It is sober, not Somber hour with Jen Barale. The theme of the month for February is real connection and the sub theme is the boundaries that hold you together. The Let Them Theory is by none other than Mel Robbins.
It is sober, not Somber hour with Jen Barale. I share a favorite non alcoholic beverage of choice and I highlight a new one every. week. I sure hope the platform is working today.
The theme of the month for February is real connection and the sub theme is the boundaries that hold you together. And that's how I'm going to choose to talk about it with you all today.
The Let Them Theory is by none other than Mel Robbins. It's the ideal way to create boundaries for yourself so that you don't get wrapped up in the expectations of others. I feel like I've implemented the theory pretty well in terms of allowing people to do what they're going to do.
Mel Robbins: Where are you in your releasing control of others actions when it comes to maybe a dynamic or situation or relationship that you're in? Robbins: Let them, let them do what they're going to do. It also kind of helps the barriers of like putting people on a pedestal.
Hey everyone. Welcome in. I don't even know what's going on with the hat, the hair today, but happy Tuesday. It is sober, not Somber hour with Jen Barale. Had to close down. My mobile phone started up again. I sure hope the platform is working today. Last week I had people sign in, log in, come on in. And there were comments, but I couldn't see anything. So if you're here, please give a wave, say hi, let me know where you're chiming in from. Maybe we'll be able to connect this week and I'll be able to see your comments.
I sure hope so. If not, I'm just gonna keep talking because that's what we do on this platform. We talk and we share stories. I do something additional during so we're Not Somber hour. I share a favorite non alcoholic beverage of choice and I highlight a new one every. I'm kind of recycling through those since I've been doing this for over a year. So there's a few favorites you'll see a couple times for me. This one is a strawberry shrub and it's from a local company in Minneapolis here called Sharab Shrubs by Alex Weber.
I actually have been drinking his beverages for probably about three years and I first met him this fall at an event, so it was awesome to meet him. These beverages, I never, you know, I think the OG kind of fun beverage for the non alcoholic crowd. Although it does have a trace amount of alcohol. 5 level alcohol by volume, but kombucha. So a lot of times people compare the, this shrub to a kombucha has a little bit of a vinegary kind of flavor, But it's not quite as strong as kombucha. To me it's just a, a little bit more subtle flavor.
It's really good. It's really good. Bright and juicy. So let's get into the topic at hand. I don't see anyone chiming in. So I, I don't know if the comment section is working, but the theme of the month for February is real connection and the sub theme. So the, the theme of the week is the boundaries that hold you. And when I read that, because we're all kind of in the Cadre spheres, contributors kind of getting the same very, you know, brief information, which is great. It's like two words for a theme, a little bit more for a sub theme.
I think that's great because then we all can just interpret it as we do and what, what I heard or what. I said that to myself. I was interpreting that to be the boundaries that sort of hold me together, like keep me who I am, keep me in my integrity. And that's how I'm going to choose to talk about it with you all today. So one of the craziest things that happened, and this may have happened to you at different times in your life, but I kept hearing about this book for probably a couple years. It's called the Let Them Theory by none other than Mel Robbins.
You guys read it, heard of it, it's kind of hard not to have heard of it. It's. Yeah, the life changing tool. So she was the one that did the, you know, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, countdown and take action, which I found to be a super helpful book, was a little more hesitant. Not that I didn't want to read it, but I just also didn't want to purchase a book. And I don't know, I just was like, I don't know if I need another theory in my life right now. And actually as I'm getting into this, I'm about a third of the way in.
A friend of mine just happened to have it. I met her at a sauna session last week and she just happened to be getting it back from her sister. And I'm like, you know what? I think I, I'd love to read that. You know, now that it's there and in front of me, I took it as a sign. And so if you don't know what the Let Them Theory is, it's to me it's the ideal way to create boundaries for yourself so that you don't get wrapped up in the expectations of others. It's so important. I feel like, you know, I've had a little practice at this since I've got about 11 years of sobriety and just, you know, along that sober journey learning tools.
I sort of feel like I've implemented the Let Them theory pretty well in terms of just allowing people to do what they're going to do and behave how they're going to behave. I'd ask all of you, where, where are you in your releasing control of others actions when it comes to maybe a dynamic or situation or relationship that you're in? Where do you rank scale 1 to 10? I definitely have grown and expanded in that area and I think it's so powerful to just be able to say that person's living their own life, doing their own thing.
You may not agree with what they say or their actions may actually very negatively impact you. But ultimately releasing control of that is, is huge. It's huge for then you to say there's nothing you can do about someone else's actions. So let them, let them do what they're going to do. They're going to show you who they are. It also kind of helps the barriers of like putting people on a pedestal or what their potential is and you know, in your mind trying to have that person live up to what version of them is which is not what they are, is not what they are.
They are showing you who they are. If they could be something different, if they wanted to be something different, they would. So just freaking let them. Let them live their life, do their thing. Of course that's very light hearted. If it's, you know, people in your life where you're just sort of like not impacted by their immediate actions when it comes to family and close relationships, it's that it's a little harder, very hard to implement the let them theory because pain and, you know, heartache and things from their actions or decisions can impact you.
But what I was getting into here, so the first part of it is just your perception of like letting others be who they're going to be. She gives a great example of letting control go of control of how her son and his group of friends and their, you know, senior year of high school, how they chose to do prom, which is not at all planned, just a, a big gathering where they barely had their tuxes picked out. They didn't have reservations. And Mel, the author was just like, as a mom was just scrambling to help them.
And finally her, her daughter just said, just let them, you know, go to prom. Let them, you know, be their young and messy selves. They don't care about the same things that you care about. They're going to be fine. And so I thought it really was a good lesson for parents as well. And then also just the second part of the let them theory is let me. So what happens when you let someone be how they're going to be and do what they're going to do? Then you can say so on the other side, what is, what is my role?
What is a boundary I'm creating in terms of my relationship and expectations with them? What boundary is that that I'm going to hold firm to? And then what are you going to do? What is this going to, this dynamic or situation? What are you going to frame to the positive? What are you going to do? So then you say, let me. So I've been thinking about that this week, actually one of my coaching clients, I used it because they were going through questioning how to belong to this particular group and whether they wanted to or not.
And the person was so sort of concerned if he didn't join this group, what the implications would be, how, what would other people say? How would he be viewed if he walked away from this opportunity? And I just coached him to let those people think what they're going to think. There's not much else you can do. And you, you know, on the flip side of that, if, if you stayed in something that wasn't right, you would be miserable. So just working through that and seeing the power of permission and just letting people do what they're going to do.
Obviously all to a certain extent in context, but lots of lessons there and I don't know, I haven't seen anybody chime in. So this might be more after the fact. And I'm sorry if you're here and I can't say anything to acknowledge that you're. You're here in this space, who but I cheers to you. Non alcoholic cheers with the shirab cherub, one of my favorites in strawberry. And yeah, we made it through Valentine's Day. Oh my gosh, I forgot to mention that. And then of course today is the Chinese New Year.
We're kicking off the year the Fire Horse. So I love that. I've been waiting for this date and time. Let's get it. Let's let them. And then you do you. Cheers to that. Happy Tuesday.
