is playing with a new selfie stick. It has the ability to stand really tall, but it also has the feature of rotating down and up. If you see him wiggling a little bit, that's what he's doing. They say it takes maybe three to four weeks to get through it.
Dr. D. is playing with a new selfie stick. It has the ability to stand really tall, but it also has the feature of rotating down and up. If you see him wiggling a little bit, that's what he's doing.
"My throat is still messed up. I don't know if it's a cold. But I wake up some days and my voice is gone or it's deeper than it normally should be, " she said. They say it takes maybe three to four weeks to get through it.
This week, Jarrett ponders the topic of anger. Is it a sign of disrespect when someone gets angry with you? What did I do wrong? What can I do to fix this?
Is anger a sign of disrespect? What do you do when you feel disrespected by someone's anger? Do you match their anger with anger or do you address it calmly? Sometimes we need that brief moment in between a conversation.
Do you process this anger in this situation in silence? Do you retreat? What type of alliance do you want to maintain with the person that has been angry and disrespectful towards you? How much is it worth to you to address it?
I hope none of you have to deal with anger this week. It is intense for us, too, when we're angry with someone. But again, it's what's on the top, what's under the surface that we're really dealing with. See you next Tuesday.
Hello, Cadre. It's me, Dr. D. I am playing with a new selfie stick. I think that's what it's called, so it's really cool. I wish I could show it to you guys, but it has the ability to, like, stand really tall, but it also has the feature of rotating down and up. So I'm actually playing with that to see what level I need to be at. Because y' all know, if you don't know, I'm really short, so it's hard to get myself in a good position for videos sometimes. So if you see me wiggling a little bit, that's what I'm doing.
I'm just trying to play around with this, with this new selfie stick, but. Oh, and I just realized it rotates, too. That's good to know. All right, well, I am here. I do have coffee. It's almost gone. I put it in this cup today because I've noticed that when I have a coffee mug, if I'm in a therapy session with a client, I don't drink it quickly. And so it gets cold. And so I wanted to keep it really hot today because my throat is still messed up. I don't know what this new. I don't know if it's a cold.
They say it's not a cold. I went down a rabbit hole watching Instagram videos one night, and we. One lady was describing her symptoms, and I was like, that's me. You ever have that happen to you? You're like, that's me. That's what I'm going through. But, like, the. The thick throat and it's hard to swallow is not necessarily sore. It's just annoying more than anything. But I wake up some days and my voice is gone or it's deeper than it normally should be. And so I'm still kind of dealing with that, but I feel totally fine.
So if you are also dealing with that, I understand your pain. They do say it takes maybe three to four weeks to get through it. I think I'm approaching, like, past two weeks, so hopefully it goes away soon. But the topic for the day, and I can't see y' all if you are joining me, so we gotta work on that. These video kinks. But that's okay if you're here. Hello. If you're watching replay, Hello. Let me know that you're here. All right, so we are going to talk about anger. I know I have cycled through this topic over the past year early.
Usually it's the beginning of the year. I like to talk about this. I don't know what that's about, but I want to talk about anger. And is it a sign of disrespect when someone gets angry with you? So let me tell you a little story. So this past weekend, I went to a jiu jitsu tournament. And I was in. It was a public setting. I walked in with one of my current teammates, who was actually a former teammate of the. The school I used to attend. And so we kind of knew, you know, we might have had some issues, but we were there to just watch the tournaments, stayed in our place.
And as we were leaving, you know, there are some people from my old school that I would love to maintain contact with. I just haven't had the opportunity. And so I spoke to certain people, and. And one particular person, as I was trying to speak to this person, got really upset with me, and I was completely confused. I was literally in shock. I was like, whoa. That was my immediate reaction. Whoa, what's going on? Right? What's the problem? And so I was left with this confusion and hurt. And I literally could feel that person's anger in my chest.
Like, it felt like it just hit me real hard. And I was like, what is this all about? Right? I don't remember leaving any conversation I've had with this person where we were not on good terms. So I was really confused by that person's anger towards me. And so I thought about it for a little bit, and I realized after some time, I was like, that wasn't about me. That wasn't about me at all. But that person took their anger out on me. I was the target that day, even though I didn't do anything. So as I tell that story and I tell.
I shared that with people that are close to me because I was just trying to process, like, what is this about? What just happened? I don't understand. What did I do wrong? Did I do something wrong? Because if I did, I want to correct it, right? And so I got some feedback from some people that I shouldn't have let that person talk to me like that, or I should have said something. I should have kind of clapped back, right? Because that person disrespected me in public. And I'm not one of those people that likes to match aggression with aggression, unless I'm in a position where I need to protect myself, like, physically protect myself.
And I didn't feel in that moment that I needed to protect myself. Was I hurt? Absolutely, I was hurt. I was shocked. I was, like, really looking Inward, like, what did I do wrong? Right? And so I took that to heart. How can I fix this? There's really nothing I can do. Okay. And so our question that we're going to talk about today is, is anger a sign of disrespect? Right. So when someone unleashes their anger on you, do you accept that as disrespect? Okay, if you have an answer to that, put that in the chat for me.
And so I want to think deeper into that. Well, if it is a sign of disrespect, what do you do about it? What do you do when you feel disrespected by someone's anger? So there's three things that came to mind when I was kind of deciding, like, well, what did I do? What have I seen other people do? Right? And so the first question to consider is, do you align with it or do you match their energy? So when someone gets angry with you, do you match their anger with anger? Do you match their disrespect with disrespect?
Do you start, you know, telling your side of the story? Do you defend yourself? Okay, but if you're matching their energy with their anger, do you get loud? Do you step up to them? Do you get in their face because they're getting closer to you? Do you ball up your fist? Right? Do you start cursing at them or yelling at them? If they're talking loud, do you match their energy? Now, when that happens, especially when it's in a public setting or there's other people around, I've always lived with this assumption, like when there's two people arguing and this, I think, the scriptural, when two people are arguing, no one can tell who the fool is, right?
So why do we do that? Why do we engage in the anger with more anger? Right? Why do we do that? It doesn't solve anything. It doesn't. It doesn't really make the other person hear you either. It doesn't make that other person respect you. Just because you feel disrespected, you're matching their energy. It's not gonna work that way. Okay? So keep that in mind. So that's one, do you match their energy? Two, do you address the disrespect right away? Do you address it calmly? So can you not necessarily match their energy with.
But address how you feel in that moment by their anger? Address what that anger feels like to have it hit you in the chest or make you question yourself? Do you say something or do you. Wait, leave, let the conversation die. Down and then address it at a later time, Right? Sometimes we need that brief moment in between a conversation. Because when emotions are so energetic like that, sometimes the words don't get through, Sometimes the emotion is so big, and anger is one of those really big and heavy emotions.
I won't say it's necessarily toxic, because anger is a necessary emotion, but when it. It is harmful, when it's being spewed out to hurt someone else, or maybe it is used for disrespect, it's hard to get words through for that person to hear you. So sometimes it does help to give some space for that person to calm down, for you to actually calm down as well. Because sometimes when we are feeling someone's anger, our energy, our anxiety kicks in, our fight or flight kicks in, and we do want to protect ourselves or we want to disengage to protect our.
Protect ourselves. And so we have to decide when is the right time to talk about this. And here's the other question, though. Should you say something? Right. What happens when you don't? What happens when you don't address that person's anger? Right? And that's where I think some people would say that the anger is disrespectful. Because when we don't address that we were hurt and we don't verbalize our boundary, like, hey, don't talk to me like that, or hey, don't touch me like that, right? Then that could be their anger is a disrespect, and we're not respecting ourselves by speaking up for what we need or speaking up for how that hurt us.
Okay, let me know your thoughts on that. And so the third question I want to ask you about, you know, as far as what can you do or what do you do? Is do you process this anger in this situation in silence? Do you retreat? So when fight or flight kicks in, are you the type that will be like, I'm out. I can't deal with this. But you go home, or you go in your car, or you go in another room and you sit in silence and you isolate yourself, probably to protect yourself, right? So when we feel disrespected by someone's anger, sometimes we feel like we need to protect ourselves, protect our hearts, and that can help.
And so one thing I want you to keep in mind, these three things. So, aligning it, matching their energy, addressing it calmly and at the right time, or isolating and shutting down and not saying anything at all. I can't tell you which one is right for you. You have to decide that for yourself. And that all depends on who is involved in this situation. And what. What type of alliance do you want to maintain with the person that has been angry and disrespectful towards you? Right. How much is that relationship worth to you to address it?
How much is it worth to you to address it? Because it's about your reputation, if you don't say something, right, I can't tell you what to do with that. But I do want you to consider what do you normally do? And does that work for you? So if you're the person who matches energy, does that work for you? It could work in the sense where you're matching their energy and they. They interpret that as, oh, you want to fight, right? And so maybe you scare the person off and they back down. That's a temporary fix.
Doesn't solve the problem, doesn't address the real issue. Because, let's be real, if you've been watching some of my videos, you'll know anger is at the top. That's what we see. But we don't know what's going on beneath the surface. So we're not addressing the real issue when we're only matching energy with anger and anger. What's really happening? Are they mad? Are they sad? Are they lonely? Are they scared? Right? Are they confused about something? Maybe you just need to have a conversation. Maybe there was confusion that came out as anger because something was misinterpreted at some point.
So what do you do? What do you normally do? Does it work for you? And do you need to maybe switch it around? If you're the person that likes to address it calmly? Well, decide. Maybe you need to change the timing of that. Do you need to start speaking up right away in the moment, or if you are doing that already and that's not working, do you need to put some space in between those conversations so you have time to process what you want to say or process what you felt and what you saw and allow that person to get to a more regulated state where they can hear your words so your words get through.
Okay. And if you're the type that normally processes in silence or you isolate, well, it might help to stick up for yourself, have a boundary and stick with it. Okay. All right, y', all, that's all I got. I hope none of you have to deal with anger this week. It is a very intense emotion to deal with when it's coming from someone else. It is intense for us, too, when we're angry with someone. I. I admit to that. It's a lot. But again, it's what's on the top, what's under the surface that we're really dealing with.
Okay, I will see you guys next Tuesday. Same time, same place. Probably a real coffee mug, but I'm hoping my throat is back to normal by then. So we'll see. All right, you guys have a wonderful day. Bye.
