Rachel’s Room🛋️

Happy Wednesday. Cadre crew. Hello. Hello. It's not Wednesday, it's Thursday. I'm missing an earring. Oh. This will give you an idea of the state I am in. I've had the flu for whatever today is today, Thursday, since last Saturday. So I've had. I am finally fever free. Yay. But I had a fever of, like, over 100 for four days. So I'm. My brain is not quite up to speed or where it's at, which is why I moved my live to today. Because yesterday it was definitely not. It's definitely not in any kind of headspace to be doing a live.

Rachel asks, how are you feeling? I'm okay. I definitely feel more like. I feel like, holistically more like at baseline, I still have a pretty bad cough and a runny nose and just general, like, just like, residual stuff from having a fever. Like, I have a little bit of, like, a rash and just dehydration and weakness, indigestion. Just the normal stuff that you would expect after having a fever for that long. So definitely still finding my footing again, which, as I've. I think I've spoken about this.

I don't know if I've spoken about this on Lives before, but I'm pretty sure I've talked about this in some of my static videos. How much of. How much physical illness triggers my mental illness? For a variety of reasons. In the sense that, you know, when we're sick, we lose a lot of control. We lose a lot of our ability to do things that we normally take for granted. We also probably can't work, can't attend social functions, so we get an added layer of stress because we're potentially losing out on financial income.

We don't get those same connections that we have when we're able to go out and be social. We also don't get outside, so we're not getting fresh air. And our sleep is messed up, which messes with our cortisol and our circadian rhythm, which can impact our daily mood and just our general orientation around life and our routine. It's totally messed up, which sort of feels ungrounding and destabilizing. So being sick definitely triggers mental illness symptoms. And it makes a lot of sense. Like, it now makes a lot of sense to me.

I used to get really frustrated with myself when I would get sick, and then I would also feel like I come out of the sickness feeling a little bit more like in my disordered thinking or getting super, super anxious or irritable when I wasn't Feeling that way before I got sick. And I now understand that there's a reason for that. Because our whole life gets uprooted when we're physically sick and we lose all of these stable things in our lives. Both our physical body, which allows us to do things like our daily chores, cooking for ourselves, moving our bodies, doing our jobs.

But we lose, we lose a lot of stability in other ways too, socially, economically. So it creates a lot of stressors and a feeling of powerlessness and helplessness. And that's the one that I struggle with the most, is the feeling powerless. Speak. Wonder, you're sick too. I am so sorry. Yeah, the flu this year is bananas. That is the sickest I have been in, in over a year. I have not had a fever that high or for that long in a really, really long time. Like I don't think, I don't even think when I had Covid I had a fever like that.

So. But yeah, for me, a lot of what I struggle with the most is that feeling of powerlessness and helplessness. Like I, I can't do anything. Like I have to just literally do nothing until it passes. Besides obviously like taking medication, drinking water, resting. But you know, there's really nothing I can do. I have no real control. And oftentimes when I feel that way, that's when my eating disorder symptoms start to ramp up. So I know when I'm sick I have to be super, super gentle on myself and really be mindful about how I'm talking to myself and how I'm coping and make sure I'm adding in a lot of self compassion because it's a time when I can start to get really, really hard on myself.

I'm gonna try and catch up on these comments. Hang on. Rachel says, this has been my life for years. Speak. Wonder says yes, being sick is isolating. Yeah, super isolating. I don't think I have. See, I mean I saw the doctor yesterday, but otherwise like I haven't like seen people since last Saturday. Excuse me. Rachel says they've closed some schools around here because so many kids in sick. Teachers. Teachers were not sick. Oh my God, that's intense. Speakwinder says, Sam, I can't remember being this sick for a long time.

Yeah, yeah, I've heard the flu that's going around this year is a bad one. I have a friend who's been sick for like 10 plus days and my doctor was like, yeah, it'll probably take you like maybe two weeks to recover. I was like, two weeks? No, no, no, no, no, we're not doing that. That's not happening. So I'm. Today I felt a lot better. I was able like, get out and go for a walk, which was so nice to like, get fresh air, move my body. I can feel that my eating disorder is triggered as f*** right now, and I'm not feeling physically great.

I also struggled with a lot of really bad stomach issues while I was sick with the flu, which I've never had before. Like, really just like a lot of bloating and sorry if this is tmi, but it's a body like constipation for like two days, which has not happened to me. And I think that feeling of like, just like not like of so much like my body just feeling so backed up was really triggering. And did I cut my hair again? No, it's just. It's tucked. I haven't cut it in a while. I'm trying to grow it out.

It's just at this like, very awkward length right now. So I just had it like tucked behind my sweatshirt. But yeah, so I can feel today, like now that I'm more like aware of my physical body and I put on like regular clothes. I was like, I could feel today that I was getting really, really triggered and upset and starting to have that narrative in the mirror with myself of like, how did you let this happen again? How did we get here? And like, once I start to. Once my self talk starts to be wheeze, that's when I know my eating disorder has shown up.

Because she's starting to attach to me and say it's like her and me, right? So if it's like, how did we get here? We have to get ourselves out of this, then I know my eating disorder is alive and present and trying to. Trying to break in. So battling those voices right now, trying to, as much as I can remind myself that I'm okay. I was just literally just sick with the flu for a week. So my body is going to feel weird and funky. I'm also going to get my period in two days, so my body's going to feel bloated and funky and there's nothing wrong with me.

I'm literally a human being and I'm okay and it's hard. So trying to do a lot of extra things today to take care of myself mentally and physically. Making sure I'm eating meals, staying hydrated, getting outside, connecting with friends, you know, staying. Trying to stay connected. I'm gonna see if I can tomorrow if I'm feeling well enough. My doctor said I'm not contagious so it should be fine to do this. But go work at a coffee shop again so that I'm around human beings, not stuck at home by my get out always helps me a lot.

I think I talked about this on my live last week or two weeks ago. I cannot keep track of time, but so that's what I'm working with right now. I know a lot of people are sick as well, and I don't know how many people in this community are struggling with eds, but I know it's something I talk about a lot so it's kind of ends up being where my focus is. But yeah, the link between being physically sick and the triggers for my eating disorder are very high. So I'm always happy to talk about that when it comes up.

But Rachel asks after being an ED treatment, no body function topic is weird anymore. True, very true, very true. All right, my loves. Well, I am going to resume getting back into my routine today and I will see you next week at my regular time on Wednesday. Thank you for switching with me yesterday. I was like still very sick and not in a place to be doing any kind of videoing or speaking on camera. So I will see you next Wednesday. Sending you all a lot of love. Speak wonder. I hope.