The speaker opens the session, names her cadre handle, and shares a bit of background (including a schooner painting) to set a warm, familiar tone. This orients viewers to the safe space and the presenter’s perspective.
She describes visiting multiple lakefronts, watching sunsets, observing wildlife, and other nature moments that gave her a felt nervous-system reset. This chapter shows how brief respites in nature can replenish emotional energy.
The speaker explains her mother’s changing health, the duties she carries as power of attorney, and how caregiving has narrowed her world and limited social activities. Viewers get a candid sense of caregiver fatigue, travel demands, and emotional strain.
She talks about saying no more often to protect the nervous system, avoiding over-explaining, and recognizing seasons of life where availability changes. Practical reassurance is offered about not taking reduced invitations personally and honoring boundaries.
The speaker shares how a low-maintenance house guest and simple joys (birds, coffee, conversation) provided reset, then gives two takeaways: protect your nervous system and welcome respite. The talk ends with gratitude, community encouragement, and a warm farewell.
Hello Cadre. It's good to see you here in this safe atmosphere where we breathe out our anxieties and breathe in hope and sustenance and health and wellness and mental, physical, psychological helps here in the Cadre. Hey Christy, hi. My name is Kathy. My cadre handle in the harbor is Speak Wonder, and I truly love to talk about harbor pilots. As you can see in the background, there's a schooner painting that my friend Dana did back when we were in high school. He was a fabulous artist. And I've just had a house guest for about four days, and we trotted around to every lakefront imaginable within driving range where I live in Erie, Pennsylvania, northwest corner of the state, bordering Ohio and New York State.
We watched every sunset for the last four nights at different vantage points. One time, twice actually, we were on the peninsula at one of the beaches, and then we were also Gracie always has to talk, my little corgi. We went to a marina and so there was a harbor with boats and they were coming in from the open harbor at that marina. We also got to see purple martins. They migrate through this area on their way later to South America where they will winter. We interacted with lots of nature. We were on a fishing wharf at one point.
And in the grape vineyards near some other lakefronts, we were at a monastery and there is famously a pier there where the rum runners, the illegal smuggling of rum from Canada, came in and curiously that's on what is now the property of a monastery. Lots of rich history in this area, rich and colorful history and certainly fabulous sunsets. And I remember telling my friend who was visiting from out of town that this whole time that she's here and we're enjoying the lakefront and the harbor and the water and the sunsets, that I feel as though my nervous system has had a reset.
Lately it seems like the emotional care that I'm giving my mom has gotten more intense. It feels more urgent. I don't know that we're at end of life. I don't know that. Nobody can know and the nurses are not indicating that. But there are certain end of life indicators such as sleeping all the time. mom is losing her interest in food, certain signals are reminding me that my time with her is precious, whether it's a week, two months, or two years. It is precious and sacred. In the meantime, I need to protect myself, and so do you.
On this caregiver day, where the emphasis can be on how we gift ourselves and our time to others. We need to avoid caregiver fatigue or burnout. Protect your nervous system. I had a built-in way of resetting, being in nature, having a view of the sky and the sun and the moon and seeing fireflies at night. They're very prolific lately. We call them the winking benediction or the blinking benediction each night. So there are just certain little facts that I was able to dig up about what happens when a caregiver's world shrinks.
Has yours been shrinking? Have you noticed? I think when people walk toward burnout, they're not noticing the signs in their own life because You and I are so focused on the one that we're reaching out to and nurturing, making sure they're okay. And sometimes we forget to take care of ourselves. So social isolation is a problem. I've suffered from it. I've become depressed by it. My journey has been probably 9, 10 years in the making at different levels of care for mom. Now she's in a skilled nursing facility and she's in good hands.
I am her power of attorney and I am the go-to whenever the nurse changes a med or the doctor comes in or her blood pressure spikes. And I'm the first one to be notified and that can have its own fatigue. I call mom every night on the phone and I visit her once a week. It takes about an hour and a half one way to get there. come to recognize that I'm doing what I can and I am well with that. But my world has shrunk. This means that I'm accepting less invitations. I'm saying no to more things so that I can get the rest that I need to help mom.
I do this with gratitude. I want to be there for her and I want to be available to travel to her when needed. It seems like social outings have been restricted in this season of my caregiver life. Traveling is really off the grid right now, off the radar. And what happens as I elect to say no to protect my nervous system, as that happens in that transaction, I'm getting less invitations, less phone calls, less reaching out. And I get it. I understand because I've been on the other side of that scenario where my friends have years ago entered seasons of giving care and in order to maintain their oxygen levels, their sanity, to protect their boundaries, they too had to reel it in.
Say no more. Say no more often. And yes, less often. And I remember true confessions. I remember taking it personally and wondering why is she not available? Did I do something wrong? I have learned now these many years later, it's not about me. It's about that individual and what they need and what season of intensity they may be in. Seasons have a way of changing. And so when things open up again, more availability for social athletes, for planning travel, for doing more things, for saying yes more often, then we're in a different season.
Where there's more availability, where the nervous system is not crying out for protection because life has taken on a more even keel and if you want to use my harbor analogy, the waters have calmed. The storm is over. The unknown shifts in water are now calm. There's less anticipation of what's next. The season I'm in right now is pretty intense and it's very emotional. I find myself feeling guilty when I say no. And I also find myself rushing to explain, to do an explanation. This is why. And it's really not necessary to your close friends, your besties.
They know you. They know your life. They usually will understand. And if you defend your choices, That's just a certain kind of stress all by itself. If you can gently care for yourself, recognize what you need, and if you have to turn something down, so be it. You know what you're doing? You know what I'm doing when I employ the art of saying no? I'm learning to trust myself. I'm learning to honor my decisions. and trust that I'll make good decisions going forward. If you're in a place where you're getting less invitations because your world is shrinking and you're not as available.
I have to close the door. You know what? I just want to encourage you. I simply want to encourage you. know why I opened the door? You guys, because I have the equivalent of a bird sanctuary outside. I feed my wild birds. I have several feeders. And you have commented on here before that you like to hear them. So Gracie was out there yakking at everybody. Hi, Rick. No gives more power to your yes. That is 100% Truth. Thank you for that comment. I'm seeing some of your comments here and I'm seeing the hearts.
I appreciate the encouragement. It's been kind of a rough road, if I'm honest. It's been a time of contemplation and reflection. Christy, you love the birds. Me too. This built in time of doing something new and different with my visitor from Colorado, my dear friend Laura, has been a definite reset. So I guess I'm giving you two gentle messages today. The first one is protect your nervous system. As Rick says, your no gives more power to your yes. You're more intentional about what you do say yes to.
So think about those boundaries and honor them. Learn to trust yourself. Honor what you need with no explanation. Not necessary. And the second message is welcome those opportunities for respite, for sailing into the pier where your boat will be moored for a while. I was able to do that with a comfortable, safe house guest who is very low maintenance because we're dear friends. who flopped on my couch every night after we chased fireflies. And we woke up to coffee and conversation and creative things because we're both writers.
When intervals come into your life that provide a sense of peace and calm and reset, do welcome those. And on the occasions where you have to pull it in a little, Perhaps don't think of your world as shrinking so much as expanding in the places that are most important, most precious and holy and sacred. Yeah. That is my cadre today. I thank you for being here in this community and for providing community and family for me, for giving me a space and a place to experience my own journey with mom. Remember, as you navigate your day, you are a remarkable treasure in someone's life.
Thank you for showing up for each other. We're all just walking each other home. We're all just hunkering down on a piece of driftwood to watch the sunset together. We're all counting on one another to come in from the open waters into safe harbor emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally. So that after we've had some time, We can sail on out with more strength and purpose. And with the accumulating nos, we're giving more power to our yeses. Gracie is giving her little goodbye bark, and I'm giving my fond farewell, and I'll see you next week right here in the harbor.
Thank you.
