Sobriety Comes First

Hi. Oh, my God. I haven't talked to anyone for, like, an hour. Hi. My name is Brittany. Brittany Hagan. I am a sober army veteran who is a single mom, and I wanted to talk about sobriety today, mostly because, like, it's funny how, like, going back to basics is just so important. I have the need to, like, apologize for what I'm wearing. But the reality of it, like, this is Saturday. This is what I wear. And I'm cold, and I'm by the fire. I've got dogs and cats, too, so you'll for sure see them coming in and out of here.

But let's talk about why I'm choosing sobriety to talk about right now. I live in Minneapolis. Hi. Hi, Anna. How are you doing? I live in Minneapolis, and everything is really loud. Minneapolis is going through it. I live in Minneapolis proper, and, I mean, the whole country is going through it. Right? Like, it's not even, like, a Minneapolis thing. It's it. And it's so hard to talk about this in a productive way because I have been on all sides of radio. I have a radio show. I've been on right Leaning, and I've been on Left Leaning.

And I know that division doesn't help when we're talking about mental health, when we're talking about a lot of tension in people going through it. So no matter where you land, I know that is a high tension, and that tension is real. Walking around my neighborhood, it is real in this time of year as well. I mean, it being so cold, like I said, I'm sitting by the fireplace. It can be lonely, Especially you live in a climate like Minnesota with that on top of it is a lonely world. Right now, I think it's 8.

8 degrees outside. It is one of those things where coming back to sobriety and why you're sober and staying sober for yourself is just so important. So why is chaos a trigger? Well, uncertainty, fear, anger, and overwhelming things are perfect conditions for relapse. You know that. I mean, the funny thing is about drinking when you're an alcoholic is they always say, you can always find a reason to drink. You can find. Good day. Let's celebrate. Have a drink. Bad day. Oh, my God, I need a drink.

Our brains want reward. It wants relief. And we usually can fall back on the things that we know well. Right. So in times of chaos. Hey, Shannon. Hey, Speak, wonder. In times of chaos. Right. Remembering that. I mean, I don't want you to put any weight on that feeling of, I want alcohol, or alcohol would help in this Chaotic time. But remember, that's something our brains automatically want no matter what. So it's funny because I've talked to a lot of people who are sober and they're like, well, I mean, with the turmoil right now, like, I think drinking wouldn't be the worst thing.

And it's like just remembering as an alcoholic, you have to kind of go back to the idea of what we look for. Excuses to drink no matter what. Win the big game. I don't know, I don't play sports. Lose the big game either way. Drinking, right. But numbing things does not make the chaos disappear at all. It makes really things harder to cope with because now we're dealing with a lot of other things. Nothing works for me if I'm not sober. Now, again, that being said, like right now, things are hard.

And it is hard to walk outside and feel like there's not a lot of tension. But unfortunately, like, I. I hate. I mean, sometimes, sometimes sayings are sayings because it's true. You have to put on your own oxygen mask. And the idea around how useful am I on any aspect, any social issue, being a mom, having a radio show, how useful am I for any of those if. If I'm not taking care of myself first? Sobriety isn't about being strong. It's about staying regulated. There's not like it's funny because I think any extremes I find myself, they call it dry drunk is like testing my dry drunk.

And, and it's not like it's not about how hard can I push myself and not drink. Still, it's about the pendulum used to swing like this, highs and lows, emotions. And now you just want the pendulum to swing a little less. I can't show up for myself or I can't show up for my kid or my job or my computer community if I'm checked out. Like, that's the reality of it is like you want to fight for a social cause. You want to be in the mix. You want to. You want to be somebody who won't stand down. Well, the first thing you need to do is make sure you're good before you take any steps out that door.

Is the idea of, especially if you're an alcoholic is like you're useless to everybody if you're. If you're useless to yourself. And that's kind of something I always tap into around, like drinking in chaos. It does not calm the storm. It doesn't change the storm at all. It just puts me in the middle of the storm without any of My tools without any of my normal toolboxes for self regulation and like overall self care for me. And this is a hard one because now I've been what, sober for like about 15 years.

God, I always have so wild when I say that because of course I'm a teen mom, think sobriety is the foundation that everything stands on. Which seems like I think if I was my early 20s hearing that, I'd go, that is so boring. But like it is. It's just true for me. I multitask like crazy. I'm so lucky. I get to be a part of Cadre. I also go to school, I'm going to finish one of my degrees. Finally the army said they would help me. Like I said, I'm army veteran. I'm also like very focused on fitness.

I have a radio show and I have a three year old. Those are all things I identify with quite a bit. And being busy is very powerful to me. And I, you know, there could be said that I use it as a crutch. We'll go back to that someday. Don't worry about that. Don't. We'll check on that later. But like the point is none of that works it if I'm not sober. It just doesn't. I don't work the way I would like to if I'm not sober. So let's talk about loneliness because like right now things can feel really lonely.

I'm with my 3 year old a lot, but even that can be lonely. Not having that adult interaction between all the things that are going on in our community and you know, wherever you stand on it, you can feel lonely. And then the weather being so cold you're not going to see people out and about. You know, we usually walk the creek and that's, that's not an option. It's like 10 degrees outside when the world feels super scary or terrifying or unsure. Sure. Like being alone can feel compounding as well with how scary things can be.

So this is one of those times where like I reached out to my sister. She lives a mile away from me and I said after a nap, after Gogo's nap, not mine, I would love a nap today. I don't know. I don't know. I lied. I don't really feel tired. But we're gonna go over to her place and like I see her all the time, but it's just we've been alone all day, me and Gogo and I just kind of feel like it'd be good for me, it'd be Good for Gogo to kind of add some other humans in the interactions to the mix. The connection aspect doesn't have to be some big one.

You don't have to go to some soiree, you don't have to go to some gala. You don't have to go to some networking, community building or on a date, reach out to somebody, you know, give a phone call. I mean, are any of us too busy for a five minute phone call? I would say not. I would say I have time for a phone call. And one that's purely social too. Or just checking in. Especially people in the Minneapolis community. Checking in and feeling like a community is super important right now. You don't need it to be like, I gotta solve anything.

But just hearing somebody else's voice. FaceTime is very powerful. Jumping on Cadre is very powerful. But going and seeing somebody that you know and love, or talking to somebody just about their day, it seems mundane, but I'm telling you, it is super powerful and helpful. And like, sometimes it's good to just do it when your bucket's not fully empty. Like, I don't feel lonely today. I feel kind of, kind of cuddled in and like nestled in. But I also know that I'm gonna be alone tomorrow with Gogo and Monday, like, I don't work and she doesn't have daycare or anything.

And so we're gonna be alone for three full days in a row. And why not make sure the bucket isn't super empty and kind of do something now? I know a lot of people feel strongly about what's going on in their community and to their friends and family. And wherever you fall on it, you have to remember that even though you need to show up in the way that honors you, you. You can't fix the world in a day. That's like a very hard realization. But like, anything that's going to be worth doing or worth change in your life or wherever you're at with what's happening, it won't get solved in a day.

And that kind of solution wouldn't be the solution anyways. Anything that happens that quickly for something this monumental isn't gonna stick. So keep that in mind. Your job is to stay well enough to live a life where you feel like you can show up for the person, for as the person that you deserve to be. Kind of let that sit. Is that how do you want to show up? Well, I can promise you this. As somebody who struggles with alcohol and substances and who's an army veteran, I know That I have to take a beat before reacting because my reactions are big.

They're so big. And I want to, like, I want to fight. I want to fight all the time. That doesn't serve me, doesn't serve my daughter, doesn't serve my community. Because, again, the things that need to get done right here in Minneapolis or in the world are not things that can be solved in one day. And so there's a marathon of things that needs to happen, and you need to be there for it if that's something you feel passionate about, which means you need to be sober, at least. I need to be sober. Sobriety is really how I keep my feet on the ground when everything else feels unsteady, like, so funny.

Because I never would have thought that there would be some big difference between being sober and not being sober, because it was so intertwined in my life, and it was kind of like day to day. And I'm saying, like, through and through for me, and I know other alcoholics are this way as well, is that nothing works when I'm not sober. So in times like these and in rough situations that we'll kind of look back at, staying sober is an act of courage, care, and hope, because you are creating a future for yourself and your loved ones.

So, you know, it's one of those things where we can use any big act as a reason to drink or not drink. And as alcoholics, we have an incline to say, well, the sky is falling, might as well drink. Or, oh, things are going well, might as well drink. Remember that. Touch, like, that ouchy tooth. Touch it and, like, really think about the way you want to move in this world and what's the best way you can be true to yourself and your loved ones. So I hope everyone's safe. I hope everyone's warm. And, yeah, it's been really nice to talk to somebody.

Speak, Wonder. Anna and Shannon, thanks for hanging out with me, and I hope you guys have a. Have a weekend. Okay, bye. Here's my fireplace. It's so warm.