Live with Dr.Charryse 🧠

Hello, Cadre fam. How are you really? That's always going to be the question because we ask each other how we're doing all the time and we're so quick to give a cliche response. How are you? Oh, I'm good. I'm fine. And we're not always remember, this is the space where you don't need to be okay all the time. You can come as you are. So answer that question for yourself. How am I really? As always, I'm glad that you're here. Live with Dr. Shareese. One little different day and different time. It happens.

Had a family medical emergency yesterday that did not involve me but did involve someone that I love. And so I needed to prioritize that. I appreciate the flexibility that all of you give. Two things to start. Rate your week one to ten. One meaning it's been a really rough week. Hi, Audrey. Hi, Speak, wonder. Hi, Jules. And 10, meaning you are rocking it. Good morning, Jackie. And of course, let me know where you are in the world. I am actually in Charlotte, in a different location, but still in my home base.

I imagine that by now you guys are thinking every time we see you are in a different place. And yeah, it's like that sometimes. My week has been, wow, what do I want to say? It's Thursday. My brain thinks it should be Saturday, but I really feel like it's been an eight. There's definitely been some bumps along the way, but I feel like I've handled those pretty well. So. Hello from Erie, pa. Ooh, creeping up on a nine. I love it. Six plus. And remember that rating your week. Hello, Georgia. Is not a matter of condemnation.

It's not a matter of judgment. It's a matter of you essentially being able to look at and acknowledge, where am I and where do I want to be? Last thing I'll say, if this is your first time in this live, and I hope you all are inviting your friends and family to come and experience Cadre. I'm Dr. Shareece, and I'm glad to spend some time with you. So today's focus will be on a question that was submitted or a topic or idea by Audrey Reese, one of our participants, who is on here and happens to be a really great friend of mine.

And I thought, oh, I really like this. And so the focus of the topic was essentially, is apathy, a form of self preservation? And that's a really great insight. Here's what I want you to know. Anytime we notice there's a lack of motivation that we feel numb or dissociative not in the sense of we don't know where we are, but we're putting a lot of distance between what's happening in our life and how we're responding. It's one of those moments where we recognize things are happening around us and we're in such a functional freeze, fight, flight or freeze that it's hard for us to even respond.

I've been there where I have been so full in my nervous system, in my brain and in my emotions that when one more thing happened, I knew it happened. I knew that my response for that situation was much lower than it would normally be. And it wasn't just because I was handling things super well. Hello PA and Brooklyn. It was more so centered around there was a level of self preservation that's going on. So first, what are the similarities between apathy and self preservation? There are three one, Both include some level of emotional detachment.

So that means you can withdraw from emotions and external stimuli much like I just talked about and that's going to lead automatically to a reduced engagement with the world. My heart goes out to you Jackie. I'm glad that this is going to be helpful or great for you to hear. At least that's my hope. Two, Both are protective responses. So we can be in those situations where we're feeling a level of apathy or we're self preserving. There can be guilt, there can be shame. But what I actually want you to try to find when you're there or you notice someone else is there is a level of compassion because it's a big big sign that you or someone that you know and love is not okay and you have decided that the best way for you to survive, to preserve is to completely withdraw.

Let me also add in terms of the protective response is think of apathy and self preservation again as ways that we mask. You can outwardly seem like you are fine. You can still show up for the things that are in your life. You can still communicate and be in a place where your self preservation and level of apathy are running hand in hand and are extremely high. So it's not always easy for us to notice, especially in other people, if they're trying to hide it well. Third, similarity between apathy and self preservation is there's just a lack of action motivation.

So both states create decreased motivation to engage in activities to make changes or to follow through for very different reasons. There's a ton more similarities, but those are the key. Three, I do want to talk about the differences between apathy and self preservation so let me set you up with a chart that you can use. I want you to write on the top of your paper, there'll be three columns. Factor, apathy, self preservation. And then under the factor, let's do root cause, emotional state, motivation and outcome.

I'll say those again across the top factor, apathy and self preservation, because we're now going to look at the differences. And then in terms of the factor, there's root cause, emotional state, motivation and outcome. Say. Got it. In the chat, if you have those down, so I know we can move forward. For those who are taking notes, or if I need to say those again, so I'll wait for a moment and give you a chance to say, got it. I need some coffee. Coming soon. Coming soon. And I'll just take some deep breaths while you're chiming in.

And you can also send hearts if you. If that's easier for you, if you're working on your notes. Okay. Sometimes there's a little delay with things coming in, but I'm going to keep going. So when we look at the root cause under apathy, that's often neurological or psychological disengagement. It could come from things like depression, a brain injury, or burnout. Thank you for the. Got it right. So root cause of apathy is often going to be neurological or psychological. And so the disengagement there can come from things like depression, brain injury, burnout, then self preservation.

The root cause is often instinctive or a conscious strategy to go, I can't. This is too much life. Or a person feels harmful. So that tends to be a little bit more physical, emotional or mental. I'll give you an example. If you have a season where you are just being pulled on too much and then you decide the next week, I can't. I cannot engage the way that I have been engaging. I do not have anything left. I am going to pull back. I'm going to take a rest day or two from the movement that I would normally do.

I'm going to back away from saying yes or going to dinners and different things like that. That's a level of self preservation. So it's intentional and conscious because you recognize I'm not doing as well as I'd like to. And in order for me to preserve what I have left, then I'm going to step back and restore. So with those two root causes, it's almost in essence, self preservation will typically come first. Or if it doesn't, or if you don't get enough intentional self preservation, then neurologically and Psychologically, the brain will move you towards apathy and shut you down because you haven't done that for yourself.

And feel free to comment and ask questions all along the way. Then there's the factor of the emotional state. So when we are apathetic, then it looks like indifference, a lack of concern, a level of emotional numbness. And this can be hard, right? This can be really challenging. Especially when we're engaging or speaking with someone that we want to care or we're used to caring and then we feel like, what is, what is going on with them? I don't understand. They would normally kind of give something back and they're not.

And they may be deeply depressed. I see this a lot, especially in situations where someone is dealing with someone who's been depressed and not necessarily working to work through it. Then when it comes to the emotional state of self preservation, you're aware of things that may be dangerous or risk. But when we're in self preservation mode, everything feels like a danger or risk. People talking, people asking us to do things, having responsibilities. So there's this fear and this caution. But in self preservation, and this is a different nuance, the self preservation aspect, we're still able to engage in self care, so we can still make those conscious decisions to go, I, I need to do X, Y and Z.

Whereas in apathy, our emotional state is so low that we're not caring for ourselves. This is where you're like, I don't care what to eat, just make a decision. I just want to sleep, I just want to go to bed, I just want to numb. So it's a much deeper state. Motivation, what does that look like? When we're apathetic, there is none. There is a complete lack of motivation for self care or personal goals. And that can be really frustrating because there's still this little part of your brain that knows, I have goals, I actually want to care about myself, but I am really genuinely struggling to get activated.

Whereas in self preservation, the motivation is to protect yourself. So you have motivation, it's just not for the things that you would typically do. Your primary motivation is you want to protect yourself. And that means that you're withdrawing and setting some very hard boundaries. And then the last piece, the outcome. When we look at apathy as an outcome, it can lead to passivity. It definitely slows our growth down and creates a level of disconnection. Whereas self preservation, it can lead to personal growth because you are preserving what you have left, reflecting, reminding yourself what you need, recognizing that things are different for you.

And it can also lead to healing and resilience. If you find yourself in either one of these places, here are a few things that you can do or if you know someone that you care about. If you feel like you're in self preservation, stay there as long as you need to, right? Stay there until you notice you're starting to rise and lift. Things are not feeling as heavy. And one of the challenges is we often feel guilty about self preservation or we believe or have been led to believe that it should be something that we quickly get through.

And that's not always the case. For some, self preservation may need to last for one to two months or more while you maintain those boundaries, while you really pay attention and focus on how did I get here, what factors in my life led me to this place that you feel like you have to self protect because other people are taking your boundaries and crossing them. Life and the demands of life can be too much. Then if you feel, if you're in apathy, you are like completely out of it, almost feeling like you're walking through water, you're doing things, you're going through the motions, but there's not a lot of connection there.

If you feel like you have zero motivation for anything and your self care is either extremely low or non existent, then I actually encourage you to talk to someone, preferably someone that is a professional. Apathy can be a more dangerous dynamic than self preservation. Because apathy can be and is often a sign of some level of a depressive state. State doesn't have to necessarily mean full on depression, but it could be high functioning depression. But definitely something in you is in a depressive state.

Other things that are going to be helpful for both making sure that you're giving your body as much rest and hydration as possible. You might think that the hydration aspect seems out of left field. It is not. It is so essential for oxygenating the brain and the cells and the body and getting some energy. I would also say if you find yourself a level of apathy, center mild movement, if you can do movement and you're just wired to do that anyway, fine. But if your level of apathy has you at the place that you're like I'm not doing anything, then I would encourage a rocking chair or bouncing on a ball, or yoga or stretching, but center mal movement because we need what you're feeling to find a way to move through the body.

In both situations, compassion is necessary. Because what we want is for you not to beat yourself up, but to have a level of understanding around what's going on in my life. Kind of like we talk about on Sundays. What's on my plate and what are the things that are on my plate that have now baby, drop the plate or let it go and not care about the fact that it crashed and it's all on the floor. Any last minute questions before we wind up our time? Thank you. For those of you that are sharing, I love the moments that I myself am listening to other Cadre contributors and I hear a topic that I'm like, oh my goodness, yes, this is exactly what I need.

So don't forget that you can use the search feature to find other things. There's also some really great meditations and movements in this chat or in this app that you may be able to benefit from. For those of you who do have seasonal affect, hang in there, we're almost there. Because it can still feel just as heavy now as it did in October November. So some of what you may be experiencing can also be a part of that within the next three weeks or so. If you're in an area that sun is starting to come back, things will rise.

If you're in a northern area that is still really dark, hang in there. Utilize whatever you have necessary, but really just kind of pay attention and ask yourself, where am I? I said self preservation. What do I need so that it doesn't get to a level of apathy? And when you are there, reach out. Get what I call a life vest. And that life vest can be a wonderful dynamic of you going, I need someone in my life who can walk me through this, talk with me through this and help me make small goals in order to get back to where I want to be.

Last thing that I'll say, it won't last forever. It can feel awful. It can feel very foreign. You can be very frustrated because self preservation and apathy, you can't power through them right. You have to walk through them carefully and compassionately. As always, I'm so glad that you came. I hope you heard at least one thing that will be useful in your journey of mental health and well being or something that might be helpful for you to support someone else appropriately. But I also want to say on that, remind yourself that it's not your responsibility to take care of everyone else.

You are not designed to save the world. Just focus on saving yourself and I will see you all in a few days. Have a good one.