Sunday Serenity - My 9 Out Of 10 Rule

Good evening everybody in the Cadre sphere. It's Jason Lennox here and coming to you tonight with Sunday Serenity, which is my every Sunday series talking about all things recovery, mental health, well being, especially how serenity, peace, whatever you want to call it, however you want to look at it, how that makes a significant difference in those of us seeking recovery. But I just think in general, I think lack of serenity, lack of peace is what caused me to seek all that pleasure and everything else in other things.

So I'm excited to be here chit chatting with you. And we've got a surprise here. I've got the old Christmas tree up, which if you can't tell, makes me incredibly happy. So I took the liberty of putting that thing up just yesterday, being at home for the weekend. So the only reason I had the ability to do that, I would say is because of the rule that I shared in the title and that I'll share a little bit about now, which is my 9 out of 10 rule. And it's nothing that's been around forever, but it's really new, actually.

As I was out walking, Luke and I walk across six states and as I started thinking about coming back, getting back at the end of October, looking at November, looking at December, I've always been a person that looks at the holiday season as a time where I want to slow down. And every year I'm like, this is the year. I'm going to take some time, I'm going to be present, I'm just going to chill out a little bit. Yet somehow every month when I go to mess with my calendar, there I am filling it up with all the things, literally all the things.

And you know, it's a result of, I'll say a couple things. One, as I, as I got into recovery, I found myself looking at the clock, wondering what I was going to do with my time. I think that's the case for a lot of us. And so what did I do? I planned and I planned and I planned. So I went from one extreme to the other one. No agenda, no planning, no just nothing happening. And that got me the life that it got me. It was not a good life. As I got into the world of recovery, time was, and especially time alone was an enemy early on.

Really it was, and it is for a lot of people. Spending that time alone early in recovery is a really dangerous place. So I compensated. And I remember I would early on journal and I would journal down to the half hour of every day where I was going to be what I was going to be doing and just plan the heck out of my life. And you know, it worked for me then. It carried me through, it was necessary to do that. But that just carried on and on and on. And next thing I know, here, almost 15 years later, I still look at my life and sometimes I on a daily basis, I'm looking at just a jam packed schedule.

Hey, good evening, Emily. It's great to have you here. Luke, Some of the others. But yeah, I'd like to say I don't have a lot of room for error. Something goes wrong or fall behind a little on something, then it throws the rest of the day off. So all that to say, that's how I got here. A lot of planning, a lot of that. And the other thing is that drives that I think is the one work that we get to do. I know the work I get to do from speaking, from consulting, advocating, sitting on boards, all of these things keeps my life incredibly busy, incredibly busy with conversations with again, board seats, volunteer opportunities, running a business, speaking.

There's just a lot that goes on and I have a ton of family and they're all spread out all over. So I spend a lot of time doing a lot of these things. So anyhow, that's all to say, this is how my life got here, to be completely jam packed. And like I said, every month I go back to the drawing board and the calendar and I almost take some kind of satisfaction in just filling that thing up with all the things that are exciting to do. Problem is, it doesn't give us a lot of downtime. So I thought about it differently this year.

Instead of just saying I want to do something different, I want to be present. This is going to be the year I actually said and came up with this 9 out of 10 rule and said if it's not a 9 out of 10, I'm not taking it, I'm not going to do it. And what do I mean by 9 out of 10? You can look at it in many different ways, but is it something that's 9 out of 10 as an opportunity, so something I just really wouldn't want to miss? Or is it a 9 out of 10 house on fire kind of situation? Whether that's the business in life, family, any of the things 9 out of 10.

Yes, 9 out of 10 are bust. Love it. Luke. The other way you could look at it is, is this something that would cost me sleep? Is it something I would sacrifice my sleep for on the opportunity side, if it's such a strong Opportunity that I'd be willing to get up a little earlier, stay up a little later. That to me is 9 out of 10 on the opportunity side. Is it something that would keep me up and awake at night if I didn't deal with it on the house on fire side? So that's what I said for November and December.

And I can tell you using that lens and using that filter, I've said no to coffees, to certain events, to getting together with groups, to doing those kinds of things. And I've said some yeses, maybe that haven't landed in nine out of 10. But I can tell you that I had weekends like this weekend. Yesterday I was just talking to Luke on the phone, a little catch up this weekend. I woke up, I did a hard workout yesterday, went out and grabbed a bite to eat for lunch with someone for their birthday, came back home, did some cleaning.

Just love that thing. You can't tell. I just love the Christmas tree. Are you the kind of person where it's, it's way too early, you can put it in. I won't take offense soon if it's way too early for that thing to be up, or are you the kind of person that's like, Halloween's over November 1st, let's go. I'm closer to the latter, but were all to each their own. So I put that thing up and then I watched actually miracle on 34th street and you know, dozing in and out in the evening and just all the things.

And then today I got up and I got caught up this morning on work. Just some vision, some planning, and just some really, some of the dreamy stuff, getting 20, 26 in order, some travel plans, things like that. And then I came home, took a little nap, and I'm crazy for that tree. But it's nine out of 10. It is nine out of 10 for me. I could sit and look at that thing. So I take a little snooze, watch a little football, go to the gym, hit the sauna, cook a meal, have a phone call, and here we are. And it's just been a beautiful, beautiful weekend.

I didn't leave town. I didn't really. I shouldn't say that I left town a little bit for that lunch, but other than that, just hanging around home, doing all the things. My place is clean. That feels good. It doesn't take me long, but still it feels really good when that's done. And here we are Sunday night and I'm gonna be able to kick the feet up, maybe watch another Movie, maybe put on some football. But I've got a couple more weekends. Of course, all the holiday stuff does get busy and there's travel and there's family and prepping and all those things.

But I have at least call it three, four of these weekends in the next six weeks where I really just get to spend time with people that make sense. Hang around home, maybe do a coffee, maybe do a lunch. But I'm not running, burning the candle at both ends. And really, this 9 out of 10 thing, I think, is not just going to be a holiday thing for me, but it's got to be beyond that. Maybe it's not nine out of ten. Maybe it's eight out of ten. That nine out of ten, I encourage you to give that a whirl, to put that lens on as you think about.

Because for me, I mean, really for me, I want to meet as many people as I can. I want to hang with as many people. I just love being around people, getting to know people, spending time with people. I love attending events. I love supporting people in any way I can. So I would just say yes and, you know, yes, yes, yes. All those things matter. When we can put a little lens on it and say 9 out of 10, I start to filter that through and I go, oh, I almost said yes, but is this a 9 out of 10? Because we need some time here to energize and to get things going and get things in order at home.

So I'm incredibly grateful for the nine out of 10. It gave me a beautiful weekend this weekend again, next weekend, probably, like I said, three or four of those over the next month, month and a half. And it's a very important time of year. I hope you all get to do that and you get to spend some time with your families and do all that. And if you don't have a life that is. That warrants a 9 out of 10 filter, hopefully. I wish for you that that's a direction you can go. Because the reality is the 9 out of 10 is only required because I have a full life and I have a lot of people and I have a lot of things and I have a lot of places and a lot of events.

And that really is a blessing. And it's a result of packing into the stream of life and just being there, being in many places with all the people. So it's a good thing. But I need to have a way to kind of set the tone and step back and press pause a little bit, especially if I want to enjoy what is my favorite time of year? I'm just going to give you that little shot again because I love it. But this is. It really is. The music, the lights. People get a little happier. I know it's a little more stressful.

It's getting cold, all the things. But it really is a time that we get to spend time with family, friends, do all those things and hopefully be a little more generous and think about the reason for the season. And maybe best of all, watch Home Alone and Home Alone 2. I don't go beyond those two, but the first and the second, I'm good with Macaulay Culkin. He's the real deal, by the way. Also in recovery now, so he had a rough little bout there, but I think he's doing well. So nine out of ten. Is it a nine out of ten?

That's what I keep asking myself. Hopefully you can ask yourself this. A nine out of ten. If not, maybe it can be tabled. Maybe it can be pushed to 20, 26, or maybe it just doesn't need to happen and it'll come around the next time. All the people, all the groups, the coffees, the lunches, they're not gonna stop. Those will keep happening. I just don't have to say yes to everything all the time. So it's my 9 out of 10 rule. Hopefully you can take that, implement a little bit of it or, you know, and.

Or build a little bit of a lifestyle that forces you to have a 9 out of 10 rule in place. Because again, that means life is full. And a full life is much better than the alternative. The old life, the way that we used to live, just was not a life I ever want to go back to. It was very lonely, it was very tragic, and just nothing fun about that. So I don't remember many of the holidays then. And so to be sitting here and telling you about 9 out of 10, to. To become present and be here with family, friends, and just me a lot of times, just me hanging out here.

Little old Hopkins, Minnesota. So nine out of ten. Go get it this week. Look forward to doing it again next week. But again, build that nine out of ten lens. Bye. Bye.