likes to talk about all things relationships, good and bad, all types of relationships. Last week, he started talking about the Johari window. It hurts too much, and it takes too much energy to Be honest with ourselves. Some people don't like to be happy. You like to laugh and cry at the same time.
Dr. D. likes to talk about all things relationships, good and bad, all types of relationships. Last week, he started talking about the Johari window. If you're familiar with it, please let me know.
This week, I want to lean into the parts of ourselves that we hide from ourselves. There are times we will pull back from who we truly are. It hurts too much, and it takes too much energy to Be honest with ourselves. And so what do we do? We hide.
Some people don't like to be happy. You like to laugh and cry at the same time. We allow ourselves to. To be expressive and open about ourselves with other people. Those are moments that we experience when we're with people that we know are safe for us.
Are there parts of you that you're not proud of? Maybe. You've said something that hurt someone, and you're hiding from that comment. When change is evident, like it's around the corner, we can feel it. But we hide from ourselves.
Your challenge for this week is to take some time and do some reflection. Reflect on the parts of you that you're hiding from yourself. I hope you're able to slow down this week.
Hello, Cadre. It's me, Dr. D. And I'm out of coffee. I can't believe it, but it's been a long morning. It's been a long past week, I think. I don't know what's going on with my hair right now. It's getting on my nerves. But as you're joining or watching the replay, please let me know where you're joining from. I am in the Midwest, in near St. Louis. And if you have never been to this space, I am a relationship therapist. So here I like to talk about all things relationships, good and bad, all types of relationships.
Hello, Speak, wonder. And if I remember correctly, because time escapes me, I'm still trying to find time and space correctly since the pandemic. I don't know if anyone else struggles with that, but I just never seem to feel like I recognize, like, the time, the correct time. So I think last week, if I remember, I was at my son's doctor's appointment, and so I kind of got cut off a little early, and I didn't really get to dive deep into the topic. And last week, I started talking about the Johari window.
So if you're familiar with it, please let me know. And Johari is spelled J, O, H, A, R. I. I'm definite, definitely. I'm one that has to visualize words, so I don't like to know how they're spelled. So hopefully don't show to other people. But we know it's a. It's there about ourselves, and why do we hide that? And so this week, I want to lean into the parts of ourselves that we hide from ourselves. Okay? So this can show up. And I was just thinking about this the other day. This shows up often when we are asked, how are you doing?
And our immediate response is, typically, I'm fine, even when we're not okay. And yes, it is okay to not be okay, but it's not okay to lie about it. Okay? And so there are parts of us that we know is there about ourselves, but we don't want to look at it, because if we take time to look at ourselves deeper or to be honest with ourselves about what's hurting us, that means that we got to do some work. And so sometimes we will pull back. And I hear y' all clapping for this one. There are times we will pull back from who we truly are, what we're truly experiencing, because we just don't want to.
We don't want to go there. It hurts too much, and it takes too much energy to Be honest with ourselves. And so what do we do? We hide. Right. There are parts of me that, you know, if I admit I'm sad, sadness is one of those emotions that I don't like to experience because it feels exhausting to me. Sadness is one of those emotions that if I sit with how sad I'm feeling, it takes time away from the things that I have to do. Right. And so I will hide that part of myself when I'm feeling sad. I will cover that up with.
With getting busy or I will hide my sadness with trying to help other people. I will hide my sadness by creating new project. And so I just get busy because I just don't want to deal with the sadness. So is there emotion as we're talking about this? Is there an emotion that you experience that you hide from yourself because you just don't want to deal with it? So if it's sadness, some people don't like to be happy. I know that sounds crazy, but it's true. Happiness is one of those emotions that is pretty big and it doesn't always feel safe.
Like, how long am I going to be happy? Okay, the witness who and I would love to know your real name. But if you want to share the witness. You treat people like cats. They run away. And if you yell at them or you be nice to them, and they're amazingly responsive. Interesting. Cats are sneaky animals too. You like to laugh and cry at the same time. Now that is one interesting. Thank you, Lauren. That is one interesting experience to laugh and cry at the same time. And I think those are moments that are.
We allow ourselves to. To be expressive and open about ourselves with other people and other people can see our sadness and then maybe they try to make us laugh. And I think those are moments that we experience when we're with people that we know are safe for us, our friends. You know, sometimes it's a stranger. I don't know if you've experienced that before, where you meet someone that just knows how to get to your heart and you don't know anything about them, but they. They know how to make you feel safe.
Right. And when you experience that. Oh, hold on to those memories. Yes. But. Yeah. So what other parts of you are you hiding from within yourself are you hiding from? And I won't say that it's always attached to shame. So let's not attach shame to this experience of hiding what we don't want to deal with. But are there. Are there parts of you that you're not proud of? Maybe. Maybe You've said something that hurt someone, and you're hiding from that comment. I know there's times where I replay in my mind conversations that I've had or conversations I need to have and the words that I've used.
I'm like, oh, I shouldn't have said that, or, oh, as I'm replaying the conversation, I probably should have said this instead. But I don't like that about myself. And so I'm gonna hide that for myself. I'm not gonna think about it anymore. I'm just gonna keep moving forward. Instead of apologizing, I'm just gonna keep moving forward and be like, well, if I hurt them, they'll come to me. That's also hiding from ourselves because we're lying to ourselves about how we really feel about something. I think other times that we.
We hide from ourselves is when there's fear. When we're afraid of something, maybe we're afraid of change. Maybe we're afraid of something new, even if it's good for us. And so when we're hiding from ourselves, when change is evident, like it's around the corner, we can feel it. I think people can feel when there's transformation coming. And this time of year is one of those times where we can sense, not just with the seasons, but the new year is coming. And we're always, like, preparing for that, right?
I think most people do. And we can sense that, oh, there's something. I want to be different for myself in the new year. But at the same time, we have that desire for change, but we hide from it. So we get stuck in familiar. Yes, familiar patterns, almost familial. We're stuck in familiar patterns because that just feels safe. We know how to navigate it. We know how to be in those spaces. We know how to operate around other people in those spaces. And so we just choose what's familiar. But we're hiding from ourselves.
So your challenge for this week is to take some time and do some reflection. I know it's uncomfortable. That reflection doesn't always have to come through journaling. So I'll tell you something I've been doing lately, and I kind of got forced into this because my phone has so many videos, because I just love to capture moments. I have so many videos that I keep getting this alert from my Apple phone that I'm out of storage. So what do I have to do? I have to go and delete some videos and delete some pictures and things that I've been holding on to.
I'm like, oh, I love this memory. I can't let it go. But at the same time, I'm hiding from myself because there are some videos. If I scroll, because I got years of videos and photos in there. If I scroll back, I'm like, oh, I don't want to look at that, but I need to. And so I've been challenging myself to do more reflection in that way. And I've watched some old videos of me, and there's videos of me, like, I didn't like how my skin looked. I didn't like how chunky my face was. I didn't like what I was wearing.
And then I'm like, who was I back then? I didn't want to see that part of myself. But I'm also in this space where I'm okay with letting it go. So I was quick to be like, delete, delete, delete, delete, to make some room. And so there are some times when you are forced to look at yourself. So if that's come up for you, put that in the chat for me. Think about it this week. So, yeah, your challenge for the week is to reflect. Reflect on the parts of you that you're hiding from yourself. Not just hiding from others, but you're hiding from you.
Okay. And so, Lauren, now that I know your name, thank you for chiming in. For those of you who are listening, thank you for being here in this space. I hope you're able to kind of slow down this week. I know we were right before the Christmas season, and there's a lot going on. There's a lot of noise right now, and. And so sometimes we have to be intentional about taking this time for us. So thank you for joining me today. I will be here next Tuesday, same time, same space, and I will have my coffee.
Okay. I did better last time. I might have coffee at all because I was at the doctor's appointment, but I had some today. It's about gone. I have, like, one more sip left, so next time I have a full cup. But thank. Thank you, guys. I will see you next week. Bye.
