Comedy Through The Chaos: Parenting Edition

Good morning everyone. If you are watching me in the morning. Hi Everybody. I am Ms. Shannon. I am coming to you from the great state of Minnesota and I am a variety of word related things by trade like a comedian, a corporate speaker, a voice actor, an event embassy and a benefit auctioneer. I'll actually be benefit auctioneering this evening and I'm also the proud parent of a adorable 17 year old kiddo that happens to be high sports on the autism spectrum. That's him over there enjoying himself, doing whatever he's doing.

You can get some tea. So I am happy to be joining you for this edition of Comedy through the Chaos, our parenting edition. I'm happy to join you normally a couple of times a week and so to be able to share a variety of things. If you wonder where the title comes from. I don't necessarily think that things are funny in the midst of stuff, but I do often use humor to kind of help me frame things or figure out a way to process things maybe a little more quickly than other people do. So I'm happy to have these conversations with you.

Hello Jules, good to see you. Happy Saturday. And I am happy to join you and share my perspective on a few things. Hello, hello, hello. And I appreciate actually being part not only being sunshine for you and speak wonder but that there is actual sunshine going on today here in my part of the great state of Minnesota. My kiddo already went out for a while. He threw on his jacket and was a very good Minnesota teenager. Even in the 14 degree weather he was enjoying himself in the robustness. Gotta say hello, Andi Mack, good to see you as well.

Welcome in, welcome in. I just want to know real quick, we'll do a little, a little check in. How's the week been? Good for you? Thumbs up, thumbs sideways, thumbs down. Oh, minus one at big light. Yeah, we're going to get back to some single digits but I don't think we're going to get back to the negatives anytime soon. I, if I looked ahead properly. So how's everybody doing? Thumbs up, sideways, thumbs down. Hopefully at least sideways. Hopefully at least everybody is at least sideways. I will give myself a solid diagonal because I think one of the most complicated things for me right now is parenting and caregiving.

Want them up, want them down. That make okay? Yep, yep. That seems, that seems about right. Thank you for the thumbs up, Andi. Mac, good to see you. I can relate speak wonder because I think one of the most complicated times, most complicated things about my situation currently is being able to navigate the Fact that certain things in my life are progressing very well, but so much just in general is chaotic and uncertain and. Oh. Speak Wonder. Yes, I saw your. You mentioned that in your live stream.

Positive vibes to you. So. Yeah. So I hope that you and your friend on the drive had some peaceful time together. Had some peaceful time together. That's a rough one. So I get you. And I think that that's a good example as well. Speak Wonder about where I think that we spend a lot of time in this liminal space where there are certain things that are going well and it's hard when so many other things over here really just are, if not completely falling apart, just mess. Just mess. And so there are a lot of things on this side of my life that are just messy.

So trying to navigate some sense of humor, brevity, levity, normalcy over on this other side seems odd and sometimes seems it. It makes me, as much as I want to be grateful for the things that are good on this side, it almost makes you. Seems like you're minimizing all the terrible crap that's going on at the same time. So I can imagine. Speak Wonder. You're welcome, of course. So I'm glad that you and your friend had that. So, yes. So glad that worked. My story, hopefully this. This helps a little bit.

Is much lighter this week. So I'm going to be honest with you. I'm going to tell you about a little something that I did on Thursday night that I haven't done in years. So on Thursday night, your sis, Ms. Shannon, went on a date. Like a legit date. Like I went out on a date with another human being. Not. That's what I call, like many dates with myself where I get out, like, you know, the good sparkling grape juice and sit in front of my laptop and watch some of the comedians I like on YouTube. I didn't do that.

I went on an actual date with another human being out and about. And real talk, I haven't done that in like two, two and a half years. Two and a half years. Like a legitimate one. And part of the reason that I don't do that is because that's where my guilt sets back in, is that I'm getting up to speed where I have backup caregivers. I know. I'll tell you about a little more. He was a lovely, lovely human being. You know, I'm not saying it's going anyplace else. Don't get. Don't all of a sudden say it's going to turn into Mrs.

Shannon. It's still Ms. Shannon. But I spent so much time almost talking myself out of even doing this, like, because even though I've gotten to the point that I do have more backup, caregiving and support than I had in the longest time, it still feels weird to use that time for something that completely relates to me. So normally I am using that time. I should put that on a T shirt. More romance, less guilt. I. I use that time normally to. Because I'm working. Like, that's what I'm using the time for.

This evening. I have an event that I'm going to be at. So I'm using that time to work. I use that time to run errands in peace, you know, that are still either for me or for my kiddo. I use that time to do things that are responsible. And I don't use that time for something that seems as frivolous as romance. Like, I mean, I am not a Bridgerton lady. I'm a, you know, get it done work, do this stuff all the. And so I made myself get past that point, go off, had a little bit of time. Like, yeah, I have my phone available in case anybody had to contact me.

But I did do a good job of at least not staring at it the whole time, waiting for something to happen. So we had a lovely time. But it made me think back to, oh, like 16 years ago, back when I was. The first time I ever went to feel. Fifteen years ago, 15 years ago, the first time I ever went to therapy, and I was still married. And my kiddo was obviously much younger back then. And so the first time I went to therapy, I. And I still see the same therapist. She's wonderful. And I'm talking to her and she starts asking me about what do I like to do, what do I do in my spare time.

Those kind of questions that seemed pretty easy. And I answered with confidence and rattled a bunch of things off about the things that I liked to do. And then she slowed me down and she said, okay, all that stuff's great. Then she brought to my attention that everything that I rattled off very confidently were things that had to do with my husband at the time or my kid, and that I didn't have anything at the time that really was something that I liked to do that was wholly because of me. And she didn't mention that as a negative, because there's lots of things that you can do, especially when you're in a family setting and things are clicking along.

A lot of those things I really do Enj it was to actually bring it to my attention that, but what do I have that focuses on me not in a narcissistic way, but in a way that it's like, do you have anything that makes you the fully formed human being that you need to be that is not always contingent upon what you do when you serve other people? And that was something that I really have had to unspiral for years because I'm definitely one of those people that a lot of my life is projected through the services I provide for other people.

And again, not a bad thing. You know, I am just one of those organic caregivers. Like, whether it's talking about my son or other people in my circle, I am one of those, those people. And we have lovely names for ourselves like servant, leader and all of those things. We'll put a bit of pin in that. Not saying it's bad, but it does also make it very difficult for you to stay out of the bucket of guilt when you're doing something that's not in service of other people. And that even comes down to what do you do to refuel yourself?

What do you do to make sure that you are taken care of? What do you do to make sure that you're well hydrated, well rested, well moisturized, those things. Because you can easily have those things turned back into. Oh yeah, that's why I'm still seeing her speak. Going to my speed. Yeah, she has kept me really centered and as it does a great job. And I, I, I'll take this aside about finding the right kind of therapist that relates to you properly because I've had other friends that said that they tried things with different mental health wellness practitioners and it, you know, therapy doesn't work.

I think that it's also a matter, you have to find the right person for you. You have to find the person that communicates to you the way that you need to be communicated with and that can provide the kind of grounding and resourcing that you need. And the thing that I love about her is that, you know, we get along, don't get me long. And she is, she will politely call me on my bs, you know, kind of thing. And I, I've needed her to do that over the years. But she's also a good, because I have been seeing, seeing her for a long time.

She's actually good at helping me track some of my growth and progression, progression over time. But she's also really good at catching me when I backslide. And so she'll probably appreciate the story, but that, I think is one of the most interesting things I have come to this particular realization during this week is that we often do that. If you are the person that's normally in the position of a caregiver, it's easy to make that your slot permanently across everything in your existence. When there are certain times when you are allowed to put that caregiver, that caregiver mantle down and be you and do something else.

And so sometimes if you're like me, maybe you have to start with 15 minutes at a time and that builds up to a half an hour and that builds up to an hour and it builds up to. Occasionally you can go on a date and everybody was fine and the world continued to turn. And then you might actually have to do the same thing I did, which is talk yourself out of feeling guilty that you spent a little bit of time doing something that was pretty focused on you. And so I refuse to feel bad about it. Everything worked out fine.

I doing my due diligence to make sure that things should be okay when I am out and about. That is not. That does not mean that I do not care about them. I love them deeply. It does not mean that I do not want to make sure that they are taken care of. I do everything I can to make sure that things are smooth and seamless when I'm gone. But I'm not going to feel guilty if occasionally I go out and do something that seems frivolous and not working myself every single moment that I have backup care time.

So will there be a second date? I believe so. Speak wonder. I believe so. We have our maintaining contact and yes. And so we technically, I'm. I'm. Be honest. I kind of, yes, it's a date, but it's, It's. It's complicated. I have a show on Valentine's Day that I'm going to be performing at. I'm the headliner at a comedy show here in the Twin Cities. So I said, do you want to come to the comedy show? So I kind of ended up giving myself a date for my show. But that's good because a lot of times I'm working at these things by myself and I don't really have anybody to hang out with.

So unless he cancels between now and then, I mean, that's pretty easy on him. Like he gets somebody to hang out with on Valentine's Day and he didn't have to do anything thing. So I might, I might poke at him to bring me something, though, kind of since the tickles will be free because my name's on the poster, he can at least bring me some flowers. I'm a note to myself, hint to bring flowers to the man. Good boy. Speak, Wonder. So, I mean, and I really just appreciated the time that we had to. To.

To spend with one another. And that was nice to have somebody that I could talk about and adulting and something that's a little different than what I normally talk to people about. That was lovely. So I appreciate that much space. So I wondered for all of you who I know caregive and parent in different ways, hints are appropriate. Thank you very much. This hint might be pretty. I might go. So, you know, sometimes here's. How about this? You know, it's been a long time since someone brought me flowers when I was performing.

I won. I used to really like that. Like, maybe I just. Just drop that into the conversation this week and see if he's savvy enough. That seems like a pretty softball size hint. So. Point noted. So I wonder for all of you, is that something that I'm alone in, having a difficult time going, all right, you know, how do I frame things that are just for me and whether I feel guilty, those things or not? So when you're thinking about doing something for yourself, is that something that you find hard? Is it something that you find you're still working, figuring it out, or is it something that you're like, oh, yeah, I do it all the time.

I do it all the time. So I did that backwards. So let's do it this way. So it's something. Are you easy and not. Is it easy for you to go, yeah, I did something for myself, and I don't feel guilty. So if it's easy for you, two thumbs up. If you're still figuring it out, we can do one thumbs up, one thumbs down, like speak Wonder said. But if you're like me and you're still like, oh, it's so hard. I feel guilty all the time. All right. Yeah. So I'm like, I. I'm gonna get to the point that I'm gonna actively work so I'm here and not immediately in the.

Oh, I feel guilty and then had to talk myself out of it. So that is. That is the goal right now to. To thank you. All right? It is. It's so. Ah, it's so difficult, like, even little things, you know, when, you know, I'm like, oh, he's at school. All right, Jules. Okay, good, good. I'm gonna get to you. Where you're at. Jules. I. I can feel that coming. I don't expect to immediately get the two thumbs up, but I do think, like, speak, wonder, and I think that we can actively work towards that. But it's like any other practice.

Just like our mindfulness practices, our sleep, our sleep hygiene, all of these things to get from your brain defaults to. I'm not supposed to be doing this. I should be using this time for work. Oh, my gosh. I should be just anything. My brain always defaults to the things that I. That are on my to do list when I have that, so. So I had a friend tell me it's. It's too late for someone my age to date. What? Never. Never? What does that mean, it's never too late? Yeah. You don't kind of think. I do think this.

I don't think it's ever too late. I think that we do get more discerning. So I. You know, I'm appropriately picky now, so I'm like, oh, yeah, I'll date, you know, kind of thing. I'm appropriately picky because I'm also comfortable not dating. So I think I get to be picky about stuff. So it's never too late. And I think it's also a matter of your perspective on what it is. And I think that especially as caregivers. Yes, exactly. No, we're not even close to ancient. And even if we were, I don't care if we were Betty White before she.

May she rest in peace age. Go get it. There's always somebody out there looking. That's fine. Yeah. Never too late. Never too late. S. that, you know, my second year anniversary of starting with Cadre. Thank you. Thanks for sharing that, Jules. I'm glad that we, as a community have been here to be a part of that journey for you. It helps me, you know, a lot, too, and. And being able to share with you, to be able to watch the other contributors. There's always people that we grow alongside with, so being able to do that has been a big deal for me too.

So I'm with you, Jules. So are you ready to. Good timing. Good timing, because I think my kiddo is ready for me to come and start hanging out again. Is that what we're doing? What are you thinking? So where's my. Here's what I would like for you guys to think on. I do plan to be back here on Thursday. I might have to change the time a little bit because I'll be working at a conference in Duluth Minnesota. So you get to see Ms. Shannon on the road. So I'll check in with you then at hopefully near ish 2pm central.

I'll make sure I'll put the time in the schedule. If I have to move it to like 2:15 or move it up like I did that one week. So I'll do that Cat that a thing. Hi belly. So I'll let you know how that goes. Yes, he is here. You want to say hello? No hello. Okay, so I' ma go give squishes. You want squishes? I'll give you squishes. Go give squishes. We already. Oh, hey Chelsea, I get you join a combo for the first time skit. Oh good. Okay. Please do that. Please do that. So yeah, because I am also a single mom.

Chell. So also a single mom. Welcome to the conversation. You can see the belly that I single mom. Okay, give me a little space. Mom will wrap up and then you will have my full attention. Can I have five minutes? No, by a minute. Can I have two minutes? No. To a minute. Can I have. Okay, I will wrap up and come. Yeah, give me a minute. No, give me a minute. Okay, I'm coming. There we go. I'm coming. I promise. There we go. No hello. No squishes. Like all the squishes. He likes the squishes. So that's good.

So we're gonna go hang out and I think I might get him to go back outside. He looked very happy. He looked happier when he was outside in the robustness. So we're gonna do that. But welcome in. Welcome in. Chels, good to see you. Glad to see you. I also speak from the protect position of a single mom. I have my kiddo with me full time. That is why I was complain sharing that I went on a date for the first time in a couple of years earlier this week. Because that is not where I easily put my time.

My time goes into being a full time single mom and working all the time. So it worked out. And then speak Wonder and I are going back and forth about when is it too late to date. And we both agree that I think never that is what we're gonna say. So good to see you, Chels. I hope that you appreciate the replay. If there's anything I can share with you as you can go forward, please let me know. Always drop the comment in the. You can always drop your comments in the chat and let us know. And I will see everybody back here on Thursday.

So if the day doesn't treat you well, please remember. Shame on it. Not shame on you. So thank you so much. Save. Save. And I'll look for you in the chat. Chels, talk to everybody soon.