Mental Health Matters: Ask Me Anything!

All right, folks, another episode of Mental Health Matters, a live stream. We'll see who comes and join us. But in this live stream, we talk about matters around mental health and addiction and because mental health is important. So today I'm doing my every other week, call it Q and A or ama. What up, Shauna? So if you all have any questions about mental health, addiction or otherwise, now's the time to ask. But I brought some questions that people have asked me from Cadre, from social media or whatever, some different topics, but I'd much prefer to answer your questions, whatever it may be.

Now's the time to ask. So let's see any updates? So I'm going to be here for another couple weeks here in Minnesota, and then I'm going to go back. Some of you know that I go to Australia every year. This would be the third time doing it. So my schedule is going to change a little bit, but I'm still going to be around. Jules, one of our top, top fans of the show. Thank you for coming. How's it going, Jules? Jules, we're doing our AMA, Q&A, whatever you want to call it. So I got a few questions here.

So we'll see. I kind of build them up over to. And speak Wonder. Look at that. Another. Another top. Another top viewer. Good to see you all. Oh, you're in PA how's the weather there? We just had, like a big dumping of snow yesterday. Got the plows out today. Going at it. Oh, yeah, maybe. Yeah, we'll do it. Maybe we'll do a live stream. I'll just walk up and down the beach and we'll chat. Although figure out how I can do that while still seeing what you're saying. That'd be fun. I could just do like a.

Can I do that? Is there any way to do that? Probably not, but maybe I'll just talk and walk. What up, Anna? Good day. Mighty. I don't say matey. That's more of a pirate. Mighty. Matey. Let's go, my son. Yeah, we'll just do. I'll just walk, talk, and then every once in a while, we'll see what you got to say. Yeah, we'll do a beach live. That'll start in the new year. New year, New live, New beach. That's pretty. I know. I went on. I actually took like a walk last night. Put on, strapped on my hiking boots and my dog Bella loves the snow.

She gets the snow zoomies. And she's old, right? She's gonna be 15 next month, but she Was like, I don't know, something about the snow energizes her. We went on like a few miles through the thick, unplowed snow, kind of through this park. And it was just. It was so pretty. So I was definitely out longer than I thought. But we had a good time and took her off leash in some of the parks. And she's deaf, so I don't like doing that because I can't really call her back. So. But it was nice. I mean, no one's out.

So we were running around, having a good time. Then she was like, all right, time to go. And then she ran out of the park and she just kind of striding away and I'm like chasing after her down the street. Eventually caught up with her, but she wasn't like trying to run away. She was just like, all right, let's go. And, yeah, so then I, like, ran up and then right as I ran up to her, she turns around and was like, looking for me. But then I was just on the other side of her. She's deaf, so she's not dead.

She's like, quick. She's like. And. Oh, hey, I just saw a video come up on some social media FYP of mine and it was like the Minnesota Zoo, and it's. It was showing all the animals that were getting snow zoomies. And it was like horses and camels and red pandas. I don't know, whatever it was, but they were all like running in the snow. A little Gracie poo. So, see, that's a part. This is a part of wonder I like. Although today I guess it's like way colder, which is like, not cool. I don't see the point of that, honestly.

Yeah, I don't get it. But I do like the snow. Even though it's colder. It's like a melting a little because it's sunny, but we definitely got a few inches there. At least four, if I had to guess here in Minnesota. Maybe somebody knows, but this is the part of winter I like. If it was just snowy on and off and you could snowboard, cross country, ski, snowshoeing, winter hikes, that's the fun stuff. But when it's just cold, it's useless. The last couple years, I really didn't get much of it. First time left in December, then I left later in January, but I still got like, nothing.

Got like one day of snow last year. Until that, I know I never really checked the weather report. So when you do. When you do it that way, everything just is a surprise. I was like, oh, cool. However, the problem there is you're not prepared for it. I was up in Duluth, so even more intense. Everything's so hilly and there was like a kind of a snowstorm, but it was a little like slushier. And I almost on highway, you know, on the 61 Superior Highway, I almost slammed into a guardrail. I wasn't even going that fast, but I lost.

I was just like. I was like, I'm going in the guardrail. I was on the phone with my mom and I was like, oh, s***. Oh. She's like, what? But then it kind of clicked back and I got traction. Oh, thank God. And I drove like half the speed limit. People are like, up behind me. I'm like, don't care. Go around. So I definitely would need snow tires. However, I'm leaving, so probably not gonna do that. Maybe next year, just replace the tires in general. I don't even know if I have replaced them since I got the car like four years ago.

But I only have like 25,000 miles on it, so I've like, barely. I don't even drive all that much these days. However, before, what is. What is maple snow? So, yeah, we could talk about that too. Tires. Because if I was here all winter, what I would probably do is I would get some winter tires, you know, or just like, like straight, not even like Aussie, like snow tires. Then it's fun because you could just plow through. It could be a blizzard and you ain't going. You ain't slipping anywhere. You could.

You're not getting stuck, that's for sure. Especially if you got like an SUV of some kind with a little more lift, four wheel drive, you are good to go. I remember on my old Jeep, I'm like, oh, I got a four wheel. Like, I'm fine. I remember as one. So when I was slipping all over the place, I'm like, what is going on? Then I realized at that point, I'm like, it's really more about your tires than anything. Pretty much, I'm going to Sydney. Are you familiar with that area at all? Because I can specify a little more.

So, yeah, so I'm sliding all over and then I go. And then I realize the wonders of snow tires, because I went, put some snow tires on it. Some like top tier ones. It's like, I'm not slipping. And yeah, that winter, the next couple winters, I was having a good old time. I'd be driving through blizzards, no problem, new problem. But now I don't have that probably don't need it, but I just got to be careful between now and Tuesday, so that's all I needed. All right, folks, again, if you have any questions about mental health, addiction related, I really appreciate them.

Then I don't have to dive into my stockpile of questions. I could save them for later. All right, so maple. You scoop up bowls full of snow, bring it inside. Important. What? You got to be kidding me. And then you just, I assume you just then eat it, huh? So basically it's like a snow cone, but maple flavored, compact it. I mean, I guess you do that instead of the, you know, the fake red and blue raspberry syrups, but it's like a slushy. Interesting. Bring it in. Poor maple syrup. Do you mix it then?

Or you just kind of. Do you do it out of a straw? Do you do it with a spoon? Are you just like a cone? Like a snow cone? Eat it? Yeah, like a snow cone. Wow. It's fascinating. Absolutely fascinating. Should I try that? I guess you just gotta make sure it's some fresh powder. No animals, no yellow snow. That is, of course, that's what I do. I go to Trader Joe's, I buy a big old thing, pure maple, and I make sure I always have it. You always have to have pure maple syrup. It's good for a lot of things.

I'll know maybe. No, I like to cook. It goes good with. I mean, you could do so much with maple syrup. Like even sometimes I'll make like Chinese stir fry type like, you know, kind of Americanized. Speaking of Trader Joe's, I don't do a lot of the frozen stuff, but sometimes I'll get the, the orange chicken bags, you know, and it's kind of the pre fried crispy chicken. And I'll just stir fry some vegetables and throw in the chicken and there's like that kind of orange, syrupy orange chicken sauce.

But I usually don't use that. But maple, you know, some like maple chicken stir fry. Oh man, it's super good. Maple chicken be at Trader Joe's is the best. So when I go to Australia, something I miss is Trader Joe's. They got a couple good places of their own, but no Trader Joe's. They have Aldi. I'm not like a huge Aldi person. I mean, it's good for what it is. But they have a place there called Harris Farms. And it's kind of like if you mixed whole like whole foods in a co op. So it's like it's not as like Big and commercialized as Whole Foods, but it's not like as, you know, single location co op.

So I don't know, they maybe have like five locations throughout Sydney or something. But it's kind of that more like whole foodsy vibe. They got some good stuff there, a little pricier, but get what you pay for. They have like all sorts of stuff. They have like the best thing I ever found there. And here's a pro tip. Okay, for those of you in here, this is what I've learned. Always buy fresh pasta. Because at Harris Farms they had this like really good like egg pasta. But you know, it was like in the refrigerator section, you know, not the dried stuff.

And I started getting that. I'm like, this is so amazing. So like half this time I'm there, I just eat like pasta every night, like the fresh pasta. And you make different pasta dishes and like at this point I don't think since then I've even had dried pasta. I've never cooked with dried pasta. Maybe some egg noodles if I'm making like a certain type of stew or something like that. But if I have in a pinch. But if I could get the fresh noodles, I have them at Whole Foods and I think some grocery stores do too.

Like even like a cub food, you know, whatever they may have it. The ones at Whole Foods are pretty good too. But always get the fresh pasta. Anyone else figured this out? It's kind of like I was today years old when I figured out this is the only way to go. Only way to go. And the cool thing about it too is that you cook it for like one to two minutes. Like regular pasta you cook for six minutes, seven minutes. This is one to two minutes. You gotta be really careful because you put it in, boom, comes, rises at the top, strain it and it's.

Yeah, you'll never go back once you know, you know. So you'll impress your friends and family. How's your pasta? Just so good. Just don't mess up the sauce. And you'll be, you'll look like a. A chef. A real true blue chef. Yeah. So pasta there like every day, it's a little exaggeration, but all the time you're like, Evan, how do you eat all that pasta? Isn't that bad for you or once you gain weight. Not when I'm there, cuz I don't have a car. I walk like 8 to 10 miles a day just through walking around.

I swim, play volleyball, the two on two stuff. So it's extra exhausting. So I burn about 1500 calories a day extra. No. No exaggeration. So I go home after playing volleyball and the evening, and, boy, do I eat. It's kind of crazy when, like, you could just. You just, like, keep eating and eating. You're like, how am I even fitting this much food in? But your body's like, nope, need more. Need more. Like, I. I leave there, I'm in better shape than ever. I'm lean and mean. Then I come back here, and then I stay pretty good through the summer, but then once it starts to get into, like, October, then it's like.

Then I'm just. And you're like, you're eating the same, but then you're just not burning as many calories. Even though if I go. Even this year, I've been actually really good since I got back. I work out, like, six days a week. Not like, for like an hour or anything like that, but do, like, usually 30 to 40 minutes of hard stuff. But even with that, like, you're gonna gain some weight. Although I weighed myself today, I'm in. I'm in, actually a good spot. I was a little bit worried. Oh, you like the wall art?

Yeah. That's a good one. I mean, this one, I think I just got it. That one. Did I. I think I got that at just, like, a Home Goods. I love Home Goods. Anyone else like Home Goods? That's a good mental health tip. Go to Home Goods. Setting up my place in Duluth, and I was a regular at Home Goods. It's great, too, because everything's already, like, said and made. You just throw it in the car. It's just easy instead of, like, on ikea, and you gotta build it, and it's like walking through there, just throw stuff and like.

All right, cool. But, yeah, so I'm a big fan of wall art. Maybe at some point we could do a tour. Maybe we could do a wall art tour of my place. But the stuff, the ones I got into luth, I'm really happy with. And I got some good ones on the way, too. I'm a fan of wall art and light fixtures. I love picking up wall art light fixtures. It's my favorite. So there's that. Yeah, that's good. Are we on that before? Oh, yeah. So I'm at a good weight. So I was. I managed to not gain the winter weight this year up until now.

And I think the reason. Because I never really had a huge round with it before, but last year was really bad. I don't know. I feel like anyone else get like, just sick last year in the fall and winter to like an insane degree. So I literally. I was never sick for two years. Never sick from the time I went to Australia the first time, 0 then is sometime around October or something like that. Now, we're not going to get into the politics of any of this stuff, you know, I don't know. So my doctor convinced me to get to give me the flu shot and the COVID shot at the same time.

Now, let's just say scientifically, it's not connected, but it knocked me on my b***. So I got that, you know. Then I like, recovered from it. But I was like, kind of messed up from taking both. I don't know which was worse. But then after that, I got sick and I was sick for like three weeks. Like, horrible cough. I was like, what the h***? I don't know if it's the flu. It wasn't Covid. At least I didn't test for it. So I was sick for like three weeks. And then whenever I'm sick and I work out, every time I try it, I just feel worse after.

Like, it's just not good to do. So I like, work out minimally. It's winter, whatever, right? So I kind of get over that. But then like, shortly after, I get sick again. And it was like, this one lasted like months. Like, I remember it then in December, I was like going to my cousin's wedding. And I remember I was just like, I had the whooping cough. And it was. I was so frustrated because I'm like not able to work out. And I knew I was like gaining a little weight, but I didn't realize how bad it was.

But I got like, kind of this point in my life. I'm around like, let's just say like 190 something, right? But I got up to like 2:10, maybe 200 and 205. So that's kind of a shocker because I never really. I never really weighed myself because I never replaced the batteries in my scale. Finally did. I was like, oh, okay. Even when I got to Australia, it took me a little bit to lose it. Still never really weighed myself. Interesting to weigh myself there because I actually have no idea. But I'm always.

I see like, pictures. I'm like, oh, yeah. I'm like way lean. But then I come back here. When I'm here, I lift more weights and stuff. So I'm going to gain a little bit just from lifting more weights, like heavier weights. Because there I'm mostly like, I'M swimming and volleyball and you know, I do like push ups, pull ups, body weight stuff. So I'm going to be a little leaner. But then here I was like, ooh. But I think last year there was a function of being horribly sick for about 75% of the time from mid October to late January.

Then I left, went to Australia and it finally went away. So definitely in a better spot than I haven't been sick. But then actually in Australia I got sick a couple times. I got Covid there and before. And I'll answer your questions, I'll just finish my rant here. But one thing about Australia is they have, they don't have good cold medications like we do, like Nyquil, Dayquil, even like Pepto Bismol. They have nothing like that. They have like you kind of piecemeal assorted Dayquil, but they don't have anything like it.

It's actually funny. I'm actually gonna bring, I bought some Nyquil and Dayquil just in case because that's like the only thing that gets me through, like Nyquil, Dayquil, coffee. And then I can like function semi normally if I get sick or covet or something. So I'm bringing some packs of that. It's harder to get like Advil too. They have like their own version, but we got the best over the counter medications. All right, Anna. And then I saw there's another question too. I'm hoping it's a little.

At least my rants are entertaining. I've already gone about 30, 25 minutes and not talked about a single mental health topic. Maybe I'm just in one of those moods. Ah. So anyway, so that's a good one. You know, what do you do with those family members on the holidays? And of course it's a question I've gotten over the years. So let me see, let me tap into my old thought process on some of these. So a few tips for that. Right, so there's a few elements. So one is there's different levels to it. So there's different levels of boundaries.

So what a boundary is, is a distance you put between yourself and someone else so that you can feel emotionally protected and safe. Now for different family members may warrant different levels. Now there's some like really toxic ones. I mean, there's some cases even where I have friends and clients and stuff who have, you know, have events with family members that were actually abusers of them sometimes, like to the highest degree. And obviously in those situations, like people have cut off those family members or even Some of the family members around them who still invite them, you know, because there could be some really kind of icky dynamics there where people don't, you know, just really uncomfortable within the family.

It's like, here's Uncle Joe and everyone loves Uncle Joe and he's. Uncle Joe's been around for decades, but Uncle Joe did some not so good stuff. So do we just kind of sweep it under the rug or do we no longer invite Uncle Joe? You know what I mean? And so sometimes you get that. And you know so very well some people may just not go, you know, and stand their ground or maybe don't even talk about it. They just don't go. However, there are some people that do still choose to go in some of those situations.

One of my really close friends has a brother, an older brother. And the older brother, I think it's somewhat relevant maybe, but he's, you know, trans man. So at one point his sister growing up and their dad abused the sister. And I mean, he was just like, not a great dude, my friend. So he doesn't have. The older brother, doesn't have a relationship with him, and my friend does. It's always been distant and they definitely keeps him at arm's length, but they still have somewhat of a relationship.

And when he had his wedding, he did invite his dad and his brother, and his brother, you know, was okay with it and has worked through it and just doesn't talk to him, keeps his distance and, you know, so. Right. So that's one level of distance that you could keep. Hey, I don't know what would have happened if the. If it was between the dad and the brother. That would have been probably really awkward for my friend. But, yeah, so I don't know. And so you do have those situations like that where it's perfectly appropriate to just not go to certain events.

You can be straight up as to why that is. You don't have to give an answer whatsoever. Or you can make up some bs. That's one of my favorites, is just make some s*** up. Oh, little Johnny's got the flu. We can't come. Now, granted, you don't. It's not like a really sustainable plan because then you have to come up with something all the time and you probably want to address it, but sometimes it's nice just to kind of procrastinate, just find some reason not to go. Right. Yeah, exactly, Anna. Now let's talk about some of the lower levels now, some other options.

So let's just say I got an annoying Family member, regardless of their political ideations. Maybe it's they're just annoying about it one way or the other. It doesn't align with you. You hate talking, you know, you, you know, don't want to hear their rants about, da, da, da, da, da. Yeah, that's a good one. Speak, Wonder. We'll talk. We'll talk about that one, too. So, you know, so that's like, one example. Or, you know, but it could be just like the level one. You know, something's, like, really bad, but, you know, you still choose to go.

But there are a couple things you can do. One is don't go for that long. Hey, I'm gonna come for an hour. We're gonna hang out, make our appearances. You see the family members that you like the most and, you know, hang out with you. Stick with them. So do the good stuff. Eat the good food that you like. You know, bubbies, kishki. Just throwing out Jewish things that no one knows what they are. Probably aren't that good in the end. I like them, but most other people aren't Jewish. Don't like them.

Some rugala, some. Some kishkis, some gefilte fish, some noodle kogel. You know, you go eat the food that you like, and you get the h*** out, and you go somewhere else, go to another family members, right? So if it is kind of that, you know, noxious environment. So I think my family probably just like the force of will from my mom and just kind of declared. We're not talking about politics. You know, she's got her, you know, strong opinions. Maybe she's in here right now. I don't even know. Sometimes she pops in.

She's a Cadre fan. So I just lost my train of thought. Oh, yeah. So my mom just declared. No politics. And then if anyone, she's very, like, alpha, you know, as many Jewish women tend to be. So if anyone brings it up, no politics. So then we don't like. And, you know, so we got, like, one uncle who's on one side and got my mom, who's on the other. My uncle, he's always kind of been like this. And no one else in the family has his kind of views, really, but kind of like what our speak Wonder was saying that sometimes if you find a way to, like, emotionally distance yourself from it so that you don't.

It's kind of like. Like a. Like a sticky thought or a negative thought or an intrusive thought, right? Where it's like, they say something. I feel like I got a grasp on or I got to argue about it or fight about it and I gotta address it and I got to get into a conflict or I gotta be upset about it, right? Whereas if there is a way to reframe, to distance from it and just kind of put up like a little force field and let it bounce off you, because in the end it doesn't matter all that much. You're not going to change their opinion.

Sometimes it's annoying and just like, I really don't agree with that or whatever. So, you know, you could implement that and be like, hey, let's just not talk politics, you know, because I mean, if you. Because they kind of are like picking a fight, they like want to argue, you know, and be like, hey, you believe what you believe. I believe, let's just, let's just eat dinner. And you know, then that actually can like, lead to a better relationship if you want it. Like, people have different opinions, right?

If you have like really strong beliefs, like, I can't be around anyone who doesn't believe xyz, Right. And that works both ways. But I don't know, I'm of the opinion that the more we could remove politics and stuff from anything that's not actually politics, probably the better, right? If we can, you know, put those things aside. Now, again, I understand some people are in different positions where certain, you know, beliefs and stuff impact them more. So I'm not telling you what to do. I just think it's.

I don't know, it's like we've gotten more political and I keep bringing up politics. I feel like this is the number one. And I'd like to hear maybe what you're like, thinking up in your personal situation. Is it, is it like political? Is it just someone who's like, toxic or, or annoying or has, you know, wronged you in the past or what, you know, what prompted you to ask the question, you know, is it annoying in law who's always like, intrusive, invasive, boundary stepping? So there's the ones I could think of.

But I mean, some of these things you could apply elsewhere. But I guess back to the political. It's like we need to ask ourselves, are we better off now that we're more political and divided and are we happier about it? Is it productive? Is it helpful? Probably no to all of them. So even though there may be downsides to taking a different approach, nothing is perfect. Maybe it's just time that we kind of compartmentalize a little bit sometimes. That's a dirty Word therapy game. But I think sometimes it's like, okay, like, people are complicated.

There's. Oh, there's good in people. And some people, maybe they have certain beliefs that could be, like, harmful and whatever. But, you know, often most people, I think, mean well and they think they're doing the right thing or they think so they're not, like, malicious. You know, it's kind of like, let's see, what is this? Not Occam's Razor. It's not Murphy's Law. It's. The name will come to me if you can tell my brain is a little slowed down today. Maybe needs more coffee. What's this rule called?

Okay, so basically the rule states that don't attribute to malice what you could contribute to incompetence or stupidity. Right? So most. A lot of times when people do something bad or, you know, we want to think that they're doing it purposely or maliciously. Typically, they're just being stupid or incompetent or ignorant. So it's not malice. Okay, now it's making me mad because I use this one a lot. What is it? It's like Occam's Razor. That's the simplest answer, is the most likely. Murphy's Law.

Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. And this is. Does anyone know what it's called? Let's check back in with Anna. I think the issue I experience is generally unpleasant person. My dad's wife. It's always the dad's wife picture. After my mom passed away, they were childhood friends, and she got into a relationship with my dad, like, two weeks after passing. And she just has a very incompassionate and disrespectful demeanor towards the whole situation. Even now, eight years later. Just generally ignorant.

Yeah, exactly. Yes. That's just like another. More just like tactless, you know, and that's gotta hurt. You know, it's got to be hurtful and, you know, makes you kind of question a bit the relationship with your dad and mom. It's like, okay, you moved on so fast. You know, is that appropriate? Is that, you know, whatever, like, just at the very least, not tactful. And if you're gonna do it like that, you know, people grieve in their own way. Maybe dad's still super distraught, but, you know, kind of.

Some people grieve in different ways or they just shut it down. And maybe it's so overwhelming that they just this or they, you know, find need to find someone else to distract them. So I don't know what Your view is of that, but I know how that could bring up some complicated feelings. At the very least, they should have just hid the d*** thing for like six months and then just lie about it. That'd probably be the right thing. Well, I'm not going to say the right thing to do be like, wait, I'm not judging, whatever.

But if you're going to do this one seems like if you're going to do that, you probably should just hide it and lie about it and then lie about it forever and do everybody a favor. Now the problem more, you know. So like, whatever your feelings are with your dad, and if there's resentment there, it's one thing, but it sounds like it's less about him and more about her. And she sounds like, I don't know, some people are just abrasive. They don't have tact and they're annoying. And that's really unfortunate, you know, because then you're like, oh, God.

I mean, I hear these cases all the time. Oh my God, I'd love to see my dad more, spend more time. But she's always there, you know, because then it's like there's those relationships, like, never separates from her. They're always together. I can never get one on one time with them, you know, and then it's kind of like these passive dads who just like, what is going on? It's like breaking into my house. Sorry, I was like, heard my lock going off. So, yeah, so it's like kind of these like, nice passive dads, you know, their testosterone levels are down now.

They're more chill and they find these women. I don't want to gender it too much. There's always the opposite, too. There's the, you know, nice kind mom with that stepdad. But I don't know, I've just like seen this dynamic. And then there's like kind of the abrasive, like, yeah, you know, kind of controlling stepmom and they're just terrorists or nightmares. So as I know. So I feel for you. That's a tough one, I think. I mean, in these situations, it's sometimes worth sitting your dad down. Now, maybe there's kind of a couple levels here, and this is what I'm curious about.

So do you think she's. I don't want to say a bad person? That's maybe taking it too far. But do you think she's like, kind of more toxic on a deeper level and not just really annoying? Do you think she's bad for your dad? Do you think it's the relationship has a net negative impact on him. I think those are two different things. Right. So either way you could have the conversation and, you know, express your concerns. I feel like she's controlling in this, that I don't know if it ever really does much, you know, now that I think about it.

But you know, just like expressing concern to a friend about their. And if they're in a toxic relationship or whatever, sometimes it just like plants a bug in their ear. And you know, the more intrusive you get about it, then it's going to push them away. But sometimes I think it's okay to express your feelings and maybe so they understand why you're not around as much. And then maybe they could stand up a little more or take some time and effort to have some time for just YouTube. Because sometimes dad doesn't maybe realize he's doing it and doesn't realize how it's impacting you.

And you always hope that, you know, they're going to put their children, you know, on a higher priority level than what they are. All right, let's see what Ayanna says. Okay. Just now started to be able to spend one on one time with him without her slamming cabinets. Okay, so it sounds like we're at like toxic levels. Passive dads. I had one of that ilk, he aqueous my stepmom. All right, so you're in the same thing. I think she has a lot of inner work. I don't know what it is about the passive chill dads.

It's like, it's like they kind of find the equal opposite. The like wound up tight, you know, Stepmom. I don't know. So definitely I've had many talks with him, but he's very blinded to. Yeah, the passive dad's always blinded towards it. However, the more we have talks, the slightly better. Okay, so like. Okay, so that's why I'm saying sometimes the talks can do something. I wouldn't be surprised in lot of situations that they don't, you know, because they're like so afraid of the stepmom too. They just kind of go with it and they're like, you know, they take the path of least resistance because if you deviate from the stepmom's, you know, what she wants and what she.

Her expectations are. Right. It's like really disregulating for folks like that who are like really, here's the word. They're very inflexible. And when someone's that inflexible and reactive. When, you know, it's like if you put, you know, it's like if dad puts the freaking dish in the wrong cupboard, they freak out, you know, so Dad's just like, all right, well, I'm just trying to keep the peace, you know, and then. Yeah, exactly. Dad's the sweetest person. Exactly. It's always that case. Always the case, you know, and they just kind of, you know, because they're a good person, you know, and they're, you know, good man, and whatever they, you know, treat, you know, want to treat their wife with respect.

And sometimes it goes too far because you're not standing up for yourself. You're letting yourself get walked all over. So, yeah, inflexible, reactive stepmoms. Trying to think, like, what's the toxic stepdad version? There's certainly that, too. I just feel like with men, you know, I'm not offending them. Let me know what you think, too. I feel like with men, they, like, start off really bad, you know, like, we're just like, terrible. And then, like, over time, like, men get better because their testosterone wears off.

Maybe women are just more consistent or, you know, at some point they get, like, more, like, intense. And maybe they're maybe like their toxic season comes. I feel like maybe that. That, like, kind of makes sense in my head. Right. You know, I don't know if there's science behind it or, like, what the deal is. Tell me what you think. And hopefully, again, I'm not offending people. Let's just start off with men are worse. Now, maybe there's an equal amount of toxic women and men, but when, like, men are toxic, like, you know, there's a reason why we're in prison, like at 10x the rate and, like, start every war and stuff.

Oh, yeah, maybe. Dude. Does it. Does testosterone increasing? I mean, because think about how many, like, intense, like, energetic grandmas there are. And like, every grandpa is just like Droopy the dog, you know, and they're just kind of like, oh, grandpa, there's not bad grandpas out there. But. But kind of some of those things that, like, make men, like, really bad kind of is because of testosterone. And so as it decreases, I mean, and that's why, like, you know, men have much less criminality.

And there's some, like, arguments out there as to, like, you know, crime is not just an issue of poverty or this. That it's like, you know, or like, let's say terrorism is an issue purely of one's, like, culture or whatever. Certainly there's elements that play into all this stuff. But a lot of it is just masculinity. Because think about all the people that are the most intense. Terrorists, criminals, whatever, mobs. You know, it's like usually always when they're in their teens, you know, through their, like, mid-30s or something, or four, you know, like, usually by the time you're like 50, you're not like, maybe you just don't have the energy for it.

But, you know, typically, as a man, you know, it's kind of like the wise old guy in prison that doesn't, like, get in trouble anymore. Like, he was a nightmare and in prison for life or, you know, a long time. And then all of a sudden they're like. You're like Morgan Freeman and Shawshank Redemption. You know, they're like, much like wiser and calm. Like, look, younghead, I was like, he wants. You know, and then they, like, reform maybe. It doesn't even take all that long. So I think that's why we have the passive dad, evil stepmom.

I'm gonna write that down, look more into that maybe. That'd be a good video. Passive dads plus evil stepmom. This fun stuff is interesting stuff. I don't know. We're like. We're creating new theories here. Definitely. Nature versus nurture. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think testosterone and violence have a very clear causal effect or core. I don't know if you call that correlation or causation, but not everyone with higher testosterone is gonna, you know, But I mean, you know, it's really associated with, you know, violence, sexual violence.

I mean, because, you know, it's also. Is a very tied in with sex and stuff. And that's like kind of hormones. So maybe that's why. That's why you get the more passive. I think dads sounds like when men, when they get on testosterone replacement, when they get older, I don't know if they. I don't think they like, kind of go back to being the nightmares because I think there's like a maturity too. So I think it's like testosterone plus immaturity equals danger, you know, plus, like honor culture. If you, like, mix.

Like, that's like the worst combination is like honor culture plus immaturity plus testosterone now as men get older. Right. I don't know about the honor culture as much, but maybe they don't care as much about status as they did before. You know, they're not trying to, like, impress people as much or potential mates. However, even if they do get on More testosterone. I think they apparently, like I've heard reports saying, you know, they, you know, men, they feel like kind of better in many ways.

Like maybe less depressed just because they have more energy, more physicality, more drive. More drive for kind of those things that could lead to status and stuff. Like, like you're more like motivated to like, do work. And so there's benefits, I don't think, like, you know, unless you're like on way too much or something, you know, that you kind of get to this crazy level where you're back, you know, but you have more maturity and can maybe handle it. It's kind of like a car, like having like a young body, having like a young, strong body with a lot of testosterone is like having like a muscle car.

Like, it's like having like a, a souped up Chevelle or something like that that has like so much torque that like when you hit the gas, like the front of the car like goes up and you're swerving all over the road because you don't have any driving skills. So then, you know, but when you're older, you know, and you've driven more, then you can, then you could handle, you know, something more close to a muscle car or high end sports car, you know, because then, you know, if you, if you get active when you're back on testosterone, you see these guys, like, it makes me think because I'm like, you know, whenever you see a guy that's like over 40 or and they're just like, like shredded and jacked, like you're on testosterone, hands down, hands down.

So these guys are like, definitely like way more in shape than they were when they were like even like 20 something and active. A good example would be like the Rock, you know, like Dwayne Johnson, the Rock. Like, look at picture. Like, he's got to be pushing 60, if not 60, definitely mid to late 50s, definitely late 50s at most, if not early 60s. And he is jet. Like, you'll never go back in time and see someone as jacked as him, right? So it's like, clearly the dude's on. Like, he's probably more on more than just like testosterone replacement.

He's probably on like all sorts of performance enhancing steroids and whatever. No shade, no judgment. You know, you're like a movie star. It's part of your job. You got to have a, you want, you know, it's part, part of your brand. And as long as you don't do it to a level that's so unhealthy. And whatever. But I mean, you see some of these guys, you know, your Joe Rogans, your Robert Kennedy's. You ever seen that video of Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Working out? He's like wearing jeans and he's at like Muscle beach and like Venice beach or something and he's like bench pressing and doing push ups and he's just like jacked.

You're like, what the h***? This guy's like 60 something years old. Testosterone. You're on T for sure. Why am I talking about this again? I've gone almost an hour. We've gone 15 minutes. I'm just, I've literally just been meandering, enjoying hearing myself talk, I guess, and just going on ADHD tangents. But yeah, yeah, so those guys aren't really out committing crimes like they would when they were younger who have something. They feel like they have something to prove and lack maturity and wisdom and insight and lived experience.

So that's why we have. That's what we gotta do. Anna. Anna. I know what we gotta do. We. The, the solution here is we're going to get your dad on testosterone replacement therapy. Just like a low level. And then maybe he'll, you know, get a little bit more of a backbone with your, with your stepmom and kind of get back, take his power back. So that's the, that's the solution is just gonna be hormone replacement therapy for your dad. Maybe just put it in his like, drink, you know, a little bit like in his morning orange juice or coffee.

Just like a little bit. A little bit. You know, eventually your stepmother. Oh my God. Yeah. Team up. Yeah, let's get your dad. Just. Dude, like we're like at the end of the live stream here. So like, I'm sure like probably very few people are gonna like watch, go back. Especially this live stream because it's so unproductive but fun that we're gonna go. At least this one conversation was productive on boundaries and stuff, but now we're into some weird territories, so I'm gonna throw out another concept that's a little bit inappropriate, but whatever is.

So we're going to get your dad on T and he's going to get a backbone and he's going to be a little more aggressive and he's going to stand up to your stepmom and at first she's going to be a little bit, you know, taken aback by it. Right. And then there's going to be this like power struggle again, but your dad's going to be just like teed up and he can't take it too far. You know what I mean? We don't want dad going to jail, but, you know, he's gonna, you know, get him to a much more dominant place.

Let's just call it. And then what's going to happen is your stepmom's gonna kind of like it. You know, she's gonna. She may get a little turned on and be like, you know, all women are different, but, yeah, if you're not a. I don't know, if you're a little more. A little more dominant and don't let people walk all over you. Be a little sexy sometimes. So we're going to end with that. We've gone fully off the rails. I may have missed some appointments. I don't even know. No, I didn't. This is just fun.

That'll solve it. It'll kind of solve all his problems because he'll get more. He'll get more power in the relationship, and maybe stepmom will actually like it. Just puts her in her place. So we've solved your problem. Well, anyone. Thanks to everyone who participated and who's still here. Maybe just Anna and our speak wonder and I don't know. We'll see you next week. Good luck to you all on your holiday adventures. Set boundaries. You can show up. Doesn't mean you got to be there all day. Doesn't mean you have to engage.

Doesn't mean you have to take the bait and find what you can enjoy. Maybe stepmom actually makes a good pie. If your stepmom can't cook, then she's completely useless at this point. She's got to have some kind of redeeming quality. Like if she could cook, then you just gotta weigh that on the ledger, you know? So maybe you could go enjoy your pie or whatever her turkey that isn't dry or whatever the h*** it is. So hopefully she could cook. If not, then it's just. I'm so sorry. I feel for you and your dad, and we're just gonna have to double the testosterone because it's more of a.

More of an issue than I even thought. All right. Even more nonsense. Take care, everyone. You're awesome. We'll see you next week. Bye.