Sober Not Somber Hour

Hello, hello. Happy Tuesday, four o'clock. It's the happy hour time. I'm your host, Jen Varale, Sober Not Somber Hour. And yeah, I've been coming on here over a year now. Gosh, probably 15 months on Tuesdays and chatting about all things. related to sobriety, alcohol free journeys, however you identify that. And yeah, I also always highlight a non-alcoholic beverage of choice and I'm keeping it simple today, folks. I was just at a gala event recently where I really wanted to see some good non-alcoholic options there.

I even, yes, I had some inside information on what might be served at the event, and I have to say it was pretty disappointing. There was a Heineken Zero water, still water, and a tonic water. The tonic water they were serving was lime. was really quite subpar and it was surprising to me and I reminded me that tonic water can be not so great. So just a shout out to this brand from Germany, Thomas Henry Tonic Water. I'm going to crack one of these because I don't want anything too heavy. I'm headed to the sauna after this.

So yeah, we're going to start with this and then have a little conversation about purpose and sobriety, alcohol free choices. Who's down for that? Hey Joseph, welcome in. Welcome in. I'm just talking about sober choices and alcohol free living. One thing I was reminded of this weekend. So I was with a large group of people up north and it was for a festival called Sauna Days. And it was three days of intense heat in the saunas in an outdoor environment right on Lake Superior. and then cold plunging in the lake.

And inevitably, there's alcohol there, there's non-alcoholic choices. But in some conversations with people around alcohol, it came up that this idea that I also shared in my TED Talk three years ago about alcohol, no matter how much you're using, misusing, can really keep you out of your purpose. It can keep you small. And obviously, if the addiction or heavy misuse, if that's happening, for sure you are not in purpose. I feel like I can safely say that. However, where it gets confusing is people may be in the middle who haven't got into the deeper cycle of addiction, who are maybe using alcohol to cope, to solve for anxiety.

And I was talking with this woman who was feeling that, was feeling the stress of a lot of life changes, had never really used or abused alcohol in the past and was really starting to question how she was using it to navigate recently in a life transition that was really hard. So she was noticing that just any amount of alcohol, a glass or two of wine would keep her sort of out of the things, all the things that she wanted to do for the next day, for example. And I thought that was so telling. And it's a message that so many need to hear.

You know, we like to think we can manage our alcohol intake and that, you know, we just like everything is fine after sort of the buzz or that whole experience of maybe a glass or two of wine, maybe a couple beers wears off. But I think you still have this hangover. of just not, being true to yourself maybe. So I just wanted to share, one of my friends wrote this amazing book called A Fragile Utopia. Nick Hansen, local here in Minneapolis where I'm from, and he is a journalist. And I love the way that journalists write memoirs because they are so detailed.

He's not skipped any details in here. And I myself have 11 years of sobriety. I call myself sober, necessary. And I believe Nick would identify with the same. I never went to a treatment center. I used AA to get sober. He went to a treatment center and he like is logging all of his days there, what's happening in his life, what's happening with his wife and kids while he's away. But this chapter on family tradition, I just want to share a little bit about what he says. He says alcohol steals your ambition and robs myriad opportunities and pleasures in life.

Then he says one aspect that isn't mentioned enough is how seriously alcohol disrupts your physical appearance. Going on to say, I've had days, even weeks of sobriety, but I always forget how much my physical appearance changes when I sober up. And he says, if I haven't had a drink in 12 days, I look like a different person. Isn't that the truth? I did an event, served non-alcoholic wine at an event for women that was all about aging. And I shared with them, I'm 53 now, I shared with them a picture of me at 40 at the height of my alcohol.

and a picture of me at 50. And I thought by looking at those two photos side by side, I looked younger at 50. And it was due to all of the inflammation, all of the havoc that alcohol wreaks on our body. And there it was in 10 years apart and having that clear contrast of what alcohol actually does in the body and how it shows up. So 2 things, two very different kind of spectrums of how alcohol robs you from your purpose. Any amount of alcohol can keep you small and out of that purpose. I truly believe that.

And then the physical appearance side, the things that you can't ignore as you start to age. Aging is hard enough. It's hard enough without throwing alcohol on it. Oh my gosh. Seriously, if just a side note to event planners or hosts, if you are going to only serve tonic, still water and soda, please choose an exceptional tonic. I love this one. That was a sidebar. Yeah, so my question, my prompt, whether you look back to your days of maybe some alcohol misuse or how it showed up, Did that keep you out of your purpose in any way?

Do you believe you missed any opportunities because of either prioritizing alcohol or coming off the effects of alcohol? I had someone tell me that in his college days he actually had a job at a liquor store. and we thought it would be great. And once he found out the hours that it would, he'd be required to work Fridays and Saturdays, he was like, I'm out. that's cutting into my time to party and drink, even though we could have probably got some free booze working at the liquor store. But I just that simple example of how we prioritize alcohol and how maybe it keeps us small from thinking about opportunities that come our way that ask us to be bigger, to make a leap of faith, to make a better choice.

How is that possible because of the energy it takes? How is it possible to do that if alcohol keeps showing up and maybe undermining your confidence, your ability, your performance? I don't know, you guys, I think it's big. I think it's not talked about enough. What do you think, Joseph? Are you and anyone else who's chimed in? I can't always see all the comments. Does alcohol keep you out of your purpose? Did it? And if it's showing up for you now, maybe you're a mindful drinker. Is it keeping you from your purpose?

I'm going to leave you with that today, and also just a reminder, this book, A Fragile Utopia by my friend Nick. The subtitle is Escaping the Elaborate Facade of Alcohol Bliss. So when I met Nick, I was like, you're speaking my language. My language is sober, not somber. So a sober life is a celebrated life. And his work is all around the social component of alcohol, which is where my work also aligns. I want to make environments for everyone that don't centralize alcohol so we can all be better, right?

Yeah, yeah. So it's a great book. It's a great book. I'll leave you with that. And of course, an NA cheers. I'm here every Tuesday, sober not somber hour, and I hope you have a great rest of the week. Thanks for tuning in, everyone. Bye bye.