Live w/ Dr.Charryse 🧠: “How To Stay Steady When You Don’t Feel Like Yourself”

Kajrasphere. Here we are. I've genuinely been waiting all week to get to this point. I look forward to these times. Yes, my voice sounds a little funky. I have been. I don't know how many different time zones and temperatures I have been in over the last month, but in particularly the last week. But I feel fine. So just enjoy the lower tones. For this week, I'm Dr. Charisse Johnson. I'm a licensed clinical mental health therapist, mindfulness practitioner, and author. Come into this space at least once a week.

It will be more very, very soon for us to talk about all things life, mental fitness, and what does it mean to be well and live a life that you don't have to escape? If this is your first time, let me know. And welcome for those that consistently join me. It's so good to see you. D. starks. Hello, Greenville. We come in and one of the things I just enjoy doing with everyone is having you come in and tell me where you are in the world. Oh, Jules, you've got sunshine in northern Minnesota. That is wonderful.

We have some sunshine saying, yes, or it's me. Or have you been kind of going through the days? Anyone? Maybe not everyone. And you're like, I don't feel like myself. I feel like I should be more excited. Good morning, Serena. Than I am. Or other people seem so excited. Hello, Andrea. And you're just kind of like. And you're trying. Like, you're even like, I want to. And I would normally feel that way, but I'm just not feeling it. You're going to have those moments. It is very common for us to have those moments this time of year.

We talked a little bit last time about the December drift, but let's just be honest. You're going to have moments that you just don't feel like yourself. Sometimes you know exactly why you don't feel like yourself. Other moments you're not sure. Here's what's important. It is so important not to beat yourself up. And it's easy to do that. We get into our head, we say a lot of things to ourselves. We speak to ourselves in a certain way. Or maybe you're around someone and you've noticed that they're different and they're really being hard on themselves.

Please don't be hard on yourself for being human. Right. We are human. And it's not realistic to expect yourself to feel great or to feel your best every day. But I want you to pay attention and really ask yourself, where do did that come from? Why do I feel that that's necessary? Is that really true for my life? Or is that an expectation that I placed on myself? Or is it a bad learned behavior? Because some of us also grew up in spaces, or we currently exist in a space where everyone thinks you're supposed to be okay all the time.

And that is not true. All right, here's something I want you to also keep in mind. If you're here or if you know someone that's here, you're not failing. You're responding. Those low moments that we have where we're in it but not at full speed. It's our body, it's our mind, it's our spirit responding to everything that we've carried all throughout the year. And so here's a few ways that you might notice that you talked to yourself during this time. You might say things like, what's wrong with me?

Or I should be doing more. Anyone said that? I know. I know. Someone else has said that other than me. Why am I so emotional? I used to handle this just fine. Other people are doing more than me. I need to catch up. I want you to kind of pay attention to any of those that you have noticed yourself saying or maybe the people around you, because it can be a little contagious as well. I also want you to consider. Are there any statements that you would add to the list? If so, share it. Share it in the chat now.

Your capacity on any given day, on any given week, I want you to keep in mind it's not a measure of your morality. It's not a measure of your strength. It is a physiological state because you're not a robot. You have feelings, you have emotions. You have a level of stress that you can take, even good stress. I was having this conversation just yesterday with a friend, and she was like, man, my body is firing off and showing all of these physical symptoms that I'm in stress, but I don't really think I'm stressed.

And so, because I know her fairly well, I said, well, I want you to keep in mind that the body doesn't know the difference between good stress and bad stress. It just knows stress. So we might have really great things happening and really exciting things happening. That's still stress to the body. Good morning. Right. So those physical symptoms are still letting you know you're not okay. You need more. Right? My voice this morning, even though a big part of it is centered around me being in different spaces and different temperatures, part of it is also my voice going, girl, You've been talking a lot this year and we're ready for a break.

So I can get mad, mad at it, do all the things what is wrong with me? I need this. Or I can just honor Do I have any space to be more quiet today? So we don't want to ignore what our body is saying. We want to pay attention to the narrative, to the way that we are speaking to ourselves. And again, I want to remind you, you are allowed to feel off to different. It's okay if you're not as excited about something as you used to be. And that's not an indicator that you're necessarily ungrateful. It's just an indicator that you're human and you're tired.

Let's talk a little bit of neuroscience. So here's what happens in your brain. When your capacity is low, your brain shifts into conservation mode mode. So it reroutes your energy towards survival tasks such as regulating your emotion, stabilizing your blood sugar, managing inflammation, fighting fatigue, or processing stress. So that's going to leave you less band with for decision making, for motivation, for creativity, for emotional resilience. And that process is adaptive and a indicator that you just need to slow down.

Has anyone been feeling this way lately? I'll raise my hand for myself. Here's a few refrains. One of the best things that you can do when you notice the season where you're feeling low is really think about how you're speaking to yourself and reframe it in a way that is more neutral so that you're not adding fuel to that low mood by speaking negatively to yourself or about yourself. So for example, when you say, say I'm so behind. Instead try my pace has shifted because my needs have shifted. I can reset, not rush.

You figure out right what that language is for you. But I do want to give you a concrete example, because sometimes it's like I don't know what else to say. I've been saying that to myself for so long. Here's another one I should be able to handle. This should is oppressive to the brain. It causes harm. It is usually rooted in guilt. So instead I want you to try Capacity changes and strength. Or my strength includes adjusting, not just pushing, right? Or maybe you simplify it and say I'm allowed to adjust, not push.

I might use that for myself today. Third example. I don't feel like myself. I hate this version of me. Please don't, please care for and embrace. Whatever version of you has decided to show up for the day may not be Your favorite version. But be proud that you showed up. Here's something that you can say instead. This is still me. A me that is tired, stretched, hurting. But I can meet this version with gentleness. Because let's be real. You need to give yourself. The world will not always give you.

Sometimes we are hard on ourselves because life is hard or the people around us are hard and we're hoping that we'll see how exhausted and overwhelmed and low we are and swoop in and support us. Not always. So you have to continue to fill your own cup even when your capacity is low. And that means adjust, shift, slow down, release an overly unrealistic expectation that you have on yourself. Here's a question for you. What is one expectation that you are placing on yourself right now in this season that you know is not ideal?

One is one expectation. Expectation that you know you're expecting this out of yourself. And if you're honest with yourself, given everything that you've been through this year, this expectation is not realistic. And then I want you to think even further and ask yourself, well, then why are you holding yourself to that standard? Are you doing it for you? Are you doing it because it's what other people expect? Are you doing it because you're still working through people pleasing and you don't want to let other people down?

Are you doing it because other people have said things to you about this situation? And so getting out of confrontation means caving. But catering can come with a cost. So I want you to keep that in mind. I want to give you a few questions. These are reflection questions that you can use to help guide yourself when you know that you need to make a shift but you're struggling to do it? Number one, what is my body trying to tell me today? Number two, what expectations do I need to release or at the least revise?

3. If I gave myself permission to do less, what would I choose? First, I'll admit number three is the question that I want to encourage all of you to ask. All right, before the day is over, maybe a week, depending upon what you have going, I want you to try this. I want you to ask yourself and then do what is the smallest step I can take that honors my current in the moment capacity. And I want you to pay attention if you are talking yourself out of it. If you are like Dr. Charisse, I can. I have so much to do.

I didn't tell you not to do the things that you need to do. But I still want you to consider what is the smallest thing that you can do that honors your current capacity. So that means maybe you rework the priority list. Maybe you tell someone. I know we were supposed to meet today. Can we shift it to early next week? Because I'm a proponent of not having meetings on Friday. Right. Small but impactful. That's what I want you to consider. You don't have to finish strong. Resist any part of you that is in alignment with that statement or taking in that message that we see everywhere.

Finish strong. Finish your best. Right. There's a lot of miles in the race ahead. Don't worry about finishing strong. Just finish right. Finish the things that need to be finished today without neglecting yourself. All right. Thank you for joining today. I always love our time. I hope that you found something that you can use to support yourself. Come back, listen to this as much as needed or share it with someone that you know. They're also on the struggle bus and beating themselves up because they don't feel like themselves.

Accept whatever you is ready to face the day and know that it's enough and we'll talk soon.