Michelle introduces herself, explains earlier technical problems and a failed recording, and sets up the episode’s focus on dating when you’re tired after describing feeling rejuvenated today.
She defines what she means by being 'tired' and lists common causes—overbooking, poor nutrition, dehydration, heat, illness, caregiving demands and more—encouraging viewers to pause and identify causes that might be changeable.
Actionable tips include limiting yourself to one or two apps, delaying messages, setting boundaries around responding, spacing out dates, and planning short low‑effort first dates (coffee, walks) to make dating manageable.
She explains how tiredness impairs the prefrontal cortex and promotes negative thinking, and advises checking in about why you’re tired, being compassionate with yourself, adjusting what you can, and staying mindful of unhelpful thoughts while still moving forward.
Michelle shares her social handles and background as a dating coach, reiterates that tired seasons don’t have to halt dating, offers support, and signs off with a friendly closing.
All right, you guys, sorry, I had some difficulty starting this live. It wouldn't let me start it and then it deleted it and then I'm back. Welcome, my name is Michelle. I am a dating coach and so I help support people in the dating process, which is a journey and it looks different for everybody. Funny thing is, I tried to do this yesterday. I did do this yesterday. I sat and I talked about dating. So today's topic is dating when tired. And I talked about it for 15 minutes and moved on with my life.
And then when I went back and looked, I never recorded it. So essentially I was talking to myself, talking to myself for 15 minutes. And the irony of it all is I was so tired. tired. I was so tired. I've had a week you guys. I've had so many clients. I had a dating workshop. I've been surviving this week and so I've been very tired and so I think it is just hilarious that I went to go make a cadre live about dating when tired and I couldn't do it. I couldn't execute it accurately because I was so tired.
But I'm rejuvenated today. I got a good night's sleep. I had a just, I'm feeling better. And so now I know, I know, I got someone in here, so I'm live. It's live, it's happening. But I wanna talk about, I've said this multiple times now, dating when you're tired. And I'm talking, when I say tired, I mean like really, like just like that, like this. Oh my gosh, I'm tired, right? And it can make dating be really hard, right? It can make you want to avoid dating. It can make you say no to dates, lots of things.
And it's just hard to function when you're tired. And so one thing that you can do that can be really helpful is to name the why. Like, why are you so tired? I named why I was quite tired. I overbooked myself this week, right? Girls tired. And, you know, maybe you're tired because you're not eating enough. Maybe you're tired because you're not getting enough water. Maybe you're tired because like your air conditioning hasn't been working and it's been so hot out or you worked overtime this week or you've been getting sick.
When we can take a second to pause and look at why we're tired. One, there might be something you can do about it, right? Nice. Hold on, my phone's not, oh, it is not do not disturb. Okay. Ah, nice. If you can do something about it, do something about it. Yes, make your life a little, excuse me, easier. And there's a lot of times that we're tired and there's not a whole lot we could do about it, right? Like if you, single and dating. So if you're single parenting, it just is what it is, right? If you have a sick animal at home, it just is what it is.
If you, yesterday I woke up at Thursday? No, Wednesday. Thursday. Wednesday. I woke up at six. I taught a class at 645. I saw clients from 8 to 2, came home, rushed home, like did a workshop. It's crazy and it just is what it is. And so sometimes you're tired and you can do things about it. And sometimes you're tired and it just, you got to chalk it up to this is just the part of life that I'm in right now. I'm just tired, right? If you have allergies, It just is what it is, depending on where you're at in your cycle.
It just is what it is. And I don't want you to put dating on hold because of that. So I'm going to talk a little bit about how you can be tired and then date while you're reserving your energy and just respecting yourself in a way that you're still finding rest. And so something to remember is that you don't need to be on every single dating app. Like even if you're not tired, you don't need to be on every single dating app. Pick one or two, like I wouldn't even say three. I know some people are on three, but pick one to two and just stay there.
Remember, you don't need to message people back all right away all the time. We live in this culture of urgency, right? And You don't need to message people back all throughout the day all the time. It is OK like to be tired, right? What am I? What is something I tell a lot of my clients is if you're home at night and you're messaging someone on the app, like it's OK to say, hey, I'm feeling really spent today. I'm not not really able to chat. Let's connect tomorrow. That's it, right? You can have boundaries.
Also like. You don't need to go on multiple dates in a week. I have a girlfriend going on four first dates this weekend. Like, are you kidding me? No. You're limited, right? If you're tired, again, respect your time and go on one date a week, one date every other week. Be realistic. And also like something, when I was really tired, when I was dating, I was working full-time in a school as a school therapist. I had a private practice that I was building, so working whenever I needed to with that.
m. m. with a small break, small, small break to drive to a meeting and then drive to my practice. And on Thursdays, I did very similar thing and I was trying to date and I was like, this is so much. And so what I did is that I would make my dates doable. My first dates were never over an hour. Even if I really liked them, I would limit it to an hour. I would do dates like a coffee date, a tea date. I would walk around the lake, right? I felt like I'm so tired. Doing a walk feels doable to me. I wouldn't drink during the week.
I would try not to drink during the week. To be honest, it's a safe space. I would try not to drink during the week. Things that I could do that made dating feel more manageable. Because when you're tired, everything just seems harder. I had a friend yesterday, she said, hey, I'd love to go on a walk with our dogs. And I said, no. I'm busy for the first day of the future. And she was like, I was like, I'm sorry, I'm just tired. And when I'm tired, everything is a no, right? And if you're dating, if everything's a no, you're not going to find what you're looking for in terms of partnership, marriage, love, those types of things.
Like you have to say yes to things even when you're tired. So set limits with those things. Remembering too, when you're tired, you're more likely to fall into a negative mindset. You just are. It is the way that the brain works, right? Our prefrontal, I won't get too nerdy into the brain, body, nervous system, but prefrontal cortex is a very front of the part of the brain. And in order to have full access to it requires us to be rested. We need good sleep at night. And when we're tired, when we're not getting good sleep for whatever reason, we don't have full access to our prefrontal cortex, which is a part of our brain that helps us with emotion regulation, problem solving.
All of those things like analytical thinking, organizing, all those things that help us function, we don't have full access to. So what happens is that we tend to fall into more negative mindset. And so if you're tired, you might tell your things like dating is point. You might tell yourself things like dating is pointless. There's nobody out there for me. What's the point? And one, you might know you're saying those things because you're tired. Or if you're saying those things, check in. Maybe you are tired.
Girl, maybe you need a nap. Maybe you're tired. And so we know that mindset matters and it's harder to shift that when we're tired. And so I want you to be really mindful and aware of the things that you're telling yourself. When I'm tired, now I'm tired, married, a little different, I'm not dating, but when I'm tired now, I tell myself, hey, first I evaluate, I do the why. Michelle, why are you so tired? Well, you've been watching Orange is the New Black and you're in season five, episode nine.
I'm in it. And you stayed up too late. m. And so I look into the why, see if there's stuff I can do about it. If there is, I change it, right? If there's nothing, like you're just really busy right now, I take care of myself and I do what I can. And I say to myself, hey, you're just in a tired space right now. You're going to be tired this week. You're likely going to be tired the next few weeks. That's okay, right? Be nice to yourself. Be nice to other people. Be really aware of your thoughts. Right.
Remind yourself, I'm tired. I can't believe everything. I think my brain is likely to play some tricks on me. And so I keep saying and so and it's bothering me. And so if remembering you don't need tons of endless energy to date, you really don't. You just need to move at a pace that honors where you're at. And I encourage you that if you want love, partnership, marriage, that you do date. And you either kind of reflect and figure out what you need. You work with somebody to help things seem more manageable.
Or you figure it out because I don't want you to put things on pause because you're tired. And I'm always here to chat, to talk about it, all those things. You can find me at unstuckbymichelle on TikTok, on Instagram. Instagram is probably the best way to slide into my DMs, ask me questions. Let me know things you want to see on Cadre. You can comment on this, things that you want to see me talk about regarding dating. I've been a dating coach for six years now. I've been in the mental health field.
I'm going to age myself for over 15 years now, and you know what? helping people date and be their authentic self and show up is really important to me. And tired, being tired can get in the way of us being our most authentic self. I taught a workout class this morning and I was, I'm still a little tired. I've had a long, I've had a long, long week. I was teaching a workout class 6:45 this morning and I don't even know, I said something like, literally that is what came out of my mouth. I meant to say, What did I meant to say?
Upright crescent lunge, right foot forward, left foot back, hold. That's what I meant to say. And I said, and the class was like, I was like, sorry guys, I'm tired. Let me start over. So tired doesn't mean you need to pause your life. And there's sometimes, like I said, that it's just a season for you. Let me know how I can help. I'm here for you. Follow. Follow along, like my stuff, let me know you're listening and I'll keep putting it out. So I hope you have a lovely weekend. Happy Friday. And I hope this one recorded because I'm not.
If not, I'm pausing from this topic, but I'll see you all next week.
