Rachel’s Room🛋️

Happy Friday. Cadre Crew. Hello. Hello. Quick, quick little thing here. Obviously, I'm walking, so I apologize if there's some noise, but it's the first time it's been sunny in Seattle in a while, and I have really been isolating myself and trapped at home. So it's. I'm proud of myself for getting out and I'm taking you with me. So. So, also, I wanted to share that my typical time Wednesday is at 2pm PST. I'm going to be changing that. So I'm experimenting with different times. Hi. Speak wonder.

Hi. Hello. Hello. So I'm experimenting with some different times. Would love to get your feedback on. Like what? Hi, Rach. If there are better times or days for you to join me on lives, I really do like doing, like, a midweek. I feel like that's, like, a great way to have a little check in. So if midweek still feels good to you, maybe I can see if there's a different time on Wednesdays at work. But this month, just pay attention to when my lives are, because I'm just gonna be experimenting with different times to see what works for y' all and for me.

And then hopefully we'll find a good, new, consistent time for Rachel's room. Preferably not early morning. Same. I'm not an early morning person, so I definitely. It'll definitely be an afternoon and probably a weekday just because I'm trying to set good work boundaries and not work on the weekend, so. Hi, Jules. So, that being said, I want to continue the spirit of radical transparency and sharing kind of what's been happening with my mental health, because I know that's been something I've been sharing with y' all on my lives and talk a little bit about the process that I'm going through right now and trying to figure out what the best steps are going to be if you haven't been coming on my lives much or it's your first time.

Hi. I'm glad you're here. So I struggled with an eating disorder and depression for about 20 years, and I've been in therapy, in and out of therapy for most of that time. I've been to eating disorder treat twice. And in the last, like, probably six months or so, my symptoms have been progressively coming back and getting worse. And the last, I would say, like, two to three weeks. They have really, like, hit ahead to a point where I. I need to make some changes. So I have been reaching out to individual therapists.

I also have. I was supposed to have a consultation or an Intake today with a treatment center, but the scheduling got messed up. So next week I'm going to do that. And I think that will be a good sort of, like, indicator to get a professional's, like, perspective on, like, what's the most, like, what is the biggest presenting problem and what's the best course of treatment. Because my friends and my family can make their best guess based on observing how I'm doing and say, like, they think I should, you know, do X, Y and Z.

Or, like, for example, my mom thinks if I just get a different job, then my mental health symptoms will go away. But my best friend thinks that if I go to therapy, then I'll have better tolerance for my work. And I, of course, am just so. My head is just not really the cleanest place right now, So I barely really know what the best thing is. Even though I know, like, I'll always know. I just know that my headspace is not necessarily the clearest or the healthiest to be making a lot of decisions.

So I think that doing this professional intake will be a really great way to get an outside perspective, unbiased. Someone who's just looking at, you know, what's going on in my life through a clinical lens and just use that as more information. So that's kind of step one, which honestly feels both relieving and terrifying. There's a lot of shame involved with needing to seek support again. And I've been. There's been a lot of stories in my head about being broken, about the being unfixable, about destroying my own life, about how my mental health has constantly gotten in the way of my relationships or my success, and questioning if I'll ever be able to function the way that I feel like so many other people function.

I often tell my mom, like, I just wish I had a different brain. And my mom is very sweet, and she'll say, you have such a wonderful brain. It's just struggling right now. And so I'm trying to remind myself that and. But it's definitely hard. It's hard to ask for help, to say that things are hard enough that I need to. That I need professional help. There's definitely, I know, a lot of shame that comes with that. And so if you experience that, you are not alone. And I know that I'm gonna be my hardest critic, my harshest judge, and anyone else who thinks that way or feels that way about me can f*** right off, because that's not kind.

And I know that my brain is just not being kind right now. To myself. So. So that's kind of like State of the Union. I think probably next time we chat, I'll have had that. That intake, so I can kind of share what that process is like. The. The center that I'm. That I'm. That I've reached out to is called Eating Center. I know they have facilities nationwide and they do like virtual and in person. And they take. They take my insurance, which is great because not a lot of eating disorder recovery spots take my insurance, let alone insurance in general.

It's pretty freaking expensive to get help. So. Yeah. And this is also something I've done before, so it's. I know what the process is like. At the same time, it's a lot. It's like an hour and a half. And I'm also curious to see because the last two times I've done treatment, I did it through the EMILY program. So I think maybe trying a different approach would be good and getting a different. Just a different kind of program. Obviously they're all still licensed therapists and still eating disorder treatment, but they use different kind of modalities.

So, yeah, that's kind of that. So I'm just gonna read some comments here really quickly. Let me know if you need anything or to bounce ideas. Thank you so much. Rach, you're not alone and not the only person who may need treatment more than once. I know that's very true. The first time I went to treatment, I think that half the people that were there, it was not their first time. So I know that especially with eating disorder recovery, oftentimes it's not. It's not something that people do one time, which is really sad to me.

And I also know that it is one of the most treatment resistant diagnoses. And yeah, so I know that it's not. It's not the first time for a lot of people or the second time. You know what I mean? So random Z. That's okay. Speak. Wonder. No shame, please. Thank you. I will try. Love your mom. Yes, I love my mom, too. Oh, you've heard good things about erc. Great. Good, good, good, good. Okay, my loves. Well, I am going to continue my walk. I'm approaching a part of the street that is, I think, going to be even louder than it is where I am right now.

So I will see you next week. I have to look at my calendar and schedule something, but I have clocked for y' all that early mornings are not great, which is great because that's not the best for me either. I'll also look at the just the general Cadre schedule and see if there are days or times where there's not as many lives. So hopefully that can fill some gaps of maybe when it'd be nice to have some. Some connection. So. Okay, my loves, I hope you have a really lovely weekend. I hope you get outside.

Don't forget to drink water, don't forget to hug yourself, you're loved and I will talk to you next time week. Bye bye.