Leading With Love 💕

Hello, beautiful people of Cadre. We are here today, Thursday, October 23rd. Man, October's moving fast. So we are in week three of October. My dog has arrived to join us and our theme of harvest reaping what you sow. We're talking about community connection. A friend of mine has this, has this saying. She's, you know, always talks about how we, you know, we work well together and things like that and being stronger together. And she always says there's unity in community. And that's what I wanted to talk about today, about this idea of stronger together, right?

Like there's. There's so many examples from my life right now that I can share in terms of what this means unity in community and being stronger together. I think one of them is just even the way that Cadre is structured, right? Like there's. Hey, Mel Myers, nice to see you talking today about unity in community and community connection and the power of it. And just so many stories are coming to mind, but I have actually a really good story, so get your popcorn. A few years ago, the major nonprofit in the space that I help people with changed leadership, and when they changed leadership, they completely shut the door on the community.

And yesterday they sent an email saying they are now dissolving. And a lot of folks are in the community are really grieving the loss because for so long, this community was the only community, this nonprofit was the only nonprofit in the space that was there supporting people with my mental health condition, which is body focused repetitive behaviors, which is things like hair pulling, skin picking and nail biting. And then in the last five years, they did all these things to cut off the community and to hurt the community.

I'll give you two examples. One is they blocked people on Instagram just for asking simple questions. Simple questions. The other is they cut off volunteers. Like, this is basically a volunteer run organization. They cut off volunteers without telling them. They cut off their access to the jobs that they were doing without telling them. Okay, so that's just two examples. They did even more stuff. But we're talking about unity and community and stronger together. And they are actually the lesson in the opposite.

What happens when you try to go it alone? You can't survive, right? And that's why there is unity and community. That's why we have to find a way that when we are harvesting, right? When we are trying to create something, trying to build something, trying to change our lives, trying to improve ourselves, we need to do it with other people. We need to do it with people that are ahead of us. And we need to do it with people that are behind us so that we have people to mentor. And we need to do it in a way where we are building and strengthening relationships, not stomping on the people that are in our way.

Now I shut off every notification except for my computer. Sorry about that. So, yeah, I mean, it feels really good to just kind of get that off my chest because this nonprofit led me. The way I was treated led me to start a non profit to help the community because they were not doing it anymore. And it really is a beautiful example of how stronger together really, really is true. You cannot go it alone. It is, it is really terrible. Mel Myers. It's so terrible that I have people in the community.

As soon as the email came out, as soon as the social media post came out that they are dissolving, I had people. My phone was off the hook and I had numerous people crying, you know, like they. Because they were thinking and thinking of this organization as what it was for them back in the day when it was full of love and life and unity and community and not seeing the last five years of all of them, like their hearts getting ripped out. Hey Jules, good to see you. I am midstream in a very deep story.

I'll give you the Cliff Notes if you get my outdated reference. The tldr, essentially there's a non profit in the mental health community that I serve that's been there for 35 years, like the only non profit in this space. And five years ago they changed leadership. And that leadership just did a lot of things to hurt the community and to shut the doors on the community, including myself as someone, as a company in the. As a person with the condition, but also serving with. Through my company Habitaware.

And yesterday they notified the community that they are dissolving. And so a lot of folks are grieving and Mel, you know, it is terrible. I'm so I will extend that your heart going out to them. I appreciate that that loving energy will reach them. And that's why I'm working with some folks to see if we can do some grief counseling for these folks. Because grief is not just about losing a loved one. Grief is, can be anything, any loss, right? And this is a tremendous loss for some of these folks.

I mean, these are, these are people that when I started my company 10 years ago, they were in their teens. And now they are, you know, like they were in their teens, like going to these conferences with their bald heads because of the excessive hair pulling. And now they have their life back they have their confidence because of this organization and what they, what this organization was. And they are now like working in New York City or treatment professionals or you know, like they're doing great things with their lives and like.

But, but they are where they are today because of this organization that did exist. Not because of this organization for the last five years that's actually been hurting all of these people. And not acknowledging that pain. All these people had to do five years ago was say we're sorry. That's it. That is all they had to do is to just acknowledge people's pain. But they refused to do it. And so my hope is I can work with some folks. Like I myself just went through grief counseling for these people and my hope is that I can help get that same grief counseling that I just did to the community to help them heal, but then also to strengthen our bonds together.

Right there is unity in community. We are stronger together. And frankly I am having now in doing that work of counseling in a very good peaceful place and actually very, very thankful that this happened because now without that organization here, during those five years, at least five or six other nonprofits started to support this community. My, myself included, starting something. And so now it really frees us to. And we all work well together. So it really frees us to now come to the table and figure out okay, what are we doing and how are we doing it to make sure that, that the community gets the love and support that it needs.

So as I wrap up, I just want to say look at your life and see where are you not letting people in or where are people that you love not letting you in? Those are areas to look at and to see, well, how can we flip it and get stronger together? And if it's a scenario where hey, Speak wonder. Good to see you. I am sharing a little story of just drama in my mental health community of folks with body focused repetitive behaviors. Basically a major non profit in the space. The major non profit in the space for 30 plus years hired some really terrible people five years ago and in doing so that person hurt a lot of people in the community.

The board leadership did nothing about it and actually I think probably encouraged it and allowed it to continue under then another person, another leader and now as of yesterday they are dissolving and all of that. To say that is a great example of the opposite of stronger together. That when you try to go it alone it makes everything harder and you can't, you are not going to survive if you don't learn how to lean on others and take support as well as give support and allow space for other people to grow.

I think they were just so full of ego and competitiveness and they lost sight of the real purpose at hand, which is serving the community. And so my hope is to help the community who it was grieving the loss of the real organization that actually saved so many people's lives, mine included, and helped change the trajectory of care and helped build this community of people around the world that know each other and love each other and look forward to meeting each other every year at this conference that they used to put on.

That's lost. That's lost. But the heart, the soul, the love is not lost. And it lives on. And numerous other leaders have risen to the occasion to start their own nonprofits. And yes, speakwonder, you know, you say the poor management will continue to impact the community and it did for five years, right? Since 2021, so four years it did. It's been really, really, really, really horrendous the way that people have been treated in this, in this last few years, myself included. And I know people are grieving.

I'm hoping to work with some folks to bring some grief counseling that I just did around the same thing of losing a very strong business relationship, a very strong partnership in this community. Like, it was all taken away from me and it was never about, like, you know, us growing the business. It was always about we could not help anyone because they put up this giant wall. I would volunteer my time all day, like, hey, I would love to talk to the support groups and share what I know because what I know about these conditions and has actually changed the treatment landscape.

Like we have been so integral, our work has been so integral. But I think they just got jealous. I think they got scared, I think they got competitive. I think they got. I don't know what happened to them, but they were like, no, but it doesn't matter because the community is where my focus has always been. Even five years ago when the regime change happened, I hosted a 40 person reunion to help people heal. That was the first thing I did. And then just this past month, I hosted a almost 130 person conference virtually because they canceled theirs at the last minute.

So they've just been doing all this stupid stuff to just hurt people over and over, like build up their hope and then boom, it's like a bad abusive relationship. And the poor management will no longer impact the community because now with them out of the picture, it really does. That heavy cloud hanging over all of us new leaders in of non profits can now come to the table as we have been stronger together because we believe it and can actually get on and do some work. Because there's always this like, well what about them?

What if they do it? Blah blah, blah. And now they're gone. And so it's great. And so that's what we're doing. Exactly that. Speak Wonder is leading with love. And what does this have to do with any of you? What does this have to do with someone who may just be here trying to like become a better leader in their C suite organization? Or you know, maybe you're a mom or a caregiver, a mom with, you know, a child with autism or a caregiver for your, you know, parent right now or, or the sandwich generation, right?

Like what does it have to do with you? Well, this is like a perfect example of what happens when you go it alone. Failure. Right? And so look at your own life and see where am I not allowing people in? Or where are people in my life not not allowing me in? And start breaking down those barriers, start building those relationships. Start supporting who you need to support and start asking for support if you need it. Because human beings are social creatures. We are not meant to do this life alone.

We need love. We need to give it and we need to receive it. And you can't do that if there's no one else around you. So that's what I'll leave you with tonight. Think about the love that you're harvesting, the love that you're the love seed that you're planting and watering and making sure gets the right sunlight and you know, and letting it grow. So have a good night. Wishing you love, strength and awareness. Keep leading with love. Let's change this world one heartbeat at a time. Good night.