Authentic Connections: Deepen Your Relationships

Hello. It's a beautiful day. It's actually pretty darn cloudy, but it's Friday and to be honest, I'm a little hopped up on sugar. We made our gingerbread houses for my company, a little virtual holiday party. And so I did indulge in a little bit of gummy bears, because gummy bears are the best. And so I, I couldn't, I couldn't help myself with the gummy bears. So yeah, my, my ginger had my gingerbread house. I went with like a greenhouse. Hi, Emily. And yeah, it was, it was a good time. I'll show you my little gingerbread house while we, before we get started.

All good to go. Yeah. So it was a fun time. Hey, Alicia. Hey, Speak Wonder. Just talking about my greenhouse. Gingerbread house. I was inspired to do a greenhouse because I went to Iceland this year and hey, Rachel went to Iceland this year and I saw the most beautiful greenhouses and they were everywhere. And ever since I'm just like, I want an awesome greenhouse. Like I, I being in these things, they were just like, they were immaculate. And I love plants as, as some of you know that it's just a great healing way to kind of garden and ground my energy.

So. But hope everybody's having a great Friday. How's your Friday going? Share, share in the chat. And in the meantime, we will. Did you see the Aurora boreals? No. We were there in the summer and it barely gets dark. I think it's like three hours of, of darkness. So you have to kind of see them in spring or fall or especially winter in Iceland. So. But it was still really beautiful country. Great, great people. Very strong and resilient people and they follow their intuition a lot. There's like a Icelandic term called inse.

And I got this amazing book that describes all about it and I'll share it another time. But it's, it's a heart, a heart centered country for sure. They really listen to, to nature and honor the rhythms of nature and their, and themselves. So it was, it was a lovely trip, but Speak Wonder says having clarity infused Friday, realizing some stuff, some good stuff. We love the good stuff. Yes. Love to hear that. Only three hours of darkness would be magic. Yeah, it was, it was really cool. Yeah, I highly recommend going to Iceland, but like not just staying in Reykjavik as a layover.

Like go and go out and see the stuff. But I wanted to dive into relationships because December we're reflecting and as you know, I'm a big like self awareness, like understand the relationship with yourself is first and foremost of all. But I've talked about that a lot, so I want to pivot a little bit into relationships with others and having authentic relationships. I shared a little bit last week of what it's like to kind of shift gears out of a relationship or into a partnership. And it's tricky because we're growing and evolving.

Our circumstances are changing. Same with our friends and our family. They're growing, they're evolving, they're changing. Our circumstances are changing. And so sometimes we. Yeah, we can grow alongside. Sometimes we grow together, and sometimes we just grow apart. And it's hard when you look back and you're like, man, I really loved hanging out with Alex or whatever. And it's tricky that we feel like sometimes because we've known this person forever, we feel we owe them our energy and attention still.

And as I've gotten older, I'm starting to realize that that's. That's not necessarily the case. And the. I'll give you three. Three takeaways again, per usual. You know, I love, you know, marketing. They teach you threes. So it's like, we gotta. Gotta stick with the threes. But I noticed that something was kind of going. Like, something just didn't kind of feel right in my body because I would only call my friends and be like, we have to catch up soon. And we would get dinner and we would catch up.

And that's kind of what adult friendships have kind of turned into lately. The past couple of years, it's like, oh, how are you? I haven't seen you forever. And I. Let's. So let's catch up. Let's go grab dinner and we'll catch up. And like, before I knew it, all my hanging out with friends was just me catching up with them and grabbing dinner. And so I was like, okay, something. Someone's got a shift here. Like, this is not a. I don't want to go out to dinner all the time, though. I love it. I am a foodie.

But, like, there's got to be something else that we can do. And so I did start to shift and be like, hey, let's go to the science museum. Hey, let's go forest bathing. Did that a few weeks ago, as you know, hey, let's go and check out the holiday market or something. You know, something else. Let's go for, you know, Covid, you. I started to really, like, let's go for walks and stuff. But then that kind of fizzled out and stuff. So it's like, hey, Anna, good to see you. And so it was just kind of like, okay.

All my. So many friendships are just like, hey, let's go catch up. And I decided that, no, this is not how I'm going to live my life is just constantly catching up with friends over dinner. There's gotta. We have to build something more intimate. We have to experience life together. And so. And Rachel says, I can't remember the last time I felt like I fully. Like, I had a fully authentic connection with people. Yeah, it's. As we get older, it's harder to make friends. It's. And. And I'm a pretty, like, people person.

I can talk to strangers. And, like, I. I have a pretty hard time. And a lot of people are just like, they're friends with the friends that they went to, like, high school with or college with. And it gets tricky because it's like, again, people. Some people have kids, some people move away. Some people have a really demanding job. Some people are caregivers. You know, everybody's circumstance is different. And so at the end of the day, everybody is busy. That's also what I've learned is, like, everybody's busy.

So I kind of went to the drawing board. I want to say this was like this summer or so, but I'm reflecting on it now, you know, good old December. And I was like, all right, we need to build more intimacy in our relationships. Like, in the United States, we are very intimate averse. We're. And the perfect example I can give you of that is hugging. In Western culture, we. So when you go into hug, you are not hugging on the correct side, energetically wise. In Eastern culture, in traditional Chinese medicine specifically, they do what is called a heart hug.

And so you go in and like, so this is their heart. And then they come into my heart. And so you're actually energetically feeling each other up, but we're so, like, afraid. We're always like, boop, boop, boop, you know, like, doing those. Those like, little tap hugs sometimes even with our own family. And it's just for whatever reason, that's just kind of how our culture is. And there are friends that I have said, like, no, I'm heart hugging you now. And so now we do that. And I feel like it really has, like, let us be like, take off this armor of speak.

Wonder recently discovered the heart hug. Heck yeah. Right? Like, how does it make you feel? It is different. And I know when I do that sometimes I'm a little bit more. I'll linger a little bit more than I would versus, like, this is like, you know, you're just like, a little quick one. Boop, boop, boop. You know, so love the heart hug. And so that leads me to our first takeaway for the day is like, we can't just assume closeness. We have to continually build it with some. Someone. And that takes effort, that takes intention.

But just assuming, like, oh, we were friends, like, years ago, that closest is still there, doesn't necessarily mean that it's gonna be that way now, because, again, people have changed and are growing. But there are some of those people that are your soul people. And you just always, like, you time will go by, you haven't seen them forever. You come back together, and it's like nothing ever happened. So there. There are some of those relationships which I adore and love and. And if you have those, hold on to them.

But that would be like, the first thing that I realized was like, nope. I have to actively, like, work and build this relationship. And work. Work towards constructive, like, healthy intimacy with people. And it's tricky, but it. It's about being okay with having those, like, deeper conversations. And those deep conversations lead to greater intimacy. They lead to greater trust. And when I say intimacy, I'm not saying, like, like romantic intimacy. That's not what I mean. What I'm saying is, like, you're able to intimate is like, you're.

Oh, you're exposed. You're able to be open and exposed. And this has the hard hug. And just asking the question, like, hey, I. I noticed we haven't really, like, been connecting as often, and so I'm wondering if there. If we can connect more. If you feel the same, like, how are you feeling about this friendship or your life? And like, that's so awkward to ask. But I did ask, and it's like, oh, you know, some people are like, yeah, I kind of feel like we've been drifting a little bit. And then thankfully, most of most of the people that I've asked this to, they're like, yeah, I.

I miss you so much, and, like, I want to hang out with you more. I just, like, life is so busy. And so that leads me to, like, the next thing of, like, in our relationships. Well, first, let me get to Rachel here. Big, big side hugger here. For me, it's always been more about body image issues. Even having overcome a lot of it still, it lingers. Yeah. Yep. Yeah, I've done the side hug thing. You, like, go in and it's like, it's awkward and you don't feel, like, great after. And. And that's tricky because it's when you are dealing with body issues, that's always hard.

And so kudos to you for, like, overcoming a lot of it and working. Working your way through that. Cause that's really tricky, especially as a woman. We. We all have it. I feel like we're just, like, born that challenge. So kudos. Kudos to you, Rachel. So what? I was pivoting back. When we decide that, okay, both of us want to continue to pursue this friendship, this relationship, then we have to, like, lean in, like, more deeply. We have to give more effort. We have to say, like, okay, I'm going to actively look for fun things we can do.

And there actually are a lot of, like, free things that can. That you can do as well. Because that was the other thing I was like, everything costs money. So then you're like, okay, I know she's hard on finances right now. And then you feel like you, like, then the money thing comes involved into it. Right. But part of it, what I realized is just showing up. So that would be my point. Like, number two is showing up for your people. And my favorite go to now is a voice memoir. I, like, I don't really feel like calling.

I don't know, calling 2025. We're, like, in text century, right? But voice memo is pretty cool because you can still hear their voice. You can feel, like, the animation behind them, and it feels like you're kind of in the same room and it hurt you. Like, when I receive them, I'm just like, yes. Oh, my gosh. And then, like, it just again, it kind of, like, softens your armor a little bit. You can drop the armor because you're like, you're not only hearing them, but, like, you are feeling their energy at the same time.

Speak Wonder says that I recently started asking this question to kickstart Good Conversations quote, can you tell me something about your life right now that's difficult or something victorious. Ooh, I like that. I'm going to do that, too. Yeah. Like, because I always just say, like, what's going on in your life right now? And I feel like that's not the best way to go about it. So thank you. And Rachel's like, now that I don't have as much of an issue being vulnerable, the challenge has been that the other people aren't as receptive.

Not that I go around spilling in the grocery store, but those you'd think would be close. Yeah, I'm glad you said that, because that's another thing that was point number Three. You're ahead of the game. Here is. We have to know when to let relationships break breathe and when to, like, lean into them more. And sometimes people just. Just like, you have worked through some of your online body image stuff. Sometimes people are, like, afraid of. Of touch or sharing or depth. You know, everybody's working through their stuff, and being.

Being honest about where that person is at can help you reflect to. To see. Like, okay, well, this person's there, and, like, I kind of want to be here, but I don't think they can meet me there. Like, does this work for me? Do I still want to give energy? You know, stuff like that. Voice memo is the best. It's like an ongoing combo. Yeah, it's definitely it. I. I love. I love the voice memo, but, Rachel, I hear you. It's. It is really tricky. And I would argue that your situation you're talking about is most prominent in my family life.

Like, there are people that. It's like, I have clearly just outgrow them. Yes. I'm talking like, family. Yep, that's exactly what I was thinking, too. Families. Tough. What's the saying? Ram Dass says it's like, if you think you're enlightened, go visit your family for the holidays and then you'll see, like, all your stuff. Everything comes up to the surface. So. But again, we just. We gotta stay in our lane, meet people where they're at, accept them where they're at. I don't fully believe in the Brene Brown let them theory, but I do.

Like, this is a perfect example where that would make sense. And that's just my opinion. But so, yeah, we. We have to not assume closeness, but we have to build it. 2. We have to decide whether, like, okay, should we kind of take the gas off on this relationship for a little bit and see what happens, or should we just dive right in? And that's something a good conversation can. Can kick off to lead you in the right direction. But another thing, too, is take inventory after you have hung out with this person or.

And even with family, because you can still, like, even though you maybe can't get rid of your family, arguably you can, but, you know, you can still decide how much energy you want to put towards them. Maybe instead of seeing them four times a year, you only see them once or whatever it might be. And I'm not. I love your families. I'm not advocating to, like, ditch your family. Like, no, work through it, have deep conversations and see and try to get to something, like, mutually satisfying. But um, they always complained that I didn't open up to them.

Yet when I do, it's like talking to a brick wall. And they wonder why I keep distance. Yeah, see, so it sounds like you've already put that. That boundary, so you're. You're doing it. And that leads me to, like, the. The. The third. Well, thank you. Speak. Wonder. I. You're making me a blush. I love your beautiful heart, too. You always have the most poetic stuff when I read it. So. Okay, I'm digressing. But, you know, this is the sugar talking. I'm just a little. Little in gingerbread land here.

But when we decide that this connection is something we want to continue to engage with and nourish and welcome into our lives, we have to commit to trying. Because I find that everyone's tired, everyone's busy, everyone's stressed, and those little things can go a really long way. Sending cards or. One of my favorite things is like, when a photo memory comes up on my phone and it's like, of me and somebody or just even, like, the place we were visiting, I always send it and be like, hey, I remember, like, this was so fun.

And like, even, like, instead of saying, hope you're doing well, it's like, hey, I would love to hear from you. Let's try to walk down Centennial Lakes or something. Anything. It could be like. Because if you get into the pattern of, like, oh, this person wants to do something, they're going to know you're for real, versus, like, we all have those friends that are like, oh, hope you're doing well. And then it's like, it falls off and nothing ever happens. And so, like, you can cook a meal together, you can create, do an art class together.

Like, and this could just be at your house, like, without having to, like, pay for anything. And one thing one of my good friends and I did, we would read together. We would have our. Our. Our books, and we would alternate, like, paragraphs. And that was such a beautiful experience for us to, like, dive into where there's just something about reading along and having your friend read and them auditing the. Or, I don't know, narrating the story that you're both reading together. It was. And it was a cozy, fun experience.

So. And there's tons of different things you can do. My cousins and I. Cause I live really far away from my entire family, and we will sometimes, like, color together and just, like, have the. The FaceTime thing on. And. And so that. That is another thing. Just FaceTiming. If you can't hang out with somebody but you guys like love each other and you want to keep this going. Like show up facetime and make it, make it happen, you know. And people, these, these connections are what keep us going. Like the loneliest people suffer because being lonely is terrible and there's actually severe like health risks to that.

And so if you are lonely or you know somebody that like has their like loner tendencies or whatever, get them connected to something, join a group with them, join Kadrake. Get people that are either like going through a hard time or the lone wolf energy those people need. Need your help. So yeah, sometimes relationships are not always 60, 40 or 80, 20, and you. But that's for you to decide. And so I hope you take some inventory if you have some time of like, what relationships nourish me and what relationships kind of deplete me.

And it doesn't mean that it has to be this big. Like, I don't want to be friends with you anymore or I'm no longer doing this. Like, you don't have to like stomp on this whole thing. It's. Sometimes it's just let it gradually. It'll, it'll. You'll do your thing and then sometimes you come back together, which is also really fun. I had a childhood friend, we just got back together last summer after we were friends in elementary school. And then we came back and like got reconnected. Like, life is funny like that.

And so we have to sometimes get out of our own way of like, oh, I don't like them because they do that or whatever. It's like, no, just check in. Like, how does this person make you feel? And after you interact with them, you should know. You'll, you'll. Your body will tell you, your intuition will tell you. And it's, it's tricky. But I, I hope for the best because there is the, the saying. I don't know if it's backed by science yet, to be honest, so don't quote me on that, but your future is the five people that you hang out with the most.

Like your future self is the yes speak wonder. I'm just, I, it is just being mindful about it and not just going with the status quo. Sometimes going with the flow is a beautiful thing and other times you do have to step back and re evaluate. And so I hope you guys got something out of this. Whether it was a heart hug, whether it was just becoming more intimate with people. But just to recap really quick, don't assume closeness. You have to build it, you have to try know when you should let your relationship kind of breathe, dissipate a little bit, or when you should deepen it and dive in.

And then the third one is like continuing to redefine the relationship and evolve with people. Right? Not breaking off, but just trying. Voice memos, walking, cooking together, reading together, journaling together, writing love letters together. I don't know. You decide. But that's for you to decide. And if there's anything else you would add to the list, please, please let me know. I would love to hear it. But I hope you all have a lovely rest of your day and a good weekend. It was so great to connect with you.

Thanks for all the comments and be well. Drink a lot of water, stay hydrated, express some gratitude, all the good stuff. Bye.