Watch this if you feel like you have to have everything figured out before acting.
"I'm actively working on showing up as I am instead of waiting until I have everything put together, " she says. Once she started doing that, people can actually get to know her better. She says you do not earn connection by being impressive.
Okay, I want to talk about something that I'm actively working on, which is showing up as I am instead of waiting until I have everything put together. I used to have this, like, rule. It was, like, an unspoken rule that I needed to fix myself or be perfect or be totally healed before I showed up anywhere. I don't mean, like, just physically show up, but, like, be who I am. So if I was overwhelmed, I feel like I had to calm down first. If I was sad, I felt like I had to process it and get in a good mood better.
If I was unsure or uncertain about something, I felt like I needed to, like, figure everything out before I could talk to somebody. And what that turned into was me constantly performing, like, I was okay. So I would go into conversations already rehearsed, which is not a bad thing. I still rehearse certain kinds of conversations, but I didn't allow myself to actually show up as I was. I felt like I had to get to a place of being calm, baseline, ready to go, instead of allowing myself to show up in whatever state I was in.
And so I've been experimenting a lot with not doing that, which is really hard, especially if we are people pleasers or grew up in homes that were really chaotic where we were basically taught that we needed to have everything together. I'm finding that, A, it is okay to show up as I am and say things like, you know, I'm a little off today, or if someone asked me how I am saying, you know, like, I'm actually like a 5 out of 10 today, or my mood is a little bit low today, or. Or I'm. I'm feeling really excited.
Right. I think sometimes we can stifle our own joy as well. The truth is that once I started doing that, people can actually get to know me better. They, A, have a better understanding of what my different moods and needs are, and B, they know how to show up for me because they start to get a better feel for, oh, this is what Rachel's like when she's sad. This is what Rachel's like when she's stressed. This is what Rachel's like when she's angry. This is what Rachel's like when she's happy. Instead of just this really, really neutral, like always this way, space.
I think it's really important for us to think about showing up as we are in one capacity, being ourselves and having our own personality and being unique, but in the other sense also meeting ourselves where we're at and allowing ourselves to enter spaces where we are. I find that the more that I operate this way, the more other people operate that way too, which deepens more connection, builds stronger relationships, and gives us more closeness. There's something about letting somebody see you mid process, like not fully resolved that builds trust way faster than if you're acting like you're always fine.
If you're feeling pressure to be put together right now, I just want you to know you do not earn connection by being impressive. You can show up tired, you can show up uncertain, you can show up sad, you can show up not fully optimized, and you are still worthy of connection, love and experiences.
