Why do some people keep repeating the same behaviors, even when they know the consequences? Let’s explore how brain-based differences like FASD can affect learning from mistakes and why support may work better than punishment.
The host greets viewers and frames the episode around why some people, especially kids, keep repeating the same mistakes. This brief intro sets expectations for a discussion about learning differences and behavior.
This section defines the issue, noting that failing to learn from mistakes often appears with autism, fetal alcohol spectrum disorder, and trauma. The speaker normalizes occasional repetition but identifies when it signals a neurodevelopmental disconnect.
The speaker recounts their daughter stealing as a toddler, the long path to an FASD diagnosis, and the parents’ initial focus on blame and what they were doing wrong. This anecdote illustrates how misunderstandings and shaming can delay appropriate support.
This chapter explains how prenatal exposure and neurodivergence impair executive functions like impulse control and working memory, and how anxiety and increased cortisol can drive repeated behaviors. The host advises shifting from asking 'why' to recognizing brain-based reasons for actions.
The final remarks summarize the main takeaway: be patient, avoid shaming, and develop different strategies for people with brain-based differences. The host signs off with encouragement to apply this understanding.
Well, good morning everybody. I am excited to be back with you today. Today, the question, the topic we are having is, what I want to talk about is why some of our kids, and sometimes it's adults too, why we keep doing the same thing over and over, why we keep making the same mistakes. Not learning from mistakes is a common thing that we're seeing with people that have various neurodivergence. So could be autism, could be my thing, fetal alcohol spectrum disorder that I like to talk about. It could just be other kind of trauma-based stuff too.
We know that trauma can have a significant impact on our brain and how we function and all that kind of stuff. So have you guys ever known somebody who has issues with this, who just keeps doing the same repetitive mistakes that are getting them in trouble and they don't seem to learn from it? One of the things I talk about, all of us have some kind of pattern of doing that stuff clearly, right? We're all going to make the same mistakes. Like I overeat cookies. I was having too many cookies last night.
There's certain things like that where there can be some, where that is a typical thing. But if it's kind of more extreme things and things that just you would think an individual, whether again, a child, a teen, or an adult, would be learning from the consequences and the experiences that they're having in life and they're not, that generally can be the sign of some type of neuro disconnect. That's not neurotypical to keep doing the same thing over and over. I think I mentioned this on my first live stream.
You know, I often tell the story of our daughter when she was two years old stealing in the church nursery, typical developmental stage for a toddler, parent teaches ownership, healthy brainchild stopped stealing, didn't work for us. And that was what led us to her FASD diagnosis eventually. But we just kept thinking, what is wrong with her? What are we doing wrong? Those were the two big questions that we kept focusing on. First and foremost was what's wrong with her? And she needs to change and stop doing this.
And then also it was like, what are we doing wrong? Like we were begging every professional we could find for help and stuff like that. And then way too late in the game after we did way too much shaming and other kind of ridiculous behaviors or strategies, we started to understand her brain. And we started to understand the executive functioning skills up here in the top of our brain, our ability to control our impulses, our working memory, organization, all that kind of stuff, analyzing, decision making, problem solving is very impacted by prenatal alcohol exposure and other kind of neurodivergence we can see that with as well.
So eventually we finally got to a point, not until she was a teenager, to be honest. I'm fully honest of all of the screw-ups that we did. I'll be talking a lot about that. But instead of asking her, why did you steal that? Why did you take that? Why did you do this? Why did you, whatever, you know, fill in the blank when we're asking them that, we want to kind of stop asking why, because first of all, we're trying to make logic out of something that's not logical. That, right? to try to make logic out of illogical things.
So we want to stop asking them why they did that. Instead, we kind of just want to, in a way, make the assumption that there's a brain-based reason and that likely they had high anxiety in those moments. Quite often, when a child or an adult with brain-based differences has done something that they shouldn't have done, It is due to an increase in cortisol and anxiety and their brains kind of going on fire. And in those moments, things are definitely not working the way that they should be for people with brain-based differences like fetal alcohol spectrum disorders or other things.
So really, we want to be diving in and understanding the brain. And that's why I think that my username is Barb on the brain because we're going to be talking about the brain a lot here. as we go along on these various episodes and series that I'll be doing. So that's kind of just the thought I wanted to leave you guys with today is understanding the fact that they are going to, many of these kids in particular, but even adults who have these brain-based differences, we've got to figure out different strategies and ways to be patient when they're making repetitive mistakes and to not shame them for that.
So I hope you all have a wonderful day and I'll see you next time.
