This week, we are raising money and having conversations about children’s mental health on my radio show in the wake the school shooting here in Minneapolis. I’ll tell you what I learned from the professionals to help any parents out there that are struggling with this.
Brittany introduces herself, her background, and why she's discussing how to talk to kids after a local school shooting. She explains she's not a child psychologist but has spoken with experts and will share what she's learned.
She highlights the Washburn Center for Children as a resource and explains her radio station is raising funds and promoting their services for families in need.
Practical tips on preparing to have a conversation: take a beat to ground yourself, choose an intentional place, and resist filling in a child's questions. Emphasis is placed on listening fully and asking what the child already knows.
Guidance on asking children what they've heard, correcting rumors, and checking emotional responses (for example, where they feel it in their body). The speaker reiterates she learned these techniques from experts.
Advice for elementary-age children to keep explanations simple, brief, and honest, and for older kids and teens to correct misinformation, answer questions honestly, and be authentic in your responses.
Suggestions for discussing school safety plans and age-appropriate reassurance, while acknowledging limitations. She also recommends giving children (and adults) breaks from stress—using routines or shared low-pressure activities to release tension.
She invites listeners to share advice, emphasizes relying on community conversations to support healing, thanks Washburn Center, reminds caregivers to talk with their kids, and ends with a personal goodbye.
It's like a really big millennial pause. Hello, my name is Brittany Hagan. I am a veteran. I am an alcoholic. I was in the military. I was a combat medic and Today I'm going to talk about something I am not an expert in, but I've been talking to a lot of experts about. So I have a show here in Minneapolis. It is on the radio, I know. Hey, JC. And this radio show, we've been focusing really hard on doing a roundtable for the shootings that happened here in Minneapolis. So again, I cannot stress enough.
Today is not a thing I am an expert at. Today is something I'm going to be talking about that I've learned so much about, including from JC and all the people over at Washburn Children's Services. So as most of you know, on Wednesday, August 27th here in Minneapolis, we had a shooting at annunciation school where they were attending mass resulting in the death of two children and 17 injured. And we wanted to do a roundtable on my radio show around what as a parent, I mean, I have a three-year old, so but I do have nephews and we do have a lot of like the kids in my life.
How the hell do you talk to them about something that should never happen? I mean, I think we all struggle with talking to each other about this. But so since I'm not an expert in this and I've been talking to a lot of experts and I've learned so much that they are like that they know I thought to myself why don't I at least just do one live stream where I can tell you some of the things I've learned. First off, one of the cool things over at Washburn is, and JC knows this, is they literally are not a one-size-fits-all.
They do a lot of things for children. 1. So if you feel inclined and if you wanna feel like, I don't know, go reach out to them. They have a lot of resources and a lot of great things going on there. So one of the first things they talk about when you're somebody, a caregiver or somebody who is going to approach a child or talk about your, we talk with your kiddo about something this big is take a beat. I mean, they call it grounding yourself, but I like take a beat, take a beat, which I'm not great at because I want to be like, let's talk about this right now is center yourself, think about what you're going to say, think about I'm kind of we call it blowing out a candle because I have a three-year old and how powerful just in that moment, finding kind of like the calmness right there.
Okay. We know that, right? So find a place where you're not going to be interrupted or somewhere comfortable. This could be their room. This could be your room. We do a lot in my household, at least growing up. We had a lot of our talks in my mom's bed. She had a big old king size bed. She had one of those like giant four poster beds. We'd all sit down there all the time and have conversations. So like be intentional about the space you pick. And then, but that being said, as a nanny of teen, or when I was a nanny of teens and hanging out with my nephews, there's a lot of times where You're not gonna pick when this conversation happens.
Like, it could come up of any time. I'm telling you, when I was a nanny and the kids would get shuttled different places by me, a lot of the conversations happened in the car. So maybe be ready when you know that there's something kind of tinkering in that brain. This one is so obvious. but we struggle with it is don't fill in the question, right? Like listen fully. And I suffer from this. I am from Minnesota. I'm a 39 year old woman who I like to jump on the tail end of people's questions and comments.
So in this situation, talk with intention. Listen with intention. Figure out what they're asking first, because I'm sure when they bring up when a kid in your life brings up a school shooting or brings up anything that's traumatic, like you think you know what the question is going to be, but take a beat and listen. I think that's so powerful. Ask them what they know about the incident. This is the big bad of it all. A lot of times they'll ask questions and you kind of find out they only know bits and pieces of it, especially because a lot of times we know that how we acquired knowledge as kids.
I mean, the one that always gets to me is when we would hear rumors. And this came up a lot. Remember like Ozzy Osbourne and his lore and we heard it all on the playground. A lot of kids are getting their information from other kids. So when they start asking questions about this, kind of find out what they know. Hey, what do you know? Like, what do you want to know about this incident and what do you know? Concentrate, of course. What are they feeling? A question that Washburn Center brought up to us too is, where in your body are you feeling that?
that's very powerful. Now. Here's the one that was super important. I thought we learned from Washburn as well. Again, we're doing a round table today and I really wanted to bring information about what I had learned about talking to your kids about trauma. Again, not a spot I am an expert in, but as a parent and as a nanny, as a former nanny and as an aunt, I found this information super helpful. And there's a lot of parents out here that are kind of struggling with how to have these big conversations with these.
beautiful kiddos. So here's the age one. I have this written down because I really don't want to mess this up. When you're talking to young children, like elementary age children, keep explanations simple and brief. There was a shooting at a school. It should have never happened. Two kids had passed away. JC wrote, this is a great stuff from your lens bringing letting questions be finished is something I don't do well. I know JC, you and I talk a lot back and forth, but you I think you're giving yourself credit is that giving that space that question is just you do it.
You're but you and you and I are laughing about stuff. No, we don't do it. We're the worst. Okay. When you're talking to again, we're talking about elementary age kiddos, keep explanation simple and brief. Say what it is. Don't say I mean, this is again, this one is this one is a preference. I think sometimes the unknown can be way scarier than the known. I mean, in this case, that's probably not true because the known is so scary, but they're going to fill in the gaps with things. So if you feel so inclined, I think that honesty in this moment might be helpful because they can get that information elsewhere.
Now that. That is a preference. I mean, I know people have all sorts of thoughts when my kid, who's three, tells everybody that she came out of my vagina. But that's the way I parent and I've never had to talk to my kid about, you know, I've only talked to my nephews about school shootings and my sister feels the same way as, if they're asking, we're gonna be telling because they have access to the internet, they have access to each other, I'd rather have them have that conversation with me. And as a nanny, I'm telling you, they're going to be asking.
They're going to be asking somebody. And a lot of times it is their nanny. So maybe talk to the people in their lives about how you want this covered as well. For older children and teens, correct any misconceptions, misinformation that they heard. Follow them to ask questions and answer any questions as honestly as possible. Another thing that we learned from a child psychologist on our show a couple weeks ago was be authentic, come as your authentic self. If you're somebody, I mean, teens can smell a fake from a mile away.
It's so true. So show up as yourself and show up sincerely. And I think we all know what that means. It's all different from everybody else. If I put on like a blazer, tried to talk about everything a psychologist, a psychologist should know a kid would call me out so quickly. Another thing I think is really powerful, it's hard because I talk to a lot of parents. I actually know some of the parents who, I mean, awful, awful, awful, their kids were there. And they don't know how to talk right now about Assuring safety.
That's really hard, right? But I do think there's conversations you can have about kids want to hear that they are safe. And unfortunately, I don't know if we can guarantee anybody's safety, but we can kind of have a plan, right? And sometimes, I mean, remember back in the day, this is an awful example because it's so morbid, but Right back in the day in schools when they're like, if a new kids go under your desk. Now, every expert in the world knew that that wasn't going to help, but it was going to help these kids feel better, which I know is super morbid.
It's super awful. But that plan of action was like a security blanket for people in that time. And I'm not saying that that applies to this, but maybe talk to your kids about if this, you know, if something like this happens, you listen to your teacher, you this, you know, I think there's conversations around it and it, you can see my life. I mean, you can see my, I feel very drained when I talk about this because I, it just, this is, that's, it's a lot and it shouldn't happen, but we're not. getting political, we're just talking about advice for parents.
So I'm so sorry for that. Okay, talk about what your school safety plan is. I think that is powerful as well. Now, just like kids, just like adults should, you can't stay in the stress, stress, stress forever. You need to give yourself breaks. You need to say, all right, we've talked about this for a while. Let's watch that silly episode of It's not South Park, because that's something they can watch together. Take a break. You know, that pressure valve is on high in some communities right now. And I think it is really powerful then to just take a beat and teach kids that.
your body shouldn't be in high stress all the time. So, and I definitely relate to that because, even on, even when I was on deployment, we'd have moments of we're like, okay, it's time for a movie night. That was really serious. And we, something really went down and now releasing that valve. So now, that being said, I would, if you have advice, I'd love to hear it yourself. We're doing a show today. around this roundtable around how to talk to your kiddos. And it's brutal. And you know what? I think a lot of this stuff can be applied to how to talk to each other.
There's a lot of people in your own community I'm sure you'd love to reach out to. So I mean, that's how I believe. I don't know if healing is the right word, but here in Minneapolis, I know that is something we are relying on is community and talking to each other. So again, I cannot stress enough. I am not a child psychologist. I do not play one on TV, but I did learn so much from Washburn Center for Children and Washburn Children's Services. So I'm so thankful that I could tell you some of this information.
Talk to your kiddos because again, they are getting this information somewhere and it's the big bad of it all. And it's important that they know that you're there for them. And that's like at the end of the day, all we can really do, which I say all we can really do, but God, how powerful is that to have somebody who loves you say, I'm here for you and I'm here for you always. All right, I gotta get going, gotta walk the dogs. I hope your day is your day and we'll talk soon, I'm sure. Okay, bye.
