Anxiety doesn’t always mean something is wrong. In this 15 minute live session, we’ll explore: • The difference between anxious contraction and anxious expansion • How to tell which one you’re in • A simple way to meet anxiety without spiraling • How anxiety becomes “aliveness!”
Nothing like a little Monday discussion around anxiety to get your week started, huh? What an awesome topic. Few folks have just joined us. Happy Monday.
There are two different types of anxiety, as I understand it. Sometimes anxiety shows up and then the mind scrambles to figure out what is going on. And so that can be very confusing in that hear people, hear people heal.
Matt Welch talks about how anxiety can show up in two different ways. Expansion and contraction are two ways that this is going to show up. How learning to tell the difference between the two changes everything.
The other anxiety, expansion anxiety, is a much more fun one to talk about. There is no real reason that we're feeling anxious. What we need to do is feel it, stay in it, and then teach our nervous system how to. soften.
Most humans, the majority of the day, operate in fight or flight. If the breath is trapped high and fast, it's typically contraction. If you can bring that breath down into the gut and start it down in here, it may be expansion. Do you want to run or can you stay?
The whole game is learning how to feel more life, which is more emotions. When our mental health suffers, oftentimes it's usually tied to not being able to feel as much as we're capable of. anxiety is not the enemy. It's just information.
Last thing I'll say is expansion is not necessarily better than contraction. You need contraction for expansion. Tina says this in every Monday session. Let's just feel more aliveness. I love being with you guys on Monday and I hope we all have an awesome week.
All right, I believe we are live, and we will wait just one second here. We're about to get kicked off here. Live, Live. Live. Live, live. Happy Monday. Nothing like a little Monday discussion around anxiety to get your week started, huh? What an awesome topic. Doesn't everybody just wake up and just say, like, man, I just really, really want to. I just really want to talk about anxiety today. That's what everybody wakes up on Monday morning wanting, right? Few folks have just joined us. Come on, Carrie.
Kathy, so good to see you. Big Rick, what's going on, my man? Gary, I think you and I are built a little odd. I think that's why you say that you do. Kathy and Rick and I were talking and your writing came up and your book and that type of thing came up, and so I would love to. To chat with you around that anxiety time. All right, let's jump into a crew. And so this. The inspiration of this came with a client that I was working with, and it was really beautiful distinction that I wanted to play with with us for next 10 minutes or so.
And so anxiety, we often think, is something that we need, like, overcome or get through or it's some negative thing or it's. It means we just. Something bad and off is going on. And that is not the case. There are two different types of anx, as I understand it. So I. So you know when. You know when sometimes anxiety shows up and then the mind scrambles to figure out what is going on, what's. The body's going haywire and. And so it's like the body's fire alarm goes off, but then there's no clear danger.
Okay. And so that can be very confusing in that hear people, hear people heal. People love this, Tina, love that. So that can be really confusing, right? When all these big things come up and there's a lot of energy running through our system and we're feeling anxious. Okay, today I want to talk about how anxiety can actually show up in two different ways. This is really important as we're thinking about growth and mental health and expanding and all these different things. And so there are two different ways, expansion and contraction.
Okay, I'm going to. I'm going to flesh these out and make it really practical for us. Expansion and contraction are two ways that this is going to show up, and so how learning to tell the difference between the two changes everything. As long as we know what's going on in our body, we can work with it a lot easier. Right? So I had a client share the other day, so When I'm working one on one with. With folks, we have a set one on one time each week. We jump on a video call, and then during the week, though, we'll exchange audio messages.
And I encourage them to share as much as they want during that, and then I will respond when I can with that. And then oftentimes it's just great intel for me in their process during the week. So then I come very prepared each week with, okay, here's what's alive for this person. Here's what's coming up. And there's one guy, and he's having all these, like, big ahas and big shifts going on in his life. And I'm so excited for this guy. And so Sunday morning, he sends me an audio. He says, matt, Matt, I have no idea why, but I just woke up feeling very anxious, and I don't feel a whole lot of anxiety.
Typically this isn't a familiar feeling for me, and I don't have a reason for it. I just woke up feeling this way and just feel anxious. And I got to thinking, man, like, this is a guy having such big shifts. There's a big expansion happening in his life right now. And now he's got this feeling of anxiety, and he's thinking, something's wrong. What a great opportunity to share what's going on here. And. And so that's when I want to share what I shared with him. Okay? There is a rhythm, all right?
In a. There's a rhythm to this life. Contraction and expansion. It's like breathing in and breathing out. We don't just breathe in because we want oxygen, and that's all. Because. And we don't. And then we just, like, keep all that air in, right? We have to breathe it out. And so there's this rhythm. The same way with our growth. When we're. We can't just expand, we also have to contract, right? It's the same way when we're building a muscle and that type of thing. So as we're. We're in big seasons of expansion, we have to contract as well.
Okay? So the one type of anxiety is a contraction anxiety. Contraction anxiety is the kind that comes from pulling away from ourselves, okay? We're disconnected from our hearts. That's what happens. It has a story. That's the big piece of a contraction, anxiety. It has a story. It feels like tightening, shrinking, okay? Like a bracing kind of a thing. It usually sounds like, I'm failing. I'm not good enough. I'm not enough behind. Others are doing more Than me. I should be further along. I don't trust myself.
I should have had this figured out by now. Oh, not this again. I want to disappear. I need to escape or numb. Okay. If any of those resonate with any of you, they certainly did with me. And so those feelings that those stories come up feeling anxiety, and then there's a story attached to it, right? Our mind is connecting it to. This is why I'm feeling this way. Okay? That's a contraction anxiety. This is an anxiety that makes us feel small, okay? Because we're in danger, so we want to hide. That's our system protecting us.
It pulls our breath into our chest, okay? So our breath goes higher into our body and it rests, like, up into the upper chest area here. And there's like a tightness and a constriction that we'll feel. I'm going to share a little bit more about this in a second here. Our thoughts speed up. So our mind's going a mile a minute, right? And our world, our aperture narrows. Our choices get very narrow and small. And so with that, this is the kind of anxiety. The cue is to slow down and get support here.
And I'm going to talk about how to do this. It's a signal that something in you is feeling unsafe or overwhelmed. Okay? So the big thing before we leave, this contraction anxiety has a story, okay? The other anxiety, expansion anxiety. This is a much more fun one to talk about. So. And so there's no story with this one. Okay. There is no real reason that we're feeling anxious. Sometimes it's just sensation. It just takes over our body. We're flooded with this feeling and say, why am I feeling anxious?
There's no real reason I should be feeling anxious. Right? That's kind of. That's what I'm thinking. That was the story with my client. Right? This is weird. I just woke up, everything's going great. I'm having all these ahas, man, like, my business going great, this relationship's going great, and all of a sudden I'm feeling anxious. What is this about? There's no story, right? So it might feel like there's maybe like a sudden intensity in the body heat in the chest. Maybe there's tears without sadness, a buzzing or a charge in the body you'll feel or a disorientation of some kind.
Okay? That's kind of how it shows up. And this anxiety is your system saying, I am stretching, I am becoming. I'm holding more life than I have in the past. Okay. And that is really scary to your nervous system that is not used to holding that much life. And so this one doesn't mean stop. It just means soften. Okay? It doesn't mean white knuckle and push through, which is usually the answer our society gives us. Just press through and work harder. No, no, this is a soften. This is a stay in the moment.
Right. And this is feel everything. Because you can. Your system just needs to learn how to. Okay, you just asked. You said when that expansion anxiety hits, I go quiet and listen to what it's telling me. Oh, it's beautiful. Intuition tells me a ton. It's beautiful. I'm going to get to that in a second. You let us right there. Beautiful. And so my. My favorite five words, I think connected in the English dictionary is I can be with this. Okay? When I. In this moment, what we're needing to do is we need to feel it, we need to stay in it, and then we need to teach our.
Our system. I can stay here. I don't need to eject. I don't need to numb. I don't need to run from this and push through this. I can just be it with this. Okay, so how to tell which one you're in? Okay, this is gonna get real practical here. Three things that I'm going to ask myself. One, is there a story? Okay, we just talked about this. If the mind's telling a dramatic narrative of some kind or has a reason for what you're feeling or what you need to do immediately to fix this thing, it's typically a contraction.
And if there's no clear reason, it's like, why is this showing up? But I'm flooded with this feeling. It may be expansion number two. Where is the breath resting in the body? All right, so that's why you have to stay. Because this is where the intel is. You have to stay long enough to understand what's going on in the body and where your body's holding something. So if you can stay in there for just a second longer. If the breath is trapped high and fast, it's typically contraction. Okay? Maybe you feel it up in your throat, maybe in your shoulders and that kind of thing.
It might be a little higher. Most humans, the majority of the day, operate in fight or flight. Okay. And so there's constant tension resting up here in the body. That's why our necks are always tight, shoulders, that kind of thing. We're constantly breathing very shallow. We don't even realize we're in survival energy. Okay? So. But if you can Breathe lower, even maybe with a little support. If you can bring that breath down into the gut and start it down in here, it may be expansion. Okay, and then the third part of this is, then, do you want to run or can you stay?
So contraction wants to escape. It does not want to be here because it doesn't think it can handle it. Okay. So it's trying to rescue you because the only way to survive then is to get out of there, because you can't be with that much energy. That's what your system's thinking. Expansion wants presence. It wants you to be very present. And I'm going to teach you how here in a second. Once you be very present, it's going to feel intense, though, and you kind of have to earn what comes next by staying.
It's not easy. That's why growth isn't easy. It's like you're signing up for a game. That's not. That does not come naturally. All right, quick regulation practice before we close out here. I'm going to guide you through it in real time. I love a four, six, one breath. A lot of people do a four, six. I do a four, six, one. So it's just hand on a chest, one lower body, lower belly here. And then it's just four seconds in through the nose. It's all breathing through the nose, breathing. Four seconds in and then six seconds, let the breath out.
Just empty the lungs. Don't push it out, just let it out. Four seconds out at the bottom. Just hold it for a second and recognize your breath. Just recognize that you're staying. It's that one second that really kind of gives you your agency back of like, I'm in control, I'm good, I'm here, I'm present. I don't have to go anywhere. And then I typically love to whisper and just sort of say out loud, I can be with this, those five magical words that I love so much. So this is how the body learns that.
That it's safe to feel more. That's what growth is. That's what expansion is. The whole game is learning how to. How do we feel more life, which is more emotions, which is to experience more without ejecting or numbing or distracting ourselves, which we have a very distracting society. When our mental health suffers, oftentimes it's usually tied to not being able to feel as much as we're capable of. And it's almost like our soul is rebelling and saying we are capable of feeling and experiencing more of this life.
We want More. That's what it's saying. And now it's up to us to teach our bodies to stay long enough to feel it. So in closing, last few things, I'll say, anxiety is not the enemy. Okay? It's just information. And so sometimes it's saying, I'm overwhelmed, please slow down. And other times it's saying, I'm opening up, I'm expanding, just stay. Okay? We can feel this. It's learning the differences between the two changes our relationship with our entire life and the way we move through it. So you don't need to fix yourself.
You're learning to carry more of who you actually are, which is kind of the goal of this thing, I think, is just being alive and feeling this thing. So just pause, let this whole thing land. And thanks so much for being here. So, any other questions or anything? We got a minute? I ran a bit longer than I expected. Any other last thoughts or questions? And. But truly, this has been awesome to be with you and I hope this is very helpful. Just, let's just feel more aliveness, you know, I'll hang on for one more minute to make sure there's no other questions or thoughts.
Last thing I'll say is expansion is not necessarily better than contraction. They're both awesome. You need contraction for expansion. And then Tina says this in every Monday session. Might as well make it in every Monday session. Tina, I love doing the noon times, so I'm going to scatter a few during the week, but I'll always do a Monday at noon if I can get it. So thank you for asking that if it's helpful. And then, Kathy, you said, can you repeat that? You don't need to carry more. Oh, that. It's learning to fix yourself.
It's just learning to carry more of who you actually are, who you actually are. Somebody that feels everything a lot. And so your system, that's just a lot for your system to carry, which means that we have to teach ourselves to do that. We don't naturally learn to do that in our society. We have a very repressed society, which means beautiful. We can learn how to do it. That's what we're doing. We're just teaching ourselves that. Great question, Kathy. Thank you so much, everybody, for being here.
I love being with you guys on Monday and I hope we all have an awesome week.
