Why people who prefer reality the way it is are the freest human beings alive. Where do preferences come from? How do preferences cause internal suffering? But aren’t preferences good? Let’s discuss!
Bri greets viewers, introduces herself, and frames the video around how personal preferences can unconsciously shape and limit our lives. She outlines the central tension: wanting things versus being controlled by desire.
Bri recounts meditations and struggles (depression, anxiety, sobriety) to illustrate how disappointment from unmet expectations fuels suffering. She emphasizes that reality always wins and that life’s dualities mean preferences can obstruct openness to what unfolds.
This section explores why we develop certain preferences—through conditioning, good and bad experiences—and how that leads us to seek external things to fill inner dissatisfaction. Bri reflects on the mind’s shifting nature and how desires point to inner needs.
Bri introduces a practical exercise: write down one want and ask 'why' five times to trace the deeper need beneath it, illustrating with her own house-buying example. The intention is to reveal subconscious motives like seeking stability so you can notice patterns and free yourself.
Bri discusses balancing harmless preferences with the need to avoid requiring life to be a certain way for happiness, and invites viewers to try the exercise. She closes with encouragement to hold preferences with an open hand and a friendly sign-off.
Good day, happy Friday. It is Bri here, your energy, nature, wellness enthusiast and coach to help you become the best, better, greater version of yourself. Today I want to dive into preferences because they are something that takes over our reality without us even consciously being aware of it. And there's a saying that those who prefer everything are free or the great way is not difficult for those who have no preferences. And really what that's getting at is that desire is like playing with fire.
Yes, it's okay to want things in play and hope and have dreams and everything, but what happens when that controls us? And so I'm curious if there's something top of mind for you that you're like, I really, really want this, XYZ, a new job, a partner, or money, a house, whatever it might be. Everybody wants something. The key is for us to figure out how to want something without needing it and without letting it construe all of the neural pathways designed to protect you from it sometimes, which is also what comes up when you get to the root, which is what I'd like to do with you today.
Because throughout all my meditations and wellness journeys through depression, anxiety, and sobriety and all those things, it's fascinating to see that oftentimes when I was the most upset, it was literally because something just didn't go my way. Something was given to somebody else, I didn't get it, or a situation happened that was so unfavorable that it was difficult. And our mind makes us think that this is the worst thing ever or that it's unfair or that how can this be? Or my personal favorite is, how can people think this way?
And of course they can. The mind is changing all the time because the thing that wins every time is reality. It's always going to win. It's never been fair. There's always going to be good, bad. There's always going to be chaos. There's always going to be love and beauty. The duality of life is part of our human experience. And so having preferences can hinder our true openness to experience reality as it's unfolding. And not only that, but work with it so that we can help serve the moment, help serve the people that are coming into our lives in whatever circumstance it might be through the luck of the draw because there are millions and millions of us in this world and the fact that you're crossing paths with somebody and that we're all even born is truly a miracle.
So I'd like to take you through an exercise so that, hey Jen, so that we can work together to get to our roots, our roots of why. Because when we work at our root and help to understand ourselves at a subconscious level, we set ourselves free, right? We don't need a person to do a certain thing to make us happy. We don't need people to, or the job that we thought we did, or the partner that we just so badly wanted. Like, do you ever look back and be like, gosh, I am so glad I didn't get what I want, what I wanted, what I thought I wanted, right?
The mind is so crazy how it just, all of a sudden it grabs at this and it avoids that. It's so delicate, right? And it changes all the time, just like reality does. How many of you know Have you seen somebody just like change religions one day? They just converted or they switched their diets or they just got sober. They were done and they just were onto the, they were in their sober life. You can think of so many other examples of a relationship. They just, they're done. They don't want it anymore.
And with that, That leads us to investigate, like, okay, so why do I prefer the things I prefer? A lot of it is because of our experiences. What we experience, the things that were good experiences, we liked, we kept, we want more of it. The things that were bad experiences, we don't like. We push it away, we avoid. It's a lot through conditioning, a lot through experiences. And the more we can see, okay, I'm objectively looking at why I think I want something this particular way. Because the more you desire something, the more it's outside of you and the less that, the less like, sorry to say it, but like we're not okay inside, right?
Or we can't handle it inside because our inside isn't happy. That's why we want something outside to fill the inside. And it's a really hard realization. I have cried realizing that and sitting through it and being like, my goodness, I am creating this suffering because I'm chasing this thing that I don't even know if I want. I just feel like I want it because it is, there's so many layers to it. And so I'll give you an example. And this is an exercise that you can do at any time. You are just walking through your why through this like chain of events.
And so you want to write down one thing that you want. Get a pen and paper. It doesn't take very long. One thing that you want in particular. And then ask yourself why you want that thing five times. And so an example for me is like, I really would like to buy a house. That's something that I have always wanted to do really since I was a kid. And so why do I want to buy a house? So that I have security and comfort. Why do I want that? Because I would like to have equity to build up my wealth. Why do I want that?
And you just keep going into each layer why you think you want that. And when you get down to it, I realize that I want stability in my life because my job is so messed up. I don't know what's coming in and out and I've never, I didn't grow up with stability at all. I was moving around a lot all the time. And so no wonder I want one of these things, a house, because it makes me feel or it could give the illusion that I am in comfort and I am safe when that may not actually truly be the case. I mean, yes, we're not running from like other tribes anymore in this world, but we're relatively safe.
If we're living in a safe neighborhood, like we should be so grateful and lucky, right? But once you get to your why, once you have that realization, you can set yourself free and then you notice that pattern when it comes up in any other facet and to any other desire, you're like, oh, I probably want that just because I'm seeking stability and I'm seeking comfort or whatever the example is for you. And so preferences are, they're great sometimes, right? Like you have certain music you like, you have certain foods you like, you have certain colors that you like to decorate your house with, whatever it is, it's not bad.
It's just understanding the why behind it so that we can free ourselves from needing life to be a certain way for us to be happy and for us to handle it well. So I hope you try the exercise. Let me know what you think. I've had so many just light bulb moments and eye-opening moments where I'm just like, oh my gosh, like I can't believe that is why I have been doing this. And then life took me in a different detour and so I didn't even really need it like I thought I did. So I just hope that when we prefer reality as it is and we can work with it and be open to the experience, like life is so much freer that way, right?
Like we're happier, we're not manipulating, we're not planning and conniving to try to have everything work out for us, right? It's such a narrow point of view when we're only thinking about what can I get? I mean, mine. And I mean, there's a million earths can fit inside this done. We don't know squat, right? Like there is so much going on this planet, out in outer space and every single person has their slice of perspective and reality. So let's work with each other. Let's open, like keep our preferences with an open hand rather than a closed fist.
Hope that you have a fun time doing this exercise and something comes of light to you from the shadows of our subconscious because that's the whole point. We can set it free. So Be well, be free. I hope you have a great weekend, and we will see you next time.
