Untying the Knots

Are you there? Are you out there? I'm here. Welcome to Harbor Pilots on the Thursday Cadre. My Cadre name is Speak Wonder because I love to speak words of wonder and enchantment. I like to find words and form them into a haiku or a poem or an essay or a live stream like the one we're on today. My real name is Kathy, Kathy Joy, and I'm so happy to be with you. Caregiver Day Thursday. I got to thinking that Cadre is kind of like a delightful, drippy, juicy, all day sucker because a lot of the contributors merged together in a wonderful treat to Savor.

Of course, the word savor is our theme for the month of August, and there are so many ordinary moments that in the savoring of them, become extraordinary. And I'm thankful for each of the contributors. Contributors for the bloggers, for the folks who created the whole Cadre concept and brought it to fruition, and for how lively and elegant and organic the conversations are. And they're honest. They're honest. Good morning, Amar, Jules, Emily. You know, hmm. This is an unusual request and it probably won't make a whole lot of sense to you, but as an affirmation, I wonder if you type the word August as in the month of August in the chat here.

Just type August and you'll soon realize why I'm asking this. Because August has become an affirmation instead of a dread. Look at these gorgeous flowers. Aren't they wonderful? They are on my tabletop because they're an affirmation of support and friendship and they're a reminder that my grief has not gone unseen or unnoticed. And they're also kind of a milestone of a pivotal point in my grief life, my grief journey. If you were with me a couple of months ago here on the Cadre, I was having a hard day and to the point where I almost thought maybe my mood was unacceptable for the Cadresphere, when in fact, as a mental health space and wellness, this is exactly where I needed to land on that rough day.

And I remember identifying the month of August, which was looming large and is now here, as my grief storm. It's the month that my husband died, and he didn't die slowly in a way in which we were aware. It was sudden, it was quick, it was unexpected, and it was devastating. And it was so sudden that the shockwaves thundered through our family and have done for some years. And there's been a gentle, pivotal, quiet calibration of my grief that I'm so thankful for there's prayer, there's therapy, there's the faithfulness of friends who walked beside me and continued to do so.

There's Cadre and. And all of these elements combined have helped bolster me up, helped me to be authentic, to express my raw feelings. And because of that, something has surfaced in its peace, it's remembrance. And there is a joy that is mingled in that I hadn't noticed before. And so, yes, thank you for typing August, because August has become a milestone instead of a dread. And I am here to let you know that as you work honestly through your grief. And I know this is not grief day, this is caregiver day.

However, things do mingle together, don't they? So often the conclusion to caregiving, the final amen is death. It's grief, it's the release, it's the letting go, it's the leave taking. In my case, particularly because my mother, who I Caregive, is 94 years of age and her body is going to expire. She wonders why it hasn't yet. Her humor is like over the top. I say, mom, you're probably going to outlive all of us kids. You have so much vitality and spunk. So my horizon has shifted. It's become something I want to gaze at now instead of go away from.

And that is probably by definition a fairly ordinary moment that almost passed me by. And it became extraordinary when I noticed my grief is different, my August is different. So thank you for typing August in the chat because truly, it has become something I want to lean into and instead of away from. I love that we're embracing the ordinary and savoring. Savoring is our main word for this month of August. And last week here on the Cadre on Harbor Pilots, I talked about a quote that I have on my refrigerator.

I'll read it to you again. It says, ordinary today. Do not let me pass you by in search of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Living in the moment today as advertised, when I did my little write up for what Cadre would be today, from my living room to yours or your car or wherever you are. And thank you if you've come back for the replay. What I said was untying the knots. And so I have something to read to you. I hope I marked it well. I'm tying the knots. Where is it? You know, the minute you think you're organized, you're probably not.

I have a bunch of things in here and I was sure that I had earmarked this particular one for you. All I Might have to come back to it next week. Well, you know what? Since I can't find it immediately, I'm saving it for next week, untying the knots. And I have something else that I'm sure you'll love. It's the Wonder of the Ordinary. Now, this book I'm looking through, it's a very thick notebook. This itself is just a collection of memories from COVID during the lockdown. And I've been sort of banking on it for Cadre because there are some things in here that play into life as we know it now, not just during lockdown.

I wrote these essays to my workmates by the request of my supervisor. When we were all sequestered in our very own apartments, houses, wherever we were staying during lockdown in 2020 and couldn't go to the building where we worked, she called me and said, kathy, would you write something as a means of encouragement? And it was almost like pre Cadre when I think about it, because where I worked was human services and mental health and wellness. Big part of our jobs in that agency. And so as a part of that, to keep each other company, so to speak, we would send encouraging notes.

And so finally my supervisor said, let's send a group wide. And that's 200 y'. All 200 email recipients receive my daily. Daily. I called it the Daily Jab. Sorry, I did the Jab. So this is the one from May 28th of 2020, the wonder of the Ordinary. I'm glad I happened across this one because it's about the ordinary and savoring the wonder of the ordinary. Finding delight in rare, splendid moments. Anticipating a visit, counting your blessings and putting your troubles into a boat of leaves and sailing it out to sea.

Conversations on paper, unexpected phone calls, and rechecking the mailbox to make sure your letter has gone down. You ever do that? You go back to the mailbox, make sure the letter actually went in there when you know it did. And finally being there when the sky has lost the sunlight but not yet found the stars. And my name is on there for that daily jab in the month of May 2020. And there is this really cool picture, a sailboat. It's probably going to be. Yeah, there it is with leaves on it, matching my nautical theme.

Putting troubles into a boat of leaves and sailing it out to sea in a way that is untying the knots, my friends. You know, I probably isolated that whole page so I could grab it. It's all right. It's okay to be disorganized. Right. Hey, Nikki. Nikki, did you see these? I don't know if you just hopped on. Aren't they lovely? A gift from a friend who knows that the month of August can be difficult for me as it is the observance of the loss of my husband. And I miss him still, but I miss him differently.

I miss him with joy, remembrance, gratitude, and just this quiet, quiet knowledge that we had something special. And I'm grateful for it. I surely am. One of our contributors, I think it was Gene Nichols last week, talked about in this space of savoring, how sometimes it's beneficial. Most times it's beneficial to step away from a project or a task or perhaps a sense of overwhelm, when we're kind of running to and fro or tying up loose ends and we lose focus. This happens to me probably on a daily basis, you know, with the technology we have at our fingertips.

It can also be a hindrance. We hear pings and reminders and alarms and emails come sailing in. And it can be a distraction. And so I'm sure it was Jean. She said, what are some things you do to mitigate that distraction? And there were several suggestions, all of them wonderful. And she had some as well. Walking, journaling, doing something you love, maybe if you play an instrument or sing. We talked about dancing, putting on your jam and dancing and do that for 5, 10 minutes. It recalibrates your heart and your brain and you're ready to return to the task at hand.

And truly, you haven't stepped away for very long. You've actually benefited yourself by taking a little break. And I was listening to that and thinking about writing and the fact that I love to write. And sometimes when I'm looking for just the right words, they are hard to catch. They escape me somehow. They tease me. And so I wrote this poem, this one I have in front of me. I'm ready to read it to you. In Pursuit of Words by Kathy Joy, A pithy verse eluded me. It teased and hovered merrily. I tried to catch it with my pen, but it was on a flitting spree.

It flitted past my flickering screen. It sailed right over my fax machine. It vanished when my cell phone beeped, then lingered by the mirror to preen. Soon, weary of the teasing words, I turned my face to watch the birds and stroll in shade of quiet woods where fireflies and. And crickets stirred. The woodsy walk had cleared my mind. The Fleeting poems. Two fleeting poems. I was resigned, but now with great delight I found the words on Tiptoe crept behind. The words were with me all the time. The words were with me all the time.

I thought you'd enjoy that maybe little potpourri of things today for y'. All. I found this great life hack. My granddaughter Matilda loves my little paper sailboats, and I make them real tiny out of maps. She loves maps. She's four and she loves road maps and atlases. I think that's tremendous. She doesn't understand them yet, but she loves to trace the water and the routes and the places where there are national parks and there's a lot of green. She just enjoys that so much. And I take road atlases and maps and fold them into boats because you know, me, boats, harbor pilots.

This hack that I discovered is that to get them to float, they float anyway. I don't have water in this bowl just at the moment. However, you can lengthen the life of these little paper delicate sailboats by dipping them in candle wax. This is kind of a light green candle wax. You dip them gently in the wax, let it dry, and they float and they last longer because after you've floated them around and played with them, you let them dry and they're sail worthy again. Isn't that great? So there you go.

Today's Cadre caregiver day. Stepping away, savoring the moment. For the creatives among us, pursuing that music or those words you want to jot down. If they're eluding you, if they're dancing around and misbehaving, leave them alone, step away, and they'll probably find you, and then you can write it down and continue your pursuit of creativity or that project you need to finish, whatever it may be. I feel seen and heard and understood this month of August, which is usually my darkest month, a little light has wiggled in and I'm doing fine, y'.

All. I'm doing fine. I really am. Claire is coming up today, back to school and occupational therapy. And then I have a note here that Tara and Nikki will be appearing. And I believe that's one of those fabulous interviews where Nikki interviews one of the contributors. So look that up. I don't give you times because I'm here in Erie, Pennsylvania. It's Eastern Standard. Hey, dream big. How you doing? So I don't give times because I think that's confusing. I think most of the Cadre folks are in central.

Shannon Paul is coming up. Ms. Shannon. Comedy in the chaos as we make our way into safe port and as we lean on one another as kind of a regatta of ships sailing together and helping each other find our way. Whether it's caregiving, whether it's grief, maybe sobriety, parenting, grief, recovery. There are so many facets to the Cadre. And so we are a fleet of ships traveling together and finding our way in community to safe harbor. I invite you to sail under the merciful gaze of your friends and comrades.

See you next Thursday on Cadre. Thank you. Thank you for being here.