Drinking And The Holidays

I think it's working. Oh, my gosh. Okay. Hi, I'm Brittany Hagan. I am so excited to be here. Hello, Cadre. On this cold Sunday, I'm live streaming out of Minnesota. I don't know where you are, but I hope it's not as cold where you're at. We just kind of had, like, our first, feels like wintery day. We're getting a little bit of snow. I just flew in from Chicago, too. It's not like it was warm there either, so landed just a teeny bit ago. So I was super excited to talk about what I'm going to talk about today, because just like anything intense or that's coming up, you got to start thinking about it now.

Now I'm an alcoholic. I've been sober for 15 years. I am an army veteran. I served in Kuwait, in Iraq as a combat medic attached to an infantry unit. So let's talk about the holidays. Just hear those sleigh bells ting a ling. We've got Thanksgiving just around the corner, and we got the big ones coming up and Christmas, Hanukkah. All the things coming up. And though they are lovely and we love our family, we always, you know, like, we all the things. Right. So many things can be true at once. The holidays are magical, but they're also like a huge minefield for a lot of people.

There's always, like, especially if you're in sobriety. I mean, I know in general that's a true trait. Like, it's true, a true statement. But if you're trying to be sober or sober curious or just trying to be healthier overall and make some decisions that feel right for you. The holidays can be hard because there's so many automatic traditions and routines and dynamics that we step into when we go back into those worlds. Think about how often on a commercial or a movie, you see everybody going, cheers, Cheers.

You know, and how weirdly odd it feels to be grabbing for your water. I was just at a wedding this weekend, and I still found myself feeling so silly. I was cheersing with a water glass. You know, it kind of felt like blasphemy. And I've been sober for 15 years, and I was at the table, a bunch of people that knew have known me for a long time and know I'm sober and still felt a little bit weird. The holidays really bring up a lot of things. They've got nostalgia, kind of like an automatic, I should be feeling some sort of way I should be happy.

Sometimes there's loneliness with that. If your Family dynamics are. Anyway, anyway they are. You could have be in a room full of people and feel like you're very alone. Joy, grief, exhaustion, all the things it's okay, whatever you're feeling in all those moments. So, you know, we like the simplicity of children sometimes because they will be happy on Christmas. I mean, most of the time. And as they get older, it always gets more complex. But my kid, who's three, Christmas, there's nothing tied in that at all.

Unfortunately, as we get older and our brains start doing those things where they aren't as simplistic. The holidays bring up so much stuff, especially for, again, for those people in recovery, their emotions in these situations can be such sneaky little triggers, right? They especially like the verbalization around, like, it's Christmas break, it's relaxed, and you'll have those moments being like, well, I deserve a relaxed moment. I deserve a break. And you do. But unfortunately, like, that's not what this drink or situation is promising for you.

Having a glass of wine for some people might be chill, lovely, no strings attached. I mean, I don't think that's always true, even if they say it is, but for you, it might not be. And that's a hard realization. And it's funny because, like, where do we find that, like, this is our break or this is our time, and maybe it's something as simple as finding a room and watching a show you want to watch, or. I don't know. It's funny because, like, we're all supposed to be so similar in the way that we approach a lot of things, including, like, holiday breaks and what your work breaks are.

So it's super interesting to think about what are ways that you can indulge or note this time of relaxation or check out or check in, or all the things that is honest to you and fills your cup. Sorry, my cat's playing with the everything because he's being worse. Kevin, please, please don't hit the tripod for the 45th time. Okay, let's talk about some things we can put in the old toolbox. Toolboxes are tool belt, I think they call them. But in my mind, I have this, like, toolbox full of little things.

One of the things that going into any holidays is know your triggers, know your family dynamics that drive you a little nuts. So verbalize them, even if it's just verbalizing to yourself. Brittany, you know that your sister makes you feel less than. You know that your mom is not gonna be a great listener. You know those things. Kevin, I didn't throw it at him. I threw a box near him so he would quit messing with my cord. Anyways, the point is we all have so many triggers and acknowledge them is really powerful.

The emotions that you feel going into an old house, the. The feeling of, like I said, the water cup, the cheering, cheersing, knowing you're. There's some things you can fix and there's some things you can't, but there are, there is power in at least acknowledging that that is a trigger. So again, like, my mom might never listen well to me and that's okay. But like, there is a lot of power in acknowledging that and saying that out loud before I take on any of those interactions. Traveling can be a hard one too, especially because there's a lot of world where you're by yourself and there's little to no accountability as much as there used to be.

So maybe there's a world where you ask somebody to come with you, or I've even done this where I'm traveling alone and I'm at a hotel or an airport bar and I verbalize to the person near me that I'm an alcoholic. I don't really care. I'll never see that person again. But now there's accountability. Now it's, I don't drink is like such a powerful thing to say. You don't have to say I'm an alcoholic, but you can say I don't drink to some stranger. And they'll say, okay, cool, I didn't really care.

But like at that moment then you're telling on yourself in a way that's very like, it's. It's kind of like the idea of you've ruined that moment for you because now it's not going to be as enjoyable. And there's another person with eyes on you, even if they're not paying attention. There's something really powerful about telling on yourself. Even strangers who do not care if you live or die, there is a magic something. I'll go into that because there is some magic to just verbalizing that. Big stressors if you're hosting or if you're not opening.

Just in general. Stress can be such a big part of the holiday season. Awareness does not mean weakness. Verbalizing these things does not mean weakness. It actually means how smart are you, how smart are you and how much do you care about yourself to put on the armor, to not have to white knuckle something, to think about the things that will help you and especially in this time of that you're supposed to be you know, enjoying yourselves, having a good time and giving yourself that break and giving yourself that extra armor.

And like I'm telling you, we had this big event recently and I was like, everyone was drinking so much and I was like, you know what I'm gonna do? All this money that they're spending on drinks is I'm gonna get myself a massage this week. And I was like, that actually makes me so excited. Instead of spending $200 at this bar, I thought to myself, I'll get a massage when I get home. And that will be so much better for like where I'm at. Kevin is just a nuisance today, but I get it. I haven't seen him all weekend, so he's just messing with my stuff a lot.

I think that you don't owe anybody in your family, in your life an explanation. I mean, I find it powerful to verbalize being an alcoholic, but you might not. And that I think you have to know what those dynamics are and know that going into that journey, I think on top of it, it's okay to say no to things. And it feels so bad, right? Like if you always do Christmas Eve at your aunt and uncle's house, but you just know they're big time boozers or make you feel some sort of way, I think you have to do what's right for you.

Even in those moments where you go, I'm going to feel bad about this. And again, you have to like check out where you're coming from. Right? If it's a place of isolation, maybe not. But if it's a place of like, this isn't good for where I'm at currently in my sobriety, you can. And I know this is bad. I'm sure I'm gonna get in trouble for saying it. Say if you don't feel good, say you have diarrhea. I don't. I mean, no, I'm not even mean that in like a goofy hahaha way. But like literally you, if you don't feel the need to explain why you're not going to something or no or no thank you is a full sentence, full stop.

Like you, wherever you're at, like you need to know what you can and can't do. And if you're literally saying I go to Aunt Debbie's and Uncle Buck's, Uncle Buck, like the movie, that's not good for me right now. I don't want to handle that much drinking right now. Then you know that about yourself and that's so powerful. And yes, there's Always. With every decision we make, there's always a ripple effect of things that. Whatever. But what's more important to you in that moment? And again, like, I'm not lying.

When you can literally say, I'm just not feeling well, I'm so sorry, I can't make it out. It is. The best protection you can do for yourself is acknowledging times that are hard, acknowledging times that you just can't do something. It's such a huge strength, and it's not a weakness. You gotta protect your peace. And if that's part of it, that's part of it. Maybe you just need to be home watching whatever TV show brings you that recharge. Maybe it's Friends, maybe it's the Real Housewives. It's whatever you want it to be.

Sobriety doesn't mean that you're missing out. It means that you're more in the moment and you know what's right for you. So there's a lot of narratives people have around sobriety and, like, how they feel about it, but that's their own stuff. You have your path and your vision, and you can see it so clearly sometimes. Tap back into that. This is where you're at, not where they're at. This isn't what's best for them. Honestly. It might be best for them too, but that's none of your business because you're working on your journey.

So we're gonna make a lot more game plans around the holidays. But I think the main thing I want you to remember I really thought about this is, you know, it's best for you. Maybe it's not attending something. Feel free to tell on yourself or not. Wherever you're at, and go into stuff knowing kind of where the sticky points are, where the less comfortable places are. Can't always fix them. But sometimes acknowledging them can make a world of difference. The holidays are hard, and it's so funny because we're just supposed to act like they're amazing and la di daddy or falala.

Perfect. Who doesn't love the holidays? Sometimes me. Sometimes I don't. I have so many family dynamics when I come from a family that is so many stepbrothers and sisters and who's going where for what. And now this parent's not letting the. It's I. Me and my sister have always talked about. This is like, right when the holidays come up, there's like a sense of dread. There's a sense of, oh, God, oh, God. With, you know, and. And that's okay. It doesn't mean, like, Christmas is less lovely. It's just not as simple.

Right. Especially as we get older. And that happens. So we'll make more holiday plans, more game plans, put more tools in the old toolbox. And I hope you have a really warm and comfy, cozy Sunday. Okay, Bye.