Grief Gathering With Marigolde

Hi, friends. Welcome to the Marigold grief gathering. My name is Roshni Kavate, and I'm the founder of, co founder of Marigold. Marigold is a grief wellness platform rooted in culture, rituals, and storytelling. So today I wanted to talk to you about, you know, the art of being alone. Not necessarily lonely, there's a difference, but the art of being alone and really embracing your quiet time, being by yourself and solitude. I feel like when we're grieving, we sometimes feel like we don't want to be around a lot of people.

I think just because it's so stimulating, you know, as in, like, people are asking you questions, especially, like, social gatherings. There's a lot of small talk or, you know, things that don't really, you know, that are not. That don't speak to the experience that you're going through. So sometimes, you know, like, I've turned down, like, dinner parties. And I think there's a fine balance between socializing and being in relationships that feel very nurturing. But then sometimes it just feels like, you know, you're just going to things and don't really find them, you know, you find them more exhausting after the fact.

So I've been actually spending a lot of time on my own hold up at home or in my studio. And it's so nice, like, on a Friday night or even, like, Saturday evening, you just get to be home, eat dinner, you know, like, maybe like, get sushi, watch a movie. Sometimes I like to, like, pair them together, like, go to a yoga class, come home, eat sushi on my own, then watch a movie, and then go to bed at, like, 930. That, like, just the idea. That sounds so nice. So I wanted to talk about just why solitude can be so comforting.

So if you're navigating grief and if you're just feeling like, you know, I don't want to be around tons of people, say yes to things, you know, be around town, go to, go to dinner, go to parties, go to events. Instead, let's think about how we can be alone and embrace that solitude. Because when we're grieving, we really need that safe cocoon where we feel warm, comfortable, and nurtured. And a lot of times our company, you know, just our presence, can do that for us. I see some folks joining here.

Hey, good morning. Let us know if you enjoy, you know, being alone, spending time with yourself, and how that replenishes you, you know, spending time and being with yourself, especially during grief. And again, like I was sharing, there's a fine balance where you don't want to feel like you're isolated, but I think having pockets of solo time can be really, really helpful for me. It's really important for my creativity and also just thinking about how I'm feeling. Like, I don't have to show up for others all the time.

Right. There's so much exhaustion in that. So really, like, how are you taking care of yourself? And there's a huge element of not having to try so hard or, you know, present to the outside world in a certain way. Hey, there. Good morning. So we're just talking about, you know, the power and the art of solitude and being by yourself. So if you have enjoy that or find ways to do that more and more in your day, would love to hear what you think. I love to do it kind of in the middle of the day, morning and night.

I think most of the day, actually, if you think about it. But my favorite is, you know, when everybody's supposed to, like, be going out in the evening, I like to, like, stay home. So I would say, like, if you're thinking about being by yourself, like, put that on your calendar. Otherwise that time ends up being, you know, where you commit to things or you end up scheduling calls. So I. What I've started doing is, like, on Fridays, I'll just do, like, a block of time where it's, you know, solo time, solitary time.

I'm not scheduling calls. You know, it's not like a time to chat, but it's friends or call in and check in. So it's just, like, getting super quiet. I usually like to do quiet time, like in the sun, taking in, you know, somewhere in nature, or even just being home. You know, you can just, like, get into bed, maybe even, like, just get cozy, read a book. It's disconnect from your phone. That would be amazing if you can do that. And what happens is when we're not, you know, when our nervous system is not always just, like, turned on, thinking, oh, did I get that message?

Did they respond? Should I write back? Your brain can finally just, like, kind of, like, sink in and quiet down, and that can just feel so good for the nervous system. And we really need to talk about our nervous system, especially when we're grieving. Our bandwidth is very, very, very limited. Rebecca is sharing. As a parent, I almost never get to be alone, so I try to bring something enjoyable to small moments, like listening to a podcast while I'm driving or just quiet and junk food. m. Oh, that's my aspiration, is to get up that early and just have that huge chunk of time.

Time for, you know, for myself. And again, it's not about productivity. You know, we tend to confuse sometimes that, oh, I have time, I should be doing something. Especially if you have kids or if you're trying to, you know, juggle a lot of things, you're multitasking, right? So anytime you have, it feels like, oh, I should send this email, I should cook. I should do these dishes or extra load of laundry. So instead, what if you just take that hour and just do nothing? Nothing, nothing. And the power of doing nothing, I think, is transformational for me.

It's a moment where I feel just so incredibly freeing. It feels so, like, exciting. Like, I feel like so much of my life, life feels like, oh, I have to respond to so and so, or I have to show up for others. So it takes away that pressure. And I can just be like, I'm just going to, like, not have to answer to anyone, you know, just, like, being quiet. And you'll notice that even your thoughts, any anxiety that may be there, will start to just quiet down. And it's the one moment where we can really start to hear ourselves.

Like, how often, you know, are you feeling like the only signals you're getting from your inner part of your brain voice is like, I'm tired. I'm tired. This is not working. That's not working, right? Like, those are signs that saying that you're overwhelmed, that your body's overwhelmed, that your schedule is too much. So these are the moments when I really quiet down. Can I think about, oh, like, what is it that I enjoy? Like, what do I want to do? This is usually when I get all my great ideas as well.

And it reinforces that anything that's simple is really powerful and revolutionary. So I'll be thinking of, you know, always, like, problem solving. There's always. That's. That's sort of like my day to day life is like complex problems that need to be solved. You need solutions for that. And it's really hard to think when you're spread out so thin. And for folks who are grieving, it feels like simple things can seem overwhelming. Right? Basic things, you know, just day to day things, let alone navigating your life after, you know, a big change.

Or if you're going through something like managing, like a serious, like a family, serious illness, work, you know, changing jobs, like, big, big, complex problems. And during these times, what we need more of is not doing more or thinking our way out of it, but just, like, letting our body and mind get really, really quiet. And I will tell you that the solutions will present themselves to you. And a lot of times it's, how do you radically, radically simplify what you're going through? Maybe instead of, you know, trying to do all these solutions and trying to manage this incredible dance and juggling act, there's surrender.

What it would feel like to just, you know, imagine surrendering into this simple solution or a way forward. And I feel like your body can really feel it and find a lot of comfort in that. Yes. We have a guest saying, sips of coffee are the best one in the quietness. And I'm in my Zen mode at that time. Yeah. And maybe this is the time to, you know, think of how you want your days to look like. And of course, we know that when we're in silence, those are magical moments, you know, not just silence from others or noise, but also silencing the mind, silencing, you know, the signs our body sending.

So I find that being alone is really that centering moment I need when I'm having a tough moment or tough time. So some thoughts I had is how to craft, you know, how to, how to create a beautiful, solitary time. Not everybody can go away for a weekend or, you know, a day away, but it's very important that you tell the people in your home or even at your workplace that you're taking this time for yourself, why it's important to you, what's the value, right? So you can let them know why it's essential to you.

So they're not going to be sending you emails or calling you or disturbing you while you're in your silent, alone moment. So communicate with people. Tell them, you know, I'm going to be in this space or I'll be here. This is my moment. Please respect this need for me because this is important to me. And during this time, it's interesting, instead of, again, you know, just reading or watching tv, which can also be nice, you know, you can make it an event. Think about what kind of mood do you want to set for it.

Maybe it's, you have a really nice robe or pajamas you like to wear. You have, you know, wonderful coffee or your mug. So really bringing those elements to make your time with yourself really special. Like, we want to treat it like you're going on retreat, even if you have 20 minutes, 30 minutes during the day, where it's your quiet time. So bringing in, like, textures and your senses so thinking about, you know, your senses, maybe having something that smells really great. I love having plants and, you know, things that smell really nice and you could, you know, wear wonderful clothes and.

Yeah, like, maybe it's like looking at nature again, reading a really good book, taking a nap. You know, set a timer. If you oversleep during naps, you know, take that nap, like cuddle with your pet during those quiet times. It's to really create that moment, that moment of pleasure, because that is what rejuvenates and restores our body. It's not pushing, trying harder. So this practice of what brings you joy and really distinction, instilling that in that moment. So I hope this has been helpful and maybe it's giving you some ideas of how to, like, you know, curate.

Almost think of it as, like, how do you want to design your quiet, alone, solitary time and really, you know, being creative with it. It's a creative practice. We don't have a lot of say. It can feel like that right when we're going through grief, that we're in the waves of grief. Like grief has a plan for us, but we don't necessarily have control sometimes. So these are the moments that you could say, my life is so complicated, I cannot, you know, I don't know how I'll feel when I wake up, when I go to bed.

But in this chunk of time, this is what I'm trying, trying to, to create. So really setting that do intention. And please comment below, like how you're creating your moment of calm, your space to rest and reflect for yourself. And as you do that, even a daily, you know, like your practice of drinking coffee by yourself, really disconnecting and being alone, how does that make you feel? How does your nervous system feel? How do you breathe? How do you relate to other people? Would love to know. I just spent quite time on my own before this live stream, so I'm feeling really rested and looking forward to connect more.

I think we have. Yeah. You'll hear from Rebecca, my co founder, later today, so you get a double dose of Marigold. Thank you again. It was so great to be here this morning and connect with you all. We'll see you later today and then see you next week at same time. Bye.