No acceptance. No peace with your partner. Know acceptance. Know peace.
Kaju Sphere: I'm inside because it's raining. It's been raining all day here in the great state of Los Angeles. So inside.
In 12 step recovery, there's a saying goes, awareness, acceptance, action. Name one situation where you've had conflict with a partner where acceptance wouldn't have helped. Acceptance of like, you got no control over their behavior. It's a game changer when you can really practice acceptance.
All righty, Kaju Sphere. I'm inside because it's raining. It's been raining all day here in the great state of Los Angeles. Yeah. So inside. And we're on week three, week three of acceptance. And I'm just doing the same theme for every day, every Saturday, because it's a great theme, which is acceptance is the answer to all our problems. I. When it comes to conscious couples, I mean, think about it. Name one situation where you've had conflict with a partner where acceptance wouldn't have helped.
Accepting them for who they are, accepting their perspective for what it is, accepting the situation for what it is, accepting the incredible lack of control that you have. I don't know. It's a lot of acceptance. So in 12 step recovery, especially Al Anon, there's a saying goes, awareness, acceptance, action. So I think sometimes people get a little bit scared and like, oh, if I accept everything my partner does and they're just going to walk all over me, or if I accept everything my partner does, then this, and then this.
And this acceptance isn't resignation. Acceptance is like, oh, right, I'm dealing with another human being, right? I'm dealing with another human being who, by the way, gets to have their own opinion, gets to have their own choices, make their own choices. So how do we navigate that? How do we negotiate that? How do we communicate? I'm married 22 years. Let me tell you, I have fought this, I have screwed this up. I have failed at this. I've done it all. I've made all the mistakes somehow. Still married.
Although my wife could probably say the same thing. She's made a lot of mistakes. She's done a lot of silly things, and most of it coming from a lack of ability to accept each other, a lack of ability to really have acceptance and then move to, like, good action, legitimate, healthy action. Because that's part of it too, right? So I don't know, it's like, it's. It's a. It's a bit of a game changer when you can really practice acceptance. You know, my wife seems to have this incredible inability to do certain things that I would like her to do.
I probably have this incredible inability to do things that she would like me to do. I could get upset about it, right? Like a perfect, silly, silly example. But I could get upset that the lights are still on, or I could just turn off the lights, not make it personal and just accept this is not a thing, right? Then there's the bigger stuff. What if your partner has addictive Disorder. What if your partner has an eating disorder? What if your partner has rage issues or abuse issues? Do you just accept that?
Of course not. But you do have to have a level of acceptance. Acceptance of like, you got no control over their behavior. You can try as much as you want to get them to change, but they're probably not going to change just because you want them to, especially if they can't even see it, and especially because if it's all tangled up with your behavior. So where does acceptance come in? Well, acceptance is critical because it's like, oh, right, I need to accept. Let's just say hypothetically, your partner is emotionally and verbally abusive.
That's not cool. But where does acceptance come in? I need to accept that she doing that now. What are. How do I take care of myself and how do I keep myself safe? I don't, like, I don't appreciate how you're talking to me. I can tell that you're upset, but I'm just gonna go ahead and go into the other room until we can calm down and have a more friendly and safe conversation or the person is out of control, you leave, you come back later and you say, even to the extent of like, it can still be acceptance.
When you're like, I accept that you struggle with your behavior and yelling and screaming. And I'm not sure the degree to which you see it as a problem, but it's a problem for me. And so we have some choices. And the choices are we, you get some help, we get some help together as a couple, or we try living apart. But whatever it is, I'm not going to accept this behavior from you towards me. I accept that, that you are engaging in this behavior, but I don't have to accept it in my life. What a beautiful distinction.
Right? Okay. Powerless over you. I got no control over what you do with your behavior and how you behave. And I'm completely have agency and choice in how I take care of myself and what I put up with and what I don't put up with. Right. And that comes down then to like, I accept you get to choose and I get to choose. And if you're not willing to look at these behaviors and if you need me to look at something, I'm willing to do that I know I can be part of the problem. Now, that's a powerful thing for a partner to say.
So that's acceptance. No acceptance, no peace. And when you truly get to know acceptance, then you have peace within peace with your partner. Right? Because there's a respect there. There's boundaries. There's clarity. It's a wonderful thing. So couch. It's fair. Happy November. Happy acceptance month. And, well, I wish you all a very wonderful weekend. Bye.
