We don't live in a black and white world, and we certainly don't live with absolutes. Dr. Carrie will unpack the reason for avoiding these two words in how you communicate with others and in how you speak things over yourself, and challenge you to think about alternative ways to speak without using absolutes.
The first one is always, and the second one is never. Nothing in life is absolute. When you throw the word never in there, it's an immediate absolute in the statement and causes immediate defensiveness in relationships. But think about this in regards to yourself. Do you say those words about yourself?
Hey, Cadre family doctor Carrie here. We're going to talk about two words that I absolutely hate. The first one is always, and the second one is never. The reason I hate these words so much is because nothing in life is absolute. As black and white as I prefer to think and act. People have challenged me with that before that I'm very black and white. It's either this or this. I do not use those words because they are so absolute, and there's nothing that you can do with those words when they are said.
I want to give you some examples. So have you ever had your spouse tell you you never take out the trash and your immediate reaction is, I took it out last week like that? That is a completely false statement. You cannot say I never because never is saying it literally has never happened. It is an absolute. It's black and white. Never, ever, ever has this ever happened. And there's no arguing with that word right there. There's no loophole. There's no gray zone. There's nothing you can do with that word.
And the same thing happens with always. You always come at me with those comments. You always say that. You always do that. You always call me those names. There's. There's just another absolute with that phrase. Phrase always. And oftentimes in relationships, these words can be extremely damaging because what you're saying to that person is, this is the absolute truth, and there's no working around this. Like, I don't acknowledge the one time that you took out the trash in the past three years.
That's what that's saying, honestly. But it's more likely that they haven't taken out the trash as often as you would like them to. So when you throw the word never in there, it's an immediate absolute in the statement and causes immediate defensiveness in relationships. But I also want you to think about this in regards to yourself. Do you say those words about yourself? And what words are you speaking over yourself? Because as much as you probably dislike when other people say those words to you, you actually say those things about yourself all the time.
I'm guessing. And the only reason I can say that with confidence is because I used to do this. I used to be really good at not saying this in my relationship, especially my, like, unhealthy, abusive marriage. I realized how much those words hurt when I heard them, so I stopped saying them to my partner, but I didn't realize until years later that I was still saying them about myself. So when you say things like, I'm never going to be able to get there. I'm never going to be able to accomplish that.
I'm always going to be sick. I'm always gonna struggle with illnesses and immune deficiencies. These were things I said about me. I'm never gonna achieve that. I'm never gonna get married. You say these sentences. What you were doing when you speak that out loud is, again, I've mentioned this on other videos, you then hear that phrase, it goes back into your brain in another pathway because you now heard it as well as said it, and it gets stored in a file. And what you've just done is you have written a contract in the universe with those words.
By saying, this is always going to be the case, or this is never going to be the case, you have made an absolute. So there is no wiggle room with that sentence. So what you've done is you've just basically cursed yourself with that word in saying that, this is how this is going to be forever, until I die, until I go to heaven. If that's where you believe, you go after earth. But so do you understand what I'm saying? Like, when you make those statements, you are saying, this is an absolute. This can not be changed ever, and this is how it's always going to be.
And again, I can't even think of another word that's as strong as that to describe those words right now, because that's how strong those words are. And so I want you to think about when you say those words, what are you speaking about yourself? Not even regarding other people right now, but what are you speaking about yourself? Because I guarantee those sentences aren't true. They're not true. You can say, I'm never going to get married. What you just did there was, you wrote a contract in the universe and said, this is the truth that I believe.
And you actually can hinder yourself from receiving the blessing of somebody coming into your life that you will eventually marry, by making sentences like that and statements like that out loud, especially. So I want to challenge you to think about the times when you say those words. And maybe you're like, I don't know if I say those words. Trust me, after hearing this, you're going to start recognizing when you say those words, because that's what it took for me to realize how often I said them and then to think about different ways to phrase things by saying, you know what?
I'm not happy with the fact that I'm single right now, but I'm believing that I will get married someday, instead of saying, I'm never going to get married. Well, I just cursed myself with that phrase. And so by saying, I'm going to get married, it's not happening in the timing that I want it to happen. You could say that that's a truthful sentence. But think about the truth behind what you're saying. If you want that sentence to be true, speak it all day long. Say those things over yourself. But what you were doing, again, is making that contract with the universe, and those things will come to pass.
We talk about, you know, repeating, manifesting mantras, the stuff that we speak out loud, the stuff that we speak about ourselves. These things matter. It matters when you say those words always and never. So I hope this was insightful for you guys. I hope it gave you some things to think about. Trust me, the next time you say those words, you're going to catch yourself. And it might take a while to stop saying them, especially over the things that you've been saying your whole life. But it's okay.
It takes time. It took me a lot of practice, many months of practicing, and then other people pointing it out, too. So get an accountability partner with this, and maybe that'll help you learn how often you're saying it and think of other ways to creatively speak things over yourself, especially things that you want to be true. So thank you guys for tuning in. God bless.
