Does Self-Talk Have to be “Positive”?

This topic is by far one of my favorite things to teach athletes and performers, and I hear this question a lot of the times. Does my self talk have to be positive? What do you think? Have you ever heard the phrases like oh, be more positive or think more positive? Short answer insert drum roll is no. And in this video I'll tell you why. There's a common misconception that your self talk, in other words your inner dialogue, or that internal chatter has to be positive most of the time in order to be productive.

This can lead to people questioning their brains and wondering, why can't I be more positive? And they feel guilty for having those negative thoughts. However, our brains have a natural negativity bias where we tend to focus and recognize and look out for negative things more than positive ones. This is a survival mechanism that served us throughout history to protect us from threats and stressors that we could detect that might hurt us. Which is why I love to see that aha moment when I teach this concept to people.

It's okay to be negative sometimes. And not only is it okay, sometimes it's actually helpful. Bottom line up front is change the way you frame your self talk as positive and negative and turn it into productive and counterproductive. This terminology is subtle, but it's a very powerful switch that you can make because sometimes negative self talk can be productive and positive self talk can actually be counterproductive. In other words, both can be helpful. It just depends on the person and the way you use it.

Starting with negative self talk, it can be productive when it fuels focus, motivation, and accountability for yourself. It's productive when it doesn't attack your identity, such as I'm worthless, but it challenges the behavior that you're doing. You can use it as a tool for growth instead of a source of self sabotage. On the flip side of that, positive self talk can actually be counterproductive at times if it leads to denial, complacency, or unrealistic expectations. Long story short, it's best when it's grounded in reality.

So let me give you an example of each of those and how this works. Let's say, for instance, that I did poorly on a presentation at work. This happens at times. I've been there, and I'm sure some of you have been there. I teach to soldiers in the army almost every day, and not every session is my best. So if I think to myself that I messed up next time I need to prepare better, it's technically negative because I'm putting myself down with that I messed up language but it could help me acknowledge some of my mistakes and help me improve my results next time.

So even though it's negative, it's still helping me and productive. Another example to show the other side is back in November I ran my first half marathon. I had a lot of doubts going into the race and I definitely had to be super intentional with training my self talk leading up to the event. So let's say at the start line I'm telling myself I've got this. No problem. It's technically positive, but it could lead me to lose focus and underestimate the race and therefore it's counterproductive because of the end result it's having on me.

Instead, I could balance that confidence and positivity with reality. Something like I've trained for this, but I still need to stay sharp and focused to accomplish this race. At the end of the day, ask yourself, are these thoughts and these thought patterns helping me or harming me? Catch yourself and others if they're using the terms positive thinking and negative thinking. Because again, it depends on the person and for some people might not be realistic or even helpful to be positive. Instead, frame your thoughts and your thought patterns as productive and counterproductive.