A View From the Crow's Nest

Good morning, Cadre. Welcome in. Welcome in. I'm Speakwinder. You can call me Kathy. And today you can call me a pirate. Let me get my computer going here. Unfortunately, my printer isn't working. Neil Myers has joined. Hello. Welcome, welcome. Glad to have you. Today I have a kind of a variety of things I'd like to talk about. Mostly I'd like to start with. Hey, Rick. I'd like to start with the good news I just received this morning. Hi, junk food. Good to have you today. Wonderful to see you here on the Cadre.

Hi. The good news is I took my dog, Gracie, who's a bit of a pirate herself because she has one eye mate, only one eye. And I took her to have a glaucoma test because the veterinarian was a little bit concerned about her one good eye. Make sure the pressure is right and everything and that it's not compromised because that's the only eye that Gracie has with which to navigate. So we went there, and I, of course, was a little bit worried, wondering what he would discover. And he did the test. I was right there in the room.

He said, you know what? There is no sign of glaucoma. This is a blocked tear duct. That's why she's having a little bit of discharge. A weepy eye. And he said, we'll check it at her annual. But she seems fine. She seems fine. There's no sign of glaucoma or. What a relief to get that good news. So, yeah, we got home and she got dog treats to celebrate. Good morning. Yeah. So anyway, that's my good news. The day started out with a little bit of anxiety and ended up with a celebration that my Gracie Girls one eye is serving her well and will continue to do so for a while yet.

Yes, it is good news. I did a little bit of research on the crow's nest. I pretty much know what one is, and maybe you do, too. A crow's nest is a platform on a ship, and they're also found on tugboats. There was one on the Titanic. A crow's nest is a platform at the top of the mast in which one of the crewmates shimmies up that mast via the rope and gets settled there on a platform with a strong pair of binoculars and surveys what's ahead. The crow's nest advantage, or vantage point is for looking for maybe storms on the horizon, looking for a landmass looking, you know, where they can come into harbor.

It's verifying where they are. And the term crow's Nest, as I did my Google research, comes from the fact that oftentimes, especially the 1800s, ships would bring crows on board and then release them to see if they would fly back or not, depending on how close the land was. It was a navigational tool to have birds on board. To do that, I also named one of my apartments the Crow's Nest. I've lived in many since being widowed in 2008, I've lived in many different places, and one of them I called the Crow's Nest because it was a walk up, no elevator, three floors, zigzaggy stairs on the third floor, and it looked as though I was in an outlook apartment where I could survey the city.

It was really lovely and I enjoyed that place, the Crow's Nest. So it carries a lot of symbolism. And of course, if you've been with me for any amount of time, I love to find analogies and symbolism and talking points and things. Did you enjoy. Did you let her enjoy a Puppy Pop ice cream for good results? You know what junk food that is in the future? Let's do that. I think we need to do that. Thank you for joining me in my celebration. That would be a fine way to celebrate. She would love that.

Sometimes we go to the freezer section at the grocery and we get those Puppy Pops. Maybe that's what you're referring to. Most of our ice cream stands here in Northwest Pennsylvania are closed for the season. I think there's a Dairy Queen that's open all year round. I have some something really playful and fun to read to you. It's a song and I will read the lyrics to you. It's titled the Pirates who Don't Do Anything has really very little to do with my live today, except that I love it. It's such a great poem and song and silly and playful and I'm gonna put that in there.

Oh, great. There goes my printer. My printer decided to wake up in the middle of my life. That's okay. I'm reading the poem when I get to it off of my screen today. You like my hat? It's cold today. Very windy. My friend who I walk with mornings, Rose, she said this morning the wind has teeth in it. That was a good description because we were hunkered down. We had our hoods up on our coats and we had gloves on and it was still a great walk. Crow's Nest in the framework of the harbor pilots, which I refer to often on my lives.

On caregiver day, we have various players in the water and on deck and in the harbor who help us. They help us navigate. They help us know when to rest, when to pull in for safety, when to have respite. There are harbor pilots, our friends. Oh yeah, cold and blustery in Maryland, too. There are people in our lives who can warn us of incoming storms. Sometimes in the caregiver picture, I think we're so close to our loved one and so hardwired to their needs that we sometimes don't scan the horizon.

We don't see storms coming, or we don't come up for air when we should. And our harbor pilots, our friends, are there to remind us that you've done enough today. You can take a rest and your loved one is being cared for. In my case, it's my mom. She's 94 years of age and she is very well cared for at the nursing home and we talk every night and I. I have come to cherish and look forward to our nightly visits on the phone. And since I'm a writer, she'll say, what have you been working on? Why don't you read some of it to me?

Which is lovely for me because it helps me to get feedback on writing projects I'm doing. And very often she'll go to her favorite nighttime poem, which is something I wrote while doing my very first 5k, believe it or not, I wrote it in my little wooden head. And as soon as that race was over, I ran to my car and wrote down everything I could on a piece of a napkin. Seriously, when I got home, I was able to write some more verses and I will share that with you. Not today, because today's our silly pirate day.

It's titled While you slumber, and it's about going to bed and angels keeping vigil by you while you're asleep. And yeah, I'll share that some more in another live My point is, mom loves to hear. Mom's name is June. She loves to hear me read to her. We have a classic poem, the the poet's last name is Strickland and it's titled I had a mother who read to me and I will often read that at her request. She loves any of the Little Orphan Annie poems and any Robert Louis Stevenson. There's so many. We have just a treasure trove of things that I might read to her at night, which is really indicative of the parent child relationship as it evolves and turns and turns.

First, the mom is the caregiver and the child is the cared for. And as we continue forward in life, the child becomes the parent, and the parent becomes the child. My mom read to me and now I'm reading to my mom. She has macular degeneration. Her eyes are not what they used to be. And she will often say, I just love to hear your voice reading. So that is a gift and a treasure and something one day I will miss. So I try never to miss an evening on the phone with Mama. The crow's nest is also a place where things happen that are not expected.

And I was reading again in my research, my deep dive into Google or Chrome, that just as we have mirages on land, they are, they are present at sea. Meaning that, okay, in a mirage in the desert, you've heard the classic stories of people who think they spy water. And so they're thirsty and they're, they're filled with hope because they're going toward that refreshment. And indeed there is no water, there is no oasis. It is a trick of the eye and sort of a charade of the conditions that trick you.

Same happens with people out navigating and looking from the Crow's nest, that vantage point at the top of the master, where usually there's a little platform or sometimes a fancy like barrel type structure so the person can stay safe while scanning her horizon. Sometimes, like in pirate speak, you know, they'll say, you know, blasting barnacles, land ho. That was a terrible pirate rendition. Forgive me. They will see land and declare that they see land. And as they get closer, because of the atmospheric conditions, the curvature of the earth and the conditions that in that moment of the sea, they're not seeing land, they're seeing a figment of their imagination.

They're seeing something that looks like land, but it isn't. I call that a hope deferred, a hope that has been taken from you. I recently had a big disappointment. I thought I was landing somewhere and it was, was not to be. It was not for me, it was not mine. And yet I saw it in my emotional navigation and I thought that was where I needed to go. And it was not for me. It was a mirage. It was something I saw that was not real. And that's a hope that was deferred. And that's okay because it just opens a door to other, other land masses and places.

Junk food. It's a mirage. The sailor or pirate seas, it is a mirage. Absolutely. That's exactly what's happening. They see it and it's not real. Getting back to the caregiver picture, there are real places where we can go and we need not only our harbor pilots and our folks who are tuned into us, care about us and they see us. And the caregiver needs someone to be surveying the landscape or the seascape and saying, this is what I see ahead. And I just wanted to warn you, I think one of the best things you can have in your hip pocket when caring for an elderly is someone who's been through it.

And that would be my dear friend Laura. I treasure our friendship and she and I will sometimes go out for a coffee or out to eat. We're both single ladies and we don't like to cook, so we go places and try new things. She has said goodbye to both of her parents, one of whom had Alzheimer's. Very long journey. And so she's a navigational expert on what I have coming up and it's wonderful to consult her because she has spent her time in the crow's nest looking around and seeing what's what. And I learned things that I might expect.

Not everybody's journey is the same. There's a term. Rick, I shared this with you. It's. Oh, you know, I always think I'm going to write it down. It's a vague type of grief. Can you help me remember? It's not ethereal, but it's, ah, I have that in my noggin. It's a type of grief, it's kind of preemptive where, you know, I know at the age of 94, I don't have my mom a lot longer, but we joke. I'll say, mom, I think you're going to outlive me. She's just, she's feisty. Yeah. She has her problems, she has her, her medical difficulties, but she has such a spirit.

She's a force of nature. Yeah, I'm not remembering that type of grief, you know, I'm. I'm going to put that in the stream, the conversation we have on the Cadre, because I think it might help others. It's a preemptive grief and we carry it. It's on our radar and it's just part of the caregiver picture. Yeah. So I knew since today's topic was about caregiving, it can lean toward heavy things, heartfelt things, as it should. However, I'm going to wind up my very hobbled together and random Cadre today.

I hope you have found value in it, but I'm going to wind it up with a funny song and I might break into song on the chorus. My two girls who are now both in their 30s and one of them has given me two grandkids. They grew up with these songs from VeggieTales. Give me some hearts or a raised hand, if you ever heard of Veggie Tales. They're silly songs and they're meant for little kids. But my measurement of a really good song, I remembered you guys. Ambiguous, ambiguous grief. That's when you can't really put a finger on it or name it or say, this is what's bothering me.

It's just kind of hovering in your awareness. It's called ambiguous grief. I knew that would get downloaded somewhere. Thank you. Thanks for the heart. Junk food. Ambiguous grief. Maybe you've experienced this or are experiencing it, and it can be surrounding a loved one that you're caring for. Ambiguous grief can be about a job. It can be about a relationship. Yeah. It can relate to different grief points. It can be about a proposed life change, like, for instance, Bob the Tomato. You know, Veggie Tales.

Yay. Yes. It can be about entertaining the possibility of a move, or even something as simple and delightful as a vacation. There's an ambiguity around it that I think is human as we consider what might be ahead. We have a crow's nest. We have mirages. We have real land hoe. We have veggie tails. So these pirates in this song, I hope you're joining me. Junk food. As I sing the chorus, they are scallywags. And Lake Erie has a pirate ship called the Scallywag, which is a party boat for grown ups with adult beverages.

And they also have children's birthday parties. And in both scenarios, you have these swashbucklers, these pirates, acting out and acting up and being silly. And it's in the spirit of that that I'd like to read about these. So scallywags. And my girls to this day could probably sing all the words from memory. So the pirates who don't do anything. These are all vegetables and they're called veggietales. They're just funny. We are the pirates who don't do anything. We just stay home and lie around and if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you we don't do anything.

Well, I've never been to Greenland and I've never been to Denver and I've never buried treasure in St. Louis or St. Paul and I've never been to Moscow and I've never been to Tampa and I've never been to Boston in the fall. That's how they say it. Because we're the pirates who don't do Anything. We just stay home and lie around and if you ask us to do anything, we we'll just tell you we don't do anything. And I never hoist the mainstay and I never swab the poop deck and I never veered a starboard because I never sail at all.

And I've never walked the gangplank and I've never owned a parrot and I've never been to Boston in a fall because we're the pirates who don't do anything. We just stay at home and lie around and if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you we don't do anything. Well, I've never plucked a rooster and I'm not too good at ping pong and I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall and I've never kissed a chipmunk and I've never gotten head lice. And I've never been to Boston in a fall.

And then they have this little conversation and they argue a little and they say that's it, you're walking the plank. So many memories here. Thank you for indulging me. And I've never licked a spark plug and I've never sniffed a stink bug and I've never painted daisies on a big red rubber ball and I've never bathed in yogurt and I don't look good in leggings. And we've never been to Boston in the fall because we're the pirates who don't do anything. I would suggest if you're going to be a pirate, to get out at sea and have that adventure.

Have that adventure with all of its fits and starts, its choppy waves and its smooth glassy waters and the moon rising and the sun setting. Ah, those pirates are missing out on quite a lot because they've never hoisted the mainsail. They just talk about it and how sad to have never been to Boston in the fall. You guys are great. Junk food says don't forget our ship's docking spot in the docks, which is as caregivers is our resting place. Amen. And Amen. That is our resting place and we need to build that into our day.

The place where we dock, where we pull in and we lay our head down and we don't have to be a hero or some overcomer. We are human. We are clay. We have good days and bad days. I cried for no reason at the FedEx. FedEx store. I wasn't even going to share that with you guys. It's just Another random fact on the vulnerability of going out into the world as a human being. I know. I think, oh, I am past my time. I'll tell you briefly why I had tears at the FedEx store. I mailed a package to my daughter who's turning 33, and she lives way out in Nevada, and she moved in June.

I miss her. I miss her geographically. She used to be 10 minutes away from me and now she's clear across the country. And when the person at the counter said, where's this going? It took my breath away to remember that I'm mailing a package to Nevada that's right next to California. Have you seen a map? It's really far from Pennsylvania. Very far. And I think we need to. I learned from that, from that woman's compassion, the gal who waited on me, that I don't need to be afraid of my emotions and it's okay to express them.

It's okay to express them. As caregivers, we are perhaps some of the most vulnerable as we carry our emotions, often silently. So find your person who can shimmy up mass and sit in the crow's nest, tell you what's coming, and depend on that individual and those friends, that spiritual mentor, that life coach, that Cadre contributor, that person in your life who says, there's a place in the harbor you need to pull up, you need to bring the sail down and you need to call it because you've done enough today.

Then you can be the pirates who don't do anything. Well, Kathy, looks like you will need to take a trip to Nevada. And don't be like the pirates who don't do Anything. If I go to Nevada, which I do plan to in the new year. Thank you for that. I will probably write another song, another verse to that song about all things Las Vegas. They. They live very near to Las Vegas, and that's where my daughter has a job as well. You guys are great. Thanks for sticking with me. It's been wonderful to have you in the sphere.

Thank you for the hearts that you sent, for the input that you placed here in the conversation. And I'm still going to make a little post about ambiguous grief. I appreciate you staying on the boat with me while I went through some waves of random. So glad that somebody knows Bob the Tomato. Oh, they're so funny. If you have a chance, just look up Veggie Tales and listen to some of their songs. Thanks, junk food. Thank you, everybody. I'll see you next week. As we sail into Safe harbor and as we think about going back out to sea and all that is waiting for us on Harbor Pilots.

Bye for now.