Harbor Pilots Among Us

Hello. I do believe I've ended the livestream, Gracie. I don't need your assistance in this moment. My name's Kathy. In the Cadresphere, I'm known as Speak Wonder because I love to bend words into poetry. And my theme is Harbor Pilots because I believe we're all vessels in the harbor guiding each other safely to shore. And that's what Cadre does. Hi, Andrea. Hi, Virginia. It's good to have you here. Thank you for joining the Live. Appreciate the hearts. Like many of the Cadre contributors in the wake of the school shooting, Minnesota, I too have pivoted a bit as to my topic today.

I had planned and still in some ways plan to invite you into a conversation about building strength, walking with uncertainty, being strong enough to do so. And I got that notion, that idea from Dr. Charisse. If you're not familiar with her mentorship, her wisdom, her live streams, I invite you to go and do the replays and definitely join her live. Dr. Charisse has helped me on many fronts. She's wonderful. And so in her life, on the 18th of August, she said, build the strength to walk with uncertainty and don't lose sight of what's important.

So, and I think as our communities are coming together across the nation in solidarity, holding grief for the school and the community there in Minnesota, where many Cadre folk live and breathe and have their ministries as we do that, we're learning, build strength and walk with uncertainty. Because walking into any day has no guarantee to it, does it? Life is what happens when you've made other plans. And we say that with a bit of levity, but it's also true with a lot of gravity. In the last 24, 48 hours, build the strength to walk with uncertainty and don't lose sight of what's important.

Hi, Jules. So my family was very much present for the first school massacre. There had been one in Kentucky also prior to the Columbine massacre in 1990. In 1990, April of 1990, the 20th, to be exact. 1999. April 20th of 1999, 13 students were murdered and one teacher at Columbine High School. At the time, I was a radio host, a co host in Denver, in a beautiful mountain studio overlooking Denver and Littleton, Colorado. And I'll never forget that day. I won't go into a lot of detail, but I bring it to you in context for what I, I thought we could converse about today.

And that is, as I drove from my lunch break back to the radio studio, one of my most searing memories, keen visceral Memories is hearing sirens and seeing police cars going, lights and sirens. And I thought there must be a massive accident somewhere because. Because as I sat in an intersection, pulled over to the side for safety, I saw 22, 22. I counted them patrol cars. And they were from not just Arapahoe county, where my husband was in law enforcement, but from surrounding counties, from the city of Denver, city of Littleton, all the surrounding first responders just arriving.

And I didn't know where until I drove to the studio and our news guy was doing the report. We knew very little in those early moments, early hours, early days. We didn't know everything. And of course, national news media were setting up their tents and their equipment right there. The scene. I remember later seeing Katie Couric and interviewing surviving students on a bench. It's funny, the details you remember, the colors, the impressions that you remember from a tragic situation. My husband, thankfully that day, as an Arapahoe county policeman, sheriff's deputy, actually, he did not have road detail.

He did not have first responder responsibilities that day. He did not arrive on the scene. But because he was in law enforcement, I learned some insider stuff that was very jarring. Just a couple of examples. The casualties were thought to be even more because living students, hours after the danger was over, were playing dead. They were lying on top of their fellow students because they didn't know if people arriving in uniform, namely the SWAT team, was safe or were they still the enemy. Because, of course, SWAT team people carry weapons, too.

And the students were frightened out of their minds and they were holding their breath and pretending to not be alive so they wouldn't be shot at. Again, just a staggering fact. And so, because of the first witnesses into those rooms and into that cafeteria, members of law enforcement thought there were more casualties than there were until they told the kids, it's okay, we're safe. We're here to help you. We're here to rescue you. We're here to help you be reunited with your family. So just one other quick side note that I remember from that day is also my husband told me, actually weeks later, he said there were SWAT team members that never returned to the force.

They actually got into a whole different line of work because this was unprecedented. Still is in many ways. School shootings, there's. There's no protocol. I mean, how can you stop a guy from shooting outdoors inside right into a stained glass window has happened yesterday. You know, there's no safety protocols to stop evil. Just isn't so. Being a radio host, I had the opportunity to interview people afterward with my co host Roy. And we. We talked to the two kids who wrote a song titled Columbine.

Friend of mine talked to different people. We interviewed parents. It was a tender and fragile time. In many ways, Cadre has given me back my voice. I thought after I moved cross country with my family away from Denver to Pennsylvania back in 2005, that I would get a radio job again. That was just naturally what I thought and I did as a volunteer and I did some radio co hosting here and there. Not until now, in the last couple years with Cadre, have I felt like a broadcaster again. Brittany is a broadcaster.

She was on earlier today on Cadre. I invite you, I encourage you to watch her on the replay if you missed it. She said something very telling about grief and about grieving in community. She said, am I still grieving? Am I still holding grief for people with a sudden unfathomable loss? If. Unfathomable loss? If I'm having a corn dog at the state fair, you know, that's a really good question because as we walk forward into the uncertainty of life, we're going to get hungry, we're going to want lunch, we're going to want to go to the state fair.

We need to be present with our kids. Is that still showing up for other people in the midst of their loss? I think it is because we're still holding their sadness in a way that can't be measured, in a way that words cannot be attached to. We just are. Hi, Rick. So much trauma, Jules. I lived in Denver during Columbine as well. It was a scary time. I had co worker whose children were there. Yeah, very scary. You know, even in the wake, even weeks afterward, I remember Amy Grant coming to sing and she sang a haunting song which haunts me.

Why is the title of it and it's why. Why? Why? I think possibly somebody wrote it for her or she wrote the lyrics to commemorate and to honor the families of the victims of Columbine. If you get a chance, just go on your music streaming and type in Amy Grant and song. Why Beautiful applies to many situations. Certainly that one. So to Jules comment, it was scary for a while. I mean, just didn't know. There's a lot of construction going on near me and there's a house being painted over that way. And still I chose to sit on my patio today for today's Cadre.

And who knew my dog would be barking orders that everybody with a big machine, there's a backhoe over that way. Flash forward, please. From the Columbine massacre of 1999 to hello, Julie. Julie lives in a big yellow house. I figured. Yeah. Yeah. It's not food. It's something heavy. Oh, wow. I want to make sure. If I carry it over, so. All right. Thank you. You know, I can get it to her if you'd like. No, I mean, they are working on the house, but I was gonna set it at the Psycho Orbiter. Yeah, good idea.

FedEx, y'. All. FedEx. I do apologize. I love the organic quality of the Cadre. You just don't know what's gonna happen. Lots of ambiance, sound building the strength to walk with uncertainty and not losing sight of what's important. Words I don't want to say prophetically spoken, but lots of wisdom in those words. A couple of weeks ago from Dr. Charisse here on Cadre. And my topic today is sailing into the uncertainty. Anyway, because it is murky out there, the skies are changeable, and we don't know what might happen in a given day.

We need to walk forward. We need to sail on. So, as I was just saying before Mr. FedEx was talking to me, I don't know if he made it onto camera. I don't think he even knew I was broadcasting last November. So November of 24, I went to Colorado. As is my thing, I go once a year, sometimes twice a year, because that's my other home. And my. My grown daughters know this, too, and they sometimes in the past have gone with me for a visit. And I went to this beautiful park that I always visit because it has a circumference around a.

A lake that is one mile. And I love to walk around there. I used to push my strollers with my daughters around that lake. And. And so I always visit for old times sake to reminisce and to see the beauty there in the lake. You can see the reflection of Mount Evans. It's just stunning. Mount Evans almost always is snow capped, as is. Jules helped me out here. I think it's Mount Evans we can see from Littleton, and I think it's Pike Peak we can see from Colorado Springs, Pikes Peak. You want to help me there?

Yeah. So I went to the top of the hill in that park, which overlooks this panorama of the mountains. And then the lake that's nearby, the playground that's nearby, the little parks and recreation areas in that beautiful green space. And there has been a memorial put up. I call it Stones of Remembrance because at first blush, it looks like these granite stones that are put into this wall and gorgeous gardens all around. Thank you, Jules. I'm correct. That is Mount Evans. Jules, have you been to the memorial site?

I think it's only been up and running for a few years, this permanent site. There are granite stones that are permanently in the wall. And at first they look like gravestones, but they're not. I call them stones of remembrance. What they contain are the names of the fallen, their ages at the time that they were murdered, and something about those students. So I studied each of those, and also the teachers commemorated as well, of course. And then there are some quotes from people, and I've written just a couple of them for you today that I thought I'd share.

One of the granite stones has etched in it these words from a parent. I hope people come to this place to think about how they themselves can be better people rather than come here to reflect on death. That's from a parent. And then another quote. This is from a student. Etched into the stone, into this kind of rose quartz granite, are these words. I would be misleading you if I said, I understand this. I don't. And then a third one I wrote down is from another student. A kid my age isn't supposed to go to that many funerals.

We were holding grief and trauma and outrage for little kids who are processing this alongside their parents and teachers. I'm just going to circle back to the quote from Dr. Charisse. Let's build the strength to walk with uncertainty and not lose sight of what's important. And that is pretty much all I have for you today. I'm glad that we have each other. Cadre is a definitely a place where we can, together as we are, be immobilized by grief and yet be galvanized by intent. We're kind of stopped in our tracks.

We're kind of sorting through this murky place of the suddenness, the outrage, the evil, the loss. And so we're immobilized, and that's okay. We don't have to, in my case, write poems, make things make sense when they do not. When they absolutely do not. So while we're immobilized by grief and loss, we're galvanized by intent to be better human beings, to hug more, to laugh often, to eat the corn dog at the state fair, to dwell in this moment. And as our friend Rick says to. I think the way he says it is, I'm holding hope for you.

Let's hold hope for each other. Let's be our resilient selves out there. You have A beautiful heart. It might be fragile right now. It might be immobilized. Still a beautiful heart. And I'm glad we had time today to be together in the Cadre. I'm having my coffee on the patio in my heart cup. And from my heart to yours, let's simmer in the things of gratitude, be available for people who want to process, and let's just be ourselves. Thank you for joining me today. I appreciate the hearts, the interaction, and I have something to bring you next week on Caregiver Day.

One quick note before I leave. My mom got to see Sasquatch last Sunday. Yeah, Bigfoot is a thing around here in the hills of Pennsylvania. I'm based in Erie here, but I'm from a very rural area and there's a festival every year there. And last Sunday, mom got to meet Sasquatch. And that's all I have to say because that's kind of a mystery wrapped in a conundrum. And we don't say much about Bigfoot just to keep the mystery alive. So caregiving sometimes looks like bringing your mother to a festival and allowing her to be in a place that has some normalcy to it among other people.

She got to see a lot of her friends. She had a day pass from the, from the. The care home where she lives. It was wonderful. So I, I know this is caregiver day and very much we are reaching out in a virtual hug to one another. Heart to heart hugs, my friends, and thank you for being with me as always in the Kadrasphere. Until next week, I'll be with you as a Cadre consumer and I look forward to what others will bring to the table. I didn't even look at the future broadcast. I usually do. I know we have some newcomers to the Cadre as content providers and Nikki's doing a fabulous job of interviewing people.

And I believe at 3 o' clock my time, Ms. Shannon Paul will come on her Cadre, which is comedy in the chaos. Be well, be blessed. See you next time.