um, I am Michelle, sorry. I'm one minute late. I got caught up on TikTok. (laugh). I was watching the, uh, Tony Romo. D U I footage it's out. Um, yeah, and they're long, but I can't stop watching. So I am Michelle. You guys. I am from unstuck by Michelle. I'm just gonna adjust this a. Little bit to make it. There we go. I like that better. So I am Michelle I'm from unstuck by Michelle. I'm a dating coach. I've been doing dating coaching for about six years and I love it. I, um, love that cadre has incorporated this on their app because as we all know, dating impacts mental health.

Right? It's it's silly to think it doesn't. Doesn't um, and if you struggle with your mental health, that can make dating even harder and. Uh, spend there, been there, done that. So I am here today to talk about. Burnout with dating. When do you keep dating? When you're burnt out. And when do you keep going? Right because it's tough. You want love and hello. Um, you want love some people kind of are on a biological timeline. If you want children. And there can be a lot of pressure. And so sometimes taking a break with dating can feel like.

You're giving up or you're losing time. And then, so I'm here to tell you, like, that's not the case. Okay. So what does dating burnout look like? I've definitely been there before. Um, a lot of times when clients come to work with me, they are there. (laugh) right. They're feeling. Quite jaded, quite jaded, um, feeling drained, cynical. Or irritated. Like anyone, they go on a date with like can do no. Right, right. And. Looking at everybody's profile. It's just like, Nope. Nope. Nope. So just feeling quite negative and down about it.

Dreading messages or dates. So I was just with a client this week and she's like, I Don. Don't wanna message anyone like that's a sign of dating burnout. Treating dating like a chore. So like, okay. It's Monday, it's my date night. Check this box off, going through the motions, kind of. Like a little robotic or taking every rejection. Personally. Uh, so those are some signs that you might be experiencing. Some dating burnout. And so I think, I think a lot of people know what dating burnout is, and that's not.

Why you've landed here today. It's what do you do with that? Like what do you do when you're starting to feel burn? Burnt out. Right. And burnout happens in all areas of lives. Right? It happens. With jobs with friendships with social events, all of that stuff. And. Um, there's ways to get through it, right. It doesn't mean that you're damned and dating will never. Be fun. And it doesn't mean that you can't ever date. So some signs that it's gonna be more helpful for you to take a break is. If dating is really impacting your mental health.

Um, I see. Yeah, you've been a widow for 18 years. Senior dating has specific challenges. I'd be interested to. Know your age, your age, you don't have to write it if you don't want. And like what apps you're dating on. That's like a sidebar. I'm very curious about that. I have a lot of clients that are 60 plus. Um, and it is, is different challenges with leading. Um, and it can feel really burnt out. A lot of men. Um, stereotyping, but there's some truth in stereotypes. A. Lot of men that are 65 plus like.

Aren't good with messaging. They're not good with setting up profiles 67. There we go. Um, yeah, it's hard because a lot of the times the women had advanced more with technology than. The guys (laugh) so it's hard. So when do you take a break? You take a break again, when dating is hurting your mental health. Right. If you have depression, anxiety. If you are just being so hard on yourself because of dating. It's time to take a break and we're gonna talk about what taking a break means. So you're ignoring boundaries or red flags.

So. You are drinking on nights. You said you wouldn't. Wouldn't you're tolerating, poor behavior, ignoring red, red flags. Flags dating mainly from loneliness and pressure. So the pressure of feeling. Like you have to, you have this timeline or you're just feeling lonely. And so you're just filling space. To date or you're no longer filling. Open, open and curious. So those are some signs that you might wanna take a break from dating. Um, and I see there, like you said, you're 67. com and didn't like, it.

Um, we should talk, cuz I'm curious if you've ever tried hinge or. Bumble, um, those are free. I know Matt, you have to pay for some stuff. And I'm curious just with your, with your age. Range. If you've ever tried hinge or Bumble. But back to when to take a break. So you take a break when it's. It's hurting your mental health ignoring boundaries or red flags you're dating from loneliness or pressure. Or you're no longer feeling curious or open. And so taking a break doesn't mean. A six month hiatus from dating.

I can sorry for the plane overhead. I hope you can still hear. Me and turn up my volume a little. Um, taking a break from dating means pausing your apps, right? Or. Pausing. If you're going to different dating events. Events, putting a pause on it. Right. It can mean seeing a dating coach. It can mean going back to therapy for a little touch up. It might just mean you need some space from dating. Oftentimes, when you've fallen into those patterns of it impacting your mental health. Um, you're ignoring red flags.

Flags you are dating from loneliness. Sometimes it can be a mindset shift, right. Just really doing some work. Taking a break from dating and saying, okay. What negative thoughts am I having around eating? What do I need to do to. Reset and recenter and reframe those things. Who can be my support. What have I been doing with dating? That's not working and how can I. Date differently. And so that. Is why it can be helpful to meet with a dating coach. And I'm not just. Plugging myself here. Cause I'm a dating coach.

(laugh). Um, but doing that work is important and sometimes it's hard for us to see our own. Our own blind spots. But until you can feel a little excited about dating or. Have some hope. It's good to take a little pause. And again, I don't recommend taking a six month pause. I met up. I recommend taking a little break, just a little break to, to reset. Get. Some guidance recognize what you wanna do differently. And then when you get back into. Dating set some boundaries and date differently. Right.

And I have a lot of. Posts on TikTok posts on Instagram, about dating. Differently. Um, and a lot of tips on how to make it more manageable and how to respect your boundaries. And. Um, highlight green flags and not ignore red flags, all of that stuff. And so when you reenter dating, it's setting some clear boundaries and goals and tell someone, right. Have someone. To help hold you accountable. The second thing, like, so when you're maybe just feeling. A little burnt out with dating. Here's some tips that like, you probably don't need a break.

You just need to tweak some things. Like if you're tired, but you're still feeling. Hopeful. That's a good sign. Like, if you are have, if you, if you're negativeness about dating is coming from one. Experience that can take just kind of a reset, recenter process. That experience. And then you can, it can oftentimes it can help you date with more clarity. You might need to readjust and have fewer dates, better boundaries choosing. A different app. Um, and if dating can still fit into your life without.

Consuming your life. Like, I don't want dating to feel like a second, like a part-time job. Right. And so some of those things, like I said, sometimes we take a break from dating. Sometimes we just need a little reset. Right. We need to reset our hinge algorithm. We need to pause our profile when we're talking to just a few people. So it's not overbearing. Lucky that's my dog. Um, yeah. And remembering that taking a pause. Taking a break is not. Giving up, it's not giving up. It's. It's a way that you can, it's a healthy choice so that you can date.

With more intention, like taking a pause, gives you a chance to reset and return with. More intention with dating. So again, burnout or break only, you can decide that, but sometimes. Like it's helpful to talk to another person about it and get some input. And sometimes like I met with a client just one time. We had an intro session and she's like, can we just talk about. My profile and talk about how I'm feeling and what do you think. And she just needed a little reset. I gave her a little bit of tweaks to.

Some of the ways she's interacting with people. And said it's consistency. I, I encourage that. You just keep going. I don't think you necessarily need. Coaching right now. I think you just need. Consistency. And that was it. She just needed a little reset. So burnout or a break. You can, uh, message me on Instagram and we can chat more about this stuff. But know that you are in charge of your life. And I don't want you to date from pressure. And I, it's not you. If you're dating from a negative jaded mindset, you're not.

Gonna find people cuz you're gonna push them all away. Right. There has to be some hope. There has to be some open-mindedness and C. Curiosity. And so I hope that you can find that I'm gonna make a post about. This, um, in theory tonight, but it's seven o'clock. My bedtime is in two hours. We. Don't know what's gonna happen. That is my goal. Um, I'll make a post about that and speak wander. Um, I really wanted meet a guy while in pro. Yeah. We all wanna reach for like, we're reaching for. The same cereal as adults, bad example, we're reaching for the same coffee creamer and our hands.

Touch right. That's everyone's dream. Um, I think, and it's just tough. It's just tough because the reality is. Majority, most people are meeting on apps nowadays. It's where you're gonna find a lot of single people. Um, you can meet people in the wild, right. But that means that you have to approach people. You have to. Be confident you have to go to singles events. You have to tell people that you're single and ready to mingle. Um, so yeah, there's lots of ways to still meet people. Um, so if you're feeling burnt out, reach out, you know where to find me at unstuck by Michel.

Michelle. I'm gonna show you my dog, cuz we love him. Lucky. That's it. You found a big stick (laugh). Um, have a lovely Thursday night. If there's anything you wanna hear more about, let me.