The host checks in with the audience, confirms the stream is working, and briefly introduces the subject they'll discuss today. This chapter sets the tone and prepares viewers for the conversation ahead.
The host checks in with the audience, confirms the stream is working, and briefly introduces the subject they'll discuss today. This chapter sets the tone and prepares viewers for the conversation ahead.
The host describes the disorienting after‑effects of leaving a hard period in life, normalizing the fear or trepidation that can surface even when things are going well. Viewers learn that this reaction is common and not a sign that something is wrong.
This section guides listeners to notice fear without judgment, to validate those feelings, and to begin holding both the fear and the present good moments simultaneously. It frames gentle self-talk and permission to enjoy life as first steps toward working with incongruent emotions.
The host shares examples of how people try to protect themselves—overworking, self-sabotage, or seeking reassurance—and explains why those strategies may feel protective short‑term but are unhelpful long term. She raises the question of how to find balance and manage fear without crossing boundaries.
After reading comments, the host addresses feelings of emptiness after anticipated events end, and discusses how excitement often carries anxiety. She encourages allowing oneself to feel excited while also learning how to cope with inevitable disappointment.
Through a conversation with her mom and a memory of a supportive cousin, the host emphasizes that we've always gotten through hard times and can again. She also offers practical coping tools like time-limited ‘breaks’ from pain and using distraction deliberately to function without avoiding emotions entirely.
The host checks dates, expresses gratitude to the audience, and says farewell while confirming when she'll next be back. This brief closing winds down the session and leaves viewers with a warm goodbye.
Hello, happy Tuesday. Are we working? Are we working? Yay, I think it's working because I see Jules has joined. Okay, yay, that makes me so happy. I'm gonna put my glasses on. Hello, hi Jules. Hello, happy Tuesday. I keep thinking today's Monday because yesterday was a holiday and all day I've been saying like calling today Monday and tomorrow Tuesday, which is getting me so confused. But I hope you all had a nice long weekend if you did get yesterday off. And if you didn't, I hope you're having a nice Tuesday.
So today we're going to talk about What happens like after you leave a heavy period and I'm not talking about menstrual periods although we could talk about that for so long but when you leave a heavy period of life and sort of like that after effect of okay things were really bad but they're not bad anymore so now what? And I think a lot of times, especially for me, but I think a lot of times for folks who have experienced a lot of hardship or trauma or endured a lot of heaviness in life, when something heavy passes, it can feel really discombobulating.
Like there's sort of this element of like, okay, things are lighter, things are good now, but when's the other shoe going to drop? And even if things feel light or good, we subconsciously or consciously might be experiencing a lot of fear or anxiety or trepidation or this sort of like general like uneasiness. And it's really like our our brains are anticipating something bad is gonna happen. And so rather than us being comfortable with or allowing ourselves to be in that space of levity, we're jumping to what we think is gonna happen next.
We're anticipating the next heavy period. And so we experience fear, right? Like, so a lot of times it can be really confusing when like, we're like, okay, things are going pretty well right now. Like, what am I, why am I so scared? Why do I feel so scared all the time? And it's not even like, it's not even anxiety. It's just like this general underlying sensation of fear. And that can be overwhelming and it can be confusing, but also it's really normal. So if that happens to you, it's really normal.
There's nothing wrong with you. I'm going to say that to you with my spoolie. And so what do we do with that, right? I am still learning how to navigate that. I think the first thing is just being aware of it, right? So noticing in times when things are going well and you're feeling afraid or panicked or worried, going, oh, okay, I'm noticing, right? No judgment, no need to fix, no like, oh, this means something bad about me, just noticing I'm feeling some fear whilst things are good. So we just notice it first, right?
And as soon as we notice it, then we can start to try and work with the incongruence. And we can start to sort of like challenge those feelings a little bit while still honoring them, right? While still saying to ourselves like, hey, I know that I know that you're scared because in the past, bad things happen again, and that makes sense, right? Like, I get it. Be super gentle with yourself and be like, Hey, I get why we're feeling this way. That makes sense. And, you know, things are good right now, and it's okay for you to enjoy them while they're good.
I know you want to protect yourself from future pain, and I know that you want to be prepared for if and when something bad happens again, and I love that about you. Thank you for protecting me. And you still get to enjoy this good stuff while it's here. And that's so hard, so hard. Um, but it's, it's allowed, like we're allowed to let the heavy stuff be in the past, let the unknown stuff be in the future and be right here with what's real and true. And if what's real and true is that things are going well or better than they were, we get to be there.
Um, so that's something that I was working through, um, earlier this month, I got a new job. I was dating somebody I really liked and I was just constantly afraid. Like I was just like so afraid every single day. And I was like, why am I so like, what is going on? Like things are going well, like these are good things. So why am I feeling negatively? And I realized it was because I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. And it's very difficult for me to not want to protect myself, right? And so what my brain wants to do is be like, but what could happen is I lose this job.
What could happen is this person breaks up with me. And so to protect myself from that, I should, and then there's this list of things that I could do. I could either over perform at work to ensure that I have this job or self-sabotage so that if, so that like, you know, then I can control at least what's going to happen. Same thing with person I'm dating. Like I could like to try and control or mitigate potential pain, end it myself so that I'm somehow in control of what's happening and I don't have to not know how things are going to go.
Or I can constantly seek reassurance to try and like make sure that I can have some sense of knowing that things are going to work out. But none of those options are actually going to be productive for me long term, right? Like they might immediately provide me with sense of control or some sense of self-preservation, but long term, none of those are actually really helping me, right? So how do I still find balance and equilibrium? How do I make sure that I'm not overworking myself, over seeking validation or assurance to soothe myself?
How can I internally manage that fear, soothe myself, and make sure that I'm not overexerting or crossing boundaries to try and make sure that things don't go badly. Hard. So hard. Can we hang on? I'm gonna pause and read some of these comments. Right now for me, it's kind of the opposite. I was looking forward to something for months. Now it's over and I feel empty. I'm so sorry. That sucks. Yeah, that's That's really tough. I feel like when I get really excited about something and that doesn't happen, that disappointment can be brutal.
And so I know that for me sometimes like I won't let myself look forward to things. I won't let myself get excited because that way I can't be disappointed if it doesn't happen. And Again, that's like rooted in me expecting things to fail, right? So I just think, A, like I want to congratulate you and applaud you for letting yourself get excited about something because I think that's a win. I think it's a win for us to allow ourselves to get excited and to trust that things are going to go well, especially when they don't because you're training your brain A, to believe that good things are gonna happen for you, which is what you do when you get excited about something, but also you're, even though it sucks, you're now faced with how do I cope with disappointment, which is gonna happen in life, right?
Like we're gonna be disappointed A lot. But at least this way, like you get to continue to be hopeful and excited when future things come because you're exercising that muscle. Jules said, today in my office, a few of us felt hyped and on edge, but yet we felt connected with the universe. interesting. Say more. Yet there was also a ton of anxiety leading up to it also, so in that sense it fits. Yeah, I feel like there's oftentimes like a lot of anxiety that like gets wrapped up into excitement. Like those two things can really work together, which is not always the best thing, right?
So yeah, I don't know, man. Those ebbs and flows are hard. Something I'm still definitely learning how to deal with. But I'm noticing that each time the ebb and the flow occurs, like I'm a little bit better at managing. I'm a little bit better at coping. Not perfect, but a little bit better than the last time, you know? So we learn each time. And, you know, I was talking to my mom on the phone yesterday because I was having a hard day and I was like, I know that, I told her, I know like in a month I'll look back and I'll be able to see this moment, this part of my life, like with gratitude or like through a lens of not I'm glad it happened, but like I can see why it needed to happen that way.
But right now I'm just hurt and upset. And that for me is growth because usually I bypass all the hurt and I just go straight to like, well, I'm glad it happened. But then I don't let myself feel this stuff, right? Like there has to be room for both. Like we have to allow ourselves to like feel disappointment, feel rejection, feel hurt, feel angry, whatever it is we're feeling. And then once we process and move through that, let go and be able to reflect and look back and see it through a different lens.
But I think when we try and speed that process up or do it all at once, we do ourselves a disservice. And then when we don't ever get to the point of letting go or reflecting, we're just holding on to things forever and then we never let go and then we're stuck in resentment. So I think finding both of those is the key and That's something that I have been working on for many years and still practicing. So fought through three panic attacks, but as I told my therapist today, I survived. Yes, you did.
Yes, you did. When I was going through a really, really bad bout of depression a few years ago, I called my cousin. I was in Portugal, like just having a total meltdown. Like I hadn't been that depressed in many years. And I was on the phone with my cousin. I remember I was sitting in an alleyway sitting in an alley in Portugal. It was probably like 3:00 in the afternoon for me and 9:00 in the morning for her. And I was just like, I can't do this. I can't do this. I'm not I just can't do this. And I just kept repeating that.
She said, Rachel, you have gotten through every single one of the hardest days of your life. That's a 100% success rate. You can get through this. And I have like kept that with me over and over because she's not wrong. Like she's right. And sometimes I think when we're having a really hard time or experiencing something that has incredibly emotionally heightened, it can feel like even though I've done this before, there's no way I can do it this time. Like this, is the one that's going to tip us over the edge.
But if our track record is 100% getting through it, this one thing is not going to be the thing that tips us down to zero. It might take us a little longer, like getting to that, getting through it might take longer or be harder than past things we've had to get through, but we can always get through it because we always have. We felt connected as we got stuff done. We were focused, but yet when we stopped, we were hyped, if that makes sense. like you were in flow and while you were doing things, you were able to stay connected.
But then as soon as like the activity paused, that's when like the sort of anxiety or like hyper energy arose, which I think makes sense because like when, I mean, I don't know if this is exactly what you're saying, but like distraction is a real coping mechanism. I think sometimes we overuse distraction or use it only and then that's when it's a problem. But distraction is a real coping mechanism. Like we need to feel our stuff, but we also need to still live our lives. We still have responsibilities, we still have jobs, we still have to feed ourselves, walk our dogs, whatever that might be.
And in order to function, like we can't be sitting in the stuff all the time. And sometimes a way for us to get from sitting in the stuff to doing the things I need to, we need to, we have to distract ourselves with something to like get our minds off of it or like give our, or just like give our brains a break. Like when I'm really depressed, I give myself like hour of depression breaks or I give myself permission for an hour to just be the happiest person in the world. And for some reason, like I, like telling myself that like it's only for an hour allows me to actually pretend to be happy for an hour because it doesn't feel like I'm abandoning what's true.
It's just like for this one hour, I'm giving myself a break from the stuff that's really hard in my life right now. I'm giving myself a break from the crap that's happening or from thinking about the thing that happened that I'm upset about, whatever it might be. I'm giving myself a time limited break away from the pain And then I can come back to it, right? But I think distractions are an incredible way for us to cope for sure. Okay, my loves, will the next month be June? Is next Tuesday, June?
What's today? The 26th. I think the next time I see you, it's going to be June. That's crazy. Where did May go? I didn't even get to sing it's going to be May. It's gonna be May. I'll have to sing that before May is over, even though it's already May. I don't know. Anyways, I love you all very much. I'm very glad you're here. And I will see you same time, same place next week in June? I still am not sure. I should look at a calendar. Okay, love you. Bye.
